Relationship with girl on other side of the world

XsApollo

I know 2 fellas that pretty much did the same thing.

They are here and happy out now
You have nothing to lose by going over have you?
Go on a holiday and meet her there.
At worst you mightent hit it off and go home.
You might get a holiday companion for a couple of weeks, with the added bonus of getting laid.
You might hit it off and live happily ever after.

Obviously don’t bring a wad of cash to give to her.
No harm in paying for dinner and hotels or whatever.

LegacyUser

tara73 wrote: »

I'm also surprised about the many highly judgmental comments about this situation and what 'this women from the philippines are all up to'.

My guess is the majority of this poster never had the experience they describe and dread here, they just repeat what is 'common knowledge' about 'this philippine women', that they just want a rich western man who supports them, support their family in the philippines and so on.

Maybe it is like that, but if you think a bit further you might come to the conclusion: what's so bad about it? And especially: is there really so much difference to many european/ irish women except they are closer by and the culture is the same? There are many individuals (women and men) who's intention is to sponge off / be supported by their partners, you can read it here in many threads.

And who says the OP wants or needs a partner who is highly educated and career driven? Again, there are many irish women/men who are not like that, many are still family driven and concentrate on having children. And that's great if both partners like and want this 'traditional' set up.

Exactly. All this stuff about "does your partner intellectually stimulate you" I mean, Christ, come on. Why is that stuff essential? Plenty of people receive enough "intellectual stimulation" at their job, that going home to a caring, loving, upbeat person takes precedence over discussing the literary merits of Ulysses or the latest advances in quantum physics.

Furthermore, as you correctly allude to, plenty of Irish men and women aren't intellectually stimulating people to be around but they can still make for great partners. If anything, the responses to this thread show just how much ignorance and snobbery exist with regards to people from less developed nations.

I've had the privilege of interacting with several men and women from poor countries and poor backgrounds and despite such life circumstances, they were some of the nicest people you'd ever meet. They had practical life knowledge of the sort that doesn't come from being "intellectual".

professore

tara73 wrote: »

Maybe it is like that, but if you think a bit further you might come to the conclusion: what's so bad about it? And especially: is there really so much difference to many european/ irish women except they are closer by and the culture is the same? There are many individuals (women and men) who's intention is to sponge off / be supported by their partners, you can read it here in many threads.
.

This is it in a nutshell. It's not like Irish / European women don't pull the same kind of "scams". They just do it in real life.

Ultimately despite what the PC world tells you once you have kids it mostly falls to the man to support a family anyway - or you both end up working like dogs and never see each other.

Having a woman at home raising your kids and taking care of the house isn't such a bad deal at all and is great for the kids compared to the alternatives. Of course with the stupid way "no fault" divorce works you can divorce for any reason whatsoever, or no reason, leaving people open to these types of scams where they leave you and take a big chunk of your wealth. Happens to women too BTW when they go on cheap holidays to places like Turkey and Morocco.

Go out there with your eyes open and your wallet closed.

tara73

OP, an overlap in our posts, so havn't read your response when writing mine.

She insisting in coming to her village and not meeting in Manila as you suggested: red flag.
you make the effort and costs! in flying over. she's not the one telling you to come to her village if you don't want this. stick to the Manila Plan. If she refuses, no meeting. Simple as.

next red flag: she telling you she loves you. Childish, BS and indicates it is in fact a scam. you can't say to a person you've never met that you love them.
tactic to tie you to her.

Bunny Colvin

Listen, there's great advice posted above but I feel compelled to post this: wise up, you're being scammed, don't even consider going out there or giving her any money. You'll regret it if you do.

power pants

tara73 wrote: »

I'm also surprised about the many highly judgmental comments about this situation and what 'this women from the philippines are all up to'.



Isn't it the case that there are many, many phillippines working in the health care sector? Working in hospitals, nursing homes and home caring? So if she's really coming here and is serious, the OP doesn't need to support her financially for a long time, I think she will be snapped up by the health care sector very easily.

So it’s wrong for others to make judgements on Philippino yet you make a judgement that she will not need support financially as she will be snapped up by the health care sector

Is that because she is from the Philippines or because she has the qualifications? How do you know she does?

Straw man argument

kylith

Bunny Colvin wrote: »

Listen, there's great advice posted above but I feel compelled to post this: wise up, you're being scammed, don't even consider going out there or giving her any money. You'll regret it if you do.

