Trans children - looking for advice - Mod warning in post 1 & post 30

fixie40

Hi, I'm new here.
I have taken my 10yr old son shopping today for girls clothes. He's delighted with life but I'm feeling really panicky. Both my husband and I are happy for him to be the person his is, but I'd like to shelter him from the big bad world. Have I jumped the gun? Should we have taken him to see someone first? We've been googling but there doesn't seem to be much support around both numbers I found only operate twice a month....


Mod

Unhelpful off topic posts will be deleted
Posts suggesting child abuse will be sanctioned
Posts criticising the OPs parenting will be sanctioned
Posts using transphobic and derogatory language will be sanctioned
Posts not abiding by the forum charter will be sanctioned

ismat

Why would you bring a boy shopping for girls clothes?

Annasopra

ismat wrote: »

Why would you bring a boy shopping for girls clothes?

Mod

This is not a helpful response. If you want to contribute to this thread please only come back with helpful discussion

ismat

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Mod

This is not a helpful response. If you want to contribute to this thread please only come back with helpful discussion

Why do you say this ? I genuinely do not know why someone would buy girls clothes for a boy. Would you not buy them boys clothes ?

Annasopra

OP you should contact Transparenci through TENI


https://www.facebook.com/Transparenci-493989193956705/

http://www.teni.ie/support.aspx?filter=FS

DUBLIN
TransParenCI & Transformers Dublin
Dublin
The meetings are held on the 1st Wednesday of every month
T Contact TENI at (01) 873 3575
E transparencigroup@gmail.com

TransParenCI is a peer support group for parents and family members of trans people. Transformers is a peer support group for trans young people whose parents attend TransParenCI. Both groups run simultaneously but are facilitated in separate spaces. For more info contact TENI at (01) 873 3575

LIMERICK
TransParenCI Limerick
GOSHH (Gender Orientation Sexual Health HIV), Redwood Place, 18 Davis Street, Limerick
The meetings are held on the 3rd Monday of every month
T Call GOSHH on (061) 314 354 or TENI on (01) 873 3575.
E transparencigroup@gmail.com

TransParenCI is a peer support group for parents and family members of trans people.

WATERFORD
TransParenCI & Transformers Waterford
Squashy Couch, 32 Parnell St. Waterford
Meetings are held on the 3rd Tuesday of every month
T Contact TENI at (01) 873 3575.
E transparencigroup@gmail.com

TransParenCI is a peer support group for parents and family members of trans people. Transformers is a peer support group for trans young people whose parents attend TransParenCI. Both groups run simultaneously but are facilitated in separate spaces.

Gender Identity Family Support Line
National
2nd and 4th Friday from 6pm - 9pm
T 01 9073707

A volunteer-led listening and support service for families of trans and gender non-conforming people in Ireland


GenderED
National
W www.GenderEd.ie

GenderEd is an online education programme aimed at supporting adult family members of transgender young people (less than 18 years of age). This education programme was developed as research has shown that access to education and information is important for families of transgender young people in their ability to help accept and support them.

Annasopra

Mod

We dont know fully what the OPs situation is. The op is posting here looking for advice/support because her child might possible be transgender. Please keep the thread on topic to offer advice/support or helpful responses.

Sleeper12

I struggle to fully understand fluid but I get trans. My kids are in their 20s now but when they were small my son played with Barbie dolls. He had action man but for quite a while he wanted his sisters Barbies. We let him do his own thing and everyone was happy. He grew out of the Barbie thing as it was just a phase for him.

My only advice is not to push or encourage one way or the other. Nor would I discourage him. It could be a phase that he'll grow out of & I'd be reluctant to encourage him too much in case it is a phase. I'm happy for someone with experience to correct me on that. It's just what I would do.

If it's not a phase he is has a great advantage having parents who love him enough to let him be who he is.

eviltwin

Does your son actually want to be a girl?

I've an 8 yr old boy who loves looking feminine, makeup, clothes etc but he still identifies as male.

