Friend borrowing money

Wexford96

I've had a work colleage borrow from me. It was 1000 pounds and this was 12 months ago. Ive managed to get it down to 500, but today she asked for 250 more and that she'll pay the whole amount back in a few weeks when she is sorted out.
Over the last year, I've had to work hard to get some of the money back. She always has some drama going on meaning she's always broke. 
Can I believe that she might give me back the whole amount if I help her this time?
Or has she 0 respect for me and is just giving me another bad excuse.
Thank you

SuperSean11

She’s taking the piss

Big Bag of Chips

You'll never see it. Where is she suddenly going to get 750 to pay you back of she hasn't been able to pay you 500 back?

She might have every intention of paying it back, but you won't see it.

D3V!L

Don't entertain her

Wexford96

Turning down this 250 will mean a "falling out" and her storming away, and I'll never see her of the 500 balance again. It's like she's using that 500 as collateral or something?
How can I not give the 250 AND get my original 500 back?
I know Im soft, and dont need anyone here to tell me that.
Thanks for replies above.

neonsofa

Wexford96 wrote: »

Turning down this 250 will mean a "falling out" and her storming away, and I'll never see her of the 500 balance again. It's like she's using that 500 as collateral or something?
How can I not give the 250 AND get my original 500 back?
I know Im soft, and dont need anyone here to tell me that.
Thanks for replies above.

Think of that 500 euro as the cost of an important lesson and leave it be. Let her storm away.

Chancer3001

Tell her you can't afford it.

That you need the 500 back

surrender monkey

Don't lend her the money. As the saying goes .... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She is being nice as pie to get the money off you but gratitude is shortest lived emotion there is.... today you're a great friend for bailing me out come payday you're the pr*ck they owe money to.... they will screen your calls and fob you off. I had a friend like this , I always bailed him out and he always, always reneged on our agreement and made me feel like a scab for asking for my money back. That said it was my fault for repeatedly bailing him out. I finally came to my senses and ended a 20 year friendship when I heard how he was talking about me to mutual friends for asking for 100 back from a 400 debt long overdue. I was on my uppers at the time but he was telling me I was loaded and didn't need it ma while he was doing bits and pieces of upgrades to his house. In then end I said goodbye to the money safe in the knowledge that after 20 years 400 Euro was worth more to him than I was!

amcalester

Tell her you’d love to but some wagon owes you 500 and won’t pay it back.

Wexford96

surrender monkey wrote: »

Don't lend her the money.  As the saying goes .... fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She is being nice as pie to get the money off you but gratitude is shortest lived emotion there is.... today you're a great friend for bailing me out come payday you're the pr*ck they owe money to.... they will screen your calls and fob you off. I had a friend like this , I always bailed him out and he always, always reneged on our agreement and made me feel like a scab for asking for my money back. That said it was my fault for repeatedly bailing him out. I finally came to my senses and ended a 20  year friendship when I heard how he was talking about me to mutual friends for asking for 100 back from a 400 debt long overdue. I was on my uppers at the time but he was telling me I was loaded and didn't need it ma while he was doing bits and pieces of upgrades to his house. In then end I said goodbye to the money safe in the knowledge that after 20 years 400 Euro was worth more to him than I was!

Wow

surrender monkey

Wexford96 wrote: »

Wow

Yeah Wex lad don't be that soldier! In fact I would start applying the thumb screws on the little fecker and tell her you want 100 a payday off her till the 500 is paid off or you will go further about it. Take it from me she is playing you like a finely tuned piano! She's only a colleague not a friend and quite clearly a skilful manipulator with absolutely no moral compas. If you lend her more money you will be down that too and kicking yourself ! Just say sorry but my sister needs a lend, have to pay car tax or any other valid sounding excuse as to why you haven't got it and actually while we are on the subject I'm Gona need 100 off that debt next week. If she throws the toys out of the pram report the scabby Fecker to management

Scraggs

I would follow the advice above but I wouldn't even offer an excuse. It's your money, you work hard for it to spend as you please not to fund her "drama". Don't feel bad for saying no and asking for what you're owed back.


Edited to add.... You ask if she has zero respect for you and in my opinion the fact that she even asked a work colleague for money shows that she doesn't have respect for you nevermind the fact she hasn't paid it back. Users like her make my blood boil!

rushfan

Scraggs wrote:

I would follow the advice above but I wouldn't even offer an excuse. It's your money, you work hard for it to spend as you please not to fund her "drama". Don't feel bad for saying no and asking for what you're owed back.

