Stag party

Amprodude

Just wondering how may people should you bring on your Stag ideally? I do to want to bring every Tom Dick and Harry.

I was thinking about 12-15 people. Should best man pre book accommodation in advance for all people or what do people do?

Thanks.

rainbowtrout

Invite the people you want to be there, for some that's only 4 or 5, for others it's more than 20.

Don't go booking accommodation for people without discussing it with them. Assuming the best man is organising the stag, he can cost the night/weekend, provide an itinerary and costs and get people to pay him and he sorts out bookings, or let people make their own bookings. Depending on how far you go from home, you might find that some people can only make certain elements of the stag, or will go to a meal/activity but not stay over.

But no bookings without confirmation/deposit.

AnneFrank

My advice is don't go too far either or somewhere expensive, there's no need and it puts people under pressure

ec18

Best thing to do is get the best man to pick an activity/location and then let everyone find their own accommodation makes everything simpler

SeaFields

Pick a venue and date. Set up a text group. Let people know where and when. Tell them book their own flights if going abroad - give the flight number, airline, time, etc. Free cancellation thingy on booking.com is handy for accommodation. Book how many beds you think you need and cancel once people confirm or otherwise that they're going.

In my experience, don't bother with activities. Most will be too hungover to be bothered going anywhere.

Don't stress over it anyway is the main thing - tell them where and when and if they can go, they'll go.

Fire1985

Just pick a place , tell everyone what hotel to book and what dates .

Stay in Ireland so it gives people options to only go one night. Abroad is great craic but you tend to have the same craic even if it’s only in Galway or wherever. Plus abroad eliminates people who may not have as much money & that’s not nice.

Bring am many as you want but only people you’ll be inviting to the wedding then it won’t be every Tom , dick & Harry but only people you actually want there.

In my experience there’s usually a WhatsApp group set up with all people added to it and either groom or best man posts details.

Then all the filthy videos are posted :-)

Accommodation is always booked by the best man in my experience otherwise people will drag their heels etc and people won't be able to get accom or end up all over the town. Most places have free cancellation so there is no risk to losing money.

Same for any activities etc, usually booked in advance by the best man and then this is added to the accommodation costs and sent around to the group who are invited and they can transfer the money. It's normal enough for the group to cover the grooms costs also.

Amprodude

Eduardo Easy Granola wrote: »

Accommodation is always booked by the best man in my experience otherwise people will drag their heels etc and people won't be able to get accom or end up all over the town. Most places have free cancellation so there is no risk to losing money.

Same for any activities etc, usually booked in advance by the best man and then this is added to the accommodation costs and sent around to the group who are invited and they can transfer the money. It's normal enough for the group to cover the grooms costs also.

What do you do with people that don't reply in the group?

Gorgeousgeorge

Try that stagit website. Handy in you pick the location date and activity and they do the rest

GingerLily

Amprodude wrote: »

Eduardo Easy Granola wrote: »

Accommodation is always booked by the best man in my experience otherwise people will drag their heels etc and people won't be able to get accom or end up all over the town. Most places have free cancellation so there is no risk to losing money.

Same for any activities etc, usually booked in advance by the best man and then this is added to the accommodation costs and sent around to the group who are invited and they can transfer the money. It's normal enough for the group to cover the grooms costs also.

What do you do with people that don't reply in the group?

Only book for people who have committed to going and get a deposit if you can.

Gorgeousgeorge

Gorgeousgeorge wrote: »

Try that stagit website. Handy in you pick the location date and activity and they do the rest

Don't do this. It is so much more expensive than doing it yourself and people get disgruntled when they realise that they have massively overpaid for a very poor service.

the_syco

downtheroad wrote: »

Don't do this. It is so much more expensive than doing it yourself and people get disgruntled when they realise that they have massively overpaid for a very poor service.

Have used stagit in the past myself. There's an option to "pay for groom", so a percentage is added to everyones bill, but overall I found the process good, as only there's a cut-off point that people must pay by, or they don't get to go. Have been to another stag, where the best-man had to continuously chase down the people, and ended up losing money as he had to pre-book the accommodation to get it cheaply, but the lads who said they'd come ended up cancelling a few weeks before the stag.

IMO, it comes down to the lads. If you can get a rough estimate, and they'll all pre-pay before a certain date, sure, do it yourself, but otherwise stagit.