Maybe contact a group like Belong to for guidance.

bpmurray

I think at 10 years old, you're making much too much out of this. For a start the child has barely started to develop his sexuality, if at all, let alone identifying with another. I'd just chill & see where it leads. I certainly wouldn't encourage cross-dressing at this age, more because he'll have a lot of problems with his peers than anything else. If, in another 5 or 6 years, he has made a decision that he's trans, that's absolutely fine, but for now just relax.

jacksie66

This post has been deleted.

Annasopra

jacksie66 wrote: »

Oh ffs. Anyone can see the OP is a troll. Boards is getting very bad lately with them. Shelter them from the big bad world? Cmon lads.

Mod

Please report suspected trolling and dont back seat moderate

Annasopra

Mod

The mods will decide if its trolling. Speculation about trolling is back seat modding and will just be deleted.

nbsr

fixie40 wrote: »

Hi, I'm new here.
I have taken my 10yr old son shopping today for girls clothes. He's delighted with life but I'm feeling really panicky. Both my husband and I are happy for him to be the person his is, but I'd like to shelter him from the big bad world. Have I jumped the gun? Should we have taken him to see someone first? We've been googling but there doesn't seem to be much support around both numbers I found only operate twice a month....

Hi, t's wonderful that you seem supportive of them! But we need more of a back story, did she come out too you?

sexmag

nbsr wrote: »

did she come out too you?

Im opened minded and accepting of all people but being realistic a 10 year old hasnt even had sex education yet and wouldnt even know what coming out is, let alone be able to decide if they want to be another gender.

By all means let the kid wear girls clothes if he wants, theres no harm in it but to label them as trans at such a young age is ridiculous and borderline child abuse if you allow them to go down a route of phydically changing their gender in my opinion, wait until theyre older, mid to late teens and if they still feel the same way then give them guidance and advice where to go about this.

baby and crumble

Reminder that here in the LGBT forum it is against charter to say that being trans isn’t real etc. if you don’t like that then post in another thread.

sexmag

baby and crumble wrote: »

Reminder that here in the LGBT forum it is against charter to say that being trans isn’t real etc. if you don’t like that then post in another thread.

i didnt say trans wasnt real, i said a child at 10 years old hasnt had sex education and doesnt understand body anatomy and if they label the child as trans when the child themselves dont even know what it is and then continue with any sort of body changing intervention would be child abuse in my opinion, i then offered advice on waiting until the child is older and can make the decision themselves.

I dont believe that warrrents a red card, my post came from a place of compassion for the child and parent

Annasopra

sexmag wrote: »

i didnt say trans wasnt real, i said a child at 10 years old hasnt had sex education and doesnt understand body anatomy and if they label the child as trans when the child themselves dont even know what it is and then continue with any sort of body changing intervention would be child abuse in my opinion, i then offered advice on waiting until the child is older and can make the decision themselves

Mod

Dont post in the thread again. The op is looking for advice. Mentioning child abuse isnt acceptable.

eviltwin

sexmag wrote: »

i didnt say trans wasnt real, i said a child at 10 years old hasnt had sex education and doesnt understand body anatomy and if they label the child as trans when the child themselves dont even know what it is and then continue with any sort of body changing intervention would be child abuse in my opinion, i then offered advice on waiting until the child is older and can make the decision themselves.

I dont believe that warrrents a red card, my post came from a place of compassion for the child and parent

My 8 yr old has had sex education and he understands the concept of bodily autonomy. He is very secure in his gender identity and has been for years. You give children very little credit. And the OP is only asking about clothing, there is no mention of a full blown sex change. Cis children often like to experiment with clothing, it's not child abuse.

DeadHand

You should instead be finding unisex or boy’s close to his liking, in my opinion. You’re doing your child a disservice socially and psychologically if you’re letting him run around in a dress. He’s too young to understand the pitfalls, be a parent and take control.

It’s likely a phase he grows out of eventually. If it persists, you may want to consult a reputable child psychologist about possible gender dysphoria.

