Moved back to Ireland and thinking of leaving again

Graces7

OP are you feeling any more positive? If it is any help, your words have helped me here.

Emme

OP some people fit into rural towns and villages, some don't. I moved to a rural area 6 years ago. I know the area since I was a child. I still feel like a fish out of water and regret moving. I think that having low expectations of life all round and a thick skin helps. When you're used to theatres, museums, restaurants, activities for children and a certain expectation of life rural Ireland is a real culture shock.

Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Be honest. If you can give it a chance for a year without jeopardizing your job prospects in NY then stay for a year and reconsider. Rural Ireland is hard no matter what anyone says. If you are both unhappy and your child isn't being accepted what is the point in staying?

No wonder so many children in Ireland are obese if there are 2 year waiting lists for activities. Like another poster says you have to be proactive. However be prepared for a few hurdles or slammed doors if you want to organise anything in rural Ireland.

listermint

I don't know anyone who would at NY is a place to raise kids.

Don't people move out of new York to start families.its a young person's haven or single persons.

Sounds like you are aspiring for different times tbh.

JustAThought

Good advise there re getting stuck in and involved and trying to give it a shot but it sounds like you have moved to a barren rural hinterland with not much to offer. Apart from family (& a job?) I 'd be saying the next move should be out of that location and to a town or city which actually has the kind of facilities you need -and not a maybe in 2 years if we have space. That sounds like some kind of gulag. I recently after YEARS joined a particular (semi) local club and found a really sound same -wavelength kind of crowd and within a few weeks feel like I belong and have been there for years. BUT - it is a no children club with no competitive mannies or hysterical women and it is sport orientated - not a hive of gossip. It took me far too long to find it - so many places are dominated by dullard cliques or the militant nothing in their luves except their children mammy brigades & are just drinking and complaining clubs.
I moved back to Ireland about 15 years ago and bought a house and became somewhat trapped here (family needs/ illness) - I still dont fit in and am on totally different wavelength to many of my neighbours -in terms of attitude,ambition and life experiences and what I am prepared to accept in terms of service and standards. I periodically take long contracts abroad and find myself freer and far happier there when I am away . I should just leave but with the illness it is tricky and not likely to improve -I should have gone last time we had it out but I decided to do 'the right thing' and am not happy. Still. The trade off IS still too great for me and I still talk wistfully about going. People say I am full of talk but they dont know the issues and complexities behind it and the family illness and issues. I dont know what the situation and costs in NY are in relation to schools but is there not somewhere else other than NY or a rural hinterland /townland that could be a compromise option/solution? I see so many of my friends and mothers crucified on the martyerdom of children and societies needs and expectations and I wonder why it is that bearing it and being unhappy for years are seen as an acceptable solution. Children pick up on misery.
OP your family have their own busy lives and are invested in their own lifestyles and needs - no doubt your kids could spend a summer bonding or come for a few weeks to a local holiday home and get to be part if the irish 'feel' and bond with family - but is it really necessary for you to sacrifice all your dreams and norms for a few nights down the pub and to be the last course and after course in everyone elses life?. You have had a exciting and dynamic and utterly different past 8 years - you have changed not them - they did not have or want that experience - you will always be set apart and different and want more. By all means try for a few more months but after that I would be seriously reconsidering. You will become trapped by your childrens schools and little playmates and never recover your sense of self or happiness. I have seen too many friends bitter and utterly suffocated by this and living unfulfilled unhappy lives. I would go while I still could if things are that bad. There is always lots of other places in the world : Boston - cosy & an Irish feel - half a day flight - an Irish type city in the US. Not a rural townsland and a life of isolation and regrets and parochiallly minded gobshytes who think setting up a knitting circle is the solution for happiness and all mankind. Emancipation and contemporary evolved lifestyle expectations much?
If it dosnt click soon -take your courage and flee. Or are you going to settle and spend the next 15 years doing bring and buy cake sales and socialising with people you have nothing in common with other than being in the same room and commenting about the same weather or praying that the Gods in Dublin will give yiu a one bus a day extra busservice? . You deserve better. I am heartened that your OP says 'we'. The world is a big and beautiful place. There are other options. You are not a human sacrifice. Your children deserve happy, positive,sparkling,fulfilled mothers and fathers. If you hate it - move. If you do not like it ;move. If it dosnt suit your needs -move. You are not a tree -you will always have roots wherever you go. And can always return for summers or Weeks at Christmas or Easter. Don't be a human sacrifice and live a miserable or steadily unhappy life. There are better options. You will find a way. Go.

