I don't think this is a world I want to live in

Smegging hell

I know this is something of a Personal Issues forum cliché, OP, but have you considered joining societies in college? It's just that when I was in my late teens/early 20s I was similarly quite isolated and negative and lived a lot in my own head. Spend hours reading online growing up, underachieved in school but scraped into arts in college. It wasn't until final year that I made friends through the film society in my university as well as campaign groups like the campus Palestine Solidarity Society. Making friends with similar interests to me (cinema, activism, etc) improved my outlook a lot.

But I'd definitely recommend you find a counsellor through your college. Definitely agree with your GPs advice not to settle with the first counsellor/therapist you meet if it doesn't feel like a good fit, that's something I wish I had understood when I was younger. The first counsellor I met I didn't gel with at all. Later found another one with the same counselling service and working with them really ameliorated my issues and helped me see perspectives on my life I hadn't considered

dentonmyphone

Smegging hell wrote: »

I know this is something of a Personal Issues forum cliché, OP, but have you considered joining societies in college? It's just that when I was in my late teens/early 20s I was similarly quite isolated and negative and lived a lot in my own head. Spend hours reading online growing up, underachieved in school but scraped into arts in college. It wasn't until final year that I made friends through the film society in my university as well as campaign groups like the campus Palestine Solidarity Society. Making friends with similar interests to me (cinema, activism, etc) improved my outlook a lot.

But I'd definitely recommend you find a counsellor through your college. Definitely agree with your GPs advice not to settle with the first counsellor/therapist you meet if it doesn't feel like a good fit, that's something I wish I had understood when I was younger. The first counsellor I met I didn't gel with at all. Later found another one with the same counselling service and working with them really ameliorated my issues and helped me see perspectives on my life I hadn't considered

I've tried, I joined the music society, business society entrepreneurial society, and a couple of others, I also went to open mic nights.
They all came across as a way to add to your CV, everyone joined and people signed up to be on the committees but there were no meetings, they tagged their name to events or gave out pizza if you signed up but there wasn't much there for me.

I think I went to college with the completely wrong frame of mind.
I thought I was going to find other like-minded people, maybe find other musicians, start a band, or meet people to come up with a business idea, discuss topics in groups, but all of that only happens when everyones smoking weed.
I was wrong about college, and stupidly so..
It's just people moving on from secondary school to learn subjects to pass exams, who drink and/or take drugs and go out along the way.
I didn't fit in, I don't like techno, I'm not a fan of coke, I don't want to join a sailing club or play hurling for the college.

I had an issue with some 'friends' which I've already wrote about on boards, so that certainly tainted my view..
But college has been the worst two years of my life - that doesn't mean much because my life hasn't been particularly bad, those two years in particular have been the worst.
I didn't fit in, I never found anyone like minded, I ended up spending my nights chasing girls.
I tried to be somewhat productive but when that wasn't working out I just retreated back home to my bedroom and commuted in and out, so I was far more secluded.

I'll probably be commuting this year coming too.

Ursus Horribilis

Even though you say you've had doctors ask if you were ever diagnosed with Aspergers, have you ever been assessed for it? It sounds like the logical step. I'm not a medical person but the more I read of your posts, the more I wonder.

dentonmyphone

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

Even though you say you've had doctors ask if you were ever diagnosed with Aspergers, have you ever been assessed for it? It sounds like the logical step. I'm not a medical person but the more I read of your posts, the more I wonder.

It was questioned but never went any further.
I had a psychiatrist ask it and then he just said something along the lines of 'nah I didn't think so but I needed to cross it off my list'.

I know a couple of people who have it, and if I'm being totally honest I think I'm higher up than most people but I highly doubt I'd qualify.
I have no need for routine, I can hold conversations well, I know when it's my turn to speak, when someone was joking.. but I do get very vested in ideas, projects and interest.
I use fancy language or I talk quicker than most people..
I doubt I have aspergers, autism or high functioning autism but maybe I'm wrong.. I would have thought it would have been picked up on by some doctor..

SirChenjin

I'm wondering OP, what exactly are you seeking advice on? I mean that in the nicest possible way. I'm just not clear on what you are asking?

