Have I been ghosted?

Purple Mountain

I don't know what age you are OP and it's none of my business but I'm guessing you're young because it sounds like you haven't fully mastered the art of self love and weeding out people who don't appreciate you 100%.
I amin my 30s now but I can remember going through something similar when I was 20.
I allowed this to go on for ten months more fool me.
I was in my first job and quite independent enjoying earning my own money.
I met a guy only a few months my junior who was still in college. So straight off in theory I was probably more mature.
He was the one who initiated going out with me after meeting on a night out.
It was totally imbalanced from day 1.
I had a very tight circle of friends who I used socialise with every weekend. He was welcomed into the bosom of that. We always invited and collected him (he wasn't driving).
So many times when he was going out with friends I wouldn't be invited despite knowing them casually.
So many times I'd be left hanging on a Saturday evening waiting for him to confirm our plans.
So many times I was stung and hurt when he went off and made plans without me and I was left at home.
If we were on a night out, he'd be off at a table with his friends but I wouldn't be encouraged to come over.
However, he never declined a lift home if I was driving and he certainly didn't ever decline sex.
It was all in his terms but I realise now that we were just on two very different pages.
He was 20 and looking for non commitment, fair enough. I was 20 but very mature and hanging around with couples so happy to have a relationship.
It was humiliating and so self deflating.
In the end I lost my cool one night we were in the club. He was there with his friends and I hadn't even known if he was going to be there.
He made some stupid comment when he saw me asking how I was. I retorted that I was enjoying being single. That was that done.
We did speak maybe the next day where he admitted he wanted to be free and single for a few years.
I just wished I'd had more self love to end it months before because I have no doubt that to my friends and his I looked like a fool.
I'm sorry to say OP, bite the bullet and tell him you've had enough, don't contact you again.
You deserve much better.
You're worth much more.

Danny Donut

I know I should be directing advice to the OP, but we've all done it Purple M.

Good post

Purple Mountain

Danny Donut wrote: »

I know I should be directing advice to the OP, but we've all done it Purple M.

Good post

With age comes wisdom.
Hopefully this lady will find it too.
Goodluck to her.

dog tired

I can stop wondering now. I sent him a message saying things have gone quiet. He's busy with work and with family, it's nothing personal, so that was my answer. At the same time he was logged into a dating site... Small loss he is anyway. And he's very much not in his twenties.

anewme

Op enough already: you need to stop now with the texting and move on.

You should not have contacted him again after he never bothered responding about Saturday.

Dont entertain this person any longer.

You are only compromising yourself and your own self esteem.

He’s not worth that OP.

Stop settling for less than you deserve.

dog tired

anewme wrote: »

Op enough already: you need to stop now with the texting and move on.

You should not have contacted him again after he never bothered responding about Saturday.

Dont entertain this person any longer.

You are only compromising yourself and your own self esteem.

He’s not worth that OP.

Stop settling for less than you deserve.

There was some advice here saying to send a message, so thought it would do no harm. At least I would know for sure. It's not as if I'm sending a million messages. There was a part of me who also just wanted to ignore him as well. At least I know for sure now. Such a cowardly dickhead.

rainbowtrout

dog tired wrote: »

There was some advice here saying to send a message, so thought it would do no harm. At least I would know for sure. It's not as if I'm sending a million messages. There was a part of me who also just wanted to ignore him as well. At least I know for sure now. Such a cowardly dickhead.

It doesn't sound like you were very close in the first place OP. If you have no idea what is going on in his life, and you only get scraps by text, was it really a relationship for him? Did he introduce you to family and friends? Were you introduced as his girlfriend? Because you would know all this if you were a part of his life.

Sending a text saying things have gone quiet is very passive, and gives him a get out clause. It doesn't tackle his behaviour. As far as he has concerned he has just fobbed you off with another excuse, and what you've told him by sending that text with that message is that despite him not making any plans with you Saturday, and leaving you hanging without any clear answer about meeting up, is that you are back for more. He's getting the message that his poor behaviour is acceptable because you didn't complain about it and you didn't challenge it.


You have two choices (if you want to keep your sanity and self respect). Do not contact him any further, delete his number and all traces of him on social media and block him across the board, OR send him a text of the type 'I won't be in contact anymore, do not bother contacting me, I don't want to be involved with a man who is not respectful of me and my time ' and then delete and block him.

As it is you are still pandering to him, and waiting for him to change - which he never will. Get rid, so you can start to deal with getting over him. The longer you leave it to block him the harder it will be to move on. And you do need to block him and remove all traces, because if you don't even if you don't contact him, you will be waiting for a message from him to come, and when he does contact you out of the blue for a booty call, it will hit you unexpectedly and he will reel you in again for one night, and then drop you like a piece of rubbish. Don't put yourself through that.

dog tired

He's well and truly blocked. My passive message didn't do much, he was already on a dating site. So my intuition was right. Had met his family as well, he even told people about us, only a few weeks in. Have no idea where all this came from but he's not my problem anymore. I have other things going on so he's not worth my time or the tears. He's a waste of space.

Purple Mountain

dog tired wrote: »

He's well and truly blocked. My passive message didn't do much, he was already on a dating site. So my intuition was right. Had met his family as well, he even told people about us, only a few weeks in. Have no idea where all this came from but he's not my problem anymore. I have other things going on so he's not worth my time or the tears. He's a waste of space.

Onward and upward.

Telly

Fair play to you. He's an ass for doing this to you but you'll meet someone 100 times better.