Friend borrowing money

Wexford96

I've had a work colleage borrow from me. It was 1000 pounds and this was 12 months ago. Ive managed to get it down to 500, but today she asked for 250 more and that she'll pay the whole amount back in a few weeks when she is sorted out.
Over the last year, I've had to work hard to get some of the money back. She always has some drama going on meaning she's always broke. 
Can I believe that she might give me back the whole amount if I help her this time?
Or has she 0 respect for me and is just giving me another bad excuse.
Thank you

SuperSean11

She’s taking the piss

Big Bag of Chips

You'll never see it. Where is she suddenly going to get 750 to pay you back of she hasn't been able to pay you 500 back?

She might have every intention of paying it back, but you won't see it.

D3V!L

Don't entertain her

Wexford96

Turning down this 250 will mean a "falling out" and her storming away, and I'll never see her of the 500 balance again. It's like she's using that 500 as collateral or something?
How can I not give the 250 AND get my original 500 back?
I know Im soft, and dont need anyone here to tell me that.
Thanks for replies above.

neonsofa

Wexford96 wrote: »

Turning down this 250 will mean a "falling out" and her storming away, and I'll never see her of the 500 balance again. It's like she's using that 500 as collateral or something?
How can I not give the 250 AND get my original 500 back?
I know Im soft, and dont need anyone here to tell me that.
Thanks for replies above.

Think of that 500 euro as the cost of an important lesson and leave it be. Let her storm away.

Chancer3001

Tell her you can't afford it.

That you need the 500 back

surrender monkey

Don't lend her the money. As the saying goes .... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She is being nice as pie to get the money off you but gratitude is shortest lived emotion there is.... today you're a great friend for bailing me out come payday you're the pr*ck they owe money to.... they will screen your calls and fob you off. I had a friend like this , I always bailed him out and he always, always reneged on our agreement and made me feel like a scab for asking for my money back. That said it was my fault for repeatedly bailing him out. I finally came to my senses and ended a 20 year friendship when I heard how he was talking about me to mutual friends for asking for 100 back from a 400 debt long overdue. I was on my uppers at the time but he was telling me I was loaded and didn't need it ma while he was doing bits and pieces of upgrades to his house. In then end I said goodbye to the money safe in the knowledge that after 20 years 400 Euro was worth more to him than I was!

amcalester

Tell her you’d love to but some wagon owes you 500 and won’t pay it back.

Wexford96

surrender monkey wrote: »

Don't lend her the money.  As the saying goes .... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She is being nice as pie to get the money off you but gratitude is shortest lived emotion there is.... today you're a great friend for bailing me out come payday you're the pr*ck they owe money to.... they will screen your calls and fob you off. I had a friend like this , I always bailed him out and he always, always reneged on our agreement and made me feel like a scab for asking for my money back. That said it was my fault for repeatedly bailing him out. I finally came to my senses and ended a 20  year friendship when I heard how he was talking about me to mutual friends for asking for 100 back from a 400 debt long overdue. I was on my uppers at the time but he was telling me I was loaded and didn't need it ma while he was doing bits and pieces of upgrades to his house. In then end I said goodbye to the money safe in the knowledge that after 20 years 400 Euro was worth more to him than I was!

Wow

surrender monkey

Wexford96 wrote: »

Wow

Yeah Wex lad don't be that soldier! In fact I would start applying the thumb screws on the little fecker and tell her you want 100 a payday off her till the 500 is paid off or you will go further about it. Take it from me she is playing you like a finely tuned piano! She's only a colleague not a friend and quite clearly a skilful manipulator with absolutely no moral compas. If you lend her more money you will be down that too and kicking yourself ! Just say sorry but my sister needs a lend, have to pay car tax or any other valid sounding excuse as to why you haven't got it and actually while we are on the subject I'm Gona need 100 off that debt next week. If she throws the toys out of the pram report the scabby Fecker to management

Scraggs

I would follow the advice above but I wouldn't even offer an excuse. It's your money, you work hard for it to spend as you please not to fund her "drama". Don't feel bad for saying no and asking for what you're owed back.


Edited to add.... You ask if she has zero respect for you and in my opinion the fact that she even asked a work colleague for money shows that she doesn't have respect for you nevermind the fact she hasn't paid it back. Users like her make my blood boil!

rushfan

Scraggs wrote:

I would follow the advice above but I wouldn't even offer an excuse. It's your money, you work hard for it to spend as you please not to fund her "drama". Don't feel bad for saying no and asking for what you're owed back.

Absolutely, no way I'd be giving excuses. Question is: does she owe anyone else money? Had a similar situation myself with the brother in law, I hounded him until it was repaid.

