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She never texts first, red flag?

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    #32
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    Ten days with zero contact from her?! What was her text to you, was it something generic like "hey how are you" or did she actually lead the conversation in any way at all? Did she instigate the date or did you? Who ended up planning it?

    If I didn't text a guy I was dating for ten days, it would either be because I had fallen off the face of the earth or I was entirely 'meh' about him and he wasn't in my head very much in the first place. No guy I have an interest in is dropping out of my brain entirely for more than a few days, never mind almost two weeks. The only other option is that she's playing some sort of games where she expects you to do the chasing indefinitely and frankly could you be arsed like!


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    #33
    sassyj
    Registered Users Posts: 733 ✭✭✭sassyj


    Did you ask her where she'd been or what she'd been up to. I'd have wanted a good reason for 10 days silence before arranging another date! Would not be impressed if she didn't address it.


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    #34
    Jasper_
    Registered Users Posts: 109 ✭✭Jasper_


    She was out of the country for a week on holidays. Which I knew about. Admittedly I still find it off that she let it go so long, but i'm happy to gauge it from here. She suggested the date.


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    #35
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,341 ✭✭✭tara73


    Jasper_ wrote: »
    She was out of the country for a week on holidays. Which I knew about. Admittedly I still find it off that she let it go so long, but i'm happy to gauge it from here. She suggested the date.

    but be careful. you're just so happy now she didn't 'forget you' you seem to take her actions with no consideration for your self worth.
    It's the easiest thing these days to text or whatsapp from a holiday..

    For me, and almost all others here, her behaviour means trouble for you if you engage further. She doesn't like you as you like her.


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    #36
    Pelvis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,758 ✭✭✭Pelvis


    She's a flake, I wouldn't bother with her if I was in your shoes.


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    #37
    osarusan
    Registered Users Posts: 16,583 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    From her perspective, not knowing that she was being 'tested', you simply didn't text her for 10 days either, and she doesn't seem to have been bothered by your failure to text as usual - maybe she's just not a big texter in general.


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    #38
    Mokuba
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,690 ✭✭✭Mokuba


    Most people have their heads in their phones all day. If not for social/recreation purposes then for work etc.

    10 days is a very, very long time in this day and age.

    The ONE time you didn't initiate it took 10 days for a response. That is incredible.

    She is clearly not all that bothered. She might have other options (my theory) that she is more interested in, or she might be just busy.

    If it were me, I'd be telling her thanks but no thanks. Find someone who is even a small bit bothered about you.


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    #39
    miamee
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 12,076 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee


    I'd cut her some slack, she was on holidays for 7 of those 10 days and some people do tend to (shock, horror) switch off completely on holidays.


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    #40
    LoMismo
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 63 ✭✭LoMismo


    miamee wrote: »
    I'd cut her some slack, she was on holidays for 7 of those 10 days and some people do tend to (shock, horror) switch off completely on holidays.

    Do they really? I just went backpacking in Central America. As an oldie I told them last time I went backpacking in South America no one had mobiles with them, which was around 2009! There weren't really any smart phones at the time, that I knew of anyway.
    Anyway this time round everyone in hostels was on their phone pretty much all the time. This wan sounds like a flaker, pursue with caution.


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    #41
    miamee
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Regional East Moderators, Regional North West Moderators Posts: 12,076 Mod ✭✭✭✭miamee


    LoMismo wrote: »
    Do they really? I just went backpacking in Central America. As an oldie I told them last time I went backpacking in South America no one had mobiles with them, which was around 2009! There weren't really any smart phones at the time, that I knew of anyway.
    Anyway this time round everyone in hostels was on their phone pretty much all the time. This wan sounds like a flaker, pursue with caution.

    Some people do, particularly if they are on it all the time otherwise. I tend to stick it in flight mode so I can use it for taking photos but not be bothered with anything else. Admittedly I would turn flight mode off at some stage in the day to check messages but wouldn't be sending any unless there was a special reason.

    Just a suggestion, it may or may not be relevant to OPs date.


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    #42
    neonsofa
    Registered Users Posts: 5,476 ✭✭✭neonsofa


    miamee wrote: »
    Some people do, particularly if they are on it all the time otherwise. I tend to stick it in flight mode so I can use it for taking photos but not be bothered with anything else. Admittedly I would turn flight mode off at some stage in the day to check messages but wouldn't be sending any unless there was a special reason.

    Just a suggestion, it may or may not be relevant to OPs date.

    Yeah I wouldn't be messaging someone I'd only gone on 4 dates with while I'm on holiday. Maybe I'd reply if they texted me but I wouldn't be striking up conversation.


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    #43
    skallywag
    Registered Users Posts: 2,992 ✭✭✭skallywag


    Bambi985 wrote: »
    If I didn't text a guy I was dating for ten days, it would either be because I had fallen off the face of the earth or I was entirely 'meh' about him and he wasn't in my head very much in the first place.

    Agree strongly with this.

    I would imagine that she is not too pushed, or the OP is well down the pecking order.


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    #44
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    If I met someone I liked, I'd not go radio silence on them even after just 4 dates. Even though you're still only in the very early stages of what might become something more, you'd still like to keep some sort of connection going. I don't think anyone is expecting a texting frenzy but sending the odd text doesn't hurt. I've a feeling this one sees the OP as an option rather than a priority.


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    #45
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users Posts: 18,270 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    miamee wrote: »
    I'd cut her some slack, she was on holidays for 7 of those 10 days and some people do tend to (shock, horror) switch off completely on holidays.

    People also tend do a lot of sitting around, relaxing on holidays.


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    #46
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    neonsofa wrote: »
    Yeah I wouldn't be messaging someone I'd only gone on 4 dates with while I'm on holiday. Maybe I'd reply if they texted me but I wouldn't be striking up conversation.

    I would if I was really into them.


    Op don't waste your time, she's a messer. You'll be back here posting soon that it's all over or it's all very messy. You deserve better


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    #47
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    I'd bring it up on the date if it were me OP. "I was beginning to think you fell down a well!" type of thing and see what she says.

    It gives her an opportunity to address the fact that she's just not much of a texter if that's the case or to explain that she totally unplugged while she was away etc etc. Might give you some clarity on things.

    I've dated those non-texter types before and never experienced this total silence with them though. You might not get a moment-by-moment account of their day via whatsapp but they'll throw you a "hey fancy meeting on Saturday" or "how's your week" if they're interested. It's kind of a universal code of conduct when you fancy someone - don't let the line run cold. How much fun is this relationship going to be if you have to constantly wonder when you'll next hear from her between dates anyway?


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