Female Led Relationship - next wave feminism?

Dick Pickle

So one the lad’s missus has looked to move their marriage to an FLR. This is the first I’ve heard of this but apparently it’s a big thing in the States

https://www.aboutflr.com/What-Is-FLR.html

https://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/better-love/reasons-why-a-female-led-relationship-is-just-awesome

PlaneSpeeking

Dick Pickle wrote: »

So one the lad’s missus has looked to move their marriage to an FLR. This is the first I’ve heard of this but apparently it’s a big thing in the States

https://www.aboutflr.com/What-Is-FLR.html

https://www.lovepanky.com/love-couch/better-love/reasons-why-a-female-led-relationship-is-just-awesome

Whaaaa ?

Stop this world, I've had enough!

Kevin Finnerty

Confirmed; Marriage is for wimps.

super_furry

You people need to stop spending all your time in 4chan and weird fringe American political websites.

Dick Pickle

Kevin Finnerty wrote: »

Confirmed; Marriage is for wimps.

The lad was always a bit of a dweeb. She was to go the whole hog and have him wear a chastity device so he can’t fap !!!

verycool

super_furry wrote: »

You people need to stop spending all your time in 4chan and weird fringe American political websites.

...like reddit. :pac:

hatrickpatrick

Before ye get the pitchforks out, FLR is not any sort of political movement or an attempt to socially engineer the masses. It's an extension of the FemDom kink which extends beyond the bedroom to every-day situations, and some people absolutely love it.

Nobody (that I know of) is talking about trying to engineer vanilla lads into accepting this against their will, it's a consensual arrangement between a dominant woman and submissive man. That's all. It's no different to being consensually tied up and whipped or punished in bed, except that they decide to extend it into everyday situations.

Obviously something like this is bound to be co-opted by a minority of Tumblr eejits into something that it's not, but by and large this isn't something to get pissed off about. And I'd know, being into femdom in the bedroom myself I've been pretty much immersed in this community and its terminology since I was 11 or 12 - and I definitely couldn't be accused of being an SJW or feminist

EDIT: The irony is, it's actually usually lads who push for this, when they have submissive kinks. Whether because of societal expectations or just because fewer women are naturally dominant I don't know, but it's usually the aforementioned lads' girlfriends who find it weird and are hard to convince that it might be fun. Femdom forums are littered with posts from lads wondering how they might broach this subject with their girlfriends, but very few (in comparison) posts from women trying to figure out how they could initiate something like this with their BFs.

It's not a big thing anywhere. There's lots of women happy to follow their partners lead, and lots of men willing to do the same. It's a lot less work when someone else takes charge too, so I can see the advantages.

The 'Surrendered Wife' movement is the flip side, been around decades. Millennia, actually. There just wasn't a silly-sounding label for it.

I don't care what people do if they're both into it.

Dick Pickle

Candie wrote: »

It's not a big thing anywhere. There's lots of women happy to follow their partners lead, and lots of men willing to do the same. It's a lot less work when someone else takes charge too, so I can see the advantages.

The 'Surrendered Wife' movement is the flip side, been around decades. Millennia, actually. There just wasn't a silly-sounding label for it.

I don't care what people do if they're both into it.

Not sure this lad is into it !

hatrickpatrick

Dick Pickle wrote: »

She was to go the whole hog and have him wear a chastity device so he can’t fap !!!

Don't knock it until you've tried it

soups05

I'm the boss in my house, the wifey does what she is told and thats the end ....



**** she's coming, back later

PlaneSpeeking

Candie wrote: »

It's not a big thing anywhere. There's lots of women happy to follow their partners lead, and lots of men willing to do the same. It's a lot less work when someone else takes charge too, so I can see the advantages.

The 'Surrendered Wife' movement is the flip side, been around decades. Millennia, actually. There just wasn't a silly-sounding label for it.

I don't care what people do if they're both into it.

Basically my thoughts entirely - and I'd not be adverse to a bit of the old telling a bloke what to do, BUT how many feminists would see nothing wrong in this on a social level ?

