Not sure if I'm too old for my foreseeable lifestyle?

Eric Cartman

JupiterKid wrote: »

I smell complete BS from the OP. No Irish 30 something man talks or writes like that. This thread is nothing more than a wind-up.

Even using the word 'gals' is conjuring up that image of mid 40s steve buschemi saying 'hellow fellow children'

Eric Cartman

OP I can see where you're coming from , Im 28 and still love the club scene, going out all weekend, every single weekend . I live with 3 lads 19-25 and we all have a lot of mutual friends spanning the full 18-35 age group.

I used to hit up the college nights out till I was about 25/26 , I felt older than others but it was still fun, I only stopped as I hadnt been in college in so long that there was little mutual discussion to be had.

You can still go enjoy the club scene and nights out and hang out with students , and I can very much understand the appeal of younger women outside of the '26-35 what are we, lets move in, baby time' danger zone that terrifies men, but it strikes me that youre going for 18-19 year old girls and resting on your 'maturity' and 'experience' aswell as their love of getting blackout drunk and experimenting with casual sex to get you women.

If you look at it from the outside, if it wasnt for the <21 women, would you actually enjoy that scene , by your posts id wager not. Id suggest working on self confidence to pull a bit older.


Also,

Equating you lying about being 25 when youre 30 is in no way the same as leaving cert girls who are likely underage pretending theyre 21 and you know that.

baby and crumble

Op, the more I read the more I think you have a really weird view of how 30+ folks socialize. Honestly, the best nights of my social life have happened in my 30’s. You know why? Because the majority of people aren’t trying to be something they’re not. We’re just enjoying ourselves, having a dance, having a chat and having a drink.

I’m not one to judge people I’ve never met, but your posts reek of someone who is desperate to “stay young”- you’re only in your 30’s!!! It’s “old” from the view of 20 year olds (or Jesus Christ those LC students!!) but you don’t suddenly get a pipe and slippers when you reach our age.

I do find your insistence that young women are “easier” really quite suspect. Like another poster said they’re “easier” because they want to please, and most haven’t had the experience of telling creepy guys to f*ck off. That’s not a good reason to want to be with them. And this isn’t about age- two of my close friends are in a great relationship, one is in their 40’s, the other in their 20’s. But they respect each other, which I don’t know if you do with these girls.

kylith

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

And they make me feel - how you say - young again?

blairbear wrote: »

I will tell you why a lot of women in their very early 20s are "lower maintenance" and "easier". Their confidence is lower. They haven't yet had the life experience to speak out, to call a man on his poor treatment of them, to realise their own self worth. Women get to their 30s and verbalize their concerns, their needs. A 21 year old girl will often be very eager to please, unsure of herself, worried in case she'll say something "wrong" and will stay silent.

I'd wager no women of my age would put up with you.

Yeah. OP is reminding me of a guy I used to rent with. Mid 30s (and certainly not able to pass for younger) and wooing girls 10-15 years younger than him, foreign for preference. He too claimed that they 'made him feel young' but in reality it's because a woman his own age would have seen through his BS in a heartbeat and not put up with his arrogance and childishness, but younger women, and the foreign women wouldn't have had a big support group in Ireland, were naive enough to think he was charming and sophisticated.

OP, I think you need to take a look at yourself. You seem to me to be trying to desperately hold on to your youth and i think that before long you will no longer be able to 'pass' for 25, though I'll wager you don't now, and these college students will be laughing at the sad old fart trying to fit in and act like one of them in his 40s. I fear that you will be left alone because you won't have forged any actual friendships or relationships with people your own age.

woodchuck

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

I find this highly disturbing. While what you're doing isn't illegal, I'd consider it immoral. As others have pointed out, these young women aren't properly developed/experienced enough to realise you're bad news. At that age, a lot of women aren't very confident and can have self esteem issues (again, just due to their age and lack of life experience). And you're literally PREYING on them.

The fact that you're posting here shows that you know (on some level at least) that what you're doing is wrong.

Your post about the leaving cert students is particularly disturbing. Them lying about being older is no excuse for you to lie about being younger. But aside from that, you realise you could get yourself into a whole world of trouble if you "accidently" sleep with someone who is below the age of consent??

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

What happens when I am, just like you said - the 40 year old bopping with 20 years olds?

That also - strongly concerns me.

Where do I see it going?

That also concerns and frightens me.

What happens to these type of dudes?
Will I eventually have to bite the bullet and resign myself to sipping on pints in some lame disco bar surrounded by single moms on their night out?

You should be concerned. You should prepare for your future. In the not too distant future, you won't be able to get away with pretending you're in your mid-20s (if you even are now).

You need to get some friends who are closer to your own age and hobbies that don't involve bopping around the dancefloor with college students. Nobody is saying you have to sip pints in a lame disco bar (are disco bars even a thing...). You obviously have a lot of energy, so maybe channel that into sports. Go to gigs. Look up some meetup groups. Have you even tried anything outside the college scene?

If nothing else, aren't you lonely not having any real friends or meaningful connections with anyone?