Going forward, you need to monitor closely his internet usuage in the prepubescent years, there are some deeply sick people and organizations active online pushing an agenda to encourage confused children into Transgenderism. Sudden onset gender dysphoria has been identified as a psychic/social contagion: essentially vulnerable kids getting radicalized on the internet.

Keep him away from that noise.

Look up the “Peak Trans” thread on the After Hours section of this site- it’s a massive, startling eye opener.

Having said all that, I’m sure your kid will be just fine- they go through these phases. Ignore the current fads and remember you are the PARENT and he is a BOY.

Trust your instinct and our traditions, they’ve allowed us to produce generations of functional, contented adults. Consult your grandparents if they’re available, people who’ve been through it before know best.

Once he turns 18 he can do as he wishes, until then it’s up to you protect him from dark influences and childish whims.

Annasopra

DeadHand wrote: »

You should instead be finding unisex or boy’s close to his liking, in my opinion. You’re doing your child a disservice socially and psychologically if you’re letting him run around in a dress. He’s too young to understand the pitfalls, be a parent and take control.

It’s likely a phase he grows out of eventually. If it persists, you may want to consult a reputable child psychologist about possible gender dysphoria.

Going forward, you need to monitor closely his internet usuage, there are some deeply sick people and organizations active online pushing an agenda to encourage confused children into Transgenderism. Sudden onset gender dysphoria has been identified as a psychic/social contagion: essentially vulnerable kids getting radicalized on the internet.

Keep him away from that noise.

Look up the “Peak Trans” thread on the After Hours section of this site- it’s a massive, startling eye opener.

Having said all that, I’m sure your kid will be just fine- they go through these phases. Ignore the current fads and remember you are the PARENT and he is a BOY.

Trust your instinct and our traditions, they’ve allowed us to produce generations of functional, contented adults. Consult your grandparents if they’re available, people who’ve been through it before know best.

Once he turns 18 he can do as he wishes, until then it’s up to you protect him from dark influences and childish whims.

Mod

The op asked for advice. This isnt helpful advice. Dont post on the thread again

iguana

eviltwin wrote: »

Does your son actually want to be a girl?

I've an 8 yr old boy who loves looking feminine, makeup, clothes etc but he still identifies as male.

I agree with this post. I have a 5 year old son and I do my best to avoid genderising anything that is socially and culturally gendered rather than biologically. Obviously he picks up on the fact that some things are aimed at boys and others at girls but he still likes what he likes and in our house that's fine. He knows Barbie, for example, is aimed at girls but still likes her because 'girls are cool.' He wears nail varnish sometimes because he likes having coloured nails. He chooses how long or short he wants his hair, it was long but now it's shorter as he finds it easier for the helmets he uses for sports and cycling. He has Sylvanian Family, Barbie and My Little Pony toys along with his Angry Birds, Spiderman and Hot Wheels. He has princess dresses along with everything else in his dress up box. He watches Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse and has an occasional tendency to 'Valspeak.' He was playing with a young girl recently and couldn't understand why her explanation for not liking superheroes was that she was a girl. As far as I can tell it means absolutely nothing more right now than he is someone who isn't going to let the fact that he has a penis close off half of the available toy and entertainment options available to him.

Toys are toys and clothes are just clothes at that age. It may be that your child's true self is female. Or it may just be that he likes stuff that, for no biological reason, is not aimed at him. Let him like what he likes and let him know that despite social norms, the stuff he likes doesn't necessarily mean anything more than that. He's 10, so just let him express himself with no expectation beyond that. As he gets older, he might just relax into being a boy who likes some "girl" stuff. Or it may become obvious that he does identify as female. But don't let the stuff he likes dictate how he or you think he should be.

jbt123

Joeytheparrot wrote: »

Mod

The op asked for advice. This isnt helpful advice. Dont post on the thread again

Isn't that what the poster has done?

Or is it that you as a moderator just don't like the advice that has been offered?

Annasopra

jbt123 wrote: »

Isn't that what the poster has done?

Or is it that you as a moderator just don't like the advice that has been offered?