Whatever kinks you have, go for it. But the hypocrisy of the new wave of feminism would see such a good idea in this, regardless of what the bloke thinks.

Hell, its already here - how many wives/GFs tell their other half what they can and can't do ? Sure I've a male mate who isn't allowed to see me as the mrs thinks men and women being friends is "unnatural".

Make that the other way round and its considered coercive control and there's a jail sentence!

People's kinks are nothing to do with feminism
I think we should blame the commies

super_furry

bluewolf wrote: »

People's kinks are nothing to do with feminism
I think we should blame the commies

What and waste a chance to have yet another topic here whinging and moaning about feminism?

This all seems to make the assumption that relationships are usually or naturally male-led. Most people (in relationships worth staying in) these days are partners, and sometimes one may take the greater lead in things, and sometimes the other. My nicer half has been doing the heavy lifting the last few months because of family circumstances of mine, last year it was the other way around.

If any adult is being coerced into something they don't want to be a part of, they need to step up and make the hard choice. Not always easy or even safe, but there's no easy way out of any of these things, especially the most extreme.

I see I'm coming from this at a different angle. Whatever peoples kinks are they're welcome to indulge if they're both into it. However people organize their lives they're welcome to if both are into it.

Everyone needs to be respected, and if it's not given there aren't many options.

El Weirdo

bluewolf wrote: »

People's kinks are nothing to do with feminism
I think we should blame the commies

And people on the dole.

hatrickpatrick

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

Basically my thoughts entirely - and I'd not be adverse to a bit of the old telling a bloke what to do, BUT how many feminists would see nothing wrong in this on a social level ?

Probably the same number as lads who see nothing wrong with TRP on a social level.

The issue would be if the media (pathetically predictably) were to extol the virtues of this as a mainstream thing while simultaneously condemning dominant guys as they tend to do.

To quote Father Ted: "It's the meeeeedja that's the real enemy! A spell in the army would do 'em a power of good!"

Hell, its already here - how many wives/GFs tell their other half what they can and can't do ? Sure I've a male mate who isn't allowed to see me as the mrs thinks men and women being friends is "unnatural".

That's his fault, though. She's an absolute scumbag by the sound of things but he's the one going along with it. Personally, if anyone tried to tell me who to be friends with, I'd politely direct them towards the door.

Make that the other way round and its considered coercive control and there's a jail sentence!

This is where I'd agree with you that there's a societal double standard, which the media and mainstream feminism are more than happy to turn a blind eye to. And that is absolutely repulsive, I agree. I'm not suggesting that there isn't a serious conversation to be had about how the mainstream view of relationships shafts guys in many ways which are totally ignored when social issues are discussed - everything from the standard in rom coms being that it's the guy who has to "change for the better" and all that sh!te, and the idea that guys being pressured or manipulated into "settling down" is ok and even potentially funny - that's all stuff which in my view is very damaging to young boys when they're learning about how relationships are supposed to work. And there's no doubt that mainstream feminism is totally hypocritical in its tolerance for that sh!te.

I'm just saying, the FLR phenomenon is not part of this and shouldn't be tarred as an SJW initiative. It's a consensual arrangement between kinksters which is a lot of fun if you're into that kind of thing, nothing more and nothing less. And personally I see nothing wrong with someone who has a kink not shared by their partner trying to convince their partner to at least give it a shot. Our current social order would suggest that any kind of negotiation, persuasion etc around sexuality is inherently wrong, and that "doing something I'm not into because my partner finds it hot" is some sort of societal-level betrayal, but IMO that's total BS and always will be. Doing nice things for the person you're with, even if you're not really feeling up to it yourself, is just that, a nice thing to do - and I've never seen any reason not to include sexual things in that bracket. Life would be far less fun otherwise, IMO.

Out of interest, has anyone in this thread ever tried a kink which had zero appeal to them just for the sake of seeing their partner get off - and ended up massively enjoying it, to their surprise? Ironically, it's happened to me in reverse - as a sub, I never thought I'd enjoy being bossy and dominant until I was with a woman who reeeeally wanted to play a game like that, and after assuming it'd be awkward and my act would be totally unconvincing, it ended up being massively fun.

