Bride not paying for bridemaids hair and make up

kk2014

Can I ask if anyone else thinks it's weird for a bride not to pay for her bridesmaids hair and make up? Bride just getting it done for herself despite being a bridesmaid numerous time and always getting it done and loving it I might add!!

Call me Al

kk2014 wrote: »

Can I ask if anyone else thinks it's weird for a bride not to pay for her bridesmaids hair and make up? Bride just getting it done for herself despite being a bridesmaid numerous time and always getting it done and loving it I might add!!

Yes I think it is. And a bit mean. Unless her thinking is that you'd be getting it done professionally anyway? But even still I do think it's a bit miserly.
What is her explanation? Or has it been broached with her?

pc7

Has she advised of a style she wants you's to have? I've been bridesmaids a few times, sometimes hair was done, others I just got a blow dry and arrived.

GingerLily

Do your own hair and makeup, and how you like it, don't pay for someone else to do it.

Very cheap and rude if the bride!!

woodchuck

It's unusual for sure, but unless the bride wants your hair and makeup done a particular way then I don't see the issue. You don't need to get your hair and makeup done professionally...

pc7

GingerLily wrote: »

Very cheap and rude if the bride!!

Could be down to time, maybe having a few bridesmaids? Without knowing what the bride has said, we don't know all the facts.

kk2014

She didn't spell it out initially just said "this is who I am getting to do my hair and my make up" etc. I heard this a few times and said eventually - oh lovely and is she doing ours too? She told me no she wasn't booking anyone to do ours and the conversation turned very awkward.

There are 4 bridesmaids and she has been bridesmaid for all of us - she is the last to get married. Hair and make and up has been for her all 4 times previously.

She didn't mention particular style that she wants us to get but to be honest I won't be getting it done if she isn't paying. It will have to be a DIY job as the wedding is in June so only next month and I hadn't factored in an extra €80 for hair and make up.

I wouldn't mind but she's loaded and must earn 70-80k minimum a year!!

lazygal

DIY if she's not paying. I'd probably want to look my best for the pictures though so I might look into getting it done and paying, but that's your call. Unless it was a casual wedding and everything was more relaxed.
It does seem a bit mean if she's not on a tight budget.

SarahS2013

If she expects you to have it done professionally then that's bad form. I'd do it myself if I were you.

GingerLily

Don't spend too much on the Hen either!

kk2014

GingerLily wrote: »

Don't spend too much on the Hen either!

I wouldn't mind but we had the hen already before I knew about this and spent a bloody fortune on it

Weddings can really bring out the craziness in people.

I would love to be treated and get my hair and make up done as I just found out I am pregnant and am feeling fairly crap but I will be doing a DIY job now.

Thanks girls!

SarahS2013

Ah congratulations kk2014!!

august12

kk2014 wrote:

I wouldn't mind but she's loaded and must earn 70-80k minimum a year!!

I'm not surprised, generally people with limited disposable income are normally more generous, I am surrounded by above type, constantly moaning about the price of this and that and earning way more than me, they hate spending money on anyone else. Do your own, don't spend a cent on getting a professional job but let her know you are doing your own,

kk2014

SarahS2013 wrote: »

Ah congratulations kk2014!!

Thank you so much, over the moon!
Good job the wedding is only next month or I would be buying myself a new bridesmaids dress too ::pac:

kk2014

august12 wrote: »

I'm not surprised, generally people with limited disposable income are normally more generous, I am surrounded by above type, constantly moaning about the price of this and that and earning way more than me, they hate spending money on anyone else. Do your own, don't spend a cent on getting a professional job but let her know you are doing your own,

Totally agree - myself and my husband have normal average jobs and just get by but are very happy and when we got married our wedding party were treated exceptionally because we didn't want them to incur any expenses.

These two are loaded - a real power couple if you know what I mean but seem to be miserably tight about everything to do with this wedding unless it's for them.

Always number 1

GingerLily wrote: »

Don't spend too much on the Hen either!

Given that the wedding is next month, she's probably had her hen so she probably waited until after that to spring it on them ;-)

I think it's a bit miserable to not pay for your hair and make up given that ye have all paid for hers. If ye are a close enough group that you've all been each other's bridesmaids then surely she could have given ye more notice or could at least explain why she's behaving this way

GingerLily

Always number 1 wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

Don't spend too much on the Hen either!

