Husband had an emotional affair

tara73

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

With that in mind, do you think there's a chance he'll come home some day, change the locks and not let you back in?

I think you'd better contact that solicitor tomorrow and get some legal advice. This is a situation that's probably going to change multiple times but having proper information never hurts.

that were my thoughts/fear too. Didn't want to write it down because this would be such a low move, a scumbag move actually and we don't know him that much. Only you can tell whether he'd be able to such a drastic step.

Ursus Horribilis

I hope he won't stoop so low but I felt it was prudent to mention it anyway. Breakups can bring out the worst in people and this man has said some very hurtful, nasty things. I'm not seeing much kindness or compassion here, just him suiting himself and lashing out at his wife for spoiling things. Something tells me he knows what he wants but admitting it out loud brings with it a whole lot of hardship. They're married, they own a house together and any split is going to be a messy affair. I can understand why he has been trying to keep a lid on things and maintain the status quo for the time being. It's selfish of course but no break-up is ever cut and dried.

Storming out of the house is all well and good until the practicalities start to kick in. Where's he going to live? Where will his stuff go? Does he have anything to wear into work in the morning? What's the story with joint bank accounts etc? Who's paying the mortgage? I think in the circumstances, it'd be better if she doesn't go anywhere too far away.

My heart really goes out to you OP and I hope he's not going to resort to scumbag behaviour. I think you need to protect yourself though, in case he tries to make life awkward for you.

mada82

Life isn’t supposed to be this complicated. Dump him. It will be hard at first but you will get over it.

My ex dumped me a few months ago and I thought it was the end of the world but guess what? It wasn’t.

MissShihTzu

He called you that name, as you've now forced his hand. Reality is now beginning to close in on him. It is no longer a pleasant little fantasy in his mind. To use his language, he now has to **** or get off the pot.

Your husband is trying his best to have his cake, eat it and make trifle from it too (to use one of my favourite sayings)! I personally think the time has now come. He's taking the mick and he knows it.

Carry on with your counselling - seems to be making the all the difference.

Get legal advice, and make moves to put him out.

Heartbrokenlol

I'll try to answer as many things as I can remember.
We've had two counselling sessions, the first was mostly paperwork so we haven't even begun to work through anything.

It may make things awkward at work for him, she's related to his manager.

No I don't have any fear that he will bring her here when I'm gone or that he'd change the locks etc none at all.

I do need this break away and badly and I will be getting advice to protect myself.

Mods can lock this thread when they're ready please. I've gotten some great advice here, thank you to all x

JustAThought

Your husband of 2 years has a close friend in work who he feels a connection to. There has been zero romance or physical contact. Your two year marriage was struggling and you were in therapy with insecurity issues - from what you post. His openness and honesty was clear - as was his statement that nothing had happened between them bar a connection and shared connection and friendship. He said he woukd go to couoles councelling with you. Your jealousy and insecurities have now put this friendship into the workplace as something more than it is, and your actions may force his hand to make a stand against your behaviour,your insecurities,demanding behaviour and control issues. It may well have cost you a marriage. It sounds from what you say that there is little left in this marriage for him. It also sounds from the way he told you that he had been messaging her as if he cares for you and your feelings. Nobody want to live in a hysterical, permanently insecure controlling environment. Perhaps if this cannot change he will be better off out of the marriage and free to have a normal.life with normal relationships and friendships. It all sounds like an absolute fraught overlaboured OTT nightmare and I hate to think of difficult his life must be in this kind of accusatory,overworked,hyperanalysed , bitter environment where in fact nothing has happened. It sounds as if your insecurity issues are the issue. Perhaps you should consider changing therapist as your reaction to this whole mess shows that there is a lot more at play here that your husband being tired of your nuroses and having reconnected a friendship with an old friend who makes him remember the happiness and joy in life - something one would normLly be relying on a wife and family for but which he is clearly not getting at home . Whats in this relationship and marriage for him?

dudara

@JustAThought - it seems like you’ve read between the lines and interpreted a lot there, but not offered any actual advice. Please read the forum charter before posting again, or you will incur a card.

Closing this thread at OP’s request. OP, if you ever want to reopen the thread, feel free to contact one of the mods.

dudara