Solli

You have a lot observed as a young person and you are very articulate and intelligent. Sounds like your field of interest is politics and philosophy. What is power and how its distributed, mediated and passed on. Fascinating and absorbing, also history will interest you if you are still thinking of college. If you aredeeply interested in something you will excel at it and opportunities will come your way.
Join a cause or campaign or politically active group and you willhave an instant social and intellectual life with like minded people. Read posters. Open your eyes, we are not all like sheep. Many of us stand up for what we believe in and live an anti-consumer lifestyle. It is possible and there are so many interesting people who you’ll meet along the way.
Ive realised it is normal to internalize such thoughts when you areyoung. Many many others have been through exactly what you are going through. A final thought. Travel. Read. Listen.

orthsquel

There are lots of open minded people out there, who think or have thought the same. I studied marketing when social media marketing was in its infancy (then known as e-commerce). I felt for years the same about marketing, but parts of it fascinated me, particularly behaviours. I do feel marketing is the root of all evil, along with the love of money and power. I doubt you will be very happy in marketing unless - pardon the following - you find your own niche in marketing, in the opposite direction of what is considered marketing today. I'd suspect that you're probably someone who has creative intelligence and would be happier something in that general direction, that has purpose, meaning and a way to present an alternative to what is.

Would you consider doing film courses, making meaningful and powerful music videos, films, etc? Music generally is disposable, along with smartphones and most consumer products, but the legends never die. What about theatre writing? Theatre group Brokentalkers recently had a project called This Beach, a play taking on the general attitude in Europe to immigrants. I was at the after show talk, and they went into detail about how it came to be and explored the issue deeply in producing it. Films for Action you might also find interesting.

What I would worry is that you have been obsessively thinking about things, and seemed to have formed circular thinking habits. Do you have intrusive thoughts? Maybe you have gone down a rabbit hole and can't get back because you can't relate what you know and learned to the outside world, but are stuck a bit in your head? These things pass, but you might need help with that professionally to learn not fall into obsessive thought patterns. It's easy too, to form a conclusion that you alone seeing things this way, you can fall into delusion that you are the only person who sees the world as it really is and that the rest are sheep sleepwalking through life with marketing prodding them into buying stuff but that is not the reality when many are awake knowing that trends are fluff dressed as necessity, but trends and fashion have a habit of dying out and people opting out of whatever creates it.

LegacyUser

I think it's becoming clear here, many people have the same thoughts as you. Particularly when you're younger, why younger? Because most people adjust and adapt so they can live their lives in a productive and content way.

A lot of this is driven by ego that your suffering is very important, you can change the world but at the same time, you're sending your primal brain into overdrive, making it perceive there to be threats where there are not. You are on high alert all the time, ruminating and perpetuating the angst and anxiety that feels like it is crushing you. Be very careful, as much as it may seem logical or self-indulgent to give into existential thoughts without managing them (and your own emotions/reactions) this may lead you down a very dark path mentally. I'm not even talking about mental illness, I'm talking about mental wellbeing and the kinds of thought traps which can lead to suicidal ideation.

It's kind of crazy, we're just mammals living on a rock flying through space but we've created so much ****e in the process.

I strongly suggest simplifying your life, it sounds cheesy but find something to work towards and fill your life with things that bring you enjoyment because if you don't you mind will easily fill your life with dread and worry. All while the same world and society exists around you, you need to take charge of how much you let that hurt you and take charge of the life you want to lead.

You can do things to make the world a better place, but please do not take the weight of the world on your shoulders. Your conscious mind and primal brain starts going haywire, and you're already feeling the effects of this. We are just animals, alive for some reason but have the power to make life miserable for ourselves and others or quite nice for ourselves and others. Don't focus too much on all the wrongs of the world but how you can make your life the best it can be, so you have the energy to go out there and make the rest of the world a better place.

Sheepdish1

Would it be possible that you use marketing but in a way that is meaningful and in line with your values ? For example, the are nonprofit organisations that need branding , marketing etc for very real causes that are not “consumer based products”. I understand what you mean about the typical marketing but there are areas that it can help people too. Also remember marketing isn’t something you need to stick with, there’s post grad conversion courses etc if you wanted something different such as social policy for example.

Are there any area that you feel drawn to change ? Helping people ? High lighting issues? I feel that there is a lot of “shallowness” and see that however when one looks a little deeper there are a lot of dedicated people committing there time and every to very good causes😊 I understand you. best of luck op

wiggle16

dentonmyphone wrote: »

They said I was probably not suffering from any disorder but my frame of mind is being affected and for that in itself I should speak to a professional.

I don't have an outlet other than these postings.
I feel alienated in my daily life, I don't click with most people I meet.
My jokes don't get responses, I get frustrated explaining through everything or just by the topic, that's probably me being narcissistic, and that's probably me self diagnosing.

I remember your previous thread. It's great that you are open to engaging with counselling, I'm glad.

The above sticks out to me as a big part of the problem of why you cannot get out of your own head. I can be like that too, to be honest. But you do need to find some sort of outlet to concern yourself with. I hate to sound dismissive, but I really think that a big part of this issue is that you have way too much time on your hands. I know it's not just that simple, but the lifestyle you've described definitely lends itself to brooding and dwelling (and then people start discovering conspiracy theories... not a road you want to go down). Would it be fair to say that you see people's concerns with more "trivial" things as contrived distractions from more important issues?