Amprodude

Stay well clear of stag websites they are more expansive and have heard more than one story of people's account being cleaned out after using their cards on the websites (including my own).

Amprodude wrote: »

What do you do with people that don't reply in the group?

If they haven't replied before the free cancellation date for rooms - send a final reminder the week before and if still no reply cancel the rooms for those who don't reply.

Amprodude

Eduardo Easy Granola wrote: »

Stay well clear of stag websites they are more expansive and have heard more than one story of people's account being cleaned out after using their cards on the websites (including my own).



If they haven't replied before the free cancellation date for rooms - send a final reminder the week before and if still no reply cancel the rooms for those who don't reply.

Is it bad form not asking people to wedding who arent bothered in going to stag?

the_syco

Amprodude wrote: »

Is it bad form not asking people to wedding who arent bothered in going to stag?

Depends. If they're reformed alcoholics, a stag would be a bad idea, as they'd be most likely constantly surrounded by alcohol.

Peregrinus

Amprodude wrote: »

Is it bad form not asking people to wedding who arent bothered in going to stag?

Yes, it's very bad form. In the first place, you'll be sending out the wedding invitations long before the stag details are nailed down, so to apply this rule you'd have to rescind invitations already extended and accepted. That's heavy. In the second place, there are lots of good reasons why somebody might be unable to participate in a stag. In the third place, the circle of people invited to the wedding is normally much, much larger than the circle invited to the stag. If "must agree to attend stag" isn't a condition applied to Great Aunty Bessie and her brood of socially maladjusted offspring, why is it a condition applied to somebody that you would actually like to have at your wedding?

Sebastian Dangerfield

Peregrinus wrote: »

Yes, it's very bad form. In the first place, you'll be sending out the wedding invitations long before the stag details are nailed down, so to apply this rule you'd have to rescind invitations already extended and accepted.

For every wedding / stag Ive been involved with, the stag has happened well in advance of invites being sent. Standard from my experience is stag 2-3 months out, with invites 4-6 weeks before the wedding

rainbowtrout

Amprodude wrote: »

Is it bad form not asking people to wedding who arent bothered in going to stag?

Yes. The world doesn’t revolve around you. People don’t attend stags for a whole variety of reasons. If a wedding invite is dependent on compulsory attendance at the stag, I’d have you on the groomzilla list and would probably avoid both.

Some people can’t afford to attend a stag and then the wedding, some may have other commitments that clash with the stag - another wedding to attend, hospital appointment, childcare, work, lack of holiday leave,

Heres Johnny

Send a text or a WhatsApp group with the name of the town you are going to and the dates.
Possibly include suggestions how to get there and suggested accommodation.

Men are simple creatures and will arrange things themselves based on what suits them to get there.

You don't need military planning or precision like I've seen with hen parties.

_Brian

When I did my brothers stag I arranged hotel accommodation and a bus to get there and back.

I had a bit of shooting arranged to pass a few hours and dinner booked in the hotel.

15 of us went, I knew everyone and paid the hotel deposit myself, and we paid the bus on the day. I only did this because I knew all the lads going and it worked perfectly.

The other thing men are famous for is putting stuff on the long finger and I’d guarantee the night before someone will contact you asking for ideas in accommodation for the stag.

For the love of God don't bother with a foreign stag. When you are drinking as many as twenty pints, you could be in a cave for all it matters. Booking flights to Budapest is absolutely pointless. I simply refuse any foreign stags these days. Such an enormous waste of money.

Peregrinus

Sebastian Dangerfield wrote: »

For every wedding / stag Ive been involved with, the stag has happened well in advance of invites being sent. Standard from my experience is stag 2-3 months out, with invites 4-6 weeks before the wedding

Perhaps so, but my main point stands. If you want someone at your wedding, invite him. If you don't want him, don't invite him. But on no account make his attendance at the wedding conditional on his participating in four-day piss-up in some continental city, particularly if you are not imposing that condition on all your wedding invitations. There are lots of good reasons why somebody might wish to decline an invitation to a four-day piss-up, starting with "I'm not really a four-day piss-up kind of guy".

