Wedding gift?

masterboy123

I have my friends wedding soon and wondering what's the wedding gift trend at the moment like?
The couple has arranged a nice venue and it's a dinner party. Given the venue is far from the city I need to do overnight stay in the same venue. I can not book the overnight stay myself as on the website it says they don't accept individual bookings and on the wedding invitation card it says to rsvp whether doing an overnight stay. I am not sure how the overnight stay going to be covered. I think the couples will pay directly to the hotel.
So in this case how much money would be reasonable? It will be 2 of us attending the wedding.
Any suggestions please.
Thanks

GingerLily

Give what you can afford, but most couples give 150e - 200e (the latter is the most common).

masterboy123

And do we pay our overnight stay charge on top of 200e? Is it usual that wedding couples pay for the room??

GingerLily wrote: »

Give what you can afford, but most couples give 150e - 200e (the latter is the most common).

stampydmonkey

masterboy123 wrote: »

And do we pay our overnight stay charge on top of 200e? Is it usual that wedding couples pay for the room??

Yes. Accommodation and gift are usually separate

Galadriel

masterboy123 wrote: »

And do we pay our overnight stay charge on top of 200e? Is it usual that wedding couples pay for the room??

Normally guests pay for their own rooms, maybe in this case the couple are but I wouldn't assume that, maybe when you rsvp they will let you know the cost of the room.

GingerLily

Talk to the couple about the accommodation, you'd need to pay for that and it wouldnt be included as your wedding gift.
Unless your in the bridal party or a parent of the bride and groom, I would assume you'd have to pay for accommodation. You may get lucky and they're covering it, in which case you could be more generous if you wanted with the gift.

Talk to the Bride and Groom about accommodation ASAP, before it books out.

masterboy123

The thing is I can't book the accomodation myself. The website says they don't accept individual bookings. And the wedding couple get the whole hotel / house. And unoccupied rooms are not given out to 3rd parties.
The couple knows that i need the room.

GingerLily wrote: »

Talk to the couple about the accommodation, you'd need to pay for that and it wouldnt be included as your wedding gift.
Unless your in the bridal party or a parent of the bride and groom, I would assume you'd have to pay for accommodation. You may get lucky and they're covering it, in which case you could be more generous if you wanted with the gift.

Talk to the Bride and Groom about accommodation ASAP, before it books out.

Galadriel

masterboy123 wrote: »

The thing is I can't book the accomodation myself. The website says they don't accept individual bookings. And the wedding couple get the whole hotel / house. And unoccupied rooms are not given out to 3rd parties.
The couple knows that i need the room.

Just ask them the cost for the room so at least you know where you stand.

BabysCoffee

You can book your own room. You contact the hotel and tell them you are going to wedding x and they will take booking, I would imagine.

woodchuck

First of all I'd just ring the hotel to find out what the story is. If you say you're attending the wedding being held that night, they might reserve a room for you over the phone. If not, they should at least be able to tell you what price to expect and then when you rsvp for the wedding, tell the couple that you require a room at the venue.

The couple really should have been more clear if you need to request a room from them. I've been to a wedding before where we had to request a room when we RSVPed. They had a number of rooms booked, so they needed to be assigned. They contacted us closer to the date to let us know that we had a room and how much it would cost. We paid the hotel directly when checking out.

Regardless of how you book the room though, you will be expected to pay for yourself. And then the gift is additional to that. As others have said 150-200euro is the normal for couples. However you should only give what you can afford! Expensive things to attend...

Just a thought, but is there anywhere cheaper to stay near the venue? Often you can get a good deal on a local BnB or air BnB. Even including a short taxi ride it can still work out cheaper than wedding venues.

kg703

100 euro is perfectly acceptable as a wedding gift. I got married last year and bar very close family it was mostly 100 or a gift.

GingerLily

kg703 wrote: »

100 euro is perfectly acceptable as a wedding gift. I got married last year and bar very close family it was mostly 100 or a gift.

Per person or per couple?

SarahS2013

There's no way I'd only give €100 as part of a couple. Maybe if you were attending on your own perhaps.

woodchuck

SarahS2013 wrote: »

There's no way I'd only give €100 as part of a couple. Maybe if you were attending on your own perhaps.

Or if it's all you can afford...

BuboBubo

You could buy a gift for the couple which costs €60 - €100, it's much cheaper to give gifts than cash. I never give cash as a wedding present.

