Feeling disheartened with trying to conceive....

Busy_nurse

Sorry if this post appears to be a rant, I have no other avenue to get this off my chest. If I don't let it all out, I'm going to fall into another cycle of wallowing in self pity and despair.

I am 31, as is my OH and we have been TTC our first child since May last year. I have PCOS but my periods are very regular, just very heavy and painful. I was only diagnosed with PCOS as they were investigating the cause of my acne, so they sent me for a transvaginal scan and informed me of the PCOS. I used to be very over-weight, but have gone from dress size 26 to size 10/12 (lost the weight before my PCOS diagnosis - kept the weight off for the last 5 years now). I am very fit, strong and active ( I weight lift at the gym 4/5 days a week), I'm always on my feet for work, go running regularly, and my diet is so clean. I count my calories everyday to keep the weight off, I don't eat processed foods, drink or smoke. My OH is very fit and strong, he is also a weight lifter and plays GAA three times a week, doesn't smoke and only drinks once in a blue moon (last time was xmas), he's in fantastic shape.

I started taking folic acid before we started TTC, and have been on pregnacare pre-conception for 2 months. I also gave caffeine up completely when we started TTC. I have tried pinapple core for 5 days after ovulation to improve implanation, for 4 cycles but with no joy. I have just started taking agnus castus in the hope that it help and we finally get a BFP.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but every month we have been trying, I get crazy pregnancy symptoms the day or so after ovulation. My boobs become very swollen and tender, and my nipples have a constant burning/buzzing sensation. I also get very nauseous and suffer with heartburn. Every month I allow myself to think that this is finally our month, the symptoms are there, and then af shows up and they disappear. I consistently spot for 3 to 4 days before af fully arrives. I know this is a symptom of low progesterone. I went to my GP last month, on our 9th month of trying, and she said she wouldn't do any bloods or tests until we had been trying for a year. I have my hopes pinned on the agnus castus to help with my low progesterone.

I am seriously struggling with the heartache of not having conceived yet. I feel so lonely and isolated, it is such a private issue. My friends around me are getting pregnant so quickly, just last week a close friend confided in me that she had just got her BFP, and it was their first month trying. It was so hard not to burst into tears when she told me, I am so truly delighted for her, I just wish we could experience the joy of a BFP too. I feel like a failure as a woman and partner, all I want is to start a family, but I'm depriving my OH of something he wants so badly, we both do. My OH has been amazing this whole time, we are DTD every other day as soon as AF has gone, until she comes again. People keep asking when we are going to start a family, I am just really struggling to keep it together and not break down every time I'm asked. I feel like such a fool for worrying and trying to prevent getting pregnant for so many years. If only I knew how hard and emotionally challenging TTC was going to be, we would have started much sooner.


Apologies, wallow over! Anyone also TTC and want to become budies? Lets hope 2018 is the year we get a bundle of joy!!!

Nerd Queen

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Sorry if this post appears to be a rant, I have no other avenue to get this off my chest. If I don't let it all out, I'm going to fall into another cycle of wallowing in self pity and despair.

I am 31, as is my OH and we have been TTC our first child since May last year. I have PCOS but my periods are very regular, just very heavy and painful. I was only diagnosed with PCOS as they were investigating the cause of my acne, so they sent me for a transvaginal scan and informed me of the PCOS. I used to be very over-weight, but have gone from dress size 26 to size 10/12 (lost the weight before my PCOS diagnosis - kept the weight off for the last 5 years now). I am very fit, strong and active ( I weight lift at the gym 4/5 days a week), I'm always on my feet for work, go running regularly, and my diet is so clean. I count my calories everyday to keep the weight off, I don't eat processed foods, drink or smoke. My OH is very fit and strong, he is also a weight lifter and plays GAA three times a week, doesn't smoke and only drinks once in a blue moon (last time was xmas), he's in fantastic shape.

I started taking folic acid before we started TTC, and have been on pregnacare pre-conception for 2 months. I also gave caffeine up completely when we started TTC. I have tried pinapple core for 5 days after ovulation to improve implanation, for 4 cycles but with no joy. I have just started taking agnus castus in the hope that it help and we finally get a BFP.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but every month we have been trying, I get crazy pregnancy symptoms the day or so after ovulation. My boobs become very swollen and tender, and my nipples have a constant burning/buzzing sensation. I also get very nauseous and suffer with heartburn. Every month I allow myself to think that this is finally our month, the symptoms are there, and then af shows up and they disappear. I consistently spot for 3 to 4 days before af fully arrives. I know this is a symptom of low progesterone. I went to my GP last month, on our 9th month of trying, and she said she wouldn't do any bloods or tests until we had been trying for a year. I have my hopes pinned on the agnus castus to help with my low progesterone.

I am seriously struggling with the heartache of not having conceived yet. I feel so lonely and isolated, it is such a private issue. My friends around me are getting pregnant so quickly, just last week a close friend confided in me that she had just got her BFP, and it was their first month trying. It was so hard not to burst into tears when she told me, I am so truly delighted for her, I just wish we could experience the joy of a BFP too. I feel like a failure as a woman and partner, all I want is to start a family, but I'm depriving my OH of something he wants so badly, we both do. My OH has been amazing this whole time, we are DTD every other day as soon as AF has gone, until she comes again. People keep asking when we are going to start a family, I am just really struggling to keep it together and not break down every time I'm asked. I feel like such a fool for worrying and trying to prevent getting pregnant for so many years. If only I knew how hard and emotionally challenging TTC was going to be, we would have started much sooner.


Apologies, wallow over! Anyone also TTC and want to become budies? Lets hope 2018 is the year we get a bundle of joy!!!

You are doing everything you can! Sometimes these things just take time! And trust me i’m speaking as someone in your shoes for almost 2.5 years. Be as pro-active as you can! Hopefully this will be our year

ally_pally

It sounds like you're doing everything right and you absolutely have time on your side if you're only 31. That's not to minimise how painful and frustrating this process can be.