_Brian

Peregrinus wrote: »

Perhaps so, but my main point stands. If you want someone at your wedding, invite him. If you don't want him, don't invite him. But on no account make his attendance at the wedding conditional on his participating in four-day piss-up in some continental city, particularly if you are not imposing that condition on all your wedding invitations. There are lots of good reasons why somebody might wish to decline an invitation to a four-day piss-up, starting with "I'm not really a four-day piss-up kind of guy".

I’ve not gone on “stag weekends” when invited.
An overnight is a maybe, but multiple nights definitely not, I have no interest and consider it a waste of hard earned money - yes I’m from Cavan

duffman13

[Deleted User] wrote: »

For the love of God don't bother with a foreign stag. When you are drinking as many as twenty pints, you could be in a cave for all it matters. Booking flights to Budapest is absolutely pointless. I simply refuse any foreign stags these days. Such an enormous waste of money.

Really I prefer a foreign stags, usually a similar price to a weekend in Galway etc but once your on the ground it's way cheaper abroad. Also having been on a stag in Kilkenny and Galway recently, pubs here hate stags bar a few places. I'd much rather go abroad but i find a lot depends on the organiser of the stag. A good organiser makes all the difference

woodchuck

Amprodude wrote: »

Is it bad form not asking people to wedding who arent bothered in going to stag?

Yes, that would be extremely bad form for reasons already stated. Surely it's more important that they come to the wedding instead of the stag anyway?!

Amprodude wrote: »

What do you do with people that don't reply in the group?

Personally I'd set a reasonable deadline for a response and make it clear that you're booking based on the number of respondents by that date. That way you can assume that any non-responders are out and tough luck if they start moaning about it after the deadline has passed (they can make their own arrangements if they decide they want to join in after the deadline). Maybe that sounds harsh, but personally I wouldn't be bothered chasing people - if they're interested they should be speaking up!

the_syco

_Brian wrote: »

The other thing men are famous for is putting stuff on the long finger and I’d guarantee the night before someone will contact you asking for ideas in accommodation for the stag.

HAHAHAHA. Yes. This.

Deleted User wrote: »

For the love of God don't bother with a foreign stag. When you are drinking as many as twenty pints, you could be in a cave for all it matters

If you can get cheap flights and cheap accommodation to somewhere like Prague where (I'm told) the drink is a lot cheaper, it can work out a hell of a lot cheaper, especially if the crew are alcoholics.

Also, some pubs in Ireland don't let stag parties in, if there's a large crowd.

duffman13

duffman13 wrote: »

Really I prefer a foreign stags, usually a similar price to a weekend in Galway etc but once your on the ground it's way cheaper abroad. Also having been on a stag in Kilkenny and Galway recently, pubs here hate stags bar a few places. I'd much rather go abroad but i find a lot depends on the organiser of the stag. A good organiser makes all the difference

I'm completely done with them at this stage. I've had so many stags over the past two years. I have next to no memory of Dusselldorf, Budapest or Lisbon. Don't really understand how it could be more expensive to go to Kilkenny or somewhere in Ireland. Budapest and Lisbon is dirt cheap when you get there. Still costed a small fortune. Two nights abroad and flights are at least 200 (conservatively, more like 300). Then there's usually an activity or a meal or a tour thrown in for a little more. It cost half that to go to Carlingford for a night. I was groomsman at a wedding recently and the groom was being a bit of control freak and suggested vegas for a weekend. Not a hope I was agreeing to that :P

duffman13

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm completely done with them at this stage. I've had so many stags over the past two years. I have next to no memory of Dusselldorf, Budapest or Lisbon. Don't really understand how it could be more expensive to go to Kilkenny or somewhere in Ireland. Budapest and Lisbon is dirt cheap when you get there. Still costed a small fortune. Two nights abroad and flights are at least 200 (conservatively, more like 300). Then there's usually an activity or a meal or a tour thrown in for a little more. It cost half that to go to Carlingford for a night. I was groomsman at a wedding recently and the groom was being a bit of control freak and suggested vegas for a weekend. Not a hope I was agreeing to that :P

Nah **** Vegas out the window, I'd never do it in a million years, 2k minimum I'd say for that. Kilkenny for example cost 160 for 2 nights accommodation, no transport and no activities. Was in a stag in Budapest cost 130 for flights and 65 for accommodation and a beer bike thing.