It's a shame if all this gender politics crap leads to people closing doors that they might have actually enjoyed exploring.

hatrickpatrick

super_furry wrote: »

What and waste a chance to have yet another topic here whinging and moaning about feminism?

El Weirdo wrote: »

And people on the dole.

And travellers!

Anyone got Boards' Bashing Bingo yet?

Blitzkrieger

Dick Pickle wrote: »

So one the lad’s missus has looked to move their marriage to an FLR.

What the actual?

Though tbh I know at least one guy who's already living like this - we miss you Stuart!

Seriously though, it wouldn't be for me, but if that makes him happy, best of luck to him.

jimgoose

Sounds like one for John Duffy. "And do you do be taking the lead in the dooby kitchen as well as in the stirrups in the dooby bedroom dooby-doo?? How does it make you fee-al?" :pac:

P_1

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Before ye get the pitchforks out, FLR is not any sort of political movement or an attempt to socially engineer the masses. It's an extension of the FemDom kink which extends beyond the bedroom to every-day situations, and some people absolutely love it.

Nobody (that I know of) is talking about trying to engineer vanilla lads into accepting this against their will, it's a consensual arrangement between a dominant woman and submissive man. That's all. It's no different to being consensually tied up and whipped or punished in bed, except that they decide to extend it into everyday situations.

Obviously something like this is bound to be co-opted by a minority of Tumblr eejits into something that it's not, but by and large this isn't something to get pissed off about. And I'd know, being into femdom in the bedroom myself I've been pretty much immersed in this community and its terminology since I was 11 or 12 - and I definitely couldn't be accused of being an SJW or feminist

EDIT: The irony is, it's actually usually lads who push for this, when they have submissive kinks. Whether because of societal expectations or just because fewer women are naturally dominant I don't know, but it's usually the aforementioned lads' girlfriends who find it weird and are hard to convince that it might be fun. Femdom forums are littered with posts from lads wondering how they might broach this subject with their girlfriends, but very few (in comparison) posts from women trying to figure out how they could initiate something like this with their BFs.

This × 1000. Pitchforks down lads. Its merely 2 consenting adults exploring a dynamic of their relationship

Sal Butamol

Time to build a wall around America and cut off all communications.

It really is the world's largest open air mental asylum.

hatrickpatrick

Sal Butamol wrote: »

Time to build a wall around America and cut off all communications.

It really is the world's largest open air mental asylum.

And this is how Trump intends to trick Mexico into paying for his border wall

On that note, Melania Trump as a dominatrix is a rather fun thought. Actually, I always thought that Sarah Palin would look incredible with a corset and a riding crop :pac:

indioblack

Down with this sort of thing.

Richard Hillman

She goes to work to pay all the bills, I wake up a little bit later, go to the bookies and do a few bets on the days horse racing, give the house a once over, pop to the shops, do a bit of cooking, give her a seeing to when she gets home for the dinner. I'll take that.

Cleopatra_

Dick Pickle wrote: »

The lad was always a bit of a dweeb. She was to go the whole hog and have him wear a chastity device so he can’t fap !!!

I have an ex that loved to be dominated and he had a chastity belt. He'd put it on and give me the key so he wouldn't be able to fap in between us seeing each other. It was fun knowing that I had the key, I kept it on a chain around my neck or in my wallet

Actually he's a boards user so hey there ex *waves*

NOVA MCMXCIV

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

I have an ex that loved to be dominated and he had a chastity belt. He'd put it on and give me the key so he wouldn't be able to fap in between us seeing each other. It was fun knowing that I had the key, I kept it on a chain around my neck or in my wallet

Actually he's a boards user so hey there ex *waves*

*Waves with that very key in her cruel, cruel hand*

Cleopatra_

NOVA MCMXCIV wrote: »