Sometimes it does just take time but I see no reason at all why your GP wouldn't do blood tests. I know they say wait a year and all that, but there's no harm at all in getting some simple tests done. I'd go back and ask for them to be done. If last month was your 9th month, this will be your 10th. My experience is GPs want them done twice anyway to make sure there wasn't an anomaly one month. That's being tested again on your 11th month and by the time you have all your results, you'll be at the year. Although you never know you might have your BFP in the meantime!

Yes, relaxing and trying not to worry is what everyone says but that's easier said that done and I found that having tests done at least made me feel like I was taking some control of the process.

bee06

OP, I have PCOS as well. I would defintely be insisting your GP do your bloods now. Or a lot of fertility clinics will do the tests without a referral.

I know how you feel going through every month and getting your hopes up only for them to be dashed when your period arrives. It took us a year and a half to conceive and 9 months of that were with ovulation induction because it turns out I wasn’t ovulating because of the PCOS.

Busy_nurse

Nerd Queen wrote: »

You are doing everything you can! Sometimes these things just take time! And trust me i’m speaking as someone in your shoes for almost 2.5 years. Be as pro-active as you can! Hopefully this will be our year

Nerd Queen, thanks so much for the positivity! I don’t know how you’ve done it for 2.5 years, you must be so emotionally strong, I take my hat off to you. I have everything crossed that this will be our year.

Busy_nurse

ally_pally wrote: »

It sounds like you're doing everything right and you absolutely have time on your side if you're only 31. That's not to minimise how painful and frustrating this process can be.

Sometimes it does just take time but I see no reason at all why your GP wouldn't do blood tests. I know they say wait a year and all that, but there's no harm at all in getting some simple tests done. I'd go back and ask for them to be done. If last month was your 9th month, this will be your 10th. My experience is GPs want them done twice anyway to make sure there wasn't an anomaly one month. That's being tested again on your 11th month and by the time you have all your results, you'll be at the year. Although you never know you might have your BFP in the meantime!

Yes, relaxing and trying not to worry is what everyone says but that's easier said that done and I found that having tests done at least made me feel like I was taking some control of the process.

I’ll give it another go with my GP, thanks for the great advice ally_pally. I completely agree with you, if I were to get tests done, I would at least feel like I’m doing something. Did you get your BFP ally_pally?? I really appreciate you taking the time to offer some advice, thank you.

Busy_nurse

bee06 wrote: »

OP, I have PCOS as well. I would defintely be insisting your GP do your bloods now. Or a lot of fertility clinics will do the tests without a referral.

I know how you feel going through every month and getting your hopes up only for them to be dashed when your period arrives. It took us a year and a half to conceive and 9 months of that were with ovulation induction because it turns out I wasn’t ovulating because of the PCOS.

Thanks so much for sharing your story, it feels so good to know I’m not alone and other people have had similar experiences, and have had a baby at the end of it! I’m definitely going to be heading back to the GP to get some bloods. Thanks for the advice.

I’m so happy that you managed to conceive, congratulations!

nikkibikki

PCOS here too. I was getting myself so worked up over TTC, my GP gave me Clomid after 9 months. On 3rd cycle of that, I got pregnant with twins! I was also taking 3,000mg Evening Primrose Oil every day from CD1 to ovulation. And BComplex vitamins after that. BFP came a year and a day after starting TTC.

ally_pally

Busy_nurse wrote: »

I’ll give it another go with my GP, thanks for the great advice ally_pally. I completely agree with you, if I were to get tests done, I would at least feel like I’m doing something. Did you get your BFP ally_pally?? I really appreciate you taking the time to offer some advice, thank you.

I did indeed, thankfully. My bloods showed I wasn't ovulating, or at least not every month. So I was referred to a doctor in the Rotunda who ordered a load of tests to make sure there wasn't any physical blockage or reason for us not conceiving (HSG, ultrasound, MRI). He also put me on a small dose of Clomid. Never did get around to having the MRI as I got pregnant my first month taking Clomid and our little girl turned a year a few weeks ago.

I fully know the pain and frustration of waiting for it to happen, the unfairness of how it happens so easily for everyone else, feeling like a cow for being jealous of your friends' good news. I'd imagine everyone on this forum has felt that. You have time and good health on your side so I'm sure your BFP isn't far away.

Toots

PCOS here as well, my doctor put me on metformin and I got pregnant about 6 months after starting that. The thing with PCOS is that even if you get regular periods, you might not be ovulating so definitely get the bloods done first and see.

I know you said your GP won't do bloods, but you can self refer to some of the fertility clinics. I don't know where in the country you are, but SIMS allow you to self refer and the initial bloods weren't massively expensive if I remember right.

pwurple

Get your fella checked out too by the way. Motility, mobility, count.

RascalGal

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Sorry if this post appears to be a rant, I have no other avenue to get this off my chest. If I don't let it all out, I'm going to fall into another cycle of wallowing in self pity and despair.

I am 31, as is my OH and we have been TTC our first child since May last year. I have PCOS but my periods are very regular, just very heavy and painful. I was only diagnosed with PCOS as they were investigating the cause of my acne, so they sent me for a transvaginal scan and informed me of the PCOS. I used to be very over-weight, but have gone from dress size 26 to size 10/12 (lost the weight before my PCOS diagnosis - kept the weight off for the last 5 years now). I am very fit, strong and active ( I weight lift at the gym 4/5 days a week), I'm always on my feet for work, go running regularly, and my diet is so clean. I count my calories everyday to keep the weight off, I don't eat processed foods, drink or smoke. My OH is very fit and strong, he is also a weight lifter and plays GAA three times a week, doesn't smoke and only drinks once in a blue moon (last time was xmas), he's in fantastic shape.

