How to counteract a flirt?

PressRun

I don't understand what the issue is. She isn't saying or doing anything that I would consider flirting. And even if she was flirting, there's nothing you can do to control what she says or does. All you can do is control what you say and do. Acting like you've no choice in the matter is a cop out.

Honestly, I think you're just jealous that she's moved on.

cloudatlas

PressRun wrote: »

I don't understand what the issue is. She isn't saying or doing anything that I would consider flirting. And even if she was flirting, there's nothing you can do to control what she says or does. All you can do is control what you say and do. Acting like you've no choice in the matter is a cop out.

Honestly, I think you're just jealous that she's moved on.

I already admitted to being jealous and asked for advice on the best way to act and respond did you not... oh never mind.

Hrududu

cloudatlas wrote: »

It’s a bit more complicated, she asked me to go out with her and a friend

That sounds like a group of friends going out, not asking someone out on a date. Unless I'm missing something.

cloudatlas

Hrududu wrote: »

cloudatlas wrote: »

It’s a bit more complicated, she asked me to go out with her and a friend

That sounds like a group of friends going out, not asking someone out on a date. Unless I'm missing something.

Yeah okay now friendship and all in my head thanks guys /thread

leggo

Serious advice OP: get on Tinder, Bumble, POF or start being active dating-wise away from this person however you see fit.

It sounds like this girl was being nice to you, you’ve read way more into it than it was and you’re obsessing a bit. I’m telling you now, if someone is really into you, then you don’t just get one chance and they’re gone if you don’t take it. If two people are equally into each other and actively want something to happen, it’ll tend to happen because they make sure it does. Maybe she is a bit of a tease/headwreck, maybe she was considering kissing you that particular night, but nothing you say would suggest she was way into you and you broke her heart so she’s trying to get back at you now, the way you made it seem with your OP.

Based on how much you’ve read into this and general naivety, I’m going to guess you’re a bit lonely. And that’s fine, no shame in it. So use this experience and the bitterness you’re feeling now to channel it into something positive. Realise you want someone and take proactive steps to make that happen. If you go the other way and start a drama with this girl, you’ll look and feel weird and rejected, which will only double down the emotions you’re feeling now and make it worse.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

You think this person is manipulative, you think she's immoral.

Why do you care what she thinks or want her in your life?

She's hurt you and you're trying to "win" or get the upper hand. You're not going to get advice for how to do that.

Let's say she is flirting, and it's about control, for the sake of argument. You see what she's at so what's the problem? You avoid her, you don't respond.

You sound like overthinking this to an unhealthy extent. You are not going to get an "haha I showed you" moment, not least because I'd be almost certain she's seeing a very different situation than you. You need to work on moving past this.

ginandtonicsky

cloudatlas wrote: »

It’s a bit more complicated, she asked me to go out with her and a friend I said I couldn’t but would like to another time. I thought I’d see her again to ask her out but I didn’t for a while. Next time I saw her she was cold and ignored me I sent her a message apologising for upsetting her she didn’t reply but has recently started being overly friendly after being cold before. Plus she has complimented my physical appearance, is that not flirting?

My reading of this is she didn't ask you out in a romantic sense at all; she asked you to go somewhere with a friend of hers. Perfectly normal thing to happen in a social environment; invite someone along to a social event.

You said no and perceived it as rejecting her and have been totally overreacting to her every move since because you actually fancy her. Including her being "cold" towards you, which was probably her just being preoccupied for one reason or another, and including the War-and-Peace apology, which probably left her thinking "wtf is this guy on about".

She sounds like an outgoing extrovert who probably compliments and touches people all day. I know loads of people like this. It doesn't "wreck people's heads" unless they really fancy the person and are hanging on their every move. Then most people will think "is she actually flirting or is this just her personality?" And there's nothing "immoral" about being a friendly, tactile, social being! Heavy flirting would be her sitting on your lap and making suggestive comments to you every time she sees you. This is not heavy flirting!

Do you have much contact with women in a general sense OP? Female friends, sisters, cousins etc? This is pretty common female behaviour.

PressRun

cloudatlas wrote: »

I already admitted to being jealous and asked for advice on the best way to act and respond did you not... oh never mind.

Well, what do you want people to say? People have already told you that you have an option to just ignore it and not respond. That doesn't seem to be enough? Nobody is going to give you the exact words. Maybe instead of looking for ways to respond, you should examine your own reaction to this situation.

Big Bag of Chips

The options are

- ask her to stop
- ignore it
- ask her out

Last one might be a bad idea if she's already seeing someone, but you seem to be looking for something more than ask her to stop, or ignore her.