*Waves with that very key in her cruel, cruel hand*

Unfortunately the key belongs to his current girlfriend so I don't get to keep a willy in a cage anymore

hatrickpatrick

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

I have an ex that loved to be dominated and he had a chastity belt. He'd put it on and give me the key so he wouldn't be able to fap in between us seeing each other. It was fun knowing that I had the key, I kept it on a chain around my neck or in my wallet

Actually he's a boards user so hey there ex *waves*

OMG 😍 He was a lucky man! Is that why your Location says "Denial"? :D:D

jiltloop

Cleopatra_ wrote: »

I have an ex that loved to be dominated and he had a chastity belt. He'd put it on and give me the key so he wouldn't be able to fap in between us seeing each other. It was fun knowing that I had the key, I kept it on a chain around my neck or in my wallet

Actually he's a boards user so hey there ex *waves*

I'm thinking through the logistics of this contraption and I'm wondering how one would go about going for a piss without the key?

Cleopatra_

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

OMG 😍 He was a lucky man! Is that why your Location says "Denial"? :D:D

I'm in denial about the fact that I no longer have a willy to keep in a cage!

jiltloop wrote: »

I'm thinking through the logistics of this contraption and I'm wondering how one would go about going for a piss without the key?

Well it's like a little cage so there are bars and he peed through them.

Sal Butamol

My friend married this awful yoke of a woman a few years back. Built like a tank, German and a total domineering cow.

If they are out somewhere together she has all the money. He's not allowed carry any cash or cards, he has to ask her for money for everything.

Like a boy with his mother. It's pitiful.

Dick Pickle

Sal Butamol wrote: »

My friend married this awful yoke of a woman a few years back. Built like a tank, German and a total domineering cow.

If they are out somewhere together she has all the money. He's not allowed carry any cash or cards, he has to ask her for money for everything.

Like a boy with his mother. It's pitiful.

Fair chance his knob is locked up as well. Apparently this pegging thing is common with this also

PlaneSpeeking

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

That's his fault, though. She's an absolute scumbag by the sound of things but he's the one going along with it. Personally, if anyone tried to tell me who to be friends with, I'd politely direct them towards the door.

Well, he still sees me, she just doesn't know it. Whatever is needed to keep the peace.

It is interesting that she never made any "restrictions" on him till after the first child was born - I'd say many men would not go against the mother of their child.

Just FYI - never ever ever any pattyfingers going on or that, he's like my little brother, it would be weird!!

Giraffe Box

bluewolf wrote: »

People's kinks are nothing to do with feminism
I think we should blame the commies

El Weirdo wrote: »

And people on the dole.

...........and people who blame everything on people on the dole.

I gave up after this bit: ''Imagine a strong man, say a broker...''

SEPT 23 1989

Richard Hillman wrote: »

She goes to work to pay all the bills, I wake up a little bit later, go to the bookies and do a few bets on the days horse racing, give the house a once over, pop to the shops, do a bit of cooking, give her a seeing to when she gets home for the dinner after the takeaway. I'll take that.

.

99nsr125

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

Well, he still sees me, she just doesn't know it. Whatever is needed to keep the peace.

It is interesting that she never made any "restrictions" on him till after the first child was born - I'd say many men would not go against the mother of their child.

Just FYI - never ever ever any pattyfingers going on or that, he's like my little brother, it would be weird!!

She's right you know
Men and women can never truly be friends

He's already imagined you naked with all that goes along with it

optogirl

99nsr125 wrote: »

She's right you know
Men and women can never truly be friends

He's already imagined you naked with all that goes along with it

Imagining someone naked and not being able to be friends with them are 2 different things.

I have a good group of male friends - one I've been friends with since we were 15 and we would often be out together without our partners- he's now also really good friends with my husband and they would sometimes go for pints without me. Would never think of him romantically and I would swear in court that he wouldn't either.

LLMMLL

PlaneSpeeking wrote: »

Well, he still sees me, she just doesn't know it. Whatever is needed to keep the peace.

It is interesting that she never made any "restrictions" on him till after the first child was born - I'd say many men would not go against the mother of their child.