I started taking folic acid before we started TTC, and have been on pregnacare pre-conception for 2 months. I also gave caffeine up completely when we started TTC. I have tried pinapple core for 5 days after ovulation to improve implanation, for 4 cycles but with no joy. I have just started taking agnus castus in the hope that it help and we finally get a BFP.

I know this is going to sound crazy, but every month we have been trying, I get crazy pregnancy symptoms the day or so after ovulation. My boobs become very swollen and tender, and my nipples have a constant burning/buzzing sensation. I also get very nauseous and suffer with heartburn. Every month I allow myself to think that this is finally our month, the symptoms are there, and then af shows up and they disappear. I consistently spot for 3 to 4 days before af fully arrives. I know this is a symptom of low progesterone. I went to my GP last month, on our 9th month of trying, and she said she wouldn't do any bloods or tests until we had been trying for a year. I have my hopes pinned on the agnus castus to help with my low progesterone.

I am seriously struggling with the heartache of not having conceived yet. I feel so lonely and isolated, it is such a private issue. My friends around me are getting pregnant so quickly, just last week a close friend confided in me that she had just got her BFP, and it was their first month trying. It was so hard not to burst into tears when she told me, I am so truly delighted for her, I just wish we could experience the joy of a BFP too. I feel like a failure as a woman and partner, all I want is to start a family, but I'm depriving my OH of something he wants so badly, we both do. My OH has been amazing this whole time, we are DTD every other day as soon as AF has gone, until she comes again. People keep asking when we are going to start a family, I am just really struggling to keep it together and not break down every time I'm asked. I feel like such a fool for worrying and trying to prevent getting pregnant for so many years. If only I knew how hard and emotionally challenging TTC was going to be, we would have started much sooner.


Apologies, wallow over! Anyone also TTC and want to become budies? Lets hope 2018 is the year we get a bundle of joy!!!

Thank you Busy_nurse,
Im glad someone has just put into words everything I'm feeling. We have been trying to conceive since December 2016 and no luck yet. It's soul destroying! Month on month it's the same story. Like you, my friends have been getting pregnant so easily. One just confided in me recently that she was expecting in early Nov and she just went back to work after her 6 months mat leave. She even said that her and her partner were only not careful one time and it happened for them....I hate feeling so jealous but I really didn't need to hear this.

My own story is I have slightly irregular periods..vary between 26 and 31 days. Had day 3 and 21 bloods done last year that showed slightly low estreogen levels...doc told me to take a Maca supplement. Found this raised my libido which is helpful when you're timing intercourse for conception..which can feel the opposite of romantic!! Hubbie had seen analysis and all good with him..high count and motility. Still no joy in November 2017 and so doc put me on clomid..50mg for three months. She told me to try for the fourth month before visiting her again as she has had patients in the past that conceived in the 1st month after finishing three months of it.

Like you I have myself convinced every month is our month. I have had a good cry on a few occasions but it does little to help..

RascalGal

Also can I ask what is angus castus..I haven't heard of it..what is it supposed to help with?

Busy_nurse

RascalGal wrote: »

Thank you Busy_nurse,
Im glad someone has just put into words everything I'm feeling. We have been trying to conceive since December 2016 and no luck yet. It's soul destroying! Month on month it's the same story. Like you, my friends have been getting pregnant so easily. One just confided in me recently that she was expecting in early Nov and she just went back to work after her 6 months mat leave. She even said that her and her partner were only not careful one time and it happened for them....I hate feeling so jealous but I really didn't need to hear this.

My own story is I have slightly irregular periods..vary between 26 and 31 days. Had day 3 and 21 bloods done last year that showed slightly low estreogen levels...doc told me to take a Maca supplement. Found this raised my libido which is helpful when you're timing intercourse for conception..which can feel the opposite of romantic!! Hubbie had seen analysis and all good with him..high count and motility. Still no joy in November 2017 and so doc put me on clomid..50mg for three months. She told me to try for the fourth month before visiting her again as she has had patients in the past that conceived in the 1st month after finishing three months of it.

Like you I have myself convinced every month is our month. I have had a good cry on a few occasions but it does little to help..

RascalGal, so sorry for the delay, I’ve been away and was trying not to think about TTC, I’m the 2ww and very symptomatic again, so trying not to get my hopes up (I’m failing miserably)

Thanks for sharing your story, I have everything crossed that this is your year. I know how conflicting it is when someone close to you gets pregnant, and so easily, you want to be happy for them, but the constant question of why can’t that happen to me is perfectly understandable, I truly feel for you.

Angus castus is a natural supplement which is meant to help with hormone regulation. It’s often referred to as natures clomid. I started taking it on the first day of my current cycle, and have noticed more cm, and I’m definitely more in the mood to DTD, so fingers crossed it’s doing some good. You can get it from most health shops and some pharmacies. I use the avogel drops, 20 in the morning and night. They taste vile but I’m desperate so will try anything. If we don’t conceive this month, I’m heading straight back to the GP and insisting on some bloods.

Busy_nurse

Toots wrote: »

PCOS here as well, my doctor put me on metformin and I got pregnant about 6 months after starting that. The thing with PCOS is that even if you get regular periods, you might not be ovulating so definitely get the bloods done first and see.

I know you said your GP won't do bloods, but you can self refer to some of the fertility clinics. I don't know where in the country you are, but SIMS allow you to self refer and the initial bloods weren't massively expensive if I remember right.

Thanks for the great advice, will get onto this!

Busy_nurse

nikkibikki wrote: »

PCOS here too. I was getting myself so worked up over TTC, my GP gave me Clomid after 9 months. On 3rd cycle of that, I got pregnant with twins! I was also taking 3,000mg Evening Primrose Oil every day from CD1 to ovulation. And BComplex vitamins after that. BFP came a year and a day after starting TTC.

Wish my go would do that for me! Congratulations, I’m so happy for you, you are doubly blessed.

