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Break up- is this rational?

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    #32
    bee06
    Registered Users Posts: 4,514 ✭✭✭bee06


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    If I am Mary or not, thats irrelevant Id say as that doesnt really matter ... the truth is that Mary would do anything for John , for sure

    So what, he broke up with her. It’s over, he’s with someone else. The sooner she accepts that and stops being a doormat the better.


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    #33
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    the truth is that Mary would do anything for John , for sure

    John wants Mary to :-

    1. Let him Go.
    2. Be Happy, but mostly 1.


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    #34
    myshirt
    Registered Users Posts: 5,245 ✭✭✭myshirt


    Mary should get those feckin' crunchies out of the car and shut it.

    Really though, move on, and stop talking to your friends about what is this man's personal business also, not just yours.


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    #35
    Ghekko
    Closed Accounts Posts: 942 ✭✭✭Ghekko


    John doesn't give a damn about Mary. He was manipulating her, saying all the right words when he wanted to sleep with her, all the while looking out for someone else. He said he wanted to be single. He could have said he wanted to move to Australia and not go - he just wanted to end the relationship with Mary so said what seemed a reasonable excuse at the time. Mary now needs to work on building her self esteem so she is not taken for a ride (literally) again.


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    #36
    TurnItOn AndOffAgain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭TurnItOn AndOffAgain


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    If what he told her was the truth- he cares about her and loves her, he wouldnt jump on next girl passing by knowing he will bri g Mary to deeper **** she is already in, no?


    I was making a point on how being happy single and entering a relationship are not mutually excusive.

    I didn't say that his actions and words made sense together, and if Mary tries and wants to find logic in some individuals actions, she'll be very sad and frustrated.

    Also I don't think that when he went with the girl, the first thing in his minde was “what will Mary feel“.

    For what I understood they were not even in a relation anymore, just sleeping together for month ? Even tho he said he cared, he loved, if he chose that kinda of relation, it was probably for a reason, like get out of it as he wanted when he wanted.

    It sucks for Mary tho, I agree.


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    #37
    TurnItOn AndOffAgain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭TurnItOn AndOffAgain


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    Just to add bit of info- they are both part of small Dublin community where everybody knows everybody so its imppssible to avoid each other as well as none of them want to cut contact with community as its their lifestyle

    She can be polite and distant when she sees him.

    And cry back home if she needs.


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    #38
    ncmc
    Registered Users Posts: 4,852 ✭✭✭ncmc


    It’s that old cliche, ‘he’s just not that into her’. You don’t break up with someone 10 times if you are really into them. It sounds like Mary was just a place holder til someone better came along. It also sounds like she seriously needs to get some self respect. She must be seriously lacking in confidence if she took him back 10 times and continued to sleep with him after he broke up with her yet again. She needs to cut contact with him as much as she can and thank her lucky stars that she’s rid of him. She really needs to take some time out and work on her self esteem and not let this happen again with another man.

    You ask is it rational? She liked him a lot more than he liked her and he acted in a way that didn’t treat her well. You can’t make someone love you, no matter how much you’d do anything for them. It’s a sad lesson, but she needs to chalk it down to experience and move on.


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    #39
    BudEliJackson
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭BudEliJackson


    myshirt wrote: »
    Mary should get those feckin' crunchies out of the car and shut it.

    Really though, move on, and stop talking to your friends about what is this man's personal business also, not just yours.

    what you talking about here, no clue eother myself or Mary


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    #40
    BudEliJackson
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭BudEliJackson


    TurnItOn AndOffAgain wrote: »
    She can be polite and distant when she sees him.

    And cry back home if she needs.

    Mary is tough girl


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    #41
    TurnItOn AndOffAgain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭TurnItOn AndOffAgain


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    Mary is tough girl

    Not mutually exclusive, again ^^


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    #42
    BudEliJackson
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭BudEliJackson


    TurnItOn AndOffAgain wrote: »
    Not mutually exclusive, again ^^

    checked your other posts and you might actually know Mary lol


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    #43
    Avatar MIA
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,750 ✭✭✭Avatar MIA


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    checked your other posts and you might actually know Mary lol

    Has he Turned it on and off 10 times :eek:


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    #44
    BudEliJackson
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭BudEliJackson


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    Has he Turned it on and off 10 times :eek:

    hah ... maybe haha


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    #45
    Try_harder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,681 ✭✭✭Try_harder


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    They didnt ... he broke up with her 10 times, she hasnt done it once ...

    Then Mary is a doormat for going back with him 9 Times...

    Fool me once.. shame on you...


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    #46
    BudEliJackson
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭BudEliJackson


    Try_harder wrote: »
    Then Mary is a doormat for going back with him 9 Times...

    Fool me once.. shame on you...

    been saying it to her all the time but its difficult when you are inside of relationship and you love that person


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    #47
    Scraggs
    Registered Users Posts: 5,578 ✭✭✭Scraggs


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    been saying it to her all the time but its difficult when you are inside of relationship and you love that person

    She is not inside the relationship any more though, so she will have to take the time to let him go and get over him.


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    #48
    TurnItOn AndOffAgain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭TurnItOn AndOffAgain


    BudEliJackson wrote: »
    checked your other posts and you might actually know Mary lol

    :confused:


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    #49
    TurnItOn AndOffAgain
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23 ✭TurnItOn AndOffAgain


    Avatar MIA wrote: »
    Has he Turned it on and off 10 times :eek:

    And then just unplugged...


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    #50
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,886 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    OP, its very confusing as to what you're actually asking is rational. Are you asking is John's behaviour rational, or Mary's?

    Of the two of them neither are great, but honestly John's is more rational than Mary. She kept taking someone back who broke up with her every few weeks. First of all an 18 month relationship shouldn't have 10 problems to begin with, let alone 10 problems worth breaking up over and secondly anyone who gets broken up with even twice, should not take that person back again.

    It is irrelevant (and baffling) that Mary loves John so much. He doesn't love her. He doesn't want to be with her. It's why he kept breaking up with her. No idea why he kept going back to her (easy sex?). A relationship can't work if only one person wants it.

    "We can still be friends"
    "I'm not ready for a relationship"
    "I want to be single for a while"
    "You're too good for me"

    They're all just ways of letting a person down gently, but all mean the same thing "I don't want to go out with you.

    Tell Mary move on, this one is never going to work.


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    #51
    BudEliJackson
    Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭BudEliJackson


    Mary would like to thank you all for your input into this topic folks, thanks love and peace :)


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    #52
    wirelessdude01
    Registered Users Posts: 8,422 ✭✭✭wirelessdude01


    BudEliJackson wrote:
    Mary is definitely moving on just John's actions dont seem to make sense


    They don't have to make sense to you but moving on is essential for her mental wellness.


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