Contact the hotel directly regarding booking a room, the bride and groom probably block-booked/reserved a few rooms.

mcgiggles

masterboy123 wrote:

The thing is I can't book the accomodation myself. The website says they don't accept individual bookings. And the wedding couple get the whole hotel / house. And unoccupied rooms are not given out to 3rd parties. The couple knows that i need the room.

You can't book the accommodation *online* yourself.. This is usually the way with weddings that have limited rooms. The bride and groom don't want just anyone being able to book rooms if there are a limited number available. Family and friends usually have first preference. Rooms generally aren't covered by the bride and groom unless you are their parents or bridal party (even then more couples are opting not to cover bridal party) so don't assume anything. Ring the hotel and ask can you book rooms under the wedding name or do you have to talk to the couple themselves to sort..

kg703

SarahS2013 wrote: »

There's no way I'd only give €100 as part of a couple. Maybe if you were attending on your own perhaps.

100 per couple is perfectly normal. Like I said it's what we got from the majority of guests and to be honest it's what I would give unless we were involved in the wedding or family or a special circumstance.

Keeping in mind normally we have to stay in a hotel, travel etc. on top of this?

OP if someone looked down on you for giving that amount then they are not your friends or nice people. 90% of people are happy with any gift. It's their wedding, the day is to celebrate their love, they've already spent the money on the wedding regardless so anything after that is a bonus.

infor123

Hi OP, attended a wedding like this before - same idea you had to tell the bride and groom if you were doing an overnight. It was purely so they could put your name down for a room and then when I was checking out I paid. As you said they get the whole house so they are just trying to arrange the room.

€150 for a couple is the standard. If it was a really close friend or something I might up it to €200 but usually not. I wouldn’t be bothering buying a gift, don’t think it’s wanted by most really. Money is just easier.

SarahS2013

I tend to agree with above.

We already live together and so have every photo frame, fancy glassware, toaster, kettle etc etc

We'd prefer the cash to do as we please (save it, honeymoon etc)

masterboy123

Grand so.

Have a good idea now with whats going on.

Thanks all

infor123 wrote: »

Hi OP, attended a wedding like this before - same idea you had to tell the bride and groom if you were doing an overnight. It was purely so they could put your name down for a room and then when I was checking out I paid. As you said they get the whole house so they are just trying to arrange the room.

€150 for a couple is the standard. If it was a really close friend or something I might up it to €200 but usually not. I wouldn’t be bothering buying a gift, don’t think it’s wanted by most really. Money is just easier.

LirW

Good friends of us got married a bit over a year ago and we talked about gifts when we met them before Christmas. They said they received cash, restaurant vouchers for some fancy places and Debenhams vouchers. They loved them all and used them very well. We as a group of for got them a restaurant voucher (they love food!) for 200 quid; we just expected a baby and the other couple just bought a house. Nobody did look down on us and if so, they can f off.
They went to the place a month after the wedding and loved it. With some other vouchers they waited until sale was on and bought themselves fancy kitchen goods.
If you know the couple and what they want/like, a voucher is perfectly acceptable too.

A2LUE42

I'd be checking on the room cost, especially after one of the threads here last year where the guest assumed accommodation (in a country house they had booked out) was being paid for by the bride and groom, so the guest gave a larger cash gift. Then the following morning they were presented with a large accommodation bill for their room, where the b+g were effectively getting a large chunk of their bill and passing it onto their guests.

masterboy123

I checked the hotel site again and it says usual overnight stay rates are from €99 per person. That means for a couple it will be €200 per night.
Plus 200e as wedding gift. Going out of our budget And i checked the possibility of nearby 3 star hotel. But then thinking the couple would feel we are cheapo as we have already told them that we will be staying at the hotel and they may have notified the hotel by now.
Stuck now!

A2LUE42 wrote: »

I'd be checking on the room cost, especially after one of the threads here last year where the guest assumed accommodation (in a country house they had booked out) was being paid for by the bride and groom, so the guest gave a larger cash gift. Then the following morning they were presented with a large accommodation bill for their room, where the b+g were effectively getting a large chunk of their bill and passing it onto their guests.

Galadriel

masterboy123 wrote: »

I checked the hotel site again and it says usual overnight stay rates are from €99 per person. That means for a couple it will be €200 per night.
Plus 200e as wedding gift. Going out of our budget And i checked the possibility of nearby 3 star hotel. But then thinking the couple would feel we are cheapo as we have already told them that we will be staying at the hotel and they may have notified the hotel by now.
Stuck now!

They may have gotten better rates as they booked the hotel out, just ask, if it is €200 a night just say 'it's a bit out of your budget and you'll book somewhere cheaper down the road', there is nothing they can say to that as long as you are not doing it at very short notice.

