Prostitutes?massage no. on husbands phone?

LegacyUser

Hi long time user but have to go anon for this.
My husband has cheated on me before, and we have tried, or at least I have, but I do not trust him at all.

Had a look at his phone there, and there is a text message to him from one of his friends , with a phone number and a womans name. It says price is €26.

I looked at phone records online and he dialled that number and spoke for a minute literally a minute after he got the text.

That was two weeks ago, and the number hasn't been dialled since. I of course have tried to call it, but no answer. I can't confront until I know something, but €26? Could that be anything? Feeling sick to my stomach.

JackTaylorFan

Why on earth are you calling this number for? The writing's on the wall. Your husband is the problem. You should be confronting him not an escort.

Sorry to hear your husband is a cad but you need to stop scapegoating and deal.

testicles

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PopTarts

The only problem is that there is no trust. You should not be looking at his phone.

I doubt he is getting anything sexual from a woman for €26. Figure might be standard for a massage.

JackTaylorFan

testicles wrote: »

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You'd be surprised what a strung out junkie would do for a fix

lawred2

26 is a strange amount... Wouldn't imagine you'd get much services for that.

Teyla Emmagan

I think he might be an innocent party. At least this time around.

RockDesk

That might even be something he bought from adverts.ie or similar.

vectorvictor

Sounds more like a done deal or adverts transaction - probably for a second phone to stop you snooping!

On a serious can you live with a life of suspicion like this?

wally1990

€26?

Can’t imagine it being a hooker and the amount is funny ?

You’d expect round amounts

What hooker wants change handed over anyway

And seems too cheap

But you have a bigger issue and that’s trust

Murdoc90

You're never going to be able relax in this marriage, this week it's a dodgy number and price what will it be the next time you check? It's no way to live and your paranoia and trust issues will slowly eat you up.

TheBoyConor

OP that could be in relation to anything. As said, it could be for buying something off dondeal or whatever, who knows.

For goodness sake, what hooker would charge an odd figure of €26? Is she gonna give you backa tenner and 2x €2 coins after the deed? Perhaps she will give a VAT receipt also?

Katgurl

As the others have said I doubt it's a prostitute and could be anything.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Do you really want a relationship where you feel the need to check his phone and every tiny thing sends you twirling into a panic?

It's a long road back from infidelity. Some people can manage it, some can't depending on the circumstances.

I would not be able to live with the anxiety, suspicion and lack of trust. Only you can decide if this relationship is something you want to persevere with. If yes then you need to sit down with your husband and discuss what you are going to do. Did you try counselling already? This situation you've described is untenable. So something needs to change.

TheBoyConor

To be honest I think if the trust is broken to the extend that you are convinced that him buying a second hand computer monitor off donedeal from Mary down the road for €26 is him cheating again , then you're relationship is screwed.

No-one needs this level of dramatics in their life. Do yourself and your husband a favour and dump your husband and get on with your life and let him get on with his however he wants to, even if he that turns out to be relentless philandering, he can do so without guilt.

zig

Neither a hooker or a massage id say. A legit massage would cost you min €50.

Still weird and dodgy and given his past habits you've good reason to suspect its something weird.

Mr. Incognito

Its not a prostitute.

€26 Euro is likely something small that his mate knew someone was selling.

You need to work on this issues and stop snooping through other peoples phones

This is the madness that ensues

beertons

26 quid wouldn't get you far. Ask him.

georgina toadbum

Anything around the 25e range would strike me as being a bag of weed rather than a hooker.

gaynorvader

1. Given his history your concerns are valid
2. As others have said, the amount means it's probably not a prostitute
3. Talk to him, explain to him you're still working on rebuilding the trust and that it's going to take some time, and admit you looked at his phone and was wondering what the text was about.

After that it's up to you whether you can believe his explanation. He might get angry that you looked at his phone without his permission, so be prepared to apologise for that (even though you might feel justified). Trust can never be rebuilt if you're not willing to give him a chance to be honest.

Xterminator

Hi Op

2 wrongs don't make a right.

he wronged you in the past. you have trust issues.
Snooping and spying on him is wrong.

And it makes you feel worse too. Address the elephant in the room, the state of your relationship, and for your own sanity stop snooping.

Neyite

Have you googled the number to see if there's any idea there?

To be honest, it sounds like nothing to be overly suspicious - it sounds like a follow-up to a conversation they had. I got a similar one about a car part from my partner a few months back - just a name, number and price. We had discussed it earlier that morning and he said he had the number of a guy in a garage at work and would forward it on with an estimate of what the part would cost when he got to the office.

Or, like others say, it could be a bag of weed, or someone selling something the friend knows your husband is looking for, he spotted it on an Ad and maybe just said something like "saw in the paper yesterday that someone was selling X that you wanted - I'll text you on the details to ring them.

€26 seems like an odd amount for a sex act- though admittedly I've no idea of prices of sex services!

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

As the others have said I doubt it's a prostitute and could be anything.

I think you need to look at the bigger picture. Do you really want a relationship where you feel the need to check his phone and every tiny thing sends you twirling into a panic?

It's a long road back from infidelity. Some people can manage it, some can't depending on the circumstances.

I would not be able to live with the anxiety, suspicion and lack of trust. Only you can decide if this relationship is something you want to persevere with. If yes then you need to sit down with your husband and discuss what you are going to do. Did you try counselling already? This situation you've described is untenable. So something needs to change.

