Relationship issues

Witchie

For me, one of the biggest issues here is that her husband is the person she should be able to trust most when she is feeling unwell/drunk to look after her. 

This, coupled with his past cheating would have me very wary of trusting him ever again. 

Counselling is essential here and am glad to hear you are going. You really need to think about the impact on your marriage of being married to a man who can breach your trust just coz he is drunk.

nikkibikki

However drunk someone is, they should be able to sleep beside their spouse without fear or worry.

OP, your husband injured you to the point that you need surgery. He should be utterly devastated. It should be a kick in the behind for him to stop drinking. If it's not, he needs to ask himself some questions.

To add my own experience. Both my husband and I have been blotto drunk at times. We look after each other. Most recently it was me. We were on hols. I was drinking rum and coke. They weren't measuring the rum so I got drunk very quickly. Very very drunk. We were back in our hotel room early ish. I was in the bathroom ages so hubby came looking for me. I was passed out on the floor. He got me into bed, which wasn't easy as I weigh more than him, and gave me the bin to puke into. He got into bed beside me and what did he do? He went asleep. I still can't remember bits of that night months later but I was so grateful I was with him and perfectly safe. I have seriously curtailed my drinking since then. But my point is, you should feel safe with your spouse/partner in every situation.

LegacyUser

I’m assuming you asked what happened moreso because of the extreme pain than the missing pjs. Speaking from personal experience of same medical condition, which is what it is a medical condition not a traumatic injury I can see how waking up after a drunken night, not remembering anything and waking with pain there might lead you to conclusions. Had too much to drink by my standards one night last year, by no means to point of passing out or not remembering, was drinking spirits, came home with dodgy tummy but nothing unusual other than the runs, woke up next morning to same medical problem, extreme pain and swelling and discomfort to point it need to be iced. Oh and scary bleeding. And this came out of nowhere and was due from pressure outwards not inwards as no-one was near me. I wouldn’t assume because both things happened in same drunken experience that your husband is lying to you. Plenty men chance asking for something different when drunk that’s not unusual and ye were both drunk by sounds of things it sounds like he’s not too sure himself of events, he said he stopped when you said no. Your pain and surgery is for your medical condition but it’s nearly coming across as it’s a result of something he did to you. You’re making huge and possibly very wrong assumptions but then you allude to other incidents but don’t specify. If your doctor in anyway made out that what you’re having surgery for is a traumatic injury you need to go back and have a chat.

Sardonicat

Hangonasec wrote: »

Did you know you had hemorrhroids in the first place? They wouldn’t come about from anal sex. You’re assuming this is an injury caused by your husband. Thrombosis could occur for many reasons especially in a heavy drinker eg: passing hard stool after many drinks that you don’t remember. It can happen to anyone for multiple reasons and require surgery. Did your doctor imply this was from anal or attempted anal sex? Your husband could very well be telling the truth. A thrombosed hemorrhroid will burst completely on its own and cause blood. And yes hemorrhroids are excruciatingly painful but not an injury cause by trauma!?

Her husband told her that he ( he framed it as they) attempted anal sex.

LegacyUser

Sardonicat wrote: »

Her husband told her that he ( he framed it as they) attempted anal sex.

He also told her she said no to it and he stopped.
She is assuming because of pain, swelling and possibly bleeding that he hurt her and lied to her. Her condition is a medical one not an injury

Neyite

Mod:


Ok no medical diagnoses here please - the OP has her GP and surgeon for that. Someone on the internet can't diagnose and it's against the charter.

nikkibikki

Hangonasec wrote:

He also told her she said no to it and he stopped. She is assuming because of pain, swelling and possibly bleeding that he hurt her and lied to her. Her condition is a medical one not an injury

I'm not 100% on what this condition is but it sounds like one that would be made worse by anal sex.

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This post has been deleted.

Sad and confused

Thanks for the replies, as for those who are saying that what has happened me is medical and not as a result of attempted anal sex all I will say is that I know that it’s a result of what was attempted. I am not going to get into medical history or the detail of my current situation as it’s not the right place.
I do appreciate all of the support and advice on here, it’s been good to get other perspectives. I have spoken briefly to my husband and he has agreed to stop drinking, we are going to discuss next steps in the coming days.

Thanks again to you all and mods if you could close comments now that would be great.