And if you do go there under no circumstances have sex with her. Even with a condom.

messy tessy

Baralis1 wrote: »

If it is scam, it's a very very detailed one and has taken a huge amount of work on their side from the amount of detail that has gone into it, the 10000's of messages, skype calls, voice calls.
There are three things feeding into the doubt.
1. Why contact me randomly on FB.
2. She is insisting I come to her city (big town) rather than she come to Manila which is only a bus ride for her all be it a very long one. She doesn't want to make the trip on her own but I know she was there a few months ago.
3. I often send random selfies throughout the day and often hint for one in return, just to see her face. Sometimes she is reluctant to until later. Whether it is that she feels the need to dress well and look well or whether there's another reason.

She also insists that she loves me. Not having met me, I can't understand this

I think you need to be very careful here. It literally takes seconds to send a message, and as it has been pointed out she could have the same racket going with a bunch of guys. Professing love for someone that you literally haven't met would be raising a massive alarm bell for me...

I think the next time you Skype you should say something like 'I was thinking the other day how we first got talking, and was just wondering how you came across my profile and why you contacted me!' and see what she says.

Caranica

OP you need to watch some TV. Catfish on MTV and 90 Day Fiancee on TLC. Your story could be on both. I can't believe that after reading all the posts on this thread you only have a little doubt. It is about as suspicious as you can get. Please open your eyes. This girl makes you feel wanted, which is something you've been missing from what you've said. But it's disingenuous. Being alone is always better than being betrayed.

Scarinae

tara73 wrote: »

Isn't it the case that there are many, many phillippines working in the health care sector? Working in hospitals, nursing homes and home caring? So if she's really coming here and is serious, the OP doesn't need to support her financially for a long time, I think she will be snapped up by the health care sector very easily.

It's true that there are many Filipinos working in the healthcare sector, but that is because Ireland started actively recruiting qualified nurses from the Philippines in the 1990s - qualified being the operative word. There's nothing in the OP's posts to suggest that this woman is qualified to work in healthcare, and they're not going to just hand her a job based on her ethnicity.

Anyway, sorry to be a cynic OP but I think she sounds like a scammer. If you really must meet her, do it in neutral territory - but the fact she's refusing to go to Manila is very suspicious.

homerjay2005

OP, phillipines is a very dangerous country. if you do want to meet her, i would suggest fly her somewhere neutral (you book the flights) and not ireland and most certainly not there (ive worked there, its a s*ithole at best in alot of places and it has a hell of a lot of dodgy people.

where ever you meet her, do it in a hotel/air b and b for a few days. that way, if things go t*ts up you can just leave her there and she will never know where you live and have a ticket back home too.

never transfer her any money.
dont get her pregnant.
dont every marry her, just because of visa reasons.

overall, be very careful here, she could be genuine and it looks like youve already been convinced of that but also, she could be a scam.

dont entertain her request to meet up there, offer to meet her somewhere neutral and if she refuses, then block her and never again contact her.

z0oT

tara73 wrote: »

She insisting in coming to her village and not meeting in Manila as you suggested: red flag.
you make the effort and costs! in flying over. she's not the one telling you to come to her village if you don't want this. stick to the Manila Plan. If she refuses, no meeting. Simple as

I would be weary about that too.

Not only that, travel to Manila while long, isn't expensive. Getting air-conditioned buses there in my experience for journies of around 200-300km was about 300-400PHP (about 5EUR).

She should surely stretch to that if she's serious about it.

homerjay2005 wrote: »

OP, phillipines is a very dangerous country.

Sad to say, there's a lot of fearmongering going on here in this thread. Have you actually been there?

In my experience, it isn't "Very Dangerous" and I've been there many times. There are definite no-go areas in towns and cities like anywhere else but as long as you've your wits about you and apply a bit of common-sense you'll be fine, just like most other countries really.

Just to give an example, the Irish Department of Foreign Affairs currently rates the Philippines about the same level of risk to travel to as China.

The one thing I would say about the Philippines, is that it is a very corrupt country so you really wouldn't want to get into trouble with the authorities, but I think that goes for anywhere.

