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Am I being oversensitive?? My wife's male friend

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    #32
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,391 ✭✭✭Augme


    Honestly OP, so being so insecure. While it's clear this guy likes your wife I don't see why you are getting so bothered about it. As for him being a bit creepy, you're spending your time going through his facebook and instram account to see what he gets up to. That's not exactly normal.


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    #33
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Augme wrote: »
    Honestly OP, so being so insecure. While it's clear this guy likes your wife I don't see why you are getting so bothered about it. As for him being a bit creepy, you're spending your time going through his facebook and instram account to see what he gets up to. That's not exactly normal.



    Actually, yes I do think it is normal in this situation. I too would look just to find out a little more about what this guy is all about

    Not sure why everything is deemed creepy, why exactly is this creepy?


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    #34
    UsBus
    Registered Users Posts: 1,390 ✭✭✭UsBus


    This makes me laugh. If it was the guy going off meeting a girl that the wife didn't like all hell would break loose and he'd be accused of all sorts.
    But because it's a woman, the guy is told he's the insecure one and to let it continue. Complete double standard. Inviting another man's wife to gigs.....think I'd be meeting him for coffee that's for sure..


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    #35
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,391 ✭✭✭Augme


    UsBus wrote: »
    This makes me laugh. If it was the guy going off meeting a girl that the wife didn't like all hell would break loose and he'd be accused of all sorts.
    But because it's a woman, the guy is told he's the insecure one and to let it continue. Complete double standard. Inviting another man's wife to gigs.....think I'd be meeting him for coffee that's for sure..


    If the roles were reversed I'd be telling the guy his wife is a bunny boiler.


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    #36
    JMNolan
    Registered Users Posts: 1,076 ✭✭✭JMNolan


    Augme wrote: »
    If the roles were reversed I'd be telling the guy his wife is a bunny boiler.

    Nobody likes someone sniffing around their spouse. And they like it less if their spouse doesn't knock it on the head


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    #37
    power pants
    Registered Users Posts: 2,907 ✭✭✭power pants


    Augme wrote: »
    Honestly OP, so being so insecure. While it's clear this guy likes your wife I don't see why you are getting so bothered about it. As for him being a bit creepy, you're spending your time going through his facebook and instram account to see what he gets up to. That's not exactly normal.

    Actually I think it is normal.

    I too would take a look at his social media, only takes a minute and plain curiosity to see what this person is all about

    Why exactly is that creepy?


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    #38
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,391 ✭✭✭Augme


    power pants wrote: »
    Actually I think it is normal.

    I too would take a look at his social media, only takes a minute and plain curiosity to see what this person is all about

    Why exactly is that creepy?


    Maybe it is normal. I guess I'd just have better things to do with my times then spend it looking at the social media accounts of people my partner talks to. I doubt I'd care what this person is all about. Well, unless I was very insecure.


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    #39
    bilbot79
    Registered Users Posts: 1,989 ✭✭✭bilbot79


    I don't trust the friend!


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    #40
    power pants
    Registered Users Posts: 2,907 ✭✭✭power pants


    Augme wrote: »
    Maybe it is normal. I guess I'd just have better things to do with my times then spend it looking at the social media accounts of people my partner talks to. I doubt I'd care what this person is all about. Well, unless I was very insecure.

    Less than one minute is all it takes and as the op said, his wife had lots of male friends and has zero issues of being insecure

    This doesn't seem like an insecurity issue, more of a curiosity to see if the guy is a bit odd or perhaps harmless


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    #41
    irishman86
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,814 ✭✭✭irishman86


    I dont get why its insecure to say something to the wife
    Is communication something frowned upon in Ireland :confused:
    I would 100% talk to my wife about it, if something made me uncomfortable
    If something made her uncomfortable i would act on it, the whole ignore it advice is just stupid when the guy clearly cant just forget something


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    #42
    Koala Sunshine
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 125 ✭✭Koala Sunshine


    Augme wrote: »
    Maybe it is normal. I guess I'd just have better things to do with my times then spend it looking at the social media accounts of people my partner talks to. I doubt I'd care what this person is all about. Well, unless I was very insecure.

    Do those better things include chatting with strangers on the internet about their relationships issues?


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    #43
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    There are 3 players in this scenario, let's examine their motivations;

    Player 1: Covets his neighbours wife. Not unusual.

    Player 2: irked at Player 1 paying court to his wife. Not an unusual reaction.

    Player 3: Aware of Player 2's feelings on Player 3's attentions toward her but seemingly indifferent.


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    #44
    leggo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    There are 3 players in this scenario, let's examine their motivations;

    Player 1: Covets his neighbours wife. Not unusual.

    Player 2: irked at Player 1 paying court to his wife. Not an unusual reaction.

    Player 3: Aware of Player 2's feelings on Player 3's attentions toward her but seemingly indifferent.

    I thought along similar lines, like a lot of us will be familiar with the type of girls who subtly covet attention from other guys while denying everything to make their partner jealous.

    Then again, try putting yourself in her shoes. I have loads of friends who are women, particularly in work. I rely on these people day to day, be it to get me through work quicker and happier or for particular roles our friendship would centre around, and to lose any of them permanently would make my life significantly worse because I’d miss them. I’m thinking of one who’s, over the years, done the odd thing to suggest she’d be interested as more than a friend. If a partner was to say this to me, I’d have to agree or lie truth be told. However I’m not interested in her that way, she knows I’m not interested...whether she fancies me or not, it’s not relevant nor will it ever be. She’d be an important person in my life that plays a definite role at this stage and I’d say she’d say the same about me. It’d be mental to lose all of that because every now and then, if she’s in a particular mood, she’d wonder “What if?” The friendship, fully realised without having to put boundaries in place, poses zero threat to anybody.

    It’s not black and white, that’s why it’s difficult because two sides both likely have valid feelings that we can all relate to. It’s just there’s no easy solution that doesn’t cause one or the other pain.


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