Given that the wedding is next month, she's probably had her hen so she probably waited until after that to spring it on them ;-)

I think it's a bit miserable to not pay for your hair and make up given that ye have all paid for hers. If ye are a close enough group that you've all been each other's bridesmaids then surely she could have given ye more notice or could at least explain why she's behaving this way

You can still reel back though on the Hen itself - let the hen buy her own drinks etc. Not buying bottles of expensive prosecco....

august12

GingerLily wrote:

You can still reel back though on the Hen itself - let the hen buy her own drinks etc. Not buying bottles of expensive prosecco....

The hen is over,

jimmycrackcorm

kk2014 wrote:

I would love to be treated and get my hair and make up done as I just found out I am pregnant and am feeling fairly crap but I will be doing a DIY job now.

Or get it professionally done and reduce the amount you'd give for a present by that cost.

Make sure to tell her that getting it done is part of your present to her

RhubarbCrumble

That's really tight. I've been a bridesmaid a few times and the bride has always paid for hair and make up. I've never known a bride who hasn't to be honest. I'd never expect the bridesmaids to pay for their own.

miamee

What are the other three bridesmaids going to do? If they are still getting theirs dine professionally but paying themselves, you might think about it unless you are good at doing your own make up. I'm only going by myself, I'm crap, the make up would be half gone before the photos were done :pac:

Just to add - I have been bridesmaid twice and both times the happy couple paid for hair and make up to be done and in one case, also for a spray tan and nails to be done. I paid for my own shoes at both and for a spray tan at the second one.

SarahS2013

miamee wrote: »

What are the other three bridesmaids going to do? If they are still getting theirs dine professionally but paying themselves, you might think about it unless you are good at doing your own make up. I'm only going by myself, I'm crap, the make up would be half gone before the photos were done :pac:

Just to add - I have been bridesmaid twice and both times the happy couple paid for hair and make up to be done and in one case, also for a spray tan and nails to be done. I paid for my own shoes at both and for a spray tan at the second one.

This is in line with what I'm doing.
Paying for all hair and makeup (including Mammies) as well as nails and spray tans the night before for the BMs (I want us to all be the same colour :D )

splinter65

kk2014 wrote: »

Totally agree - myself and my husband have normal average jobs and just get by but are very happy and when we got married our wedding party were treated exceptionally because we didn't want them to incur any expenses.

These two are loaded - a real power couple if you know what I mean but seem to be miserably tight about everything to do with this wedding unless it's for them.

They have a spread sheet.
They’re having the wedding they want and working hard at not incurring any expense after the envelopes have been opened.
She wants 4 bridesmaids but has spent enough all ready on dresses and shoes.
€320 for hair and make will push them out of breaking even and into the red column on the spreadsheet.
The fact that you paid for her hair and make up on your wedding day indicates that you are fiscally incontinent.
Absolutely 200% do not pay for your own hair and make up or tan. Just get yourself ready as if for a night out.
Tight fisted gits.

Pkiernan

august12 wrote: »

I'm not surprised, generally people with limited disposable income are normally more generous, I am surrounded by above type, constantly moaning about the price of this and that and earning way more than me, they hate spending money on anyone else. Do your own, don't spend a cent on getting a professional job but let her know you are doing your own,

Remember that 54% of all wages over 34k goes to the Government

hairyprincess

It’s the American way. Bridesmaids pay for their own hair and makeup there.

Cash_Q

You must not be getting ready together then are you? So strange and mean. Definitely do as others suggested and take the cost out of your gift to her and tell her as much.

mcgiggles

hairyprincess wrote:

It’s the American way. Bridesmaids pay for their own hair and makeup there.

Bridesmaids pay for everything over there dresses the lot. But this girl has been bridesmaid for the rest of the friends so knows how things work over here. If she wants your hair in a certain style she should be paying for it! Otherwise DIY pet and huge congrats on your fantastic news! Don't let the bride dampen your joy

SheepGoHere

I don't think it's mean or tight.

I'm paying for my bridesmaids, but we discussed that when I asked them, they were surprised and pleased at the offer.

'Weddings bring out the craziness in people"...goes both ways.

splinter65

SheepGoHere wrote: »

I don't think it's mean or tight.

I'm paying for my bridesmaids, but we discussed that when I asked them, they were surprised and pleased at the offer.

'Weddings bring out the craziness in people"...goes both ways.

In this case the bride was previously a bridesmaid at her current bridesmaids weddings and enjoyed having her hair and make up done for the occasion courtesy of the bride and groom.
You don’t think it’s a little bit mean if her not to return the favor?