The only part of the country that really is a dangerous area to go and one that you really shouldn't travel to is the southern island of Mindanao.

tara73

Scarinae wrote: »

It's true that there are many Filipinos working in the healthcare sector, but that is because Ireland started actively recruiting qualified nurses from the Philippines in the 1990s - qualified being the operative word. There's nothing in the OP's posts to suggest that this woman is qualified to work in healthcare, and they're not going to just hand her a job based on her ethnicity.

I didn't say she would immediately get a job as a (qualified) nurse in a hospital.

Did you ever tried to get in the health care sector? Obviously not, otherwise you could have imagined what I mean.

When the recession hit, I was made redundant, no way I would find a job in my profession for the next years. So my mum was doing home caring for years, means visiting people in their homes for half an hour/hour who need help, as making breakfast, giving them their medication, a bit of washing, moving them in their bed if they were tied to it etc.

I didn't have any experience in this job at all, so I visited an informative meeting for people who are interested in this job. I can't remember the exact amount of time but I think it was only 4 weeks training and you could start with the job. No need for a 2-3 year training or previous experience.

That would give experience/some money and could be the start to a further career in the health sector.

Dial Hard

OP, you seem to be seizing on the fact that you have been in contact for two years as "proof" that she must be genuine because, in your head, a scammer wouldn't invest that much time in a mark. I'm afraid you're very much mistaken.

https://www.independent.ie/life/it-can-happen-to-anyone-irish-woman-duped-by-her-husband-is-selling-her-wedding-and-engagement-rings-37149393.html

I'm afraid I fall firmly into the category of posters who think that this woman just wants a meal ticket, any meal ticket and is probably having the same conversation with half a dozen other men that she's having with you. I honestly can't understand why anyone would even respond to a Facebook message from a randomer on the other side of the world. I've received dozens and they're all ignored and deleted.

However, I have a feeling that there's nothing anyone on this thread can say that will dissuade you from persevering with this "relationship". So if you do decide to go ahead and meet her, please take on board all the advice on how to do so safely you've been given in this thread, and for the love of God, please let your family know where you're going and who you're meeting.

homerjay2005

z0oT wrote: »

Sad to say, there's a lot of fearmongering going on here in this thread. Have you actually been there?

its amazing you read this part about it being dangerous, but never read the rest where i clearly said that i have worked there.

ive been there four times and every time ive been there, its got more and more dodgy. i never again want to go back there.

happy now?

they are a lovely race of people, i have alot of friends there but if you asked them to leave it tomorrow, they all would.

z0oT

homerjay2005 wrote: »

its amazing you read this part about it being dangerous, but never read the rest where i clearly said that i have worked there.

ive been there four times and every time ive been there, its got more and more dodgy. i never again want to go back there.

happy now?

they are a lovely race of people, i have alot of friends there but if you asked them to leave it tomorrow, they all would.

You're right, I did miss that part. My apologies.

Still though, it might not be any harm to expand on your statements of "Very Dangerous" or "Dodgy", or why you never want to go back there. Not for me but for the help of the OP, it would be of far more use than just saying "It's very dangerous". You're probably the only person to post in the thread other than me that's actually been there.

Your experience differs from mine, plus the Department of Foreign Affairs doesn't share your sentiments (with the exception of the southern Island of Mindanao). I definitely wouldn't live there though. It's a poor country with some terrible poverty and it's very prone to natural disasters.

I'm not saying it's a paradise (it's certainly not), but in general to visit I've haven't found it dodgy or dangerous as you say.

Baralis1

Thanks again everyone for the replies. Lots of differing views here.
I actually worked out that I have been talking to this girl on and off for about 4 years rather than the 2 I stated earlier.
I still find it hard to believe that this is a scam as it's been going on so long but maybe I've been completely fooled. However I do think the attraction on her part is that I am from the west and seen as wealthy etc.
I don't believe that most filipinos are scam artists as previously suggested but they are just a very poor people anxious for a better life.
However, I don't think it's a safe country to travel in, especially on my own even though she reluctantly agreed to meet me in Manila. (She's afraid to travel on her own to Manila and hasn't gone on her own before).
I don't think what we have so far is a good idea for a relationship when there are so many doubts on my side and she more than likely is interested in me for economic reasons.
Also, she is so attached to family and friends, and they have a much closer bond than we do here, I find it hard to see her settling in Ireland.
She has no qualifications and no proper job.
So I'm not going to travel.
I still think I can meet a nice filipino/asian girl but not this way. (We are only a 5 years apart in case people think there was a huge age gap). If anyone knows of any legit dating/connection sites let me know.

