Boyfriend left me with bloody nose and mouth

JustAThought

It will not get better. It may abate but a line has been crossed and the fear and threat of violence will always be there for you and always be now an option for him.Real men do not EVER hit their wifes or behave this way. You have now seen something in him that he has kept covered from you before. I sincerely doubt that this is a new once ofc behaviour/action. NOBODY goes around punching $hitting the woman they love in the face - not after a few drinks, not because they have had a bad day, not because they had a few drinks. It is not normal, not acceptable and is unforgivable.
Ring womens aid and ask if they can ask someone to come with you to the gaurds to report it. This does not mean you will automatically have to press charges and have him arrested but there will be a record of it there down to the police station which you absolutely should have. It will help protect you, hour child and God forbid you might find ut helps other people too . This man you thought you knew is not who he was pretending to be and has now revealed the filthy secret he has. He will not change -it will get worse and by letting him off you are only making it harder on yiurself and slowly seting your child up for a life of trauma, upset, underlying violence and fear and progression.
I am so terribly sorry this happened to you and that he is not the man you thought and hoped he was and that the dreams you had for him and the kind of future you wanted to have together are over. You now need to find the bravery and courage that will be so hard for you but will change your future and that of your child. Report him. Leave him. And build a new future for yourself without an agresdive, selfish, violent man by your side traumatising your baby and you.

JustAThought

JustAThought wrote: »

It will not get better. It may abate but a line has been crossed and the fear and threat of violence will always be there for you and always be now an option for him.Real men do not EVER hit their wifes or behave this way. You have now seen something in him that he has kept covered from you before. I sincerely doubt that this is a new once ofc behaviour/action. NOBODY goes around punching $hitting the woman they love in the face - not after a few drinks, not because they have had a bad day, not because they had a few drinks. It is not normal, not acceptable and is unforgivable.
Ring womens aid and ask if they can ask someone to come with you to the gaurds to report it. This does not mean you will automatically have to press charges and have him arrested but there will be a record of it there down to the police station which you absolutely should have. It will help protect you, hour child and God forbid you might find ut helps other people too . This man you thought you knew is not who he was pretending to be and has now revealed the filthy secret he has. He will not change -it will get worse and by letting him off you are only making it harder on yiurself and slowly seting your child up for a life of trauma, upset, underlying violence and fear and progression.
I am so terribly sorry this happened to you and that he is not the man you thought and hoped he was and that the dreams you had for him and the kind of future you wanted to have together are over. You now need to find the bravery and courage that will be so hard for you but will change your future and that of your child. Report him. Leave him. And build a new future for yourself without an agresdive, selfish, violent man by your side traumatising your baby and you.[/quote

Ring 1800 341 900

Womens aid.ie

Horrendous. Domestic Violence.
They also have places women can go for free & dissappear from their oh for a few weeks or months while you have councelling or get help from professionals & help finding accommodation. Its never a good time or easy but they will listen and help you and offer professional help. Give them a call. For your sake, your future and your babies future.

Emme

Leave with your child. Contact Women's Aid and the Gardai. If you have any family who can help you move ask them. When you do go don't let him know because abusers can get more violent when a partner leaves. I would advise you to go as soon as possible. Ideally you and the child would go to stay with a sympathetic friend or family member for a few days "holidays" and take all your stuff when he isn't around.

Good luck.

Neyite

If you stay it will harm your child. Our children learn about life, love, relationships from their parents. It's up to us to model the behaviour we would like to instill in them.

In an abusive relationship, the parents teach their sons by their actions that this is what men do to women and teach their daughters to expect this in a relationship. And so on the cycle continues. My abusive ex told me that his grandfather used to beat up his grandmother until her sons grew up and challenged him, Ex's dad didn't hit his wife, but used coercive control and she was terrified of him. Ex was physically, emotionally, financially abusive to me. By staying it will harm your child. They've an alcoholic, abusive father and no matter what your feelings are leaving is the only way of protecting your child from seeing the abuse and the drinking or becoming a victim of it.

The only way to break the cycle is to leave. I should get shares in this book for all the times I've recommended it here in PI but Lundy Bancroft's "why does he do that" is a book you need to get and read as soon as you can. It's a brilliant book.

Women's aid helped me after the first physical attack. I didn't need housing or any help with that but I met someone wonderful to just talk. Even just talking to someone who got it, who gets the kind of headmelt these kind of relationships are, helped so much.

You need to do this in little steps. Today, take two little steps - order/download that book and pick up the phone and arrange to meet someone in women's aid. Maybe tomorrow you will be ready for another step, like the Gardai, or telling your family.

The other thing you need to do is to be very careful - your phone/ online history. The most dangerous time in a relationship like this is when you are planning to leave. Have a think about whether to move in with family or to maybe look into getting him removed from your home (depending on who's name is on the lease /mortgage)

You did not cause this. This is ALL on him but that also means that you can't fix this. Relationships like this can't be fixed unless the perpetrator undertakes years of intensive therapy and even then, the statistics of them genuinely changing are very poor. So either way, the only solution is to leave whether that's sooner or later, but given the severity of the attack you really should leave as soon as you can.

irishgirl19

Neyite wrote:

The only way to break the cycle is to leave. I should get shares in this book for all the times I've recommended it here in PI but Lundy Bancroft's "why does he do that" is a book you need to get and read as soon as you can. It's a brilliant book.

I read this book after you recommended it to me! Really opened my eyes. Thank you!
Passed it onto a friend who didn't realize at the time she was being emotionally abused.
Also to touch on the point you made about your ex growing up in a violent household. The same with mine. His father nearly left his mother for dead. He had an awful childhood (which I will say he used to make me feel sorry for him and stay). His mother had a lot of mental health issues when I knew her.
It really is a case of monkey see, monkey do sometimes.

Up Donegal

Get yourself and baby out NOW!!