SheepGoHere

splinter65 wrote: »

In this case the bride was previously a bridesmaid at her current bridesmaids weddings and enjoyed having her hair and make up done for the occasion courtesy of the bride and groom.
You don’t think it’s a little bit mean if her not to return the favor?

No, I really don't.

If I buy my bridesmaids a beautiful piece of jewellery and pay for their accommodation I will not be hanging around hoping for the same at their weddings.

It's best to address expectations early on to prevent these issues from popping up so close to the wedding, but I absolutely do not think it's mean or miserly or bad form for this bride to not offer to pay for multiple BM's hair and makeup.

Each to their own, with weddings and every thing else.

Mrs OBumble

Either accept that this is the what it is, smile and make the best of it.

Or put some big-girl panties on, and talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel, and say that you don't want to be a bridesmaid under these circumstances.

dingding

Pkiernan wrote: »

Remember that 54% of all wages over 34k goes to the Government

More if they work for the state.

screamer

How about just for once with weddings people actually act logically....

Bride not paying for bridesmaids hair and makeup.... Bridesmaid not being her bridesmaid any longer.

Simple

appledrop

This is the maddest thing I've ever heard. What are the rest of you going to do when she is getting her hair + make up done. Sit there stating at her? One of my best memories from my wedding + friends was when we were all getting ready. Bull**** about is being expensive. My make up artist was about 300 same for hair + she did 3 bridesmaids + myself.

I tell you if she is going done this route I'd just turn up when it's nearly time to leave for ceremony + if she complains I'd say only time local hairdresser could fit me in!

Cash_Q

Yeah I absolutely loved the morning getting ready with my bridesmaids I don't get what's happening here if they're all supposed to be getting ready together, do they bring their own Mua and hairdresser?!

For those saying it shouldn't be an expectation or whatever, well yeah to have bridesmaids involves incurring costs to dress them, but bouquets, and have them look their best on the day. To be bridesmaid incurs costs to stay over night before/night of and something day after wedding. Generous present usually given too.

She does not have to have bridesmaids if she doesn't want to treat them as members of the bridal party. They're going to feature in posed portraits and will look ridiculous if hair and make up is not done properly. She asked them to take on the role, they surely didn't ask her for the job. The least she can do is pay the few hundred to have them look like members of the bridal party without them having to incur costs.

woodchuck

Generally speaking, I think it's presumptuous to assume that the bride will be paying for the bridesmaids to get their hair/makeup done. It's definitely not essential!

However... in this particular circumstance I can understand the OP being pissed off. That's taking into account:
- It's a close group of friends that have all been bridesmaids for each other.
- It doesn't appear the couple are struggling financially.
- All the other brides have previously paid for the current bride to have her hair/makeup done at their weddings.
- Although I don't like expectations, getting hair/makeup done is considered fairly standard these days (personally I don't think it should be, but that's for another thread).

OP if I was you, I'd just do my own hair/makeup on the day. If the bride ends up with a pout on her face because you and the other bridesmaids don't look done up enough, then she only has herself to blame.

joe199

Knock the price of hair and make up off her wedding card I'm sure she will just be happy your there celebrating her big day, enjoy the day

splinter65

joe199 wrote: »

Knock the price of hair and make up off her wedding card I'm sure she will just be happy your there celebrating her big day, enjoy the day

That’s a good idea actually. That’ll knock her spreadsheet into the red though .

miss misty

Was mother of groom a few months back and had to get hair/makeup sorted for myself... was in another county and was difficult enough to organise. Mother of bride treated to hair and makeup. Note to future brides to be.... don't forget grooms mammy is just as important as your own. Very fond of my daughter in law but felt a little left out.

GingerLily

miss misty wrote: »

Was mother of groom a few months back and had to get hair/makeup sorted for myself... was in another county and was difficult enough to organise. Mother of bride treated to hair and makeup. Note to future brides to be.... don't forget grooms mammy is just as important as your own. Very fond of my daughter in law but felt a little left out.

The grooms mother doesn't get ready with the bride usually, it would be very unusual to include the grooms mother.

I'm sorry you felt left out but the bride was not obliged to include you and it would be very unusual if she had.

iamwhoiam

miss misty wrote: »

Was mother of groom a few months back and had to get hair/makeup sorted for myself... was in another county and was difficult enough to organise. Mother of bride treated to hair and makeup. Note to future brides to be.... don't forget grooms mammy is just as important as your own. Very fond of my daughter in law but felt a little left out.

