Trans children - looking for advice - Mod warning in post 1 & post 30

baby and crumble

To be fair, I never said in my post that all kids who express a desire to dress outside the gender binary is trans- I simply said that it was a good thing to allow that exploration.

Honestly, if the OP was talking about their daughter who wanted to dress in boys clothes this wouldn't even be an issue, but apparently dressing in girls clothes is a Bad Thing. :rolleyes:

SterlingArcher

baby and crumble wrote: »

Mod hat on: Guys, please be aware if you are posting in this thread that unlike lots of other places on boards, the LGBT forum is place for LGBT folks, and their families and friends, to diccuss issues like this, safely and without non LGBT folks basically saying being trans or queer in any way is weird, or wrong, or insinuating that trans folks - regardless of age - shouldn't be able to transition.

There is lots of evidence available, for those who care to search, that says enabling possible trans kids to explore their gender at a young age is a good thing. The OP did not talk about medical or hormonal transitioning, only about clothes.

Frankly, if you break the charter, you will be sanctioned after warnings. Note in particular the following points in the charter:

What? You have your mod hat on, so you are now saying this is no longer your opinon, this is the opinion of boards.ie as a company bound by law and you are speaking on their behalf.

sexmag

SterlingArcher wrote: »

What? You have your mod hat on, so you are now saying this is no longer your opinon, this is the opinion of boards.ie as a company bound by law and you are speaking on their behalf.

Are you referring to the gender recognition bill which doesnt recognise children under 16 as trans?

baby and crumble

SterlingArcher wrote: »

What? You have your mod hat on, so you are now saying this is no longer your opinon, this is the opinion of boards.ie as a company bound by law and you are speaking on their behalf.

What are you talking about?

sexmag

baby and crumble wrote: »

What are you talking about?

I believe this is what they may be refeerring to

baby and crumble wrote: »

insinuating that trans folks - regardless of age - shouldn't be able to transition.

Children under 16 arent allowed transition in this country

baby and crumble

Alright, I think there is some confusion here.

Noone on this thread, except for the same posters who seem to come out of the woodwork every time trans issues are mentioned, are talking about MEDICAL transition. Medical transition is only ONE element to being trans.

Please, for the sake of staying on topic, can we restrict discussion to the OP's ORIGINAL question? If the thread keeps getting dragged off topic and talking about medical transitioning then honestly we're going to have to lock it, pending a review or something because everyone is just talking in circles now.

spurious

Not sure this will help, but for what it's worth.....

When I was growing up, at about the ages of 8 to 11 or so, I was what people would call a tomboy. I dressed in what were seen as 'boy's' clothes,got my hair cut short and was often mistaken for a boy. This did not annoy me in any way. For a year or so I think I wanted to be a boy, though of course had no idea how to go about it, or if it was possible (this was the early 70s), I had even decided I wanted to be called 'Pete'.

Puberty then kicked in and I realised I liked girls. I had kind of known that before too, thinking everyone felt like that. With puberty though, came the realisation, that it wasn't that I wanted to be a boy, but that I wanted the opportunities they had. I wanted to climb the trees without someone telling me I would fall and hurt myself, I wanted to get covered in muck and not get given out to. It was the social aspects of how the boys I played with were treated that attracted me, not the actual 'being' a boy.

I suppose what I'm saying is wanting to buy girls clothes doesn't mean he is trans, it may just mean he's 10 and finding out about the world. Thank you for letting him be himself.

SterlingArcher

baby and crumble wrote: »

Reminder that here in the LGBT forum it is against charter to say that being trans isn’t real etc. if you don’t like that then post in another thread.

Hold on one second. This is your post. You brought that up. Nobody else.

I pointed out that it is not law to say trans isn't real for a 10 year old, because in the eyes of the law they are not. Does your charter cover that? No it certainly does not. Over your head.

Is it considered derailing now to dispute the credibility of someone's post??? I'll rest my case here.

Annasopra

SexMag/Sterling archer

Dont post in the thread again. You are continuously breaking the forum charter by arguing moderation on thread and also ignoring repeated requests to keep the thread on topic.

P_1

OP the only advice I can give you is to be there for your child (which you are doing). Try to disregard the somewhat hostile online atmosphere towards this (most people are actually fine in person) but do prepare for a negative reaction (in an insurance sense rather than an expecting it to happen sense if that makes any sense).