BabysCoffee

masterboy123 wrote: »

I checked the hotel site again and it says usual overnight stay rates are from €99 per person. That means for a couple it will be €200 per night.
Plus 200e as wedding gift. Going out of our budget And i checked the possibility of nearby 3 star hotel. But then thinking the couple would feel we are cheapo as we have already told them that we will be staying at the hotel and they may have notified the hotel by now.
Stuck now!

If you find a more reasonably priced place book in and then advise the couple that you don't need them to hold a room for you. They won't mind once you give them plenty of notice. No friend would judge you as "cheapo"

tringle

I worked at a wedding venue, it didn't have a huge amount of rooms so accommodation was booked through the bride and groom but paid at checkout by the guests. The bride and groom would fill out a table with the name of each guest and the room allocated, it was an old building with varying different standards. The bride and groom know the needs of the guests. We also had many guests stay in local B&Bs and a hotel in the next town. We would have a taxi driver booked for the evening to do all the ferrying.
However, look up local places to stay and book what you are comfortable with. If it doesn't have many rooms the bride and groom might be happy anyway. Just tell them you found somewhere you would prefer to stay, but do it soon.

mcgiggles

masterboy123 wrote:

I checked the hotel site again and it says usual overnight stay rates are from €99 per person. That means for a couple it will be €200 per night. Plus 200e as wedding gift. Going out of our budget And i checked the possibility of nearby 3 star hotel. But then thinking the couple would feel we are cheapo as we have already told them that we will be staying at the hotel and they may have notified the hotel by now. Stuck now!

Just got married at Christmas and would have had absolutely no problem if one of my friends said hey its okay we don't need a room, we got sorted, I wouldn't be offended or think any less of them! I'd much rather that then them leaving themselves stuck for cash!

SheepGoHere

I have always gifted cash sums of upwards of 150 (as a couple) but even as I did it I thought it was bonkers money. Now that I'm planning a wedding and can see just how much care and time and mostly - money - goes into it, I will be more generous in future. I know that couples choose to have weddings, choose venues and menus and choose to invite people to celebrate with them, and that there should be no implied fee with that, but consider that at a wedding you consume a three/four/five course meal, wine, champagne, canapes, cake etc etc, you then most likely enjoy live music, maybe a dj, personalised favours and touches.

If you went to any restaurant, even a substandard restaurant, you'd pay big money for all of that food and drink. I used to think of a cash gift as a nice gesture towards the bride and grooms life together, now I can see that it often doesn't even come close to paying for me being there for the day, never mind all the money and planning they put in to all the different aspects of their wedding.

Weddings do cost crazy money now more than ever, and the expectation to provide hundreds of euro per wedding is a bit insane, but remember that an invite is just that, and can be graciously declined.

Please don't go giving people toasters and candlesticks though.

lazygal

I've never been to a wedding in a venue I'd choose to go to. We usually give cash but when we got married it was our choice to have the big day. It costs €200 to get married. Anything outside that is a choice that no one else but the couple should feel obliged to pay for.

SarahS2013

lazygal wrote: »

I've never been to a wedding in a venue I'd choose to go to. We usually give cash but when we got married it was our choice to have the big day. It costs €200 to get married. Anything outside that is a choice that no one else but the couple should feel obliged to pay for.

It's €200 just to get the licence alone!

lazygal

SarahS2013 wrote: »

It's €200 just to get the licence alone!

No, that's the total cost of getting married legally in Ireland. We chose to get married twice, once in the registry office and the cost of that licence included the legal ceremony. The big day we had in addition was 100% our choice as it is for everyone else. It's not your guests' duty to pay for your choice of wedding.

mcgiggles

lazygal wrote:

I've never been to a wedding in a venue I'd choose to go to. We usually give cash but when we got married it was our choice to have the big day. It costs €200 to get married. Anything outside that is a choice that no one else but the couple should feel obliged to pay for.

Don't want to derail the thread but thank you!!!!!! I've actually heard people say "you can't get married in Ireland for less than 30k". Em yes you can. Getting married costs 200euro. The party afterwards costs whatever you make it cost! You don't HAVE to have any of it!

SarahS2013

lazygal wrote: »

No, that's the total cost of getting married legally in Ireland. We chose to get married twice, once in the registry office and the cost of that licence included the legal ceremony. The big day we had in addition was 100% our choice as it is for everyone else. It's not your guests' duty to pay for your choice of wedding.