I spent 350 on the weekend in Kilkenny and 200-250 in Budapest. I'd happily do somewhere abroad again but only cause I'm an early riser so Id walked a bit of the city both days while lads were sleeping off the hangover

rainbowtrout

duffman13 wrote: »

Nah **** Vegas out the window, I'd never do it in a million years, 2k minimum I'd say for that. Kilkenny for example cost 160 for 2 nights accommodation, no transport and no activities. Was in a stag in Budapest cost 130 for flights and 65 for accommodation and a beer bike thing.

I spent 350 on the weekend in Kilkenny and 200-250 in Budapest. I'd happily do somewhere abroad again but only cause I'm an early riser so Id walked a bit of the city both days while lads were sleeping off the hangover

Kilkenny and Galway aren't the only places in the country that people can go to for a stag (or Carrick on Shannon or Westport for that matter). Nothing stopping people going to a small town on the coast or wherever, that isn't overrun with stags and getting accommodation or renting a house/apartment for a weekend, if it's a weekend thing and finding a nice pub etc.

I live near Carrick on Shannon and there are places I now actively avoid as they are part of the hen/stag merry go round in Carrick at the weekend.

Peregrinus

Of couse you shouldn't uninvite people who don't go to the stag, not replying is bad form but people often turn down a stag invite especially if it's from a person who isn't a close friend.

Peregrinus wrote: »

Yes, it's very bad form. In the first place, you'll be sending out the wedding invitations long before the stag details are nailed down, so to apply this rule you'd have to rescind invitations already extended and accepted. That's heavy. In the second place, there are lots of good reasons why somebody might be unable to participate in a stag. In the third place, the circle of people invited to the wedding is normally much, much larger than the circle invited to the stag. If "must agree to attend stag" isn't a condition applied to Great Aunty Bessie and her brood of socially maladjusted offspring, why is it a condition applied to somebody that you would actually like to have at your wedding?

Any stag I've been involved in has been organised long before invitations, in fact most stags happened before the invitations went out even. Invitations only go out about a month before the wedding while a stag is usually more than a month before hand.

duffman13 wrote: »

I spent 350 on the weekend in Kilkenny and 200-250 in Budapest. I'd happily do somewhere abroad again but only cause I'm an early riser so Id walked a bit of the city both days while lads were sleeping off the hangover

Myself and a good few of the lads are earlier risers too, up early on the beer for the cure :pac:. Think we were in the first pub at 8:30am the second day of the last stag! Even the late risers were there for around 10:30 am!!

heretothere

When I organised my sisters Hen I sent individual texts. I booked the hotel, meal and activity, but I said that I needed full payment 1 month before to pay the hotel and that if I didn't have their payment I couldn't book them in (I worded it nicer than that!) I also said it was non refundable. To cover the brides cost after I got a fairly certain number I just divided her cost between us all. Those websites that organise it for you are a rip off and the hotels they use are often way out of town.
I went to a hen last year which to call it poorly organised would be giving it too much credit! She never took any payments before the hen. More than half the girls cancelled spent more than €600 for 2 nights in Cork before buying a drink!!

Heres Johnny

heretothere wrote: »

When I organised my sisters Hen I sent individual texts. I booked the hotel, meal and activity, but I said that I needed full payment 1 month before to pay the hotel and that if I didn't have their payment I couldn't book them in (I worded it nicer than that!) I also said it was non refundable. To cover the brides cost after I got a fairly certain number I just divided her cost between us all. Those websites that organise it for you are a rip off and the hotels they use are often way out of town.
I went to a hen last year which to call it poorly organised would be giving it too much credit! She never took any payments before the hen. More than half the girls cancelled spent more than €600 for 2 nights in Cork before buying a drink!!

Big difference between a hen and a stag party. Hen parties are planned to a tee. Stag parties tend not to be. I went to one with organised activities once and most people decided they'd rather stay in the pub, groom included. Most consist of just turning up, finding a pub that's a bit of craic and some women to talk to, sneaking off to a chipper for grub and back to the pub.
Everyone seems fine with that usually.
Trying to get loads of lads on a weekend away to follow a schedule is a load of hassle.
If you want an activity make sure it's before anyone has even had a chance to look at a pint. But I wouldn't bother to be honest.