RascalGal

Thanks for that. I must try them. I've read on previous posts that Apple cider vinegar can have benefits too. It's the 2ww here also. Expecting AF between 25th-27th..hope she doesn't arrive

RascalGal

My doc told me that she previously had 6 Clomid couples who conceived twins in one year after a 3 month course of it...wouldn't that be fabulous news to get! Congrats on your expectant twins. Hope everything is going well x

Busy_nurse

RascalGal wrote: »

Thanks for that. I must try them. I've read on previous posts that Apple cider vinegar can have benefits too. It's the 2ww here also. Expecting AF between 25th-27th..hope she doesn't arrive

Fingers crossed RascalGal! My AF is due 23rd, I hope to god she doesn’t turn up and this is our month!?!?! Please keep me posted on how you get on.

nikkibikki

RascalGal wrote:

My doc told me that she previously had 6 Clomid couples who conceived twins in one year after a 3 month course of it...wouldn't that be fabulous news to get! Congrats on your expectant twins. Hope everything is going well x

This was a few years ago I was going through this, they will be 5 later this year! Absolutely doubly blessed! I was the first patient of my GP's to have a multiple pregnancy and she's practicing over 20 years. PCOS is tough. So much uncertainty. You never know 100% if you ovulated, even though the pee on a stick tests say you did. My periods are still irregular. I learned a lot about my body during the TTC journey. I remember a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility being recommended at the time by lots of fellow TTCers but I never read it. Might be worth a look.

RascalGal

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Fingers crossed RascalGal! My AF is due 23rd, I hope to god she doesn’t turn up and this is our month!?!?! Please keep me posted on how you get on.

Fingers and toes crossed for you too Baby_nurse. 🀞 . I've never had those symptoms you've been getting. Just mild cramping but I don't know if it's only since we started ttc that I've noticed that...some of the theories I come up with to explain why it will happen this month are hilarious. I will definitely let you know how things go and please do the same x

RascalGal

nikkibikki wrote: »

This was a few years ago I was going through this, they will be 5 later this year! Absolutely doubly blessed! I was the first patient of my GP's to have a multiple pregnancy and she's practicing over 20 years. PCOS is tough. So much uncertainty. You never know 100% if you ovulated, even though the pee on a stick tests say you did. My periods are still irregular. I learned a lot about my body during the TTC journey. I remember a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility being recommended at the time by lots of fellow TTCers but I never read it. Might be worth a look.

I might have a look at that nikkibikki. Ah I understand now...well it's great to hear success stories. It's great to have a forum to communicate about this. I don't want to discuss it with any of my friends. I'm paranoid it will be a talking point behind my back then..I'm very sensitive about it

Busy_nurse

RascalGal wrote: »

Fingers and toes crossed for you too Baby_nurse. 🀞 . I've never had those symptoms you've been getting. Just mild cramping but I don't know if it's only since we started ttc that I've noticed that...some of the theories I come up with to explain why it will happen this month are hilarious. I will definitely let you know how things go and please do the same x

Haha, I can imagine what you’re telling yourself, I’m doing the exact same! It’s so hard not to get carried away when you want it so badly. I’ll def keep you posted, I have everything crossed for us both x

Busy_nurse

RascalGal wrote: »

I might have a look at that nikkibikki. Ah I understand now...well it's great to hear success stories. It's great to have a forum to communicate about this. I don't want to discuss it with any of my friends. I'm paranoid it will be a talking point behind my back then..I'm very sensitive about it

I know exactly what you mean about being able to communicate openly and freely here, I haven’t told a soul we’re TTC, I feel it’s too personal and painful to talk about with people I know. It’s so good to know I’m not alone in this, and people have been so kind to respond to my post, thanks so much folks! You’ve made a desperate woman feel better about a sensitive situation x

Donnachain1

hi, so sorry to hear about how you are feeling.

have you tried using the OPK's and the ovualtion monitor. have you tracked your temperatures to make sure you are ovualting? there is a real science to it. I find them great. also, the book taking charge of your fertility by Toni Weschler is soooo amazing. huge and well worth the money.

youtube is great to following people on their conceiving journeys. sorry I dont have time to write a big long post but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

myshirt

Sorry to chime in here, but what the hell is DTD? My wife had similar PCOS issues and I always thought the term was DTF, however haven't a clue what any of these mean and googling isnt giving any answers that make sense.

Donnachain1

myshirt wrote: »

Sorry to chime in here, but what the hell is DTD? My wife had similar PCOS issues and I always thought the term was DTF, however haven't a clue what any of these mean and googling isnt giving any answers that make sense.

Do the deed

the_sonandmoon

Hi OP. Just wanted to give you some hope.

In 2015 we were trying for a full 12 months. By 9 months of hoping, symptom spotting, and then getting so disappointed when af would arrive, I decided to give acupuncture a go. She told me to not expect anything for at least 3 months. Straight away though, I did feel changes, mostly in my cm, which was much thicker and stronger. Anyway, 3 months later, and after 12 months of trying, just as I was ready to start thinking about other options, I got a bfp. My little man was born 9 months later.

Last year, when we felt ready to try again, I expected a similar wait. My periods had just returned after I finished breastfeeding, but my cycles were really long. So I went back to the acupuncturist to try to sort that out. Turns out though, that I was already pregnant!

So I'm now nearly 7 months pregnant with a 20 month old.

Sometimes these things, frustrating and heartbreaking as it is at the time, just take time.