I stand corrected. I didn't realise that included civil ceremony. Ours is humanist as we wanted to get married on a Saturday (so we weren't asking people to take a day off work) so we're having to pay for the licence, almost €600 for a celebrant as well as venue hire. Would have been cheaper to get married in a church I'm sure!! :eek:

lazygal

SarahS2013 wrote: »

I stand corrected. I didn't realise that included civil ceremony. Ours is humanist as we wanted to get married on a Saturday (so we weren't asking people to take a day off work) so we're having to pay for the licence, almost €600 for a celebrant as well as venue hire. Would have been cheaper to get married in a church I'm sure!! :eek:

We had a humanist big day. It was way cheaper than getting married in our church, not that we ever would anyway, between marriage paperwork donations, priest donations, pre marriage course with the dodgy Accord organisation etc.
Everyone pays the €200 fee, no matter where you get married or who marries you. We felt we might as well get our moneys worth.

SheepGoHere

mcgiggles wrote: »

Don't want to derail the thread but thank you!!!!!! I've actually heard people say "you can't get married in Ireland for less than 30k". Em yes you can. Getting married costs 200euro. The party afterwards costs whatever you make it cost! You don't HAVE to have any of it!

To be fair I really love hearing that all you have to do is attend the registry office with the 200 quid and the appropriate paperwork. This is so very true. I am tiring of hearing 'oh you HAVE to have a cake, you HAVE to get your makeup done, you HAVE to have a 3 week honeymoon, you have to have to have to'. At the end of the day if we want to get married we have to do the 'declaration of intent' bit 3 months out, then the formalities in the registry office on the day. Everything else is in addition.

LirW

SarahS2013 wrote: »

It's €200 just to get the licence alone!

I get married in the registry office for 200 quid, marriage sorted really. If anyone chooses to spend 30,40,50 or 60 grand on the wedding, their choice really.

Reminded me that there is another present you might want to be careful with: hampers.
My MIL was invited to a wedding where the mother really invited her and she hasn't seen the bride since she was a baby. She didn't want to do cash/vouchers and got a food hamper instead.
She gave us the same hamper too for Christmas and she got it with stuff that she considers as nice (she has a really strange taste, she likes popcorn with white chocolate and mint). Most of the stuff just tasted awful and we tried almost everything in it.
Also think about the size of a present, if the venue is a good bit away and a few people would bring bulky stuff, it's a task to get it home.

Good old "here's some money/voucher, pick what you like" is such a safe bet.

masterboy123

Thanks, will give money as gift.

MuffinTop86

I’m going toa wedding next week and will be giving cash. Is it best to give it in a card on the day or meet them in the few days before and give it then?

mcgiggles

MuffinTop86 wrote:

I’m going toa wedding next week and will be giving cash. Is it best to give it in a card on the day or meet them in the few days before and give it then?

Chances are they will be busy tidying up bits the days before, I'd give it on the day :-)

mrslancaster

masterboy123 wrote: »

I checked the hotel site again and it says usual overnight stay rates are from €99 per person. That means for a couple it will be €200 per night.
Plus 200e as wedding gift. Going out of our budget And i checked the possibility of nearby 3 star hotel. But then thinking the couple would feel we are cheapo as we have already told them that we will be staying at the hotel and they may have notified the hotel by now.
Stuck now!

Is the venue near enough to your home so you could get a taxi there & back at the end of the night? It might be cheaper than the room. (That's if you're not attending the second day )

s7ryf3925pivug

100 for a singleton or 150 for a couple. When we got married anything over that stood out as generous. That said less is totally okay if things are tight.. Giving nothing is sh!tty though, unless there is great expense involved in attending (like if you have to travel abroad etc).

_Dara_

Tadeo Wooden Gold wrote: »

100 for a singleton or 150 for a couple. When we got married anything over that stood out as generous. That said less is totally okay if things are tight.. Giving nothing is sh!tty though, unless there is great expense involved in attending (like if you have to travel abroad etc).

We're going to a wedding in Portugal in October. It's a friend of my husband and this guy is notoriously stingy. That's why he's getting married abroad.

He did the whole "Sure it's as cheap as attending a wedding in Ireland!" spiel so we think he'll be expecting the usual presents that he'd get if he'd had the wedding in Ireland.

jenjoeful

The general rule of thumb when giving wedding gifts is to 'cover the cost of the meal + a bit extra'
So if the hotel meals are between 50-70 euros - 150 for a couple is fair and very generous. If it's a more expensive hotel, meals cost from 75-100 or over, I would give 200. If the bride and groom decides to pay over 100 per person attending, well that's not your problem and over 200 isn't expected! If you're a close family member or friend it's up to you what you want to give. 
But give what you can afford, the couple will understand if it's costing too much.  