Graces7

There is, thankfully, far far more to rural life here than that last post portrays .

kunst nugget

Emme wrote: »

I think that having low expectations of life all round and a thick skin helps.

Bloody hell, that's unbelievably condescending.

kerryjack

Each to there own I supose was up in the big smoke for a match and met a few friends I used to live up there with and they really do feel sorry for us poor folks living out in the sticks like what the hell did you move back there for.

Emme

kerryjack wrote: »

Each to there own I supose was up in the big smoke for a match and met a few friends I used to live up there with and they really do feel sorry for us poor folks living out in the sticks like what the hell did you move back there for.

That's a very welcoming attitude but sadly it's not the first experience I have had of it.

I grew up there. I have family who are sick.

If you don't fit a certain mould in the country people don't want to know you. You have to be married or have a partner and preferably have children.

And depending on what part of rural Ireland you live in (I find Laois and Wexford people very friendly and welcoming but sadly that has been the exception) don't welcome newcomers. Don't accept them no matter how they try to fit in. Particularly if they are not like you.

To the OP, not all parts of rural Ireland are the same. Some areas are more friendly than others. My experience is if you are in an unfriendly area nothing you do will change people's attitude towards you. So the best thing is to move to a friendlier area or go back to NY.

SeaBreezes

I have to add my two cents I live rurally, I am a single parent with special needs son. And yes, I do find it isolating, but I do love where I live and my particular situation adds to the isolation. But locally there is a lot to do, Zumba, keep fit, yoga, tai chi all in local halls. Mother and toddler groups in towns 15 mins away (three to choose from) hillwalking groups, karate, art groups, trad music, Ceili, ukulele, you name it, if you search for it, it’s there. Admittedly public pools are 40 mins away, and now that my son is older most of our activities are based 40 mins away. Is that so bad? If you were walking/getting subway from your apt to the nearest toddler group in the big smoke, how long would it take you to get there door to door? For the same size house you are in now? And the space for your kids? The green outdoors, the sea, the woods the feeedom you can’t get in cities? And the air quality? The quality food? For growing bodies we have some of the most organic, fresh wholesome food anywhere. Would you trade all that for 10 mins less of a journey? Only you know where you will be happiest. But you owe it to yourself and your kids to make a list of what you need to be happy and see if you can source it locally. If not, so be it, life is short and needs joy. There is no deadline. You are nit stuck here, you can choose at any time to change it. Just give it weekly first :-) good luck!!

kerryjack

I love the country myself and the fredom for the kids is great I lived in New York and Dublin so I can rest easy here that South Kerry is the spot for me. just be yourself don't try and be anyone else don't try too hard to fit in.

Electric Sheep

SeaBreezes wrote: »

I have to add my two cents I live rurally, I am a single parent with special needs son. And yes, I do find it isolating, but I do love where I live and my particular situation adds to the isolation. But locally there is a lot to do, Zumba, keep fit, yoga, tai chi all in local halls. Mother and toddler groups in towns 15 mins away (three to choose from) hillwalking groups, karate, art groups, trad music, Ceili, ukulele, you name it, if you search for it, it’s there. Admittedly public pools are 40 mins away, and now that my son is older most of our activities are based 40 mins away. Is that so bad? If you were walking/getting subway from your apt to the nearest toddler group in the big smoke, how long would it take you to get there door to door? For the same size house you are in now? And the space for your kids? The green outdoors, the sea, the woods the feeedom you can’t get in cities? And the air quality? The quality food? For growing bodies we have some of the most organic, fresh wholesome food anywhere. Would you trade all that for 10 mins less of a journey? Only you know where you will be happiest. But you owe it to yourself and your kids to make a list of what you need to be happy and see if you can source it locally. If not, so be it, life is short and needs joy. There is no deadline. You are nit stuck here, you can choose at any time to change it. Just give it weekly first :-) good luck!!

A 40 minute drive for activities would be an issue for me. Bad enough now when OPs kid is small, ten times worse when he is a teen and will have to be driven everywhere.

I lived in a small village as a teen, it is utterly miserable for that age group. Possibly even more miserable than it is for the OP.

Have you considered moving to a nearby larger town, or even to Cork City?