Mod

As per the charter feedback on moderation is by pm only

hots

Posts disappearing making it difficult to reply sensibly. My 2 cents, let the kid do what they want, but just be prepared for other kids to be dickheads if it's carrying on in public. Might be a phase or might be the start of exploring things, probably safest done at home though at that age.

eviltwin

jbt123 wrote: »

Isn't that what the poster has done?

Or is it that you as a moderator just don't like the advice that has been offered?

That posters advice isn't just unhelpful it's potentially dangerous. Telling a trans child to wait until they are 18 for treatment or support, that they are not the sex they identify as etc is just burying your head in the sand.

No one has suggested treating the child as trans, the OP hasn't suggested the child is trans, the best advice has been to contact the support services available and take it from there. Ignoring an issue wont make it go away.

SterlingArcher

sexmag wrote: »

Im opened minded and accepting of all people but being realistic a 10 year old would of had (only basic sex education, regards basic biology), and wouldnt even know what coming out is, let alone be able to decide if they want to be another gender.

By all means let the kid wear girls clothes if he wants, theres no harm in it but to label them as trans at such a young age is ridiculous, if you allow them to go down a route of phydically changing their gender in my opinion, wait until theyre older, mid to late teens and if they still feel the same way then give them guidance and advice where to go about this.

I have edited this post. from my opinion it is exactly what this parent needs to hear.

And to Baby Crumble, ridiculously insinuating somehow meant that trans doesn't exist.

Then mentioned the charter.

How does this forum discussion about a 10 year old trans child and your trans does exist forum charter. align with The law of the land that the law does not recognise a child of 10 as trans.

Cakes and Ale

eviltwin wrote: »

My 8 yr old has had sex education and he understands the concept of bodily autonomy. He is very secure in his gender identity and has been for years. You give children very little credit. And the OP is only asking about clothing, there is no mention of a full blown sex change. Cis children often like to experiment with clothing, it's not child abuse.

Can an eight-year old fully grasp the abstract concept of bodily autonomy? Especially as it is relevant to the actual body, and not just experimenting with clothing. To steal from a definition online: "Bodily autonomy means a person has control over whom or what uses their body, for what, and for how long. It's why you can't be forced to donate blood, tissue, or organs."

eviltwin

Cakes and Ale wrote: »

Can an eight-year old fully grasp the abstract concept of bodily autonomy? Especially as it is relevant to the actual body, and not just experimenting with clothing. To steal from a definition online: "Bodily autonomy means a person has control over whom or what uses their body, for what, and for how long. It's why you can't be forced to donate blood, tissue, or organs."

I think I know my son well enough to say he does. We would have discussed it a lot in the run up to the referendum on the 8th and in relation to choice in general. I also know that when my son says he's a boy that he's old enough and coherent enough to be sure of that so if he identified as a girl I'd support him. But wearing feminine clothing does not a girl make, I don't have concerns that my very male son wants to experiment with clothing or makeup. That's why I asked the OP to clarify. There is no suggestion his or her child is actually trans. Could just be a boy who likes to experiment.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Yes, I would say you have jumped the gun. Putting your boy in female clothes is more than likely going to be socially damaging to him. Kids are cruel. Does he fully understand transgender?

A lot of young boys like to play with dolls and girls like to play with GI Joe (or whatever they are called these days), but that doesn't necessarily mean that the child is transgender. It's possibly just a phase.

baby and crumble

Mod hat on: Guys, please be aware if you are posting in this thread that unlike lots of other places on boards, the LGBT forum is place for LGBT folks, and their families and friends, to diccuss issues like this, safely and without non LGBT folks basically saying being trans or queer in any way is weird, or wrong, or insinuating that trans folks - regardless of age - shouldn't be able to transition.

There is lots of evidence available, for those who care to search, that says enabling possible trans kids to explore their gender at a young age is a good thing. The OP did not talk about medical or hormonal transitioning, only about clothes.

