Online dating

shakeitoff

It's so bad, I'd much prefer meet a girl who I know through people on a night out.

jenggg

Zcorpion88 I don’t know if you can blame the women you went out with for things not working out. You say one wasn’t a good conversationalist. But maybe she just didn’t find something in common with you? You didn’t click? Maybe they didn’t feel the spark. I don’t want to believe in this whole spark thing but I’m finding it hard not to. I’ve gone on lots of dates with lovely men but I just wasn’t feeling it with most of them. I’m worried it’s my fault... how can you meet 15 men and not women want to date most of them? Do people here trust their instincts and stop dating afteyou w couple of dates if they’re just not feeling anything with the person?

zcorpian88

shakeitoff wrote: »

It's so bad, I'd much prefer meet a girl who I know through people on a night out.

Tried all that myself over the last few years, I do find a lot of people in my age group to be annoyingly immersed in their phones on nights out...twittering, whatsapping, snapchatting, facebooking and almost prefer to be talking to people who they didn't go out with!....tis all getting out of hand with the phones. (Here's an idea, a theme pub where you pretend it's 1995, therefore No Smartphones/Mobiles, I would f**king love it!

Actually my own friend circle had dispersed also in the last year or two, between getting jobs out of town, college, some have had kids and can't arrange a meet up, and others fell out with myself and the group due to an argument. Need to make some new friends really so I'll have new opportunities to meet people. My social life has stagnated, hence the online dating woes.

jenggg

Zcorpion88 I don’t know if you can blame the women you went out with for things not working out. You say one wasn’t a good conversationalist. But maybe she just didn’t find something in common with you? You didn’t click? Maybe they didn’t feel the spark. I don’t want to believe in this whole spark thing but I’m finding it hard not to. I’ve gone on lots of dates with lovely men but I just wasn’t feeling it with most of them. I’m worried it’s my fault... how can you meet 15 men and not women want to date most of them? Do people here trust their instincts and stop dating afteyou w couple of dates if they’re just not feeling anything with the person?

zcorpian88

jenggg wrote: »

Zcorpion88 I don’t know if you can blame the women you went out with for things not working out. You say one wasn’t a good conversationalist. But maybe she just didn’t find something in common with you? You didn’t click? Maybe they didn’t feel the spark. I don’t want to believe in this whole spark thing but I’m finding it hard not to. I’ve gone on lots of dates with lovely men but I just wasn’t feeling it with most of them. I’m worried it’s my fault... how can you meet 15 men and not women want to date most of them? Do people here trust their instincts and stop dating afteyou w couple of dates if they’re just not feeling anything with the person?

Jenggg, she was a good conversationalist at the meal, but once at the cinema, it became different, can't put my finger on it, but I did like her, I mean I think I'm worth seeing a bit more of, take some more time rather than being hasty about it, I don't know, I feel she didn't give it a real chance and just chopped me off at the ankles for no good reason. I think there would have been a spark if she just invested some more time, the first date was great...and the second, the meal was a laugh. But clearly something made her mind go a different way at the cinema.

I think the problem with a lot of people is they can't get out of their own head enough to relax and enjoy the encounter and then you'll find/develop some common ground and you'll want to be around them more, call it dating anxiety if you will.

I think people mix their dating anxiety up and come up with the notion that there is no spark. While others haven't a clue what they want and they are using apps like a menu in a restaurant...."this week, I'll have that...and if I don't like it straight away, back to the drawing board"......people are pissing through dates and going on like a person is expendable and looking for this disneyesque spark where you just hit it off from the first meeting, like some stupid ROMCOM, in reality it doesn't always work like that and you're only codding yourself if that's what you're seeking, could spend your entire youth or life in general seeking it only to realize it's more often than not a loosing battle.

bloodless_coup

milli milli wrote: »

I think it’s way too easy for guys (and gals if that’s what they’re looking for) to have casual encounters. And if you live in a big city, you have so much choice, if you’re not bad looking.

The above quote and people talking about going on a large number of dates makes me realize, I must be one ugly mofo!

messy tessy

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Normally I wouldn't wait this long for a meetup, but if she's from where the mother is from, she'd be from good stock, people are pretty sound from that area

Some people are just different, I don't think I would click with someone who describes a girl as 'good stock'

zcorpian88

messy tessy wrote: »

Some people are just different, I don't think I would click with someone who describes a girl as 'good stock'

I mean that in personality terms not looks or anything, thought I'd put that out there. Defined in my mind as good character, values etc.

leggo

zcorpian88, have you considered the possibility that maybe there's stuff you're doing that's affecting your dating success and it's not the medium's fault? 6 months is a LONG time to find a date if you're actively looking like. Getting angry and aggressive over text with a girl who you've been out with once because she gave you the blue ticks and didn't respond is also a massive overreaction. Having a rant about another girl because she said she thought there was no spark with you is similarly jumping the gun...people are allowed feel that way, they're not obligated to like you or give you a 'chance', even if you are gonna be waiting 6 more months for the next date.

I think in general it's good advice to see yourself as the common denominator of your struggles and look closer to home. Blaming the way the world has gone or Tinder or women in general might make you feel better but doesn't actually improve your situation. You can't control any of the above scenarios, you can control your own behaviour. So take responsibility for your struggles, look first at what you may have done wrong and fix it accordingly and you mightn't be posting aggressively here about it again six months from now.

B.A._Baracus

I've known a lot of people who have used online dating over the last 10 to 15 years and it has definitely changed. Everyone and their granny seems to be on something these days too.

Ultimately dating sites are a mess. Pick your reason:
- If you are a guy, you have to accept the fact there are about 10 men to 1 woman and every lad is mailing women constantly.
- Most women get cautious of the guys who message them after a while as most just want a roll in the hay.
- Serial daters.
- People who just want sex (both male and female... gotta love the way most say i am not looking for one nighters... yeah right lol)
- People with baggage.
- People with unrealistic expectations due to the high level of mails they receive.
- People who have no intention of meeting but enjoy the 'pick me up' of being told they are good looking etc.
- Married or attached people going behind their partners back.
- People with mental issues. The amount of friends who went on a date from the likes of POF and the other person said how they were touched as a kid or serious things etc is mind-boggling. To the point you end up questioning the validity of these claims after a while.
- People who have no intention of ever dating anyone but want a free night out.

So think about it. It's a minefield cause after dodging all the above you have to find someone that A) Is looking to meet someone and who you click with.