David

professore

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You are making all sorts of assumptions based on very little.

A marriage shouldn't be a strategy game where you "observe" someone's movements, and try catch them out on questioning. OP, communication, or lack of, is usually the biggest issue in relationships that are going stale. Settling in to a rut and neglecting each other. There's nothing wrong with thinking the 21 year old girl in the office is gorgeous. You're probably not the only man there to think that. We don't stop finding other people attractive simply because we are in a relationship. But committing to a marriage and having children is supposed to be what keeps you from acting on these feelings. There will always be someone better looking and sexier than your wife. Equally there will always be someone better looking and sexier than you.

If you love your wife, sort out your marriage, not by pretending to go to the pub, and "observing" her from afar. Talk to her. Discuss your concerns, you know, like adults.

I was offering possibilities rather than making assumptions.

I see now I was unclear on the observing her. I didn't mean to observe her as the default position, I just meant if she is unwilling to communicate properly or things she is saying don't add up THEN you need to do this. Of course talking is the first option.

ConnyMcDavid

Reads to me like you want your work colleague to accidentally see this thread and put 2 and 2 together with the name.

You shouldn't tell her how you feel. Things will eventually fall into place if there is a real thing between you too. If you are as crazy about her as you say chances are she already knows through your body language. I wouldnt cut her off though, it could make it more awkward. Just try to keep the friendship respectful.

There are so much naivity on here regarding if a 21 year old girl would be interested in a 36 year old married man. Of course they could.

I would say go for it if you didn't have a 7 year old boy who is forgotten about in the debate. You should try to work things out for his sake only.

TheBoyConor

My God are you for real man?

Now maybe, maybe, if he was single & unmarried and didn't have a young child there might possibly be a chance that she could reciprocate the interest if they had common interests and we're compatible etc. The age difference of 15 years would go against it but it's not unheard of either.

However, that's not the case. He is married with a child and has a tied down family life. What's more his marriage is miserable and hanging on by a thread.

Their lives are poles apart and they couldn't be more different or have less in common. She is a young, carefree single girl of 21 and if he gave a crap about her welfare he wouldn't be entertaining thoughts of saddling her with his emotional baggage from his miserable midlife marriage crises.

For god's sake, just leave the poor girl alone op.

GingerLily

This has nothing to do with men in their thirties dating women in their twenties, it's not particular helpful to the OP to bother going down that road.

Theres no reason to think this particular girl has any interest in him, and further more, it really is the smaller issue.

He LOVES his wife, so his priority has it be to to her and of course his son. He truly needs a kick up the ass to make him realise what he is risking by lusting after his 21 yo colleague!

Bootlegger

You’reNot21 wrote: »

OP - you’re deluded.

What on earth makes you think that a 21 year old woman would be interested in entering into a relationship or affair with a married 36 year old father?

Surely most 21 year olds would choose an unattached man closer to her in age? What have you to offer her, apart from being stuck in the middle of a potentially

You'd be surprised. I've known men in their 40s to have gfs in their 20s. Granted these guys were good looking and had psychopathic levels of charm.

Still if an older man is high status then he can definitely attract much younger women.

Curious Scot

Cumulus96 wrote: »

Stay away from women in work, don't mix business and pleasure.

Let your wife know that sex is vital to your well being, if she doesn't wanr to have sex that's fine. But you'll be looking elsewhere for sex in that case.

All I want to say that it's all very fine looking for and getting sex elsewhere, but be prepared to suffer the consequences if you do it without your wife's knowing about it and finding out about it later! If you feel you really want to go down that road, say so to your wife. A (strictly) friends with benefits arrangement might be an option for you. Personally, I would have no problem with such an arrangement.
Good luck to both of you, whatever happens.

LolaJJ

When I was 25 a 40 year old man (married father of 3) became a little besotted with me. I found it incredibly flattering and exciting and confessed my love after just a few weeks following flowers and 5 star hotels and all kinds of fun things. He left his wife we moved in together......6 months later we broke up because I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship that was so settled and serious

OP This 21 year old girl isn't gonna be on the same page as you. Even if she thinks she is. You're playing with fire.

up for anything

TheBoyConor wrote: »

We're not saying he should screw over his wife. We are saying he should protect himself against being screwed over by his wife by putting aside a war chest of money to keep him going when he finds himself at the mercy of a family law and divorce set up that is totally biased against men and in favour of women.

OP, don't take advice like the above. I can show you an FB page where there are hundreds of Irish single mothers with custody of their children a good proportion of whom are owed tens of thousands in unpaid maintenance over years. They can probably give you better tips on how to protect yourself against being screwed over by your wife and child if you separate than the Boy Conor above can give you from what seems to be an embittered ex husband/boyfriend viewpoint.

The first thing to do is be honest with yourself about why you and your wife no longer have sex. Think about it. I'm sure you know. Most people do deep down, they just don't want to admit it. Perhaps you could ask her what her reasons are. I'd say top of the list is probably boredom. The newness, excitement and fun may have gone out of the sex, erased by familiarity, monotony and tiredness and perhaps you no longer make an effort to make her feel like she matters especially because you're distracted by this other newer and more exciting love. Perhaps you were just going through the motions with her. Perhaps she was just lying back and thinking of England or what shopping was needed or whether it was going to be the same old sexual routine whether she instigated or you did. Or maybe she could feel you pulling away emotionally as you fell in second love with the girl in your office. You're the only one who knows how you felt and you're not going to find out how she feels unless you ask her non-confrontationally.

The problem with sex in a long-term relationship is that it does get a bit boring especially if she's not orgasming. I'm not sure how couples overcome that. There is only so much dress-up, sex toys, erotic fiction/porn, role-play or spice one can add before that too becomes a bit tedious. I know that's not very helpful and I'm sure there are people here who know the secret. But all that starts with open, honest and calm communication. Good luck with it.