Frankly, if you break the charter, you will be sanctioned after warnings. Note in particular the following points in the charter:

8. Abusive language that is homophobic/transphobic will not be tolerated and the persons posting it will be banned from the forum. Saying that transgender is a choice, saying that trans surgeries are cosmetic, or calling trans people "a man/woman who thinks they are a woman/man ", will result in an immediate infraction and/or ban, as these things aren't "opinions", they are falsehoods rooted in transphobia.

9. Keep things civil. No name calling, personal abuse, unneccessary aggression, snide comments, or backseat moderating.

14. This forum is welcome to everyone regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity to discuss LGBT issues. We do however insist that people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender have the right to be treated with dignity and respect and that the forum be treated as a safe space for LGBT people. If you contribute to a thread you are expected to be willing to learn about the issues involved, and listen to what is said by members of the community/ies involved.

sexmag

baby and crumble wrote: »

Mod hat on: Guys, please be aware if you are posting in this thread that unlike lots of other places on boards, the LGBT forum is place for LGBT folks, and their families and friends, to diccuss issues like this, safely and without non LGBT folks basically saying being trans or queer in any way is weird, or wrong, or insinuating that trans folks - regardless of age - shouldn't be able to transition.

There is lots of evidence available, for those who care to search, that says enabling possible trans kids to explore their gender at a young age is a good thing. The OP did not talk about medical or hormonal transitioning, only about clothes.

Frankly, if you break the charter, you will be sanctioned after warnings. Note in particular the following points in the charter:

Seeing as joeytheparrets infraction of me commenting is gone i would like to chime in

"Is My Child Transgender...
At some point, all children will engage in behavior associated with different genders – girls will play with trucks, boys will play with dolls, girls will hate wearing dresses and boys will insist on wearing them – and gender nonconforming behavior does not necessarily mean that a child is transgender. That said, sometimes it does – with some children identifying as another gender than the one they were assigned by the time they are toddlers.

The general rule for determining whether a child is transgender (rather than gender nonconforming or gender variant) is if the child is consistent, insistent, and persistent about their transgender identity. In other words, if your 4-year-old son wants to wear a dress or says he wants to be a girl once or twice, he probably is not transgender; but if your child who was assigned male at birth repeatedly insists over the course of several months that she is a girl, then she is probably transgender. Naturally, there are endless variations in the ways that children express themselves, so the best option if you think your child might be transgender is to consult a gender therapist"

https://www.hrc.org/resources/transgender-children-and-youth-understanding-the-basics

Also to play devils advocate to baby and crumbles

baby and crumble wrote: »

There is lots of evidence available, for those who care to search, that says enabling possible trans kids to explore their gender at a young age is a good thing.

https://www.psypost.org/2017/12/many-transgender-kids-grow-stay-trans-50499

There are 12 such studies in all, and they all came to the very same conclusion: The majority of kids cease to feel transgender when they get older

this is probably the best advice in that OP will need to give it time, if their child is only expressing these desires at this age and only for a little while the probably arent trans(also eviltwin said no one suggested the child is trans but the op did in the thread title)

Also i and everyone else(i hope) is willing to learn and be accepting and open minded in this day and age, debating both sides is healthy for all involved to learn from however children are children and do need protecting from the world, we as adults and parents need to do that and to make sure no life changing decisions are made that they may or may not end up regretting, in ops scenario i see no wrong with the child wearing girls clothes ,however they would need to be aware of certain stigmas that may be associated with it, especially in places were the parent isnt there like with other kids

baby and crumble

To be fair, I never said in my post that all kids who express a desire to dress outside the gender binary is trans- I simply said that it was a good thing to allow that exploration.

Honestly, if the OP was talking about their daughter who wanted to dress in boys clothes this wouldn't even be an issue, but apparently dressing in girls clothes is a Bad Thing. :rolleyes:

SterlingArcher

baby and crumble wrote: »

Mod hat on: Guys, please be aware if you are posting in this thread that unlike lots of other places on boards, the LGBT forum is place for LGBT folks, and their families and friends, to diccuss issues like this, safely and without non LGBT folks basically saying being trans or queer in any way is weird, or wrong, or insinuating that trans folks - regardless of age - shouldn't be able to transition.