heretothere

Sounds great!! I knew from listening to the lads at work that there aren't really activities/ planned dinner unless it's some sort of go-karting thing before hand. I suppose I was just trying to say I really wouldn't go booking anything for anyone without having the cash before hand. I know on booking.com you can usually cancel 24/48hrs in advance. But what if Dave suddenly can't make it on the day for whatever reason the Bestman shouldn't be left footing the bill and it'd be a lot harder to get the money after the fact.

heretothere

heretothere wrote: »

Sounds great!! I knew from listening to the lads at work that there aren't really activities/ planned dinner unless it's some sort of go-karting thing before hand. I suppose I was just trying to say I really wouldn't go booking anything for anyone without having the cash before hand. I know on booking.com you can usually cancel 24/48hrs in advance. But what if Dave suddenly can't make it on the day for whatever reason the Bestman shouldn't be left footing the bill and it'd be a lot harder to get the money after the fact.

If someone can't make it last minute they should still pay their share.

heretothere

Eduardo Easy Granola wrote: »

If someone can't make it last minute they should still pay their share.

They should. For a hen last year a girl we didn't know too well cancelled the morning of the hen. She was sharing a triple with me and my friend. It was an extra €90 each which I had not budgeted for. She just texted saying she was sick and couldn't go, didn't offer to pay for the hotel or anything.

SarahS2013

heretothere wrote: »

They should. For a hen last year a girl we didn't know too well cancelled the morning of the hen. She was sharing a triple with me and my friend. It was an extra €90 each which I had not budgeted for. She just texted saying she was sick and couldn't go, didn't offer to pay for the hotel or anything.

So it was costing her €180 for her share in a triple room? :eek: Or am I reading that wrong?

ec18

SarahS2013 wrote: »

So it was costing her €180 for her share in a triple room? :eek: Or am I reading that wrong?

I'd gather the 90 was the full price not just the room?

heretothere

ec18 wrote: »

I'd gather the 90 was the full price not just the room?

No it should have been €240 each for 2 nights the rate came down a bit as the hotel said theyd reduce the rate due to the breakfasts but it was the same triple room so we had to pay €350 each for the two nights. Horrified was not the word! For two nights in Cork. Myself and one of the other bridesmaids tried to convince the chief BM to go with a cheaper hotel but was having none of it. Anyway bride had a great time and knew none of this!

SarahS2013

heretothere wrote: »

No it should have been €240 each for 2 nights the rate came down a bit as the hotel said theyd reduce the rate due to the breakfasts but it was the same triple room so we had to pay €350 each for the two nights. Horrified was not the word! For two nights in Cork. Myself and one of the other bridesmaids tried to convince the chief BM to go with a cheaper hotel but was having none of it. Anyway bride had a great time and knew none of this!

Mother of Jesus! I’m sorry you had to pay the extra money heretothere but I don’t really blame your friend for cancelling. €180 for 2 nights in a hotel + spending money for 2 nights out + activities + presumably travel to and from Cork? That’s a €500 weekend right there.

Heres Johnny

This is where I'm glad I'm male!
Get invited to a stag, just get told where and what dates. Suggested activity the very odd time
If you want to do 2 nights, do 2 nights. If you want 1 night that's fine.
If you want to stay where the stag is staying work away but no bother if you want to stay in a hostel or sleep in your car.
If you want to travel with the lads on the train by all means do but if you want to drive that's great.
If you want to do the activity you're welcome to if not sure stay in the pub watching football and we will see you after.
No groomzilla stuff the lads wouldn't be long telling you to cop on.

heretothere

SarahS2013 wrote: »

but I don’t really blame your friend for cancelling.

She could have done it before the day of the hen! We all knew the price when we agreed, when she didn't show it increased the price on us. We could have hopefully booked into a small room then.

Sephiroth_dude

When I went on my BIL Stag there was at least 12 people, the rooms were pre booked by the best man and he paid for them on arrival with a credit card and he collected the money then off of everyone.

woodchuck

Sephiroth_dude wrote: »

When I went on my BIL Stag there was at least 12 people, the rooms were pre booked by the best man and he paid for them on arrival with a credit card and he collected the money then off of everyone.

I think that's just asking for trouble though if people cancel or people just don't have the cash handy etc. Everyone should pay in advance so that there are no issues on the day!

Stationmaster

There's only 2 things you need to do when organising a stag. Tell lads the dates and the destination. That's it.