Just FYI - never ever ever any pattyfingers going on or that, he's like my little brother, it would be weird!!

Isn’t this the storyline of my best friends wedding?

PlaneSpeeking

99nsr125 wrote: »

She's right you know
Men and women can never truly be friends

He's already imagined you naked with all that goes along with it

No chance, he's not currently weeping in a corner!!!!!

PlaneSpeeking

optogirl wrote: »

Imagining someone naked and not being able to be friends with them are 2 different things.

I have a good group of male friends - one I've been friends with since we were 15 and we would often be out together without our partners- he's now also really good friends with my husband and they would sometimes go for pints without me. Would never think of him romantically and I would swear in court that he wouldn't either.

Me and the best mate have been on hols together before he was married.

No big deal!!!

Sonics2k

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Before ye get the pitchforks out, FLR is not any sort of political movement or an attempt to socially engineer the masses. It's an extension of the FemDom kink which extends beyond the bedroom to every-day situations, and some people absolutely love it.

Nobody (that I know of) is talking about trying to engineer vanilla lads into accepting this against their will, it's a consensual arrangement between a dominant woman and submissive man. That's all. It's no different to being consensually tied up and whipped or punished in bed, except that they decide to extend it into everyday situations.

Obviously something like this is bound to be co-opted by a minority of Tumblr eejits into something that it's not, but by and large this isn't something to get pissed off about. And I'd know, being into femdom in the bedroom myself I've been pretty much immersed in this community and its terminology since I was 11 or 12 - and I definitely couldn't be accused of being an SJW or feminist

EDIT: The irony is, it's actually usually lads who push for this, when they have submissive kinks. Whether because of societal expectations or just because fewer women are naturally dominant I don't know, but it's usually the aforementioned lads' girlfriends who find it weird and are hard to convince that it might be fun. Femdom forums are littered with posts from lads wondering how they might broach this subject with their girlfriends, but very few (in comparison) posts from women trying to figure out how they could initiate something like this with their BFs.

BUT MUH FEMINAZI'S

Damn you and your cold, hard facts.

Pintman Paddy Losty

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

Before ye get the pitchforks out, FLR is not any sort of political movement or an attempt to socially engineer the masses. It's an extension of the FemDom kink which extends beyond the bedroom to every-day situations, and some people absolutely love it.

Nobody (that I know of) is talking about trying to engineer vanilla lads into accepting this against their will, it's a consensual arrangement between a dominant woman and submissive man. That's all. It's no different to being consensually tied up and whipped or punished in bed, except that they decide to extend it into everyday situations.

Obviously something like this is bound to be co-opted by a minority of Tumblr eejits into something that it's not, but by and large this isn't something to get pissed off about. And I'd know, being into femdom in the bedroom myself I've been pretty much immersed in this community and its terminology since I was 11 or 12 - and I definitely couldn't be accused of being an SJW or feminist

EDIT: The irony is, it's actually usually lads who push for this, when they have submissive kinks. Whether because of societal expectations or just because fewer women are naturally dominant I don't know, but it's usually the aforementioned lads' girlfriends who find it weird and are hard to convince that it might be fun. Femdom forums are littered with posts from lads wondering how they might broach this subject with their girlfriends, but very few (in comparison) posts from women trying to figure out how they could initiate something like this with their BFs.

You're not right in the head son.

jimgoose

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

...I'd know, being into femdom in the bedroom myself I've been pretty much immersed in this community and its terminology since I was 11 or 12...

Do you mind me asking who exposed you to all that kind of happy horseshit at that age? :pac:

Lorelli!

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

You're not right in the head son.

Now now Paddy! Temper temper!