Best of luck. I hope you get your good news soon x

Busy_nurse

Donnachain1 wrote: »

hi, so sorry to hear about how you are feeling.

have you tried using the OPK's and the ovualtion monitor. have you tracked your temperatures to make sure you are ovualting? there is a real science to it. I find them great. also, the book taking charge of your fertility by Toni Weschler is soooo amazing. huge and well worth the money.

youtube is great to following people on their conceiving journeys. sorry I dont have time to write a big long post but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Hi Donnachain1, thanks for your post. I have been using OPKs for the last 3 months. This current cycle, I used them twice a day, using first morning urine and testing again in the afternoon, but I have still never got a positive OPK. I’m going back to my GP to talk about this and hopefully get some bloods done. I’ve looked into charting temps, but I do shift work and get up at different times each day, and I also do a lot of night shifts, so I figured that temping wouldn’t be accurate. Thanks for the advice, I will def check out that book and will look up some YouTube videos, anything to feel like I’m not the only one going through this. Thanks again for your post x

Busy_nurse

myshirt wrote: »

Sorry to chime in here, but what the hell is DTD? My wife had similar PCOS issues and I always thought the term was DTF, however haven't a clue what any of these mean and googling isnt giving any answers that make sense.

Please ask away, Would be great to hear a male perspective on this. Feel free to ask any questions.

Busy_nurse

the_sonandmoon wrote: »

Hi OP. Just wanted to give you some hope.

In 2015 we were trying for a full 12 months. By 9 months of hoping, symptom spotting, and then getting so disappointed when af would arrive, I decided to give acupuncture a go. She told me to not expect anything for at least 3 months. Straight away though, I did feel changes, mostly in my cm, which was much thicker and stronger. Anyway, 3 months later, and after 12 months of trying, just as I was ready to start thinking about other options, I got a bfp. My little man was born 9 months later.

Last year, when we felt ready to try again, I expected a similar wait. My periods had just returned after I finished breastfeeding, but my cycles were really long. So I went back to the acupuncturist to try to sort that out. Turns out though, that I was already pregnant!

So I'm now nearly 7 months pregnant with a 20 month old.

Sometimes these things, frustrating and heartbreaking as it is at the time, just take time.

Best of luck. I hope you get your good news soon x

Thank you so much for taking the time to post and share your story, I truly do appreciate it. I’ve played with the idea of going to acupuncture a few times, hearing your success story has def helped me make up my mind about it. Congratulations on both your pregnancies, I hope all is going well with your current one?

Thanks so much for the kind and understanding words, sometimes I feel like I’m obsessed with TTC and babies, it’s so nice to hear that people are getting their BFPs in time x

RascalGal

Baby_nurse I feel exactly the same. All I think about is having a baby..literally. I imagine how I will I will tell my hubbie when I get my BFP, imagine how I will tell my friends too. Sometimes I think I'm just jinxing myself!! It's crazy how absorbed you can get in the whole process when it's not happening. The other night my friend told the rest of our friends on our whatsapp group that she is expecting her second. Of course everyone was congratulating her. I found it so hard!!
I'm staying hopeful for both of us this week Baby_nurse. Fingers crossed for you x

Busy_nurse

Well, still not pregnant. I struggled the most this time when AF showed up, I was convinced this was going to be our month. Still feel very down, was so sure it was going to happen. Anyway, went back to the GP, she initially wanted to do some bloods to see if I’m ovulating, and then decided she’s going to refer me to a fertility clinic, as they will want to repeat the bloods anyway. I’m feeling happier that the ball is rolling in that sense, but still have an overwhelming sense of loss, even though I was never pregnant.

Shurimgreat

Maybe TMI but there are special swimmer friendly lubes out there which might be worth a try.
Not sure recommending a particular brand on here is allowed though.
As others have said it only takes one to hit the jackpot and will probably happen when you least expect it.

Busy_nurse

Update, still not pregnant. Have been to the fertility clinic, had AMH done and result was good, I have higher than average egg reserve. Also had a scan and turns out I don’t have PCOS! My ovaries and uterus looked perfectly normal. OH’s semen analysis also came back higher than average so it’s all looking good on that front. Have stopped taking the agnus castus, fertility consultant is not a fan. This month was the toughest by far, AF was a whole week late, I’m NEVER late, have a 28 day cycle every time. Still feels like a bit of a cruel joke and that I’m being taunted. Anyway, the plan this month is for a HSG and then 21 day bloods to check everything. We can’t try this month because of the scan, which has me feeling torn. I’m annoyed at missing a month of trying, but I’m trying to see the positives of having a month of trying and just enjoying being a couple again, and not being so focused on ttc.

Feeling very lonely and isolated, would love to talk to someone on here who is also ttc. I hate carrying this around with me like it’s a dirty little secret. My inability to conceive is making me feel like a failure and an embarrassment as a woman. Thank god for my OH, without his love and support, I would have given up a long time ago. Please do get in touch if you’re in the same boat or walked this devastating road x

brokensoul

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Update, still not pregnant. Have been to the fertility clinic, had AMH done and result was good, I have higher than average egg reserve. Also had a scan and turns out I don’t have PCOS! My ovaries and uterus looked perfectly normal. OH’s semen analysis also came back higher than average so it’s all looking good on that front. Have stopped taking the agnus castus, fertility consultant is not a fan. This month was the toughest by far, AF was a whole week late, I’m NEVER late, have a 28 day cycle every time. Still feels like a bit of a cruel joke and that I’m being taunted. Anyway, the plan this month is for a HSG and then 21 day bloods to check everything. We can’t try this month because of the scan, which has me feeling torn. I’m annoyed at missing a month of trying, but I’m trying to see the positives of having a month of trying and just enjoying being a couple again, and not being so focused on ttc.

Feeling very lonely and isolated, would love to talk to someone on here who is also ttc. I hate carrying this around with me like it’s a dirty little secret. My inability to conceive is making me feel like a failure and an embarrassment as a woman. Thank god for my OH, without his love and support, I would have given up a long time ago. Please do get in touch if you’re in the same boat or walked this devastating road x

Oh you poor poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I have been exactly where you are now and it sucks. It really does and it consumes your daily life. I am happy to chat with you if you think that would help.