There is lots of evidence available, for those who care to search, that says enabling possible trans kids to explore their gender at a young age is a good thing. The OP did not talk about medical or hormonal transitioning, only about clothes.

Frankly, if you break the charter, you will be sanctioned after warnings. Note in particular the following points in the charter:

What? You have your mod hat on, so you are now saying this is no longer your opinon, this is the opinion of boards.ie as a company bound by law and you are speaking on their behalf.

sexmag

SterlingArcher wrote: »

What? You have your mod hat on, so you are now saying this is no longer your opinon, this is the opinion of boards.ie as a company bound by law and you are speaking on their behalf.

Are you referring to the gender recognition bill which doesnt recognise children under 16 as trans?

baby and crumble

SterlingArcher wrote: »

What? You have your mod hat on, so you are now saying this is no longer your opinon, this is the opinion of boards.ie as a company bound by law and you are speaking on their behalf.

What are you talking about?

sexmag

baby and crumble wrote: »

What are you talking about?

I believe this is what they may be refeerring to

baby and crumble wrote: »

insinuating that trans folks - regardless of age - shouldn't be able to transition.

Children under 16 arent allowed transition in this country

baby and crumble

Alright, I think there is some confusion here.

Noone on this thread, except for the same posters who seem to come out of the woodwork every time trans issues are mentioned, are talking about MEDICAL transition. Medical transition is only ONE element to being trans.

Please, for the sake of staying on topic, can we restrict discussion to the OP's ORIGINAL question? If the thread keeps getting dragged off topic and talking about medical transitioning then honestly we're going to have to lock it, pending a review or something because everyone is just talking in circles now.

spurious

Not sure this will help, but for what it's worth.....

When I was growing up, at about the ages of 8 to 11 or so, I was what people would call a tomboy. I dressed in what were seen as 'boy's' clothes,got my hair cut short and was often mistaken for a boy. This did not annoy me in any way. For a year or so I think I wanted to be a boy, though of course had no idea how to go about it, or if it was possible (this was the early 70s), I had even decided I wanted to be called 'Pete'.

Puberty then kicked in and I realised I liked girls. I had kind of known that before too, thinking everyone felt like that. With puberty though, came the realisation, that it wasn't that I wanted to be a boy, but that I wanted the opportunities they had. I wanted to climb the trees without someone telling me I would fall and hurt myself, I wanted to get covered in muck and not get given out to. It was the social aspects of how the boys I played with were treated that attracted me, not the actual 'being' a boy.

I suppose what I'm saying is wanting to buy girls clothes doesn't mean he is trans, it may just mean he's 10 and finding out about the world. Thank you for letting him be himself.

SterlingArcher

baby and crumble wrote: »

Reminder that here in the LGBT forum it is against charter to say that being trans isn’t real etc. if you don’t like that then post in another thread.

Hold on one second. This is your post. You brought that up. Nobody else.

I pointed out that it is not law to say trans isn't real for a 10 year old, because in the eyes of the law they are not. Does your charter cover that? No it certainly does not. Over your head.

Is it considered derailing now to dispute the credibility of someone's post??? I'll rest my case here.

Annasopra

SexMag/Sterling archer

Dont post in the thread again. You are continuously breaking the forum charter by arguing moderation on thread and also ignoring repeated requests to keep the thread on topic.

P_1

OP the only advice I can give you is to be there for your child (which you are doing). Try to disregard the somewhat hostile online atmosphere towards this (most people are actually fine in person) but do prepare for a negative reaction (in an insurance sense rather than an expecting it to happen sense if that makes any sense).

Maybe it will be a phase, maybe it won't be. Either way your child is very lucky to have such supportive parents. Keep up the good work

JupiterKid

This is a deeply controversial topic and the fact is the vast majority of Irish parents of 10 year old children would not be comfortable with their children dressing up as the opposite sex - this is particularly pertinent in the case of boys. And this is the way it will stay for a long time to come. So the OP if genuine is years if not a couple of decades ahead of the curve.