I have a plan, and unfortunately cannot leave for another two years.

It is impossible to talk to him, I found out he was having an affair (which he will still deny) by putting a recorder in his car. Desperate times, desperate measures, but I HAD to know.

He was incensed that I had spied on him. Told me that next time he found I was checking on him, that would be it.

So yes I do still spy, and am careful not to be caught. It's an occasional thing, just when I get a weird feeling.

I am anxious ALL the time. I don;t trust him at all, but I am not in a position to change anything just yet, going through the motions.

LegacyUser

gaynorvader wrote: »

1. Given his history your concerns are valid
2. As others have said, the amount means it's probably not a prostitute
3. Talk to him, explain to him you're still working on rebuilding the trust and that it's going to take some time, and admit you looked at his phone and was wondering what the text was about.

After that it's up to you whether you can believe his explanation. He might get angry that you looked at his phone without his permission, so be prepared to apologise for that (even though you might feel justified). Trust can never be rebuilt if you're not willing to give him a chance to be honest.

If he knew I had looked at his phone the s**t would hit the fan.

I don't ever believe a word he says, I'm working on trying to get away

LegacyUser

Neyite wrote: »

Have you googled the number to see if there's any idea there?

To be honest, it sounds like nothing to be overly suspicious - it sounds like a follow-up to a conversation they had. I got a similar one about a car part from my partner a few months back - just a name, number and price. We had discussed it earlier that morning and he said he had the number of a guy in a garage at work and would forward it on with an estimate of what the part would cost when he got to the office.

Or, like others say, it could be a bag of weed, or someone selling something the friend knows your husband is looking for, he spotted it on an Ad and maybe just said something like "saw in the paper yesterday that someone was selling X that you wanted - I'll text you on the details to ring them.

€26 seems like an odd amount for a sex act- though admittedly I've no idea of prices of sex services!

You're probably right, it most likely is nothing, just can never seem to shake the feeling that he is up to something.

FizzleSticks

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vectorvictor

wife2222 wrote: »

I have a plan, and unfortunately cannot leave for another two years.

It is impossible to talk to him, I found out he was having an affair (which he will still deny) by putting a recorder in his car. Desperate times, desperate measures, but I HAD to know.

He was incensed that I had spied on him. Told me that next time he found I was checking on him, that would be it.

So yes I do still spy, and am careful not to be caught. It's an occasional thing, just when I get a weird feeling.

I am anxious ALL the time. I don;t trust him at all, but I am not in a position to change anything just yet, going through the motions.

Sounds horrific. Choosing (no matter what the circumstances) another two years of being paranoid and anxious is utter madness. Re-read what you have just written and ask yourself what you would say to your daughter/mother/sister if they said the same thing to you. Spying and checking up is something that some people actually perversely enjoy and stay around in a miserable relationship for the satisfaction of being right, be careful of that trap.

I wish you the best of luck OP but you come across like you are in a bubble that nobody on here will be able to talk you out of as your behavior is irrational on every level (albeit somewhat understandable given the history)

Hope all works out for you.

LegacyUser

An odd figure like that is more likely to be a ticket for something as people would sell for cost price which wouldn’t usually be a round amount

Katgurl

Oh op. I'm sorry but this sounds horrendous. A friend of mine went through an experience that was maybe similar; her partner was sleeping with all and sundry, she confronted him, he said he'd stop. Then when she was heavily pregnant she discovered he was at it again.

She discovered through spying methods.

She stayed and continued to spy. Honestly I started losing all patience for and sympathy with her.

My advice to you is the same as I gave her. You know who you are with, you know his character and even though you may not approve by staying you are accepting it. So there is no point trying to catch him out. You are going to find out information you already know. The previous poster was right about getting a kick out of the spying and being right. I think in her case she felt she had given in too easily the first time and wanted to stay so she could continue to get mad and punish him.

Why can't you leave for two years? And if you just physically stay don't stay emotionally in the relationship. Decide for yourself it's over and think of the sort of future you want for yourself. It's not this man. Continuing to check up on him (and believe me I understand the compulsion) will only hurt you.

You deserve better. His infidelities are a reflection of his poor character, not you.

Airyfairy12

If youre trying to get away and you have an escape plan why do you care about his affairs? You know he wont change, if you thought he would you wouldnt be planning to leave in 2 years down the line. You need to mentally and emotionally check out of this relationship and stop holding on to it. He's going to cheat, you both know this. The sooner you stop tormenting yourself and leave him the sooner this will all be over. It will be a relief when you leave and you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it earlier.

paw patrol

wife2222 wrote: »

If he knew I had looked at his phone the s**t would hit the fan.

I don't ever believe a word he says, I'm working on trying to get away

then why do you care what he does?
you are only beating yourself up , when you admit you've checked out of this marriage.

you can leave him if you aren't happy you don't need proof of wrong doing or anything sinister.
In fact , it's quite childish if you are trying to catch him out on something to justify leaving.
If the marriage is dead, just walk. Stop wasting his and your own time.

timmy880

If your plan is to stay 2 years (whatever the reason) and then leave then why care what he does at this stage? It feels like you've accepted this is over but still want everything to be great between ye in the mean time? Give yourself some peace of mind and accept that you're going to have a happy future without the worry and stress of waiting for your husband to cheat on you again.

Good luck!