Stationmaster

Stationmaster wrote: »

There's only 2 things you need to do when organising a stag. Tell lads the dates and the destination. That's it.

Any stag I've been to the accomidation has been sorted out also and I think its necessary as otherwise people will drag their hells (being lads) and not book in time, people wont be staying in the same place which is the ideal scenatio etc etc. Best man has always organised the accomidation (and the activity if there is on) and then just gave out bank details for all the people going to transfer the cost in advance.

beertons

You suit your budget to who you are asking though. Last one I was on was in Amsterdam. Very nice place, I'd never been before. I don't smoke weed or do mushies either. Probably cost 400.
Mine was in Galway years ago, and I'd say it cost me the same. I could do it much cheaper now though, staying in a hostel. But I'd have to get divorced first. Meh, not worth it.

Lads just want a bit of sport and drink. The hen's I've heard of lately had cruises on the Shannon, pampering, and bubbly. Women probably get value for their money, but it seems like alot of effort to me.

Heres Johnny

Eduardo Easy Granola wrote: »

Stationmaster wrote: »

There's only 2 things you need to do when organising a stag. Tell lads the dates and the destination. That's it.

Any stag I've been to the accomidation has been sorted out also and I think its necessary as otherwise people will drag their hells (being lads) and not book in time, people wont be staying in the same place which is the ideal scenatio etc etc. Best man has always organised the accomidation (and the activity if there is on) and then just gave out bank details for all the people going to transfer the cost in advance.

I've always had the opposite. Best man might give suggestions where to stay but that's about it. I don't think it's a problem if lads stay elsewhere from the groom.
Had one in lahinch before some of us had a few quid and stayed in the big hotel other lads didn't and stayed in the hostel.
When I was best man for my brother literally all I sent was a text saying where we were going, when we were going, suggestion about hotel and that it's probably best to get a train so nobody drink driving on way back.
Some still drove and hung around for a while to sober up, some stayed in our hotel some stayed elsewhere.
Job done and it was serious craic

rainbowtrout

beertons wrote: »

Lads just want a bit of sport and drink. The hen's I've heard of lately had cruises on the Shannon, pampering, and bubbly. Women probably get value for their money, but it seems like alot of effort to me.

Just from my own experience I know plenty of my friends would be more than happy to skip the organised activity aspect of the hen and just go for dinner and drinks, including myself.

Most of the hens I’ve been on in the last few years have booked packages through some of the companies that offer the service, so you are presented with a package and price from the bridesmaid and most people just go along with it, but anecdotally most women I’ve been on the hens with would just prefer to skip the activity and be able to turn up on their own terms.

I’m due to go on a hen in the summer. The package includes an activity, dinner, reserved area in a club, and accommodation. Standard enough fare. I live fairly close by so don’t need to stay over. Bridesmaid wasn’t happy when I told her I wouldn’t be staying in the hotel because she ‘didn’t know if the hen company would allow that’. Ridiculous stuff.

duffman13

beertons wrote: »

Women probably get value for their money, but it seems like alot of effort to me.

I wouldn't agree with that, most of the hens my other half has been on has cost a fair whack more than the corresponding stags I've gone too. Hens are usually booked with everything organised and they tend to pay more than most lads groups do for accommodation. These companies that organise hens and stags are an absolute rip off in my opinion

beertons

We probably spend more though. All on drink. But reduce the total by a hundred or so when she asks!

splinter65

rainbowtrout wrote: »

Just from my own experience I know plenty of my friends would be more than happy to skip the organised activity aspect of the hen and just go for dinner and drinks, including myself.

Most of the hens I’ve been on in the last few years have booked packages through some of the companies that offer the service, so you are presented with a package and price from the bridesmaid and most people just go along with it, but anecdotally most women I’ve been on the hens with would just prefer to skip the activity and be able to turn up on their own terms.

I’m due to go on a hen in the summer. The package includes an activity, dinner, reserved area in a club, and accommodation. Standard enough fare. I live fairly close by so don’t need to stay over. Bridesmaid wasn’t happy when I told her I wouldn’t be staying in the hotel because she ‘didn’t know if the hen company would allow that’. Ridiculous stuff.

You do realize you’re spoiling the whole weekend for everyone else by not staying in the hotel with them instead of in your own cosy free bed? Unforgivable!