Wexford96

surrender monkey wrote: »

Wexford96 wrote: »

Wow

Yeah Wex lad don't be that soldier! In fact I would start applying the thumb screws on the little fecker and tell her you want 100 a payday off her till the 500 is paid off or you will go further about it. Take it from me she is playing you like a finely tuned piano! She's only a colleague not a friend and quite clearly a skilful manipulator with absolutely no moral compas. If you lend her more money you will be down that too and kicking yourself ! Just say sorry but my sister needs a lend, have to pay car tax or any other valid sounding excuse as to why you haven't got it and actually while we are on the subject I'm Gona need 100 off that debt next week. If she throws the toys out of the pram report the scabby Fecker  to management

Thanks for quality advice. I've got the sense now to refuse the additional 250. How do I go after the original 500?

Dial Hard

Wexford96 wrote:

Thanks for quality advice. I've got the sense now to refuse the additional 250. How do I go after the original 500?

You say "Sorry, I don't have €250 to spare and I'll need that other €500 you owe me back by payday."

It really is that simple.

rushfan

Wexford96 wrote:

Thanks for quality advice. I've got the sense now to refuse the additional 250. How do I go after the original 500?

You could also mention it in passing in front of a colleague or two.

EIREDriver

I knew a girl the exact same (actually from Wexford) . She asked me for a loan once to pay for college and I fobbed her off. No contact for a few months, then she popped up out of the blue again. All sweetness until she's turned down and then disappears -probably to chat up some other lad in order to "borrow" a few Euro from. I heard recently she was in some trouble with guards and had concocted some story about one of her friends stealing communion money from her sister. (In order to get unpaid drug money back). A bizarre woman and am so glad I never lent her a cent.

I'd echo what someone above said and use this as a perfect excuse to get back your 500. Just say you're stuck for money yourself and really need the 500.

surrender monkey

rushfan wrote: »

You could also mention it in passing in front of a colleague or two.

This ! Embarrass her into it. I wouldn't go asking for the full amount in one go it's unrealistic. If you're paid weekly I'd ask for 100 a week if monthly go 250 one month 250 the next. See how much effort you had to put in to get the first 500 ? I would ramp that up. I would text her everyday, ring, say it in front of colleagues, call to her house etc. I would make her so pissed off that she'd be going to a loan shark to pay me back. After I got the money I'd be polite and standoffish and give her a wide berth. My ex mate still rings me, I shoot the breeze with him but the elephant in the room is never mentioned and sadly I haven't seen him in about a year. We would have been in regular contact before then.

Purple Mountain

If she doesn't repay you or start with a repayment plan after verbally asking her, I'd sent her an email reminding her that she owes you 500e and the date of the original loan and ask her to kindly set out a repayment structure in writing.

Things in writing are a lot more official and might put the wind up her.

splinter65

Wexford96 wrote: »

Turning down this 250 will mean a "falling out" and her storming away, and I'll never see her of the 500 balance again. It's like she's using that 500 as collateral or something?
How can I not give the 250 AND get my original 500 back?
I know Im soft, and dont need anyone here to tell me that.
Thanks for replies above.

Please don’t loan her any more money. If you want to give her the money as a gift then do just as long as you know your never going to get it back.
Ask yourself this.
I assume she has a family and friends.
Why is she asking a colleague for a loan?
Why not ask her family members or friends.
I’ll tell you why. She has “borrowed” money from all of them and never repaid it. So they won’t give her anymore.
She doesn’t repay her loans. She really intends to, but something always comes up...she needs a new phone...she gets a few things in Penney’s...a family dinner in a restaurant...someone’s birthday...
That’s how it is.
Just tell her that you haven’t got €250 and that you need the other €500 by the end of the month, literally “ actually I wouldn’t have €250 to give you and while we’re here, I’ll need that €500 you still owe me by the end of the month. I like your shoes, are they new?”.

MissShihTzu

What did she want such a large sum of money for? Your colleague must be desperate to ask you for money, OP. She's clearly done this before and has bridges burning behind her. Can't you smell them?

Wexford96

MissShihTzu wrote: »

What did she want such a large sum of money for?  Your colleague must be desperate to ask you for money, OP.  She's clearly done this before and has bridges burning behind her.  Can't you smell them?

Can't you smell them? :D
We are colleagues as well as being in roughly the same large group socially. We have lots of friends/work acquaintances in common. 
I presume she spotted me for the idiot/softie that I am, and decided to try her luck.
Thanks for your reply.

surrender monkey

Does she even say why she wants the money when she asks op?

Wexford96

surrender monkey wrote: »

Does she even say why she wants the money when she asks op?