Absolutely, no way I'd be giving excuses. Question is: does she owe anyone else money? Had a similar situation myself with the brother in law, I hounded him until it was repaid.

Wexford96

surrender monkey wrote: »

Wexford96 wrote: »

Wow

Yeah Wex lad don't be that soldier! In fact I would start applying the thumb screws on the little fecker and tell her you want 100 a payday off her till the 500 is paid off or you will go further about it. Take it from me she is playing you like a finely tuned piano! She's only a colleague not a friend and quite clearly a skilful manipulator with absolutely no moral compas. If you lend her more money you will be down that too and kicking yourself ! Just say sorry but my sister needs a lend, have to pay car tax or any other valid sounding excuse as to why you haven't got it and actually while we are on the subject I'm Gona need 100 off that debt next week. If she throws the toys out of the pram report the scabby Fecker  to management

Thanks for quality advice. I've got the sense now to refuse the additional 250. How do I go after the original 500?

Dial Hard

Wexford96 wrote:

Thanks for quality advice. I've got the sense now to refuse the additional 250. How do I go after the original 500?

You say "Sorry, I don't have €250 to spare and I'll need that other €500 you owe me back by payday."

It really is that simple.

rushfan

Wexford96 wrote:

Thanks for quality advice. I've got the sense now to refuse the additional 250. How do I go after the original 500?

You could also mention it in passing in front of a colleague or two.

EIREDriver

I knew a girl the exact same (actually from Wexford) . She asked me for a loan once to pay for college and I fobbed her off. No contact for a few months, then she popped up out of the blue again. All sweetness until she's turned down and then disappears -probably to chat up some other lad in order to "borrow" a few Euro from. I heard recently she was in some trouble with guards and had concocted some story about one of her friends stealing communion money from her sister. (In order to get unpaid drug money back). A bizarre woman and am so glad I never lent her a cent.

I'd echo what someone above said and use this as a perfect excuse to get back your 500. Just say you're stuck for money yourself and really need the 500.

surrender monkey

rushfan wrote: »

You could also mention it in passing in front of a colleague or two.

This ! Embarrass her into it. I wouldn't go asking for the full amount in one go it's unrealistic. If you're paid weekly I'd ask for 100 a week if monthly go 250 one month 250 the next. See how much effort you had to put in to get the first 500 ? I would ramp that up. I would text her everyday, ring, say it in front of colleagues, call to her house etc. I would make her so pissed off that she'd be going to a loan shark to pay me back. After I got the money I'd be polite and standoffish and give her a wide berth. My ex mate still rings me, I shoot the breeze with him but the elephant in the room is never mentioned and sadly I haven't seen him in about a year. We would have been in regular contact before then.

Purple Mountain

If she doesn't repay you or start with a repayment plan after verbally asking her, I'd sent her an email reminding her that she owes you 500e and the date of the original loan and ask her to kindly set out a repayment structure in writing.

Things in writing are a lot more official and might put the wind up her.

splinter65

Wexford96 wrote: »

Turning down this 250 will mean a "falling out" and her storming away, and I'll never see her of the 500 balance again. It's like she's using that 500 as collateral or something?
How can I not give the 250 AND get my original 500 back?
I know Im soft, and dont need anyone here to tell me that.
Thanks for replies above.

Please don’t loan her any more money. If you want to give her the money as a gift then do just as long as you know your never going to get it back.
Ask yourself this.
I assume she has a family and friends.
Why is she asking a colleague for a loan?
Why not ask her family members or friends.
I’ll tell you why. She has “borrowed” money from all of them and never repaid it. So they won’t give her anymore.
She doesn’t repay her loans. She really intends to, but something always comes up...she needs a new phone...she gets a few things in Penney’s...a family dinner in a restaurant...someone’s birthday...
That’s how it is.
Just tell her that you haven’t got €250 and that you need the other €500 by the end of the month, literally “ actually I wouldn’t have €250 to give you and while we’re here, I’ll need that €500 you still owe me by the end of the month. I like your shoes, are they new?”.

MissShihTzu

What did she want such a large sum of money for? Your colleague must be desperate to ask you for money, OP. She's clearly done this before and has bridges burning behind her. Can't you smell them?

Wexford96

MissShihTzu wrote: »

What did she want such a large sum of money for?  Your colleague must be desperate to ask you for money, OP.  She's clearly done this before and has bridges burning behind her.  Can't you smell them?