You also seem quite sure of your conclusions and pessimism. Nothing wrong with that in itself, but you have effectively concluded that everything boils down to money and consumerism. That's not incorrect at all, but it's not the whole picture: just because something is intended for consumption doesn't mean that it does not have other qualities. To pick an example, social media and the internet in general are of course mass marketing tools. That's true. They are also very effective for spreading propaganda. Also true. It can also be argued (validly, in my opinion) that they have provided for the complete emancipation of knowledge and ideas - look at the role of social media during the Arab Spring, for example. Just because something has one quality it does not then absolutely exclude others. You would appear to be concluding, in a lot of your statements, that the quality of being fit or intended for consumption is the most significant quality a thing can have and that because you consider that to be a negative quality then the thing is pointless, vapid and deserving of disdain. As I and others have said, it depends on your outlook and the value you ascribe to things, and that is malleable. You sound like a deep thinking lad but your lens is too narrow. I don't say that as an optimist myself either.

That said, I think that might be a little beyond PI in terms of scope. You clearly need to completely change your way of thinking and operating. I could write about this all night but I'm up for work in a couple of hours!

The only practical advice I think I can give you really is to try to find SOMETHING that interests you and get involved with it. I remember you saying before that you don't stick with anything and you become bored of things easily (I can identify with that too). If you can get involved with something, a hobby, a group, a society in your college, volunteering, anything that interests you at all - then set a date on the calendar, and that's the date where you're "allowed" to give it up, and do your best to stick to that date.
I don't know if that will be of much help to you, but you won't know either until you try.

There are always a million reasons not to do something.

Flippyfloppy

Just going back to the Unibomber, part of the reason there's movies about him is because on one side you had this awful, irrational, unhinged lunatic, and on the other he actually had a good point, that resonates with many. Especially when you look at where we are now with our processed food, device dependence, social influencers and YouTubers.

Many, many people feel the way you do regarding consumerism, in many different shades. From off-the-gridders, to grow your owners, to vegans, to people who redistribute unwanted food to others...Plenty are aware of marketing techniques and their affects. Plenty have things they don't suscribe to in this world.

professore

Check out Jordan Peterson on YouTube. He has some lectures on the search for meaning in life.

Moomintroll99

You could try and find some of the many people thinking about alternative ways of living & become part of their mini communities. There are people out there doing everything from activism to co-ops to subsistence farming to writing - lots of ways to scratch enough of a living and be more true to your ideals. We live over in the west and many small towns have their big city escapees, making pottery or growing organic vegetables or selling alpaca wool jumpers or collecting seaweed or whatever it might be. They're never going to be rich but they get by.

I think if you find like minded people - and there are many of us very concerned about the environment, for example - and feel like part of a community, it will both help you feel better and also provide ideas for ways to make a living using your talents in a way that doesn't feel like a huge compromise.

WOOFing would be one example, or maybe doing some courses about recycling/environmentally friendly/traditional crafts etc & setting up a little sole trader business. It's not just a choice between meaningless 9-5 work and the dole queue, there are lots of other options out there and lots of people exploring them.

cloudatlas

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

So what do you want to change, again? Because you can continue in your current vein if you want to. Many do, you are far from unique in your views and perspective. You need to be aware though that those people tend to be universally avoided because no-one wants to listen to them anymore. They are exhausting. Or you can make an effort to change the way in which you look at this world and reflect it back.

I don't think that's true a lot of these ideas are covered in theology, political, philosophy courses. Russell Brand has a very successful podcast on such topics. There are a lot of political theorists that are very renowned and engaging. Those people are not universally avoided.

Could you change your course to philosophy or politics, I think that sounds like more up your alley, a lot of people are suggesting that the 'cure' is to shut off but I think it would be better if you channeled this constructively in an environment where you can engage with other people on these issues, talk it out. Connect with others.

Bootlegger

Hey op, guess what, life sucks and most people are ****ty, but so what? The gig must go on.

AndrewJRenko

I think the OP might have two possible opportunities to combine his values with his professional skills;

1) Become an anti-marketing expert - one who understands marketing completely, and educates others on how to resist it, counter it, or understand when they are being manipulated. This is important in the commercial area, when we are being sold products and services, and also increasingly important in the political arena, where 'fake news' is being used to 'sell' people and and ideas to us.

2) Become an expert in 'marketing for good' as used by charities or campaigning NGOs to 'sell' good ideas or principles.

No disrespect, but the first thing you need to do as a 21 year old college student is recognise how little you know. No offence, but in any sector, 3rd year or 4th year college students might think they know it all, but they really don't.