Yep. There's always something going on to delay repayment. The initial amount was to buy a car. Then there were hospital bills for a parent, not making the rent and other things. The biggest expense is her drinking I expect.
Anyway, thanks to the encouragement I've received here, I've hardened my attitude and have determined to get every penny back somehow.

Big Bag of Chips

Don't be too hard on yourself, you can 100% guarantee that you are not the only one in your social circle (and outside it) she owed money to. My sister in law used to be like this. We were the ones who loaned her money, she'd give it back one day and ring a day or 2 later looking for more.

We eventually stopped. She went around to different groups of friends borrowing money, and when someone would look for it back she'd just disappear and move onto another group of friends.

Your friend owes money to family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues. And she's promising them a she'll pay it back in a few weeks.

surrender monkey

Wexford96 wrote: »

Yep. There's always something going on to delay repayment. The initial amount was to buy a car. Then there were hospital bills for a parent, not making the rent and other things. The biggest expense is her drinking I expect.
Anyway, thanks to the encouragement I've received here, I've hardened my attitude and have determined to get every penny back somehow.

I sincerely doubt she had to pay her parents bill . . This is what Gauls me about this type of person has money for a night out or something they want for themselves but won't pay the person who bailed them out it's a lot easier to spend money than it is to make it ! Even better if it's someone elses

Purple Mountain

For what it's worth. You sound like a decent ole skin as us country folk say.
You are not a softie, you just see the good in people. And expect the same in return.
But unfortunately for you, some people don't have your morals.
But hold faith in the good people you attract to your life and wash your hands of the likes of her.

orthsquel

If you want to get the money back from her, tell her firmly no, you can't give her money and tell her you want your 500 back by a certain day. Every day from then, ask her for the money. If the day passes and she doesn't give it, ask her every day until she hands over the 500 quid to you, for the money back.

Once you get the money back, never lend a penny to her, but the chances are she'll have learned you're serious about getting the money back and won't ask you again anyway. If she does though, always say no, and if she comes up with a sob story or gets defensive remind her how she never paid you back on time and hassle it caused you to get it back.

Don't let this put you off lending money to people, though. You need to be much more selective about who you lend to. I once had a colleague, a very proud woman who hated to ask for money and approached me for a very small amount of money (less than €20) for a bus fare home. I knew she was proud and I knew she'd repay me. She paid me back the next morning, as soon as I came in the door, and the only other occasion she asked, it was always paid back straight away without me ever having to ask. That's the sort of person to lend to, someone who would be mortified owing another person money, who will pay back rightaway not someone who has on-going financial dramas and excuses to never pay you back.

ironwalk

Great advice orthsquel.

The other advice my parents gave me was to never lend money that you couldn't afford to lose.

Wexford96, the mistake you made is to think that other people are decent and honourable as you are....don't be shy about asking for your money back from someone who doesn't have your own moral compass.

We teach people how to treat us, so treat yourself with more respect. Treat her with the respect she has shown you. That's your money, you've earned it, and someday, you'll be down and really need it.

Bambi985

Neither a lender nor a borrower be, was what my grandmother always said. I'm not remotely stingy but I also am not willing to get into these precarious situations with friends or acquaintances because nothing sours a friendship faster or causes bad blood than a money "deal" gone wrong.

I'd never personally ask a friend or worse - a colleague - like wtf? - for a loan and unless they were about to actually starve or become homeless or something, would be very wary of someone who would ask me for same.

Just say no OP, simple as that. You're well within your rights and shouldn't have to explain herself. Remind her that you'll be needing that 500 too and set out a deadline and chase her til she pays up as others have advised.

y0ssar1an22

lets be pragmatic.....

you work with her, you must have an inkling of her personal situation and the money she's on. start charging her interest. ask her for £800 back. Although messy, agree with her to set up a SO on payday? 800 over 3 months is still better than 750 in 2 weeks.

as for the respect part, honestly, i'm gonna presume you're kind hearted(dont read pushover here!!) (BTW the best trait someone can have). **** if she respects you, once you respect yourself thats all that matters.

justfillmein

I'd ask how exactly she will be sorted in the next few weeks.
how will she be financially better off, and by what date exactly?

she will give you the full low down because she is looking for more money atm.
when she tells you her master plan, you say 'that's brilliant, however I'm sorry, I am not in a position to lend out money at the minute'. But you are glad she will be able to repay you your money, because you have your own affairs to get in order.
she will have walked into it blindly and will have no excuse about repaying the money already owed.

you still might not get it back, but you can take it from there if things go that way.

A few reminders about arrangements in collecting the money as the date approaches too. put the pressure on her.

