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    #32
    bottlebrush
    Registered Users Posts: 8,192 ✭✭✭bottlebrush


    Someone who hits you and verbally abuses you is not in love with you and is not your friend even if nothing ever happened on his holidays abroad. Talking to you about marriage and a future together is just another name for keeping you sweet - in case his other plans don't work out. You are secretly hoping that when he comes over to say goodbye he will say it was all a big misunderstanding and he wants you back, aren't you? And you would take him back too despite all the advice here?


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    #33
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 3,637 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Lucy91 wrote: »
    well I am also not sure if he actually slept with someone else or if he just kissed a girl on a night out...He said first that he just kissed a backpacker because he was pissed off with my email and then five mins later on the phone he said he slept with her

    He slept with her. Or tried to. Would have if he could have. Make no mistake on this.

    False hope is pointless now Lucy.

    It’s over and in time you’ll come to see that’s a good thing.


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    #34
    amcalester
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,121 ✭✭✭amcalester


    Lucy91 wrote: »
    .Does he still possibly have feelings for me?

    He may never have had feelings for you.


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    #35
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    I have just seen the other threads. OP get away from him. By the sounds of things your family will be delighted to see the back of him if he comes around to say goodbye.

    And so should you.


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    #36
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,801 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I don't think this is over, OP. I don't think he'll actually end it with you. But make no mistake, he is not faithful to you. You may (or may not) have been the first girl he ever slept with, but I would be willing to be my house that you are not the only girl he has slept with. And I'm not even counting this latest one.

    He will keep you dangling for a while. He'll come back "to say goodbye", but he'll agree to give you one more chance (how many one more chances has he given you?). And then you will make absolutely certain to not step out of line. You won't accuse him of anything, you won't question any questionable behaviour. He will have you exactly where he has had you for years, and you will continue to feel responsible for the mess of your relationship.

    I feel very very sad for you.


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    #37
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,801 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Have you ever had an STD test?


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    #38
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,143 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    Lucy,

    You are fully in the grip of his manipulation I'm afraid.

    Get far away from him and get some professional help to ensure you don't end up in a relationship like this again.

    Please heed everyone's advice.


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    #39
    Arrival
    Closed Accounts Posts: 779 ✭✭✭Arrival


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    My thoughts?

    After reading two other threads about your relationship, it's time to put it out of its misery.

    https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057416549

    https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2057779522

    If one of your friends was in a relationship as bad as this, you'd be telling her to leave. You're coming across here as one of those people who's so afraid of being single and the unknown that they will tolerate almost anything. But you are going to take him back and waste more years of your life with him, aren't you?

    After reading those threads, it makes perfect sense that you flipped. Why wouldn't you seeing as he has given you no reason to feel secure or to trust him. He can be violent, he cheats on you, he's on Tinder and you're his whipping boy. What low standards you've set for yourself. You can do better than this. Let him go and work on yourself. You're worth more than this.


    This is actually sickening. I'm sorry, OP, but you genuinely need to cut all contact from this piece of **** and begin getting therapy! He HIT you...he physically inflicted pain on the person he was in a relationship with. TWICE! As someone else has said, he's trying to call over to **** with your head even more. There is absolutely zero reason for him to call over as you've said he's already said he won't take you back and is leaving at the end of the Summer and there is no reason for you to allow him to come over because you are going to prolong the breakup agony which you really do not need. And please, for the love of ****ing God tell your family about the fact that he hit you and that under no circumstances is he to be allowed into the house. Your home is your safe place and you are not safe with this person. Seriously, just give a quick look at videos on YouTube about abuse and you will understand the importance of cutting him out of your life and beginning therapy


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    #40
    nikkibikki
    Registered Users Posts: 1,226 ✭✭✭nikkibikki


    nikkibikki wrote:
    I imagine he is extremely hurt by your mistrust of him, thinking the worst of him and the callousness of dumping him over email saying you never want to hear from him again. He has feelings too.


    Having read a bit of the older threads, I take every word of this back. It seems you had every reason to mistrust him and think the worst of him. You had every reason to dump him. His feelings revolve around him and him only.

    You deserve better than this. Please believe this. I was with someone like this when I was 18 for a few years, minus the hitting. My confidence was shot but I came out a much stronger person who takes no sh!t now. Don't entertain any goodbyes. He's either going to say he's staying for you (in which case he'll hold that over you for as long as you stay with him) or he'll want you to be "friends" (read with benefits) til he leaves.