( if they know you're minted and you give 100 for 2 people attending, well.....)

GingerLily

I HATE the 'cover your meal' method. Your basically giving your friends who's rich parents funded the wedding tonnes of cash for their pockets and punishing friends who are funding it themselves and have a much tighter budget.

I give a gift based on my relationship with the person/couple - not the cost of the meal, because I'm giving a gift not paying a bill!!

Malari

How would you even know the cost of a meal!? Are you supposed to research the hotel's wedding packages to see what they charge per head?

I give a gift based on my friendship to the couple, not the extravagance of their wedding.

jenjoeful

GingerLily wrote: »

I HATE the 'cover your meal' method. Your basically giving your friends who's rich parents funded the wedding tonnes of cash for their pockets and punishing friends who are funding it themselves and have a much tighter budget.

I give a gift based on my relationship with the person/couple - not the cost of the meal, because I'm giving a gift not paying a bill!!

You know I actually agree with this. When I responded to the thread I made an assumption that the bride and groom were covering it. I'm getting married soon and someone else other than my Fiancee and I paying for it is not even in our comprehension. 
It's a good point to consider if it's a mammy and/or daddy paying for it - the lining the bride and grooms pockets with extra cash is just not fair on those who DIY their wedding!
Say a wedding costs 20k, then they receive gifts of 15k, - the couple that paid for it themselves are down 5k, the couple that didn't have hit the jackpot....  
It seems so wrong too....

rainbowtrout

GingerLily wrote: »

I HATE the 'cover your meal' method. Your basically giving your friends who's rich parents funded the wedding tonnes of cash for their pockets and punishing friends who are funding it themselves and have a much tighter budget.

I give a gift based on my relationship with the person/couple - not the cost of the meal, because I'm giving a gift not paying a bill!!

I'd agree. I don't see why I should give a larger gift to the couple who decided to splash out on a 5 star hotel with a meal which was €75 a head in comparison to the friend who had a smaller budget and chose the 3 star hotel for €40 a head.

Those that want to splash out - that's their choice. It's not my responsibility to fund it. Both couples would get the same gift from me assuming I'm equally close to them. I don't take into account who is paying for the wedding (most of the time I wouldn't know or care), I'm there as a guest and I'm giving a gift.

woodchuck

I tend to give 150euro as a couple by default. I think this generally covers the "cost of the plate" and the amount left over will obviously depend on the extravagance of the wedding. There's no way I'd pay more though just because someone decides to have a very expensive wedding - to be honest though I don't give it much thought as I'm never informed of how much each wedding costs! It also never occurred to me in this day and age that the parents might be paying for the wedding...

Sir_Name

jenjoeful wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

I HATE the 'cover your meal' method. Your basically giving your friends who's rich parents funded the wedding tonnes of cash for their pockets and punishing friends who are funding it themselves and have a much tighter budget.

I give a gift based on my relationship with the person/couple - not the cost of the meal, because I'm giving a gift not paying a bill!!

You know I actually agree with this. When I responded to the thread I made an assumption that the bride and groom were covering it. I'm getting married soon and someone else other than my Fiancee and I paying for it is not even in our comprehension. 
It's a good point to consider if it's a mammy and/or daddy paying for it - the lining the bride and grooms pockets with extra cash is just not fair on those who DIY their wedding!
Say a wedding costs 20k, then they receive gifts of 15k, - the couple that paid for it themselves are down 5k, the couple that didn't have hit the jackpot....  
It seems so wrong too....

I disagree with you here. Be it an actual gift or cash, the purpose of it - is a gift, for getting married! Who pays for the ceremony is irrelevant, and frankly smacks of begrudgery. Some of my friends have been fortunate enough to have had their wedding paid for or part financed by their parents and I wouldn’t for one minute entertain the notion to gift less because of it.
Would you gift less to a friend who won money and paid for it by that? Or a friend who earns a lot and was able to save for it quicker? It’s a gift!
If I attend a wedding alone I’d give €100, and as a couple I would give €200 or upwards depending on how close I am to bride/groom. That’s just me. And while you don’t invite guests to receive gifts, rocking up with your hands hanging would be very bad form IMO.
 As an aside, I am not married and if I do, I know my partner and I will be paying for it ourselves. 

200 euro is the minimum gift we give as a couple, higher amount if its a family member or one of us is a bridesmaid or groomsman.

My rule of thumb is €50 each plus €50. ie if we both go, €150, if either goes alone €100. If invited to afters only, I give zilch, mainly because I don’t go.