And don't even lend her lunch money ever again!

good luck with it, I hope you get your money back, and soon.
you were very kind to lend that amount out.

rainbowtrout

Wexford96 wrote: »

Yep. There's always something going on to delay repayment. The initial amount was to buy a car. Then there were hospital bills for a parent, not making the rent and other things. The biggest expense is her drinking I expect.
Anyway, thanks to the encouragement I've received here, I've hardened my attitude and have determined to get every penny back somehow.

Ya, why didn't she go the route of credit union/bank overdraft etc? To ask work colleagues for a large sum of money like that means she's burned her bridges with anyone that is close to her by borrowing money off them and not paying them back.

She wouldn't borrow it off the bank (assuming they would lend it to her) as they would get every penny back off her. Easier to sponge off someone like yourself who gave the money in good faith.

Definitely ask her for the remaining €500. Like others have suggested put it in writing, but don't give her a penny more.

Alibaba

Ya .. Don't give her another cent.

And keep after her till you get the rest of your money back.

Got stung for €2000 myself almost a year ago.

Money was supposed to back 2 months later.

Guess what ... Nothing yet , except lies and excuses.

Some people are just thankless.

LolaJJ

As the others have said. No way, don't give it to her.

Why not say - I can't afford it because i'm broke myself due to the €500 I'm still waiting on from you. If I had that back then i'd be able to sort you out.

As you say, she has no respect for you, I would also make a point of asking her for the money at every available opportunity until she is so irritated she starts to repay you. If you need to ask in front of other people to shame her in to it, then do.

I can't imagine a situation that would cause me to request help financially from a colleague nor can I imagine any of my colleagues asking me for money....it's not normal.

justfillmein

Alibaba wrote: »

Got stung for €2000 myself almost a year ago.
Money was supposed to back 2 months later.

me too. fell out badly with someone over it.
money was supposed be for short period of time.
it end up dragging on with not a single mention of repayment.
still had the nerve though to ask for small lends in between too. I couldn't believe it.

end up getting the money back in the end but it had got pretty serious by then

splinter65

Not money I know but a woman I was on nodding terms with rang my doorbell one night and very nicely asked me if she could borrow a dressy jacket she’d admired on me at both our children’s communions. (We’re both on the large side and nice things can be hard to get).
I said of course and she was effusive in her thanks and assuring me that she would have it dry cleaned and return it by Wednesday.
Well my daughter and her son are both 20 and of course I never saw the jacket again. It was quite expensive and I’d worn it once.
I never asked her for it back. She’s been avoiding me now over it for about 14 years. (We live in a medium sized rural town, it’s hard to avoid people).
I have seen her her leave shops when she spots me.
Once, about 6 months after she “borrowed” it I met her head on and she gushed about how mortified she was (and she was) and how pleased she was to have met me and how she’d be up that evening with the dry cleaned jacket.
Not a bit of it.
Just today I saw her getting back into her car rather then go into Centra after me,
How do people get themselves into these messes?

justfillmein

Splinter that story is almost funny:D. to think someone would let something like a coat cause so much awkwardness. especially living in a small town.

I have ANOTHER story, similar to that from this xmas.
lent out a household item to a long term friend that I grew up with.
she avoided my one or two phone calls looking for this item back.
then has went AWOL since.
seen her a few weeks ago stopped at traffic lights, and she wouldn't even look at me.

I was mortified on her behalf:D. I'll be forever moaning about my treasured item, but I'd rather be me at a loss. than someone willing to put a friendship out the window over something so small.

punisher5112

Had very similar as op with a work colleague.

He called me up and asked could I call over, I did later that day.
Turns out he had a sob story lined up and reeled me in.
He started crying that they were going to be kicked out as they owed €14k rent. He asked for €5k which I didn't have so I agreed to help out as best I could which was €3.5k so then comes less then 2 months and similar needs more badly stuck yada yada and I come up with €1k.

Looked for more after but I was cleaned out so he promised to pay me back on the 1st amount within 4 months and then he was to get an injury payout in a few months as time went on.

He received a large some for a back injury etc in a car crash which funnily enough I was also in.

He looked for things over time and it just turned into what could they get without paying so I was quite helpful and way too generous over the few years. Just 2 weeks after he received claim he turned on me and made it out like I was hounding him for the money etc and sure why don't I sue him. I never asked for the money over the 4 years.
I received death threats among a load of other crap along with registered letters.

I ended up bringing him to court and he tried to deny it all and then said he paid all of it back..

Turns out I had receipts and bank transfer info which he thought I wouldn't have..... Jaw hits floor.... Hilarious.

