The right thing?

orthsquel

Are you particularly troubled, in general OP, about how much affection you show to others? Is there an underlying reason, for example, fear of rejection and getting close to others, being vulnerable with someone else, that withdraws you from showing affection when you would rather?

There's a difference between being on your phone with your partner waiting to engage with you, and an expectation of affection on a continual basis. I'd be happy to hug and snuggle, be affectionate, to console in an upset moment, but I wouldn't want it to be expected of me to be constantly behaving like that all of the time.

If you feel there is a particular reason that you feel in being honest with yourself that you are not affectionate, then perhaps you should consider addressing it, especially if it is preventing you from expressing yourself in affectionate ways.

Your partner has needs, and has vocalised it and has been upfront about it from the start of the relationship. The relationship isn't meeting his needs in that way and he cannot make you change. At the same time he has a very clear expectation of what he wants and needs in terms of affection, and that sounds like an underlying issue with him, if he has a true need of that sort of security in physical affection - as opposed to someone being present with them in the same room, rather than on their phone - then he may need to reassess his expectations and address the underlying issue or find someone more compatible that can fulfil his expectations, which if they are lofty, may be a painful expectation for him.

In short I think, either as others have said, you're incompatible about what you both need and would be better off going separate ways, or you both need to compromise in your own way.

Anonfornow

Thanks for all the advice. Gonna go hibernate in a cave of sadness for a while.

Tell me how

Anonfornow wrote:

Thanks for all the advice. Gonna go hibernate in a cave of sadness for a while.

Sorry to hear it.
Hopefully it'll get better day by day and you both find your ideal partner.

Anonfornow

Tell me how wrote: »

Sorry to hear it.
Hopefully it'll get better day by day and you both find your ideal partner.

He was pretty ideal. I was just too self obsessed to see it.

Tell me how

Anonfornow wrote:

He was pretty ideal. I was just too self obsessed to see it.

Don't let that idea stay in your head.

If he was ideal, he would have only wanted a level of affection equal to that which you were offering.

Don't stay in the cave too long.

Anonfornow

I just feel physically sick over it, but I guess that’s normal

mickuhaha

Anonfornow wrote: »

I just feel physically sick over it l, I’ve messed up my entire life

It's easy to think that in the situation your in but this type of thing happens every day . It's time to get your life set up again and starting meeting new people. Start going out for coffee reading books ect . You will find your swing of things.

sbsquarepants

Anonfornow wrote: »

He was pretty ideal.

.....apart from wanting to you be a completely different person you mean?

It's natural enough to wallow a bit when something like this happens - but a bit of time will most likely alter your view. Perfection is unattainable, but if he was perfect for you - he'd still be there.
By definition, someone who chooses to leave you, was not perfect for you!

Best of luck anon - try bear in mind, these things do tend to be for the best in the long run.

Anonfornow

Yeah I know I’ll be fine. It’s only been a few days, I’m sure in a few weeks thing will just become easier again. Thanks everyone