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Feel bitter and angry about how my life has turned out.

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Comments

  • #32
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    When I was 25 I was unemployed, living in a rural county with my parents,fell out with my entire group of university friends, losing my Hair from stress and told I might never be able to have children. I got a job in a big town, joined a tag rugby team and forced myself back out there. I’m now 30, I am married to a wonderful man, I have a good job and a lovely house we bought together. I still have my health issues but I have come a long way and you can too. Life is not perfect and is never going to be. You have to just soilder on and try your best.


  • #33
    dellas1979
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    I do think youre quite lucky in some ways to have realised all this at 25!

    OP, I come from 3 other siblings. Am lucky no. 3. I was always the "grand" one. "Shur shes grand". Talk about middle child! I was barely noticed. I was the peacekeeper. The soft one. The one who never spoke. The sensitive one. The one with no voice. "She's grand". Well, I wasnt grand and had forgotton who I was. Was too busy trying to fulfill who people thought I was. I was a nervous wreck like. And I decided to change how I saw myself.

    Where we see ourselves in our family, is where we see ourselves in the world. But, that can change. You can change how you see yourself. When you change how you see yourself, other's will see that too.

    I think you need help in building up that support.

    You also need to do what you think is right, for you. Not for anyone else. And if anyone has anything to say, Id remind them to focus on their own life.


  • #34
    Bambi985
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,274 ✭✭✭Bambi985


    I think what Dellas posted is very true. I also think it emphasises why gaining your own independence, moving out and claiming your own life separate from your family life is crucial.

    Listen, I love my family dearly but honestly I'd survive about 2 weeks in the family home before needing to bolt and get back to my own life again. I was/am also the "peacekeeping" one, the benign middle child, the only one my parents never needed to worry about because my other siblings are so needy and high maintenance and that means getting undermined or talked over at Christmas dinner, or just general bickering because I don't relate to the drama queen carry-on of some other family members.

    I've lived away from home for almost half my life now and the things I've become in that time have defined who I am AWAY from this perception of "quiet middle child". I run marathons, manage my own team, travel the world, hold presentations in front of hundreds of people - those are the things that inform me of my self-worth to the point where my little sister having a go would yield nothing more than an eye-roll in me.

    When you move out and things start happening for you, you'll see how much weight you were investing in this family dynamic and how that held you back unnecessarily. But you need to move out and get moving in order to get there. See the self-imposed shackles for what they are and to be blunt, don't give in to your own bullsh1t. I'll talk myself out of anything if I give myself half the chance - so I simply don't. When the negative thoughts start, I will literally self-talk with "ah shut the fcuk up Bambi, get over yourself and get out there" and I'm always happy when I listen to that voice rather than the 20 negative other ones.


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