10 years since loan I have got back €1950.

I have learned a valuable lesson but will still help a work mate or friends out for small amounts like a score etc.

Never lend to a friend if you want to see your money again.

justfillmein

punisher5112 wrote: »

I have learned a valuable lesson but will still help a work mate or friends out for small amounts like a score etc.

wow punisher that sounds tough.

unfortunately that's where this leaves you. not wanting to help out anyone again and that's sad.
I'm the same, I only lend out small amounts now too.

punisher5112

justfillmein wrote: »

wow punisher that sounds tough.

unfortunately that's where this leaves you. not wanting to help out anyone again and that's sad.
I'm the same, I only lend out small amounts now too.

Oh there is so much more nobody would believe it.

He had management back him up in work and put in 2 cases I know of to try and get me sacked.

Get this even got a guy who looks very like a certain someone off family Guy to go witness and say I did something etc.

I don't lose any sleep over it that money was gone to me after 5 or 6 months... Kind of got the feeling you know.

qwerty13

I’ve been there OP. I had never considered myself a ‘soft touch’, but I’ve been stung by family, and by a friend.

To be fair, I did tell both that they didn’t need to pay me back straight away - but that seems to have been interpreted by family member & friend as never paying me back.

The friend amount was a few hundred. I can get over that. But the family one was around 10k. Years ago. Not a sniff of it since. I’ll never ever ‘loan’ money like that again. I did actually ask for it all back when I needed it, but I got hardship stories and lies. I knew by their lifestyle that there was no real intention of paying me back.

I ended up deciding to write it off, rather than permanently chase the family member. Because I knew they’d never pay up. I never told them that, obviously. They still alternately have sob stories / boast of trips away on Facebook, and fancy outings. I just say nothing and will never ever, ever, get involved again. No matter what the sob story is. Or the ‘promises’.

It is indeed an expensive lesson OP. And I’ll never trust either party again. And what others have said is so true: I’ve since found out that the friend and family member have done the sob story to others, ‘borrowed’ from them, and not paid it back. Whilst posting on Facebook re holidays / shopping / outings.

Alibaba

In my opinion even to go to a solicitor and take the case to court the law is not on your side.

These people are nothing other than FRAUDSTERS and should be treated as such.

I mentioned my own story a few posts back , €2000 'borrowed' by somebody.

Contemplating solicitor but maybe throwing good money after bad.

punisher5112

Alibaba wrote: »

In my opinion even to go to a solicitor and take the case to court the law is not on your side.

These people are nothing other than FRAUDSTERS and should be treated as such.

I mentioned my own story a few posts back , €2000 'borrowed' by somebody.

Contemplating solicitor but maybe throwing good money after bad.

If you can prove it then you can get a court order but even with that it's extremely difficult if they stop paying if they do it at all.

Wexford96

Managed to get half of the debt back of this person. Came on extremely heavy about medical expenses for a family member. Managed to frighten her into coughing up half on the spot.
She promises to give balance at end of month.

rushfan

Wexford96 wrote:

Managed to get half of the debt back of this person. Came on extremely heavy about medical expenses for a family member. Managed to frighten her into coughing up half on the spot. She promises to give balance at end of month.

Excuse the cynicism, but did she say which month??????

punisher5112

Wow I'm very surprised Wexford

rainbowtrout

Wexford96 wrote: »

Managed to get half of the debt back of this person. Came on extremely heavy about medical expenses for a family member. Managed to frighten her into coughing up half on the spot.
She promises to give balance at end of month.

Fair play to you for getting half of it back and I hope you get the rest back. More than anything it does show that’s she’s more than capable of paying you back but was choosing not to, and that she didn’t need the top up she asked for either.

sbsquarepants

Many years back I "loaned" and ex 3.5k for, I kid you not, a boob job.
Gave me a bulshít story about waiting on a cheque to clear and she'd pay me back inside a week.

Not so much as a sighting of either the money or the tits since

Unanimous

Wexford96 wrote: »

Turning down this 250 will mean a "falling out" and her storming away, and I'll never see her of the 500 balance again. It's like she's using that 500 as collateral or something?
How can I not give the 250 AND get my original 500 back?
I know Im soft, and dont need anyone here to tell me that.
Thanks for replies above.

Storm away to where!? Girl press her for your money (I don't mean f

Wexford96

rushfan wrote: »

Wexford96 wrote:

Managed to get half of the debt back of this person. Came on extremely heavy about medical expenses for a family member. Managed to frighten her into coughing up half on the spot. She promises to give balance at end of month.

Excuse the cynicism, but did she say which month??????

No need to excuse yourself. 
She said this month. Let's see if it materialises.