Partner going mental over something I said while grieving

Ursus Horribilis

It's time to get legal advice regarding access to your child. It's obvious that she's a nasty, conniving individual who appears to have cynically identified you as the father of a child she would raise alone. She doesn't want you in her life but I'm sure she'll be more than happy to take any money you have in order to help raise him/her. If you want to play a part in your child's life, it's time to get cracking. Going by what you have told us to date, you are probably going to have difficulties regarding access to him/her.

As to why the mother is getting involved, god only knows. It's possible that your (ex) girlfriend didn't lick her nasty ways off the ground and that there's a pair of them in it. Be very careful what you send to either of them by way of texts, messenger etc. All of them have the potential to be used against you if things turn legal. I'm sorry for all that has happened to you but in ways you've had a lucky escape. You're going to be tied to her forever because of the child but at least you're not going to be in a relationship with her. Going by what you've told us, it would've been a miserable existence for you.

power pants

Could be completely wrong but I doubt the baby is yours. It seems that she was trying with the real father and he has brushed her off now it’s your turn to pick up the pieces

I could be miles off but could well be a possibility


Get a dna test as soon as the baby is born

professore

power pants wrote: »

Could be completely wrong but I doubt the baby is yours. It seems that she was trying with the real father and he has brushed her off now it’s your turn to pick up the pieces

I could be miles off but could well be a possibility


Get a dna test as soon as the baby is born

This is way off as she wants nothing to do with him, financially or otherwise.

power pants

professore wrote: »

This is way off as she wants nothing to do with him, financially or otherwise.

Perhaps. So why is the mother now back in touch telling him to step up and visit etc ?

From his latest update it doesn’t seem that wide of the mark imo

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This post has been deleted.

annie jay

OP I am sorry for your Loss and what you are going through, what a tough year you have had.

I think it would be a good time to take a step back from this woman, and focus on yourself, it's been only 3 weeks since your Mom passed.Give yourself time to grieve and process your loss, Get some counselling, Be kind to yourself. Do not make any life changing decisions in the first year you are grieving a big loss, I speak from experience here.


Let your GF get on with it, send her a simple message and explain to her that you are going to get some grief counselling. And switch off from her for as long as you need. it sounds like she is not supporting you right now and causing you more distress.

Best of Luck OP

rizdub

ohaye87 wrote: »

Last message was the final straw and I didn’t reply to it, you told her you’d love to go to a hotel for a few nights, that doesn’t help things you should be putting that money in the baby box and buying stuff(which I’ll add I’ve being doing,along with paying half towards everything)

i think from here on its all going to be about money !! they wont go away as they want ur money but not u !!
u ignore them and they will come back to u with some emotional story to get ur sympathy and money !

Lux23

power pants wrote: »

Perhaps. So why is the mother now back in touch telling him to step up and visit etc ?

From his latest update it doesn’t seem that wide of the mark imo

Maybe she doesn't know.

professore

power pants wrote: »

Perhaps. So why is the mother now back in touch telling him to step up and visit etc ?

From his latest update it doesn’t seem that wide of the mark imo

Somehow I hadn't seen the last message. This is a scam IMO. I agree DNA test is critical here and do it yourself. Don't let them do it. Stop all money until you are allowed to do the test.

ohaye87

Little update on my situation, I’ve now got legal advice and have some idea of my rights now...

Few weeks back I thought she was returning to some way normal, she didn’t want me coming over though, told me this one evening she’d got a pram, I was having a rough night asked her how much it cost that I’d get some money sorted and just asked was she busy that I’d like a quick chat (was lonely) she never responded to that, she obviously went in and told her mother I want to talk to her... well at like 1am which was a good few hours later I got the most horrible and hurtful messages off her mother, telling me how I was to stop feeling sorry for myself and to cop on, how I’d lost both my parents and now I would lose my girlfriend and child, how it’s all about me... how they could all manage without me, I was crying my eyes out as the messages continued to pour in... the next message totally sent me out the edge, all I cared about was releasing balloons(something we did at a village fair day in memory of a loved one) can’t see how that’s her business, going to church (I only go to mass once a week) and watching football (went to one local football match in the past 3 months) but that’s not allowed I take it... I didn’t reply to them messages so she decided to block me (thank god)

I told my partner the next day how them messages made me very upset and how I wouldn’t be replying to them...

She text back nothing got to do with me(which it was as she obviously told her mother all this) and basically said I won’t be replying to you till you’ve sorted yourself out, come to terms with your grief and stop putting yourself first... said I’ll text you about the baby but nothing else for now.. and now she’s also blocked me

I told her I’d be seeking legal advice and she just goes I wouldn’t deprive you of seen your child... yea right!!

But in general her mother sent me into melt down ended up on the phone to the Samaritan’s all that night

Ursus Horribilis

Oh my god. What a horrible turn of events. Your ex (I hope!!!!) partner and her mother sound like really awful people and the less you have to do with them, the better. I'm glad that you reached out for help that night and hope you can build some sort of support network for yourself over here. Please don't even think about moving over to where she lives because the pair of them will destroy you.

Ursus Horribilis

Just something else I forgot to add. I hope you've held onto to those texts and have passed them on to your solicitor. You might yet need them. Also, you cannot say for sure who was typing those abusive texts out. It could just as easily have been your "partner", pretending to be mammy. Be very careful how you tread.

Fakediamond

Definitely keep those texts. Get well informed re your rights and responsibilities as a father under uk law. Don’t pay another penny until you’re sure it’s your baby, you’ve already paid enough. It sounds like she wants your money but not you’re presence in the baby’s life. It will be hard to have a relationship with the baby as you’re not married, live in a different country etc. It’s a long and expensive procedure through the uk Courts. Having your name on the birth certificate helps, but be careful because you then take on legal and financial responsibility for the baby and I wouldn’t advise doing that unless you’re sure it’s yours. Anyway, she may well register the birth without telling you.

ohaye87

Ah well she officially ended things with me( obviously was dead ages) all my fault of course she couldn’t rely on me, used the things I said at the start against me again... had a rant about I wasn’t around when she’d a emergency appointment last week, even though I know nothing about it.... she didn’t tell me because I hadn’t asked how she was(even though she wasn’t talking) 😄
And back to the grief she said her concentration Is on the baby and I’m obviously concentrating on grieving so our relationship won’t work... I’ll send you back your clothes take care...

Aye very nice of her

dubstarr

You are well rid.I would make sure to get a DNA test.Dont put your name on birth cert without it.

You need to do what she is accusing you of.BEING ALL ABOUT YOU.Look after youself,keep those texts and basically get your head together.

Just forget about her.