I agree with hatrick. It is just a kink and something both partners enjoy. It's not bullshít or weird it's just a different way of having a relationship. It wouldn't be for me though because I absolutely love a dominant man

hatrickpatrick

jimgoose wrote: »

Do you mind me asking who exposed you to all that kind of happy horseshit at that age? :pac:

I hit puberty far younger than most lads, around 9 or 10, so long before anyone had time to indoctrinate me into any mainstream "correct" way of looking at sexuality - and my earliest fantasies in that regard were ridiculously kinky ones. Who knows why, it's always fascinated me if there are personality types or causes for being dominant or submissive in bed, but we'll probably never really know for sure - or at least not until the entire subject becomes de-tabooed enough for a proper scientific research study involving candid, honest interviews with participants. I can't see that happening currently when there's still such a high likelihood of people not being entirely up front with some random stranger interviewing them for such a study. People will hold back and therefore the study will be inaccurate - or at least that's my prediction, anyway.

The lucky thing for me is that my early puberty combined with a frankly ridiculous level of interest in technology at that age allowed me to explore communities dedicated to this stuff online, meet people, read stories and write some of my own, all without anyone ever finding out that I was doing it. So by the time "the talk" arrived and subsequently sex ed in school, I already had my own fully fledged sexual identity which was entirely independent of any "expectations" or societal BS.

I've said this before, but to be honest I feel that as a sub guy I have it easy. I know sub women who are genuinely tormented by their own desires because they feel that enjoying being dominated is somehow unfeminist or contributing to societal level repression of women - the ridiculous "collectivist" notion pervading feminism, which says that one's own individual choices have to be made with consideration to how they effect the rest of the "pack" if you like. The "no man is an island" idea, essentially. It's really sad. I know several women who've repressed this aspect of their personalities because they feel guilty for feeling sub-ish while at the same time being bombarded with the message that this harms all women everywhere in some ridiculous way.

As a guy, I'm free to engage in whatever kind of sub fantasies I feel like with a willing partner, and nobody tells me that it's bad because it's affecting all men on a societal level. So ironically enough, the sex-negative movement of feminists is actually restricting womens' own freedom far more than it restricts mens'. Go figure.

hatrickpatrick

Pintman Paddy Losty wrote: »

You're not right in the head son.

Coming from a man who's been known to put away thirty pints or more in a day, this seems just a tad rich :pac:

Wibbs

I thought this was otherwise known as marriage? *runs*

Wibbs

hatrickpatrick wrote: »

As a guy, I'm free to engage in whatever kind of sub fantasies I feel like with a willing partner, and nobody tells me that it's bad because it's affecting all men on a societal level. So ironically enough, the sex-negative movement of feminists is actually restricting womens' own freedom far more than it restricts mens'. Go figure.

Never considered that aspect of things TBH. Though I would have thought because it's something that's behind closed doors it wouldn't really affect people's choices? I have known a large enough minority of women who wanted to be the "submissive" partner across the board, more old fashioned housewife thing. And that's more public, but they didn't seem to get any static over it that I noticed anyway. The main issue seemed to be a) finding guys who also wanted that and could actually follow up on it and b) the financial aspects of modern life that require both partners on a more equal financial footing, unless one of them is particularly well off. More basic life realities than anything else.

hatrickpatrick

Wibbs wrote: »

Never considered that aspect of things TBH. Though I would have thought because it's something that's behind closed doors it wouldn't really affect people's choices? I have known a large enough minority of women who wanted to be the "submissive" partner across the board, more old fashioned housewife thing. And that's more public, but they didn't seem to get any static over it that I noticed anyway. The main issue seemed to be a) finding guys who also wanted that and could actually follow up on it and b) the financial aspects of modern life that require both partners on a more equal financial footing, unless one of them is particularly well off. More basic life realities than anything else.

I personally know women who are wracked with guilt after watching a BDSM video for example, because they feel that it's a betrayal of their social beliefs about equality. I just consider myself lucky in that regard. I'm as anti-SJW, pro-mens' rights as anyone on AH in most cases, but I've never felt that my attraction to sexually dominant women made me in any way complicit in the various ways society shafts lads. However, I know many women who feel that indulging their own submissive fantasies does make them "complicit" in everything from "rape culture" to abusive relationships. And I find that incredibly sad. It must really suck to have perfectly harmless and legitimate sexual kinks, and force yourself to repress them because a moronic political movement told you that you're in some way a bad person if you don't.