Fighting for places under the coffin at my granny’s funeral

Resverathrole

My grandad decided on the two teams to go under the coffin. All seemed fine until the night before the funeral, when my dad got a call from my drama-queen auntie, who announced “I’ve a girl here (30 years old btw) who’s very upset”. It turned out that her daughter was upset that she wasn’t under the coffin, and this auntie of mine wanted a third team under the coffin, that would include her two heavy daughters. It would be a bit ridiculous with these two under the coffin, who albeit heavy women, are about 5 ft 7 in tall… and to be alongside the likes of myself, at 6 ft 2 in! Anyway, my father’s words to her before he hung up were “there’s no point in confusing everything at this stage all over some grandchild”. Unknowst to my dad this really upset my auntie, who by the time the removal came, wasn’t talking to him.

The next day, when I arrived in the door of the grandparent’s house, I hear my name being yelled out by one of these heavy daughters. “Gee, look at the sunglasses”. Apparently I looked like security in the shades with the suit on. She went completely overboard about it though. Before I know it a whole load of people have entered the room to look at me, making jokes and what not. I say “calm down now, it’s only a pair of sunglasses”. But she won’t take a hint. Then knowing I might feel a bit awkward with everyone looking at me, she starts getting sarcastic saying “oh doesn’t he look great”. In trying to diffuse the awkwardness I lamely said “oh you look good too” (she’s the size of a hippo). She then sarcastically said “oh thanks Jonathan”. Looking at her, and thinking of all the drama she had created the night before, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I said “so I hear there’s a certain two young women fighting for a place under the coffin”! She then got up close to me saying “we’re not fighting for it at all, I think it’s only fair that blah blah blah”. I turn my back on her and eventually she begins to show frustration. This frustrations leads to the other sister to start crying. I then just feel bad thinking I'm putting myself before the funeral and all. But at that moment her auntie enters the room, who has just been persuaded by my dad to drop the whole idea.

My father gives out stink to me later, while I manage to keep a straight face. After that, when we were all saying our final good byes before closing the coffin, the three heavy women from that family (mother included) were clearly winning the crying competition. We’re then all asked to leave except the immediate family for the actual closing. But one of these daughters stays! The grandfather kicks her out a few moments later! This drama auntie then creates tension at the church. My dad’s family had agreed to have my uncle, who inherited the farm and who knew the locals, to sit outside my grandad in case he wouldn’t remember all their names. Instead she sat there. For the sake of peace my dad’s sibling let her there.

At the church on the day of the funeral, the two daughters began to annoy the hell out of me. Before we were about the leave the church (when the first group were about the get under the coffin), one of them starting acting like she was running the show. She starts telling me to be ready for when the coffin is being changed. I said “you just look after yourself”. Then later on, outside the church, when I was discussing which side I’d go under with another coffin holder (brother of these two), the older and heavier daughter (32) did something that really pissed me off. She yells out in front of everyone “Jonathan could come up here please to be ready”! And me being on my way anyway probably looked like I was being told what to do.

And that’s only some of the drama that went on. So annoying.

sammyjo90

Cheers for that!

Cool story, whens the film out?

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I'm so glad you shared that.


Hardly a unique occurrence at a funeral TBH.

Foweva Awone

Sorry to hear about your granny. Rest In Peace. (Sounds like she'll get more peace away from ye crowd anyways! :pac:)

irishguitarlad

By chrisht dats a fright to God. Aru from Shcartaglin?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Georgia Big Whimper wrote: »

I'm so glad you shared that.


Hardly a unique occurrence at a funeral TBH.

Hi Sram, chance meeting you here!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy wrote: »

Hi Sram, chance meeting you here!

Been to any good funerals lately?

wakka12

*sees big wall of text with no thanks*
*closes thread*
Sorry OP

tayto lover

Is this from a JB Keane play?

Atlantic Dawn

Coffin carrying is mens work, men only.

keepalive213

Death brings out the best and unfortunately also the very worst in us.
Some people act completely out of character, it's like they just crave the attention of the crowd.
Cringe worthy, childish behavior.

sammyjo90

I did think briefly that it was family arguing who was going under a coffin in the grave once they died....
copped on when he said it made no sense for the fat sisters to be under it. .why would you want the heavy ones on top of a coffin!? Twould sink it!

gozunda

Sorry for the loss of your granny.

Irish funerals are always a riot ...

The ugly sisters sound like a right pair of drama queens. Best thing is to ignore them and be gushing just when they dont expect it - but remember don't let them to get to you.

harry Bailey esq

wakka12 wrote: »

*sees big wall of text with no thanks*
*closes thread*
Sorry OP

Brilliant thread title, I laughed before I even clicked into it. Sorry for your loss wakka, apart from that I've got nothing meaningful to contribute bar my sympathies.

jluv

Georgia Big Whimper wrote: »

I'm so glad you shared that.


Hardly a unique occurrence at a funeral TBH.

Georgia Big Whimper has a point here.There will always be grandstanders at family funerals.
Best advice,ignore them. Do anything you are asked to do by family even if this offends others. You are following family wishes.
PS the grandstanders will normally be the ones who have done least for the deceased or haven't seen them in a long time.so they will be easy to identify..

whiskeyman

Speaking of coffins, perhaps put granny in a clear perspex coffin.

Might be worthwhile.



Remains to be seen.

mad muffin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KoeteaCdjY

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Georgia Big Whimper wrote: »

Been to any good funerals lately?

I was, an old friend had his remains scattered around the local football grounds. He wasn’t cremated either.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

I will pass decide on whether I should read this story or not on the level of thanks.
Zero thanks? Not worth it then.


Nevet thread, please.

HeidiHeidi

sammyjo90 wrote: »

I did think briefly that it was family arguing who was going under a coffin in the grave once they died....
copped on when he said it made no sense for the fat sisters to be under it. .why would you want the heavy ones on top of a coffin!? Twould sink it!

I saw the thread title and thought it meant people fighting over who'd go/crawl/sit under the coffin at the wake :eek: (why I thought that might even be a thing, I cannot say).


Sorry for your loss OP. I agree that death and funerals can bring out the absolute worst in people, I've seen it myself. Write it off to emotions getting the better of people at the time if you can.

Resverathrole

whiskeyman wrote: »

Speaking of coffins, perhaps put granny in a clear perspex coffin.

Might be worthwhile.



Remains to be seen.

What?

twowheelsonly

Sounds like a bog standard Irish funeral to me. I'd say the session afterwards was some laugh !!

Nearly has it all in fairness, Aunties, Uncles, Dads, Children. Throw in a couple of in-laws and you'd be sorted. You missed a trick though by not telling the Auntie and the glamorous nieces that they'd be more in their place in the kitchen making the sandwiches and leaving the real work to the men.

Dick Pickle

Tldr

verycool

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKOrr4XRbg8

pleas advice

Resverathrole wrote: »

whiskeyman wrote: »

Speaking of coffins, perhaps put granny in a clear perspex coffin.

Might be worthwhile.

Remains to be seen.

What?

perspex coffin.

Remains to be seen.


perspex coffin.

...

tupenny

I loled at "under the coffin " and gave up at "2 heavy daughters"😂😂

RobbingBandit

An excerpt from Roddy Doyles next book I take it.

Gonad

Thanks for the laugh .

timthumbni

I only quite recently discovered that women carried coffins in catholic funerals. The Protestant side it’s only men and I was quite surprised to see girls carrying. They are welcome to it btw. I don’t want to carry a coffIn at all.

charman

Oh this is a cringe worrhy thread... Families!