Can't you smell them? :D
We are colleagues as well as being in roughly the same large group socially. We have lots of friends/work acquaintances in common. 
I presume she spotted me for the idiot/softie that I am, and decided to try her luck.
Thanks for your reply.

surrender monkey

Does she even say why she wants the money when she asks op?

Wexford96

surrender monkey wrote: »

Does she even say why she wants the money when she asks op?

Yep. There's always something going on to delay repayment. The initial amount was to buy a car. Then there were hospital bills for a parent, not making the rent and other things. The biggest expense is her drinking I expect.
Anyway, thanks to the encouragement I've received here, I've hardened my attitude and have determined to get every penny back somehow.

Big Bag of Chips

Don't be too hard on yourself, you can 100% guarantee that you are not the only one in your social circle (and outside it) she owed money to. My sister in law used to be like this. We were the ones who loaned her money, she'd give it back one day and ring a day or 2 later looking for more.

We eventually stopped. She went around to different groups of friends borrowing money, and when someone would look for it back she'd just disappear and move onto another group of friends.

Your friend owes money to family, friends, neighbours, work colleagues. And she's promising them a she'll pay it back in a few weeks.

surrender monkey

Wexford96 wrote: »

Yep. There's always something going on to delay repayment. The initial amount was to buy a car. Then there were hospital bills for a parent, not making the rent and other things. The biggest expense is her drinking I expect.
Anyway, thanks to the encouragement I've received here, I've hardened my attitude and have determined to get every penny back somehow.

I sincerely doubt she had to pay her parents bill . . This is what Gauls me about this type of person has money for a night out or something they want for themselves but won't pay the person who bailed them out it's a lot easier to spend money than it is to make it ! Even better if it's someone elses

Purple Mountain

For what it's worth. You sound like a decent ole skin as us country folk say.
You are not a softie, you just see the good in people. And expect the same in return.
But unfortunately for you, some people don't have your morals.
But hold faith in the good people you attract to your life and wash your hands of the likes of her.

orthsquel

If you want to get the money back from her, tell her firmly no, you can't give her money and tell her you want your 500 back by a certain day. Every day from then, ask her for the money. If the day passes and she doesn't give it, ask her every day until she hands over the 500 quid to you, for the money back.

Once you get the money back, never lend a penny to her, but the chances are she'll have learned you're serious about getting the money back and won't ask you again anyway. If she does though, always say no, and if she comes up with a sob story or gets defensive remind her how she never paid you back on time and hassle it caused you to get it back.

Don't let this put you off lending money to people, though. You need to be much more selective about who you lend to. I once had a colleague, a very proud woman who hated to ask for money and approached me for a very small amount of money (less than €20) for a bus fare home. I knew she was proud and I knew she'd repay me. She paid me back the next morning, as soon as I came in the door, and the only other occasion she asked, it was always paid back straight away without me ever having to ask. That's the sort of person to lend to, someone who would be mortified owing another person money, who will pay back rightaway not someone who has on-going financial dramas and excuses to never pay you back.

ironwalk

Great advice orthsquel.

The other advice my parents gave me was to never lend money that you couldn't afford to lose.

Wexford96, the mistake you made is to think that other people are decent and honourable as you are....don't be shy about asking for your money back from someone who doesn't have your own moral compass.

We teach people how to treat us, so treat yourself with more respect. Treat her with the respect she has shown you. That's your money, you've earned it, and someday, you'll be down and really need it.

Bambi985

Neither a lender nor a borrower be, was what my grandmother always said. I'm not remotely stingy but I also am not willing to get into these precarious situations with friends or acquaintances because nothing sours a friendship faster or causes bad blood than a money "deal" gone wrong.

I'd never personally ask a friend or worse - a colleague - like wtf? - for a loan and unless they were about to actually starve or become homeless or something, would be very wary of someone who would ask me for same.

Just say no OP, simple as that. You're well within your rights and shouldn't have to explain herself. Remind her that you'll be needing that 500 too and set out a deadline and chase her til she pays up as others have advised.

y0ssar1an22

lets be pragmatic.....

you work with her, you must have an inkling of her personal situation and the money she's on. start charging her interest. ask her for £800 back. Although messy, agree with her to set up a SO on payday? 800 over 3 months is still better than 750 in 2 weeks.

as for the respect part, honestly, i'm gonna presume you're kind hearted(dont read pushover here!!) (BTW the best trait someone can have). **** if she respects you, once you respect yourself thats all that matters.