To give you a bit of background about me. We started ttc at the end of 2012. I had a miscarriage, then no luck at all for 12 months. Went to a fertility clinic at the start of 2014 and was diagnosed with uterine fibroids which had to be removed. After that I had recovery time and then got a few cysts so we didn't get started with fertility treatment until March 2015. I had two IUIs which failed and then a round of IVF. The IVF was successful and I got my BFP but then had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. That was devastating. We were lucky in that we had some frozen embryos from the first IVF so we did a frozen embryo transfer that didn't work and then we did a frozen transfer of two embryos which lead to our twins! They are nearly 2 now and not a day goes by that I don't think of how lucky we are. (Very long winded but just wanted you to know where I was coming from)

Anyway, happy to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.

LCD

It is incredibly hard. My wife found a support group on Facebook, which met every so often in Dublin, she found that good.

Our own story 3 failed attempts of IVF, 4th was successful & daughter now 7months old. We are out of eggs & won't be going down the IVF road again, as it is so bloody hard.

Infertility is a lot more common than you think. I found that most times I met a person mid 30s+ in a relationship without children that they were having problems. I would say something casual like "we are finding it hard to conceive ourselves". Then the walls would come down & we would chat about it.

Best of luck

Busy_nurse

brokensoul wrote: »

Oh you poor poor thing, my heart goes out to you. I have been exactly where you are now and it sucks. It really does and it consumes your daily life. I am happy to chat with you if you think that would help.

To give you a bit of background about me. We started ttc at the end of 2012. I had a miscarriage, then no luck at all for 12 months. Went to a fertility clinic at the start of 2014 and was diagnosed with uterine fibroids which had to be removed. After that I had recovery time and then got a few cysts so we didn't get started with fertility treatment until March 2015. I had two IUIs which failed and then a round of IVF. The IVF was successful and I got my BFP but then had a missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. That was devastating. We were lucky in that we had some frozen embryos from the first IVF so we did a frozen embryo transfer that didn't work and then we did a frozen transfer of two embryos which lead to our twins! They are nearly 2 now and not a day goes by that I don't think of how lucky we are. (Very long winded but just wanted you to know where I was coming from)

Anyway, happy to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on.

Thank you for your kindness and for telling your story, it really is reassuring to know that other couples have been through a lot and have been successful in the end! Wow, you went through the mill the get your twins, I'm sorry for your struggle and loss. Congratulations on your twins! After everything you went through, to be blessed with two beautiful children is amazing, I'm truly delighted for you.
Sorry for wallowing, I just feel consumed with the whole process. I'm trying to focus on other things and not let the ttc process stop me from doing things what I want to do, but I can't help but ask the question "what if this is our month" then i decide against doing things. I know this sounds so silly, but its very hard to imagine it just happening out of the blue. If it can happen, why hasn't it in the previous year? I can't explain how badly I want to be a mother, the urge is just overwhelming. Thank you for your kindness and for sharing, you have made me feel positive and less alone whilst going through this process x

Busy_nurse

LCD wrote: »

It is incredibly hard. My wife found a support group on Facebook, which met every so often in Dublin, she found that good.

Our own story 3 failed attempts of IVF, 4th was successful & daughter now 7months old. We are out of eggs & won't be going down the IVF road again, as it is so bloody hard.

Infertility is a lot more common than you think. I found that most times I met a person mid 30s+ in a relationship without children that they were having problems. I would say something casual like "we are finding it hard to conceive ourselves". Then the walls would come down & we would chat about it.

Best of luck

Thank you for sharing your story and for the luck. I am so sorry for your struggle, congratulations on your daughter. Your perseverance with the IVF is commendable, I like to think that should we need to go down that round, I would hang in there like you and your partner. Infertility is such a taboo subject, no-one ever talks about it. We're told when we're younger that it is so easy to get pregnant, yet when you want to have a baby, no-one warns you it can take a huge amount of time, patience and heartache. It's an awful thing to confess, but I can't bring myself to talk about it to anyone other than my partner. And I'm a health care professional! I feel so embarrassed, and a complete failure as a woman.

Thanks again for taking the time to message and share, it means a lot to a desperate woman x

catrionanic

My heart goes out to you, Busy_nurse. I’ve no experience to offer, but just wanted to post to say that, and wish you the best luck in the world in the coming months.

Busy_nurse

catrionanic wrote: »

My heart goes out to you, Busy_nurse. I’ve no experience to offer, but just wanted to post to say that, and wish you the best luck in the world in the coming months.

Thank you, your luck and thoughts are much appreciated x

LCD

Busy_nurse wrote: »

I feel so embarrassed, and a complete failure as a woman.

Your absolutely not a failure & have nothing to be embarrassed about. Its an illness/sickness like any other be they mental or physical. If (touch wood you don't) you got cancer you would never be embarrassed.

For myself & Mrs LCD the problem was 100% down to me. I never let it get to me & we accepted it was just a problem we as a couple had.

If you bottle up all the negative feelings it has the potential to make you very unhappy. My advice would be to find someone to talk to about it. We found the councilor in the HARI clinic very good, both as a couple & individually.

LegacyUser

It's great to see that I am not the only person completely heartbroken and pissed off out there. Myself and my OH have been trying to conceive since Dec 2016. I've been tracking my temp since July last year. Got my bloods done in Aug last year also and everything came by fine. My OH got tested too and everything is fine there too. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband but I feel like a complete failure as a woman. My sister is due next month and the little digs and jibes about us starting a family has increased 10 fold since she announced her news. She also confided that she was 2 months trying before she got pregnant. I was reeling when she said that. I haven't the heart to tell her about my struggle as I don't want to take the joy out of her happy time by being overly sensitive around me. I've also lost count of how many of our friends have become pregnant since we started trying. But every month 5 days or so before AF is due, I get that feeling... then the spotting starts and I'm crushed again. Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

lashes34

Sorry you are going through this OP (and everyone else). Its the hardest thing I've gone through and no-one understands until they're in your shoes. I was talking to my mam about it recently and I said no-one knows how difficult it is and she said I do know sure I watched that program on TV3 about IVF!