I liked playing with lego and tonka trucks as a child but also played with the odd barbie/cindy doll of girls who were friends and I turned out gay. I was also in scouts. However, I did dress in drag in my late teens "for a laugh" at the odd party - Rocky Horror Picture Show come to mind!!

One of my older sisters was a real tomboy at 10 to 12 but has turned out hetreosexual (in a relationship with 2 teenage children) but conversely, my eldest sister was a "girly girl" at that age and is gay.

Sexuality and they way children play and dress is very complex. It isnt the case that a boy who likes wearing a wig and a dress will necessarily turn out trans or even gay. Just like many tomboys turn out straight.

I think personally that having a 16 year age limit for gender transitioning is a good thing. But allowing young kinds to experiment with toys or clothes is fine.

Unfortunately I can see a boy in a dress getting badly ostracised or worse by his male peers. We have a very long way to go on this issue.

nbsr

SterlingArcher wrote: »

Hold on one second. This is your post. You brought that up. Nobody else.

I pointed out that it is not law to say trans isn't real for a 10 year old, because in the eyes of the law they are not. Does your charter cover that? No it certainly does not. Over your head.

Is it considered derailing now to dispute the credibility of someone's post??? I'll rest my case here.

Your not really making any sense,I mean now In ''the eyes of the law'' they actually do ie gender recognition act ☺ and if you were too actually know about these things you'd know that there are recent strides too try and allow more access extremely healthcare for transfolks also off-topic but I've actually headcanoned as trans since I was a kid the charatour in your username! 😄





Now op
Look it op, I'm trans myself and if your actually looking for advice (again your question is very skewed and everyone seems to be jumping the gun when op gave lil info) I'd talk and look at the resources the mod listed and talk too teni and any trans support services/ trans parent services (I'd go ones listed on the teni website) and talk too actual trans individuals themselves! I really wouldn't be using the advice on this website imho but if your for real and actually honestly reading this do listen and contact teni the services listed. Best of luck too your kid and yourself!

Annasopra

Mod


Reminder. This is not a debate. It was a request for information/advice/support. Also please do not respond to threadbanned posters.

EdgeCase

I think I would approach it by just being neutral and suppprtive. Gender stereotypes are all around us all the time and a lot of them are really quite extreme.

I think in Ireland sometimes it's even made more extreme by single gender schools where you're literally put into a uniform and isolated from the opposite sex.

Lots of clothes are actually gender neutral and lots of activities and sports are too. Take something like tennis, rock climbing, kayaking, etc etc are all very gender neutral and often there's no divide between the genders in terms of teams and so on.

I think at the age in question all you can really do is be a supportive parent.

ELM327

My partner's son who is now a teenager went through about 4 years of wanting to play with girls toys, fluffy unicorns and dolls etc, and to wear female clothes.

Then all of a sudden at around 11 or 12 it just stopped. She's pretty liberal as a parent (and in life in general tbh) so it was just let whatever he wanted to wear or play with to express himself.

We all go through phases. Even children. I'd suggest letting the child experiment with being who they want to be and dressing how they feel like. If they are actually trans - which not even they will know yet, let alone you - then you will see it is not a phase and it doesn't go away. And when the child is older they can take it down the medical/transitioning path. After a childhood of being free to express their individuality.

pauliebdub

I felt this way when I was aged 8 to 12, I wanted to wear women's/girls clothes and play with dolls etc, i was very confused about myself and though I wasn't effeminate i felt very different from the other boys and the dressing up and playing was a huge release to me and made me happy. It was a phase and I lost interest completly when I reached 12/13.

I would let him carry on without directing him- I probably wouldn't take him shopping , let him explore and find his own comfort level, it really could be a phase he could grow out of. What's most important is that you are there for him, keep open communication so he can feel that he can discuss anything with you and be supported.

An_Toirpin

It is pretty consistant in the scientitific literature that most child who feel gender unspecific are normal and turn out to be not trans. It is just like the way many act out being superman or cowboys. Overparenting is a real danger, because it could prevent kids learning to integrate comfortably into gender norms.