    Please get a full STD/STI test today. Don't let him near you again. I really hope you listen to the advice given this time.

    Oh and give Women's Aid a call also please.


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    #41
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    You both dodged a bullet.

    Stay broken up. Do not resuscitate.


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    #42
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I think it's dangerous to be suggesting the boyfriend has dodged a bullet. Have you read the two threads I linked to? He has our OP convinced everything is always her fault, when in fact he is largely to blame.


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    #43
    mapaca
    Registered Users Posts: 405 ✭✭mapaca


    I've just read all the threads, didn't realise you were that same poster OP. I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling with this relationship. The previous advice I gave still stands:

    He is a violent bully
    He hits you
    He doesn't respect you
    He doesn't love you
    You can't change him
    It's NOT your fault

    Please talk to your family and friends and tell them what he's really like. I hope you can find the strength to cut him out of your life this time.
    Women's aid: 1800 341 900


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    #44
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    I think it's dangerous to be suggesting the boyfriend has dodged a bullet. Have you read the two threads I linked to? He has our OP convinced everything is always her fault, when in fact he is largely to blame.
    Only in so far as she ended a 7 year relationship by email for alleged cheating. Had she done it for the stuff in the other threads I'd say fair enough.


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    #45
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    Only in so far as she ended a 7 year relationship by email for alleged cheating. Had she done it for the stuff in the other threads I'd say fair enough.

    I'm gobsmacked, I really am. You are seriously suggesting that the OP's behaviour on this occasion has absolutely nothing to do with what she has been subjected to over the years?


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    #46
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    He's done you a massive favor. Why did you waste 7 years on him? he's clearly an A -hole. dont waste another 7. Get some counselling for your self esteem and move on.


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    #47
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    After remembering I'd read this before, I'm starting to wonder if perhaps this is a repeat of the last thread. Bit suspicious that due to health issues, she had to cancel on a backpacking trip to Asia, where her boyfriend went and cut contact with her for several days. Twice. In the space of a year.
    OP is blatantly ignoring the fact that we have gone back and read previous posts. Last year when he went to Vietnam they had been together 8 years. One year later they're only together 7?


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    #48
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    ShaShaBear wrote: »
    After remembering I'd read this before, I'm starting to wonder if perhaps this is a repeat of the last thread. Bit suspicious that due to health issues, she had to cancel on a backpacking trip to Asia, where her boyfriend went and cut contact with her for several days. Twice. In the space of a year.
    OP is blatantly ignoring the fact that we have gone back and read previous posts. Last year when he went to Vietnam they had been together 8 years. One year later they're only together 7?

    Sometimes people change details so as not to be identified. The OP is looking for advice/support/a place to vent - not random accusations and blame.


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    #49
    ShaShaBear
    Registered Users Posts: 5,528 ✭✭✭ShaShaBear


    Airyfairy12 wrote: »
    Sometimes people change details so as not to be identified. The OP is looking for advice/support/a place to vent - not random accusations and blame.

    Generally not people with an account that shows all the details. It seems very unlikely to me that two almost identical events occured in the space of a year and that the OP has "changed details" from the event that occured one year ago to ask advice on it now.


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    #50
    Katgurl
    Registered Users Posts: 2,143 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    Only in so far as she ended a 7 year relationship by email for alleged cheating. Had she done it for the stuff in the other threads I'd say fair enough.

    Yeah but I still think your original reply was off. The OP knows her boyfriend, it's not unreasonable to think she would know something was way off after four days of no contact. Saying she had absolutely no propf - they are not in court.


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    #51
    Blondie1994
    Registered Users Posts: 20 ✭Blondie1994


    I think you had every right to be angry! Anyone would be a bit paranoid if there bf was in a Feiffer way country and you seen photos of him with other girls! I know it is really hard but maybe you are better if that this happened now and not down the road if you did decide to marry him


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    #52
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Ursus Horribilis wrote: »
    I'm gobsmacked, I really am. You are seriously suggesting that the OP's behaviour on this occasion has absolutely nothing to do with what she has been subjected to over the years?

    I don't know the OP so I couldn't make that call. It's possible certainly.


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    #53
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,801 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Can all posters please keep in mind they are speaking to a person who has come asking for advice because they don't feel able to speak to family or friends. When offering advice please also keep in mind to remain kind. There are numerous ways of offering the same advice. If you can't be kind, maybe sit on it for a while until you can word your advice better.

    Thanks,
    BBoC


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