DoozerT6

You're entitled to your physical preferences, but there are plenty of nice local girls too OP - don't let the fact that one Asian girl paid you some attention and flattered you for a prolonged period turn your head away from what's right in front of you. My own opinion is that the ONLY reason these agencies exist (Asian women looking for Western men and vice versa) is purely for the women's financial gain and a way out of poverty. Otherwise, why wouldn't they date someone locally? Not a great basis for a loving relationship.

A guy I worked with got tricked like this a few years back. It cost him dearly.

Long story short, I really do think you're being played, and I think you're realising this. A word of warning, if you do meet another girl like this, DO NOT get her pregnant, and if some 'miracle' happens and she does get pregnant, INSIST on a DNA test.

sReq | uTeK

Christ almighty wake up and smell the roses. there was only a thread here recently how one guy had spent upwards of about 10k on plane fares and hospital fees and she still never showed up.

10k is a hell of a lot in the philippines, if you had 3 guys like yourself a year willing to pay for flights and medical expenses over a prolonged period then that’s a lot of dosh.

2 years with the odd phone call here and there is not a long time to invest for a life time (by marrying and divorcing and taking you for half your worth after 2 years) for her to put in.

You cite you have 1000s of messages, so what i’m on a wattsapp group and could regularly put in 100 plus messages in a day, that’s with a 9-5 job that’s pretty busy, a wife and 3 kids.

Imagine what i could do if my sole occupation was to do this daily.

I’m sorry but you just have to draw the line some where.

funnily enough,and i mean this in the nicest way possible the people who always seem to get hit for these scams are the ones who’s love life is not going great and nor has it.

No doubt your FB profile was scanned vigorously to ensure before you were contacted that there was very little content in the form of dating.

I wish you well, just don’t be another naive mark.

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DoozerT6

....... wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

So a desperate woman hawks herself out to some lonely auld fella or some guy with a fetish for foreign woman? Okay then.

Maybe both get something from the arrangement, but it certainly isn't love. Acceptance, resignation and tolerance perhaps (for the woman anyway).

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woodchuck

Baralis1 wrote: »

I still think I can meet a nice filipino/asian girl but not this way. (We are only a 5 years apart in case people think there was a huge age gap). If anyone knows of any legit dating/connection sites let me know.

You do realise you'll probably just end up in the same situation again a year or two down the line? Doubting if someone is just after your wallet and whether or not you should travel to meet them or send them money to travel to meet you.

Why not try meeting someone closer to home? Long distance relationships are hard enough, but when they're literally on the other side of the world and don't even speak the same language... it's madness to me why someone would intentionally put themselves in that situation.

MarkY91

Many filipina women use social media to contact white men as their profession. So many single moms who describe themselves as "a simple woman".

I'm dating a filipina nurse in Dublin right now and have had a long distance "thing" with a filipina whom I've met in Dubai and Philippines who is one of the few genuine ones.

I've been to the Philippines and going again this December, dating a filipina in Dublin and have had a LDR with a filipina so I feel that I could really offer good, honest opinions to you.


My opinion is to not entertain a filipina who tells you sob stories about being poor because of this or that, they're trying to guilt trip you into sending money and could easily be doing it with laods of men.
Check her FB friends out. Is it full of white men? Is she a member of them "filipina looking for foreign bf" groups?

Does have a job? I wouldn't advice going near a filipina if she doesn't have a job, telel you sob stories and has loads of white male friends on FB.


Which part of Philippines is she from? You did say rural but you can get a plane to Manila then a Cebu Pacific plane to her island then a coach with ease to more or less anywhere in Philippines. Or you could get her to come meet you in a city or tourist resort.


Enough of the negativity now...

If this girl is genuine and isn't what I mentioned above then dating a filipina is really good. They have good English, kind of Americanised culture so you'll often feel like you're not even dating an Asian. They're probably the nicest people on earth too.

Learn some Tagalog, any Filipino will instantly laugh at/with you and then really warm up to you.




Edit: the LDR with the filipina was 100% about money. I don't have any! And she never asked nor cared. Her and her family aren't poor. We remain friends to this day. I simply would never advise anyone to go near the poor filipinas. They're basically virtual beggers. I didn't read much of the thread so don't really know the OPs situation but love really can happen before you meet.