Anyway I done three rounds of OI which didnt work, the third ended in over stimulation and a month of blood thining injections. I didn't ever react like I should to the traditional fertility injections so I was told I couldnt do IVF as the injections were too dangerous for me.

We eventually got a hormone pump from the Rotunda (I'm in Galway and my doctor called in a favour to get it for me) and I used that for my forth round when we done IUI. It worked and my baby girl is 6 months old.

Hang in there and I hope it works out for you both. If you ever need to chat, just PM me.

Busy_nurse

LCD wrote: »

Your absolutely not a failure & have nothing to be embarrassed about. Its an illness/sickness like any other be they mental or physical. If (touch wood you don't) you got cancer you would never be embarrassed.

For myself & Mrs LCD the problem was 100% down to me. I never let it get to me & we accepted it was just a problem we as a couple had.

If you bottle up all the negative feelings it has the potential to make you very unhappy. My advice would be to find someone to talk to about it. We found the councilor in the HARI clinic very good, both as a couple & individually.

That is such a good way of looking at it, I never thought about it like that. Your openness and honesty is very refreshing. I will certainly seek someone to talk about it with, I can't handle carry this around with me much longer. Thanks for the advise and reassurance

Busy_nurse

suzb2 wrote: »

It's great to see that I am not the only person completely heartbroken and pissed off out there. Myself and my OH have been trying to conceive since Dec 2016. I've been tracking my temp since July last year. Got my bloods done in Aug last year also and everything came by fine. My OH got tested too and everything is fine there too. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband but I feel like a complete failure as a woman. My sister is due next month and the little digs and jibes about us starting a family has increased 10 fold since she announced her news. She also confided that she was 2 months trying before she got pregnant. I was reeling when she said that. I haven't the heart to tell her about my struggle as I don't want to take the joy out of her happy time by being overly sensitive around me. I've also lost count of how many of our friends have become pregnant since we started trying. But every month 5 days or so before AF is due, I get that feeling... then the spotting starts and I'm crushed again. Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

Hi Suzb2,

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling too. This journey has been the toughest thing I have ever been through, and it still isn't over. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings of despair and disappointment. I too am surrounded by people who are pregnant, and were very quick to divulge that they got pregnant the 1st month of trying, or they weren't even trying. It's devastating to hear, I think it's to be expected that we question why not us. I'm getting better at allowing myself time to grieve each month, then picking myself up and starting the cycle again. It's the only way I can get through it. I truly feel for you and understand your mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like a monster for not feeling as happy as I should for friends/family who are pregnant, the green-eyed monster just gets the better of me. I do know that if (hopefully when) the day comes that I find out we are pregnant, I will be the happiest, most grateful woman! Holding our child in my arms will make all of this pain and heartache worth while.

Please be good to yourself and allow time to grieve. We are not failures, and it will (please god) happen for us. Reach out if you want to talk, I'm with you on this painful road x

P.s. Thank god for our OH's, we are some lucky women

RascalGal

suzb2 wrote: »

It's great to see that I am not the only person completely heartbroken and pissed off out there. Myself and my OH have been trying to conceive since Dec 2016. I've been tracking my temp since July last year. Got my bloods done in Aug last year also and everything came by fine. My OH got tested too and everything is fine there too. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband but I feel like a complete failure as a woman. My sister is due next month and the little digs and jibes about us starting a family has increased 10 fold since she announced her news. She also confided that she was 2 months trying before she got pregnant. I was reeling when she said that. I haven't the heart to tell her about my struggle as I don't want to take the joy out of her happy time by being overly sensitive around me. I've also lost count of how many of our friends have become pregnant since we started trying. But every month 5 days or so before AF is due, I get that feeling... then the spotting starts and I'm crushed again. Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

So sorry to hear your struggle suzb2.
Yoy may have already read older posts on the thread but I started the same journey also in Dec 2016 and I know the disappointment and heartache each month when AF turns up. Even worse are the bitter pangs of jealousy when I heard of a friend getting pregnant or hearing a friend who already has a baby giving out about teething or lack of sleep etc.

I had my bloods done after 6 months of ttc. Day 21 bloods showed low estrogen so doc told me to take maca supplement. Hubby had semen analysis and got gleaming results. After 11 months of trying doc gave me a 3 month prescription for Clomid...took the last round in February but AF showed up at end of month.

Tried again in March with little hope but to our delight we got our first BFP just before Easter. I'm 17 weeks just gone. Nervous as healthy something could go wrong but so overjoyed. I really can't say if the Clomid helped but I think it may have regulated my hormones and things clicked into place for us. Has your doc mentioned clomid to you? I've read other posts from people and there are both positive and negative stories about Clomid so who knows if it will work for you but no harm trying it??

I hope this gives you some hope. I was so pissed off too when we were ttc and as for the comments from others...I felt like telling them to go f*@k themselves and mind their business. I didn't tell a soul about our struggle because I was convinced it would be gossiped about but I really found that this forum helped. It's important to vent when you need to. Just say it out and get it off your chest. It eats away at you and consumes your every waking minute. Try to keep your head up. There's no reason that next month wont be your month. Fingers and toes crossed for you all xx

suzb2

Thanks girls for the replies. Felling much more positive at the moment. I was at such a low point when I posted last week. It really helped getting it all off my chest. I haven't told anybody about it as I'm certain that it will be a bit topic of gossip in my family. I'd hate to have the added pressure of everybody knowing and getting the pity looks.
To answer your question about Clomid, my GP has referred me to a gyno to check if my tubes are blocked. She said that the gyno would discuss Clomid with me. It would definitely be something I would try. It can't hurt at this stage. I've also made an appointment for accupuncture to see if a more alternative path could help me. I'm going down both roads of traditional and non-traditional medicine in the hope that something will help.
I truly am delighted that things have worked out for you rascal gal. You much be so excited especially given the long journey you have had to get here. Wishing you a healthy happy pregnancy. Xx

