Ex is now working with me, should I quit?

sbsquarepants

osarusan wrote: »

She should stop that kind of communication. To say that she 'is trying to be friendly' misses the point in that he seems to have made it clear that he isn't comfortable with her attempts to be friendly.

I think she's damned if she does, damned if she doesn't.

He asked her to stop, she stopped. Things seemed strained and distant he said, she texted to ask if was ok and did he have a good weekend - it's hardly harassment now is it. If anything she seems concerned about his well being, she probably feels a bit guilty or sorry for him or whatever.

You can't have it both ways - if you don't want to be friends with her, then don't. But don't then complain that the relationship is strained and distant.

If you don't want anything to do with her, tell her as much, nobody is forcing you to have these conversations with her. Just say, "I don't really see us as being friends, no hard feelings, all the best" and then just treat her like anyone else you work with.

You say you've moved on OP but it really doesn't look like that. For your own sake and future happiness, you'll have to toughen up a bit I think.

osarusan

sbsquarepants wrote: »

If you don't want anything to do with her, tell her as much, nobody is forcing you to have these conversations with her. Just say, "I don't really see us as being friends, no hard feelings, all the best" and then just treat her like anyone else you work with.

The impression I get is that he has already told her that (and more, explained how the contact makes him feel), but messages still come.

Maybe she is showing concern or whatever, but after being told that he doesn't want the communication, it should stop, simple as that. Even if it is genuine concern, it should stop.

stargazer 68

Messages and calls are on his mobile- from what I can make out. So block her number. She doesn't need your number for work OP so cut her off. If she approaches you at work be polite and work related only. You have to take some kind of step or you will go around in circles.

Neyite

The only reason you are texting each other is because you both have history. You aren't friends either so that's why the texting also feels weird.

So, treat it like you would any other new employee joining the company. Be pleasant and civil during the tea break, and during work interactions, keep any communication to work related stuff or inane chit chat about the weather/ traffic/ local news and nothing else.

Don't reply to the last message either.

LegacyUser

OP here,

Really would like to say thank you to all people who have commented here and for all points of view. Bottom line is yes I need to approach this from a different point of view and cut out all unnecessary contact. I have to be honest with myself and say I do still have feelings for her, in that I do care for deeply for her even though I am now 100% sure that getting back into a relationship is not what i want and would not be good for me. I think this is natural, we were together for 8 years and through a time of our lives when major life issues had to be dealt with for both of us.

However i do now fully see that it is crucial for me to make clear that even though i do care for her the level and nature of our contact is not appropriate for me and is impacting on my well being, i genuinely thought i had last week but it doesn't seem to have worked. I had a text today wondering if we should do a bite to eat at the weekend!!

I appreciate all points of view here as I have said but I do feel I have to say to those who maybe feel I should toughen up a little bit that genuinely I do hope you never find yourself in a similar situation. Generally when a long term relationship breaks up at engagement level both people move on to very separate lives and I feel that has now been taken away from me.

I loved this woman with all my heart when we were together, she broke my heart, I recovered from that I fully did despite what some here might believe. I moved on with my life, she was an afterthought, as the song goes " somebody that I used to know". However when that somebody is suddenly back in your life on a daily basis, acting like your best friend and inviting you to take an interest in her family and personal life again it is a very hard situation to deal with. Maybe as a man I'm not supposed to admit this but i do actually have emotions, all the thoughts of what I lost when we broke up did come back after a while of contact, i did doubt my feelings and i did allow myself to fall in to the pattern of contact and wondering could we make it work again. I was weak in that sense I admit but that is something I am dealing with.

Again, thanks everybody.

sbsquarepants

anon3000 wrote: »

I appreciate all points of view here as I have said but I do feel I have to say to those who maybe feel I should toughen up a little bit that genuinely I do hope you never find yourself in a similar situation. .

I've been in similarish situation - thankfully it didn't extend as far as working together, but I'm not just being flippant with you - toughening up a bit will definitely help!

Anyhow, you seem to have your head screwed on about the whole situation, you know what you want and how to go about achieving it. Best of luck!

Tigger99

anon3000 wrote: »

I was weak in that sense I admit but that is something I am dealing with.

Weak? Nope just being human. I can't believe she suggested meeting at the weekend after your conversation with her.

Do block her texts and messages as she's not getting the message and boundaries need to be created.

NinetyTwoTeam

I would do everything in my power to get her fired. Not joking.

Sam Quentin

I think there is a chance she still has feelings for you!?
Also I think, I mean I KNOW you still love her..
So if you do play it cool..... Then I think there is a chance you will get back together.