But you were not getting ready in the same house ? Must say I think you are being a little petty expecting to be treated .

Addle

miss misty wrote: »

Was mother of groom a few months back and had to get hair/makeup sorted for myself... was in another county and was difficult enough to organise. Mother of bride treated to hair and makeup. Note to future brides to be.... don't forget grooms mammy is just as important as your own. Very fond of my daughter in law but felt a little left out.

MOG is often not leaving from her own home/town on the morning if a wedding and bridal party should take her into consideration. It should at least come up in conversation before the big day.

august12

iamwhoiam wrote:

But you were not getting ready in the same house ? Must say I think you are being a little petty expecting to be treated .

But entitled to air her opinion, I hadn't thought of this, but I can see how she felt left out, bride, bridesamids and brides mother all getting hair and make done and together before wedding, groom and groomsmen getting ready together, very understandable how she felt,

iamwhoiam

august12 wrote: »

But entitled to air her opinion, I hadn't thought of this, but I can see how she felt left out, bride, bridesamids and brides mother all getting hair and make done and together before wedding, groom and groomsmen getting ready together, very understandable how she felt,

Of course she is entitled ! Do you think no one should give an opinion on it ?

appledrop

MOG never usually included in bridal party. Bride usually gets ready with bridesmaid + her mother so then the MOG not included as would be in a totally different location.

You really shouldn't be offended as not the norm so she meant no harm.

liquoriceall

Addle wrote:

MOG is often not leaving from her own home/town on the morning if a wedding and bridal party should take her into consideration. It should at least come up in conversation before the big day.

My brother got married several hours from our home last year, the bride arranged a hairdresser appointment and make up for my mother and very kindly included me with her bridal party and mother. It was an unexpected but thoughtful gesture that I won't forget

Cash_Q

We had both mothers get ready with the bridal party as we were getting ready from the venue. Groom got ready in his parents house and my dad picked up his mam to join us.

That's quite sad that she didn't include you. If she'd organised it and invited you then of course you'd all be getting ready together.

For those saying it shouldn't be an issue as the mother of the groom was getting ready separately - well of course she was, she wasn't invited to join all the other ladies of the bridal party.

I don't think the mother of the groom should be getting ready with the bride, she should be with the groom, groomsmen and her own family getting ready. The mother of the groom has gotten ready in the same place as the groom in any wedding I've been a groomsman for (either the grooms home house or a hotel) and when it's my day I'd like my mother to be there with me and the rest of my family on the morning of the wedding.

It would be pretty much unheard of for the grooms mother to go off to the brides house getting ready imo.

Addle

Caspian Deafening Liquid wrote: »

It would be pretty much unheard of for the grooms mother to go off to the brides house getting ready imo.

Not all brides leave from their home.
Plenty prepare in a hotel, or have destination weddings.
I think it's rude of a bride to not ask the mother of the groom if she has appointments and to make recommendations/pay. It doesn't mean that they have to get ready together.

GingerLily

Addle wrote: »

Not all brides leave from their home.
Plenty prepare in a hotel, or have destination weddings.
I think it's rude of a bride to not ask the mother of the groom if she has appointments and to make recommendations/pay. It doesn't mean that they have to get ready together.

Really? I would love to hear how many brides offered or payed for the MOG to get her hair and makeup done, I'm sure it's not the done thing so it's odd that it's considered "rude" all of a sudden.

Literally the first time I've ever of this, you can't do anything right when you have a wedding, you'll offend someone whatever you do or spend the whole time fretting about other people and not have any time to enjoy the day yourself.

iamwhoiam

GingerLily wrote: »

Really? I would love to hear how many brides offered or payed for the MOG to get her hair and makeup done, I'm sure it's not the done thing so it's odd that it's considered "rude" all of a sudden.

Literally the first time I've ever of this, you can't do anything right when you have a wedding, you'll offend someone whatever you do or spend the whole time fretting about other people and not have any time to enjoy the day yourself.

One person does it because they are all together at the venue the day before .Then another does it because the MIL lives three doors down .Then all of a sudden its rude not to ! This is how brides are put under pressure and spend spend spend . My sister has 5 sons and not once did she expect or think she would be included in the brides time with their Mam.Nor would she have allowed the bride to spend that money on her anyway .