Maybe it will be a phase, maybe it won't be. Either way your child is very lucky to have such supportive parents. Keep up the good work

JupiterKid

This is a deeply controversial topic and the fact is the vast majority of Irish parents of 10 year old children would not be comfortable with their children dressing up as the opposite sex - this is particularly pertinent in the case of boys. And this is the way it will stay for a long time to come. So the OP if genuine is years if not a couple of decades ahead of the curve.

I liked playing with lego and tonka trucks as a child but also played with the odd barbie/cindy doll of girls who were friends and I turned out gay. I was also in scouts. However, I did dress in drag in my late teens "for a laugh" at the odd party - Rocky Horror Picture Show come to mind!!

One of my older sisters was a real tomboy at 10 to 12 but has turned out hetreosexual (in a relationship with 2 teenage children) but conversely, my eldest sister was a "girly girl" at that age and is gay.

Sexuality and they way children play and dress is very complex. It isnt the case that a boy who likes wearing a wig and a dress will necessarily turn out trans or even gay. Just like many tomboys turn out straight.

I think personally that having a 16 year age limit for gender transitioning is a good thing. But allowing young kinds to experiment with toys or clothes is fine.

Unfortunately I can see a boy in a dress getting badly ostracised or worse by his male peers. We have a very long way to go on this issue.

nbsr

SterlingArcher wrote: »

Hold on one second. This is your post. You brought that up. Nobody else.

I pointed out that it is not law to say trans isn't real for a 10 year old, because in the eyes of the law they are not. Does your charter cover that? No it certainly does not. Over your head.

Is it considered derailing now to dispute the credibility of someone's post??? I'll rest my case here.

Your not really making any sense,I mean now In ''the eyes of the law'' they actually do ie gender recognition act ☺ and if you were too actually know about these things you'd know that there are recent strides too try and allow more access extremely healthcare for transfolks also off-topic but I've actually headcanoned as trans since I was a kid the charatour in your username! 😄





Now op
Look it op, I'm trans myself and if your actually looking for advice (again your question is very skewed and everyone seems to be jumping the gun when op gave lil info) I'd talk and look at the resources the mod listed and talk too teni and any trans support services/ trans parent services (I'd go ones listed on the teni website) and talk too actual trans individuals themselves! I really wouldn't be using the advice on this website imho but if your for real and actually honestly reading this do listen and contact teni the services listed. Best of luck too your kid and yourself!

Annasopra

Mod


Reminder. This is not a debate. It was a request for information/advice/support. Also please do not respond to threadbanned posters.

EdgeCase

I think I would approach it by just being neutral and suppprtive. Gender stereotypes are all around us all the time and a lot of them are really quite extreme.

I think in Ireland sometimes it's even made more extreme by single gender schools where you're literally put into a uniform and isolated from the opposite sex.

Lots of clothes are actually gender neutral and lots of activities and sports are too. Take something like tennis, rock climbing, kayaking, etc etc are all very gender neutral and often there's no divide between the genders in terms of teams and so on.

I think at the age in question all you can really do is be a supportive parent.

ELM327

My partner's son who is now a teenager went through about 4 years of wanting to play with girls toys, fluffy unicorns and dolls etc, and to wear female clothes.

Then all of a sudden at around 11 or 12 it just stopped. She's pretty liberal as a parent (and in life in general tbh) so it was just let whatever he wanted to wear or play with to express himself.

We all go through phases. Even children. I'd suggest letting the child experiment with being who they want to be and dressing how they feel like. If they are actually trans - which not even they will know yet, let alone you - then you will see it is not a phase and it doesn't go away. And when the child is older they can take it down the medical/transitioning path. After a childhood of being free to express their individuality.

pauliebdub

I felt this way when I was aged 8 to 12, I wanted to wear women's/girls clothes and play with dolls etc, i was very confused about myself and though I wasn't effeminate i felt very different from the other boys and the dressing up and playing was a huge release to me and made me happy. It was a phase and I lost interest completly when I reached 12/13.

I would let him carry on without directing him- I probably wouldn't take him shopping , let him explore and find his own comfort level, it really could be a phase he could grow out of. What's most important is that you are there for him, keep open communication so he can feel that he can discuss anything with you and be supported.

An_Toirpin

It is pretty consistant in the scientitific literature that most child who feel gender unspecific are normal and turn out to be not trans. It is just like the way many act out being superman or cowboys. Overparenting is a real danger, because it could prevent kids learning to integrate comfortably into gender norms.