suzb2

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Hi Suzb2,

I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling too. This journey has been the toughest thing I have ever been through, and it still isn't over. Please know that you are not alone in your feelings of despair and disappointment. I too am surrounded by people who are pregnant, and were very quick to divulge that they got pregnant the 1st month of trying, or they weren't even trying. It's devastating to hear, I think it's to be expected that we question why not us. I'm getting better at allowing myself time to grieve each month, then picking myself up and starting the cycle again. It's the only way I can get through it. I truly feel for you and understand your mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like a monster for not feeling as happy as I should for friends/family who are pregnant, the green-eyed monster just gets the better of me. I do know that if (hopefully when) the day comes that I find out we are pregnant, I will be the happiest, most grateful woman! Holding our child in my arms will make all of this pain and heartache worth while.

Please be good to yourself and allow time to grieve. We are not failures, and it will (please god) happen for us. Reach out if you want to talk, I'm with you on this painful road x

P.s. Thank god for our OH's, we are some lucky women

Thanks for replying busy nurse.
I feel exactly the same as you. Bottling up the green eyed monster when I'm told somebody else's great news and having a little cry when I get home. Last Sat, 2 couples that were are very good friends with announced that they are both due in Dec. I felt like I was on a hidden camera show tbh. Talk about being kicked when I'm down! I dont feel so alone now that Ive joined this group. Like you said, thank god we have such wonderful OHs.Fingers crossed it will happen for both of us soon. Xx

ally_pally

suzb2 wrote: »

To answer your question about Clomid, my GP has referred me to a gyno to check if my tubes are blocked. She said that the gyno would discuss Clomid with me. It would definitely be something I would try. It can't hurt at this stage. I've also made an appointment for accupuncture to see if a more alternative path could help me.

I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time of it Suzb. The steps you outlined there are exactly what I did before I got my BFP. All the tests we had done showed up little problems at every step. Nothing disastrous but every test seemed to put another little stumbling block in the way - hormones showed I was healthy but probably not ovulating every month, AMH was ok but not spectacular, semen analysis showed high count but low motility, ultrasound showed suspected fibroids.

The test to see if your tubes are blocked is a HSG and lots of women find themselves pregnant a cycle or two afterwards. Didn’t believe it when a nurse told me. Anyway I had the HSG, was put on my first cycle of Clomid and had been going for acupuncture for around 3 months when I got pregnant.

I’ve been exactly where you are now. I don’t want to be patronising and do the “oh I’m sure it’ll happen for you soon”. I’ve been on the receiving end of those pitying looks and silently cursed well meaning people who spouted those platitudes. “Oh you’re sure, are you? Why? Tell me, what makes you so sure it’ll happen for me just because you can get pregnant at the drop of a hat?”

There is so much hope though and you’re doing everything right. This might be weird but something I found helpful would be to look back on posts from this TTC forum from a few years ago, look up a poster who was despairing at one BFN after another, look up their recent posts. Almost invariably they were currently elbow deep in nappies and sleep deprivation!

There is SO much hope and so many reasons why this WILL work out. Wishing you every success.

squigglyd

Busy_nurse wrote: »

Thank you for your kindness and for telling your story, it really is reassuring to know that other couples have been through a lot and have been successful in the end! Wow, you went through the mill the get your twins, I'm sorry for your struggle and loss. Congratulations on your twins! After everything you went through, to be blessed with two beautiful children is amazing, I'm truly delighted for you.
Sorry for wallowing, I just feel consumed with the whole process. I'm trying to focus on other things and not let the ttc process stop me from doing things what I want to do, but I can't help but ask the question "what if this is our month" then i decide against doing things. I know this sounds so silly, but its very hard to imagine it just happening out of the blue. If it can happen, why hasn't it in the previous year? I can't explain how badly I want to be a mother, the urge is just overwhelming. Thank you for your kindness and for sharing, you have made me feel positive and less alone whilst going through this process x

I've been very guilty of the bit I have bolded. I feel like all of the time I am thinking, what if I'm pregnant, should I do this if I'm pregnant, should I be booking flights in case I am pregnant, etc. With the result we haven't had a proper holiday in over a year. It probably doesn't sound like much but up to that point we were that souple who are always away somewhere, always going on a new adventure and to be honest people are still asking where our next trip will be. It's frustrating and we're probably just making things more difficult for ourselves.

LCD wrote: »

Your absolutely not a failure & have nothing to be embarrassed about. Its an illness/sickness like any other be they mental or physical. If (touch wood you don't) you got cancer you would never be embarrassed.

For myself & Mrs LCD the problem was 100% down to me. I never let it get to me & we accepted it was just a problem we as a couple had.

If you bottle up all the negative feelings it has the potential to make you very unhappy. My advice would be to find someone to talk to about it. We found the councilor in the HARI clinic very good, both as a couple & individually.

I'm surprised that so many people have said they kept it all to themselves. I couldn't do that. I feel stressed when trying to think up reasons why I'm not drinking at a party or why I can't make it to something because I now have an appointment so I told close friends and family that we were doing it and they have all been very supportive. LCD, is the HARI clinic what is now the Rotunda IVF Clinic? I should really call their patient support service, they have called me and left messages a couple of times to offer support.

suzb2 wrote: »

Spotting started today and I'm dreading telling my OH and watching him put a brave face on again. This is awful. I'm so pissed off and heartbroken.

I have found this to be one of the hardest parts, the absolute disappointment on OHs face when I tell him I am getting my period I usually get a few niggles or a bit of spotting as a warning so I pick a 'good' time to tell him. He's geting better now though, we kind of expect it every month now until next round of treatment (hopefully).