Debtocracy wrote: »

I'm sensing a bit of jealousy from you here. Calling a mature student creepy or sleazy for hanging out with college students is a bit extreme. He mentioned he lied about his age once due to awkwardness. Sounds like someone with mild self-esteem issues but he is being treated like he is a predator.

I'm a woman, so jealousy is definitely not a factor in my comments. Like I said before, it's fine for mature students to go on nights out with their class. However it's an issue when it's your only social outlet and you're doing it to get young women into bed. It's both an issue for these women/girls/teenagers (personally I think the OP is behaving like a predator) and it's an issue for the OP himself (his bubble is going to burst sooner or later and be left with no meaningful life/friends).

the whole year inn

Do what you like OP but for god sake don't start telling blatant lies to potential underage girls,your in for a world of trouble.
What sort of job allows ya to go out week nights.
I wouldn't fancy hanging out with just people as young as that but rather a wider range of age groups. Each to there own.

DEFTLEFTHAND

I socialised with my college going sister and her friends one night over xmas. I'm 29, they're all between 20-22. I felt very out of place tbh, I couldn't relate to them in any shape or form. Felt like a big auld fella putting on Oasis and Arctic Monkeys on the pub jukenox while they put on the likes of Ed Sheeran.

To each their own though, that's just me. I found that when I was late teens early 20s I enjoyed the company of older people.

Aspadeaspade

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Aspadeaspade wrote: »

Do whatever you want to do OP.

Really?

EH NO!! NOT REALLY!! It was a figure of speech! Are you for real OP? What planet are you living on? Get a grip man!

Aspadeaspade

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Aspadeaspade wrote: »

Do whatever you want to do OP.

Really?

EH NO!! NOT REALLY!! It was a figure of speech! Are you for real OP? What planet are you living on? Get a grip man!

LegacyUser

Bambi985 wrote: »

OP you're contradicting yourself all over the shop now. You've got this busy social life where you're apparently a hit with everyone left right and chelsea and yet you don't have any actual friends? Having friends would impede your lifestyle, which is on a 'really strict timetable' - of partying and pulling 19 year olds? Your social life comprises entirely of said partying, you know the thing that you've created a thread for on a Personal Issues message board - and yet you "wouldn't have it any other way"?

First off - I like this reply cause - it gives me a lot to think about.

That's correct. Whilst I'm doing my thing, I bump into people all the time and chat like we've known each other forever. And then the chat is done and I'll see them when I see them.
By example - I had a pretty close friend just over a year ago and, he was super fun to hang out with but, I found myself missing evening activities and the like, which I decided just couldn't continue cause - I do have an upbeat energy to myself, which comes largely from being very secure in my lifestyle, activities, finances etc.

It literally pains to have to compromise that.

Partying and nightclubbing is like - efficient socializing for me.

I don't drink alcohol. I get home about 10 pm. Shower, then chill for a while, get ready - go out for two/three hours, come home - sometimes with company, other times without, but always feeling good about myself, then crash about 3 (or sometime after, depending...), and am ready for my next day come the morning.

I say, I wouldn't have it any other way cause, for me - my personal philosophy is that - the heart of relationships begins with physical/carnal attraction.
And the best environment to see that, is a surreal, energetic, charged environment of a nightclub. I mean, or course you get glimpses of it during the day but - it's highly tempered, naturally.

That's why, it's also such a priority for me.
It's like, such a large part of my lifestyle and living, is geared toward these nights out.
How I look after myself, eat, everything really.
And I love it.

The problem arises in the aforementioned - most people only seem to live this lifestyle - at that age. Late teens, early twenties.
Like, that leaving cert night.
They were all so young, true.
But I felt so completely chilled and relaxed - and just happy there.
I'm not necessarily going to go into some male ramblings but, just chatting with everyone - like I said, the girls are easy.

I've been in relationships before, without that true electric chemistry - and, honestly - they do the opposite.
They make me so unhappy. And there's such bad feeling.
I would honestly stay alone forever, than enter into a relationship without, like I said, that chemistry.

That whole Leaving Cert night story (jesus christ) and actively lying about your age and only engaging with "gals" (pro-tip: we prefer 'women') when there's an "end goal" suggests a level of maturity that does not, in fact, exceed that of the 20 year old lads you're "competing" with for female attention and explains a lot about this situation you're in to be perfectly honest. It's like you had sh1t luck with women back in your own 20s and have this need to validate yourself by re-living them a decade later to prove some point to yourself or something, it doesn't exactly scream of this innate confidence and self-assurance that you seem to think you actually have at all.

You're not super wide of the mark here.
I didn't have sh1t luck but - I always felt like, I didn't have a lot of offer. And it took me a while to understand how to develop myself into - put it this way, to be able to give, what I want - if that makes sense.
I want hotness and electricity.
I needed to learn how to be able to give that.
Don't get me wrong.
I did okay but, it was often the typical protocol that we all know. Jumping through the hoops, doing the monkey dance (that's how it felt at least).
Now - at this point - I want to enjoy what I got, to the fullest extent.

I think about it and honestly, I'm not trying to relive a youth I missed but, quite simply - that age group - it's just like I said; they've more energy, and typically - they're more attractive.

I have a female acquaintance who is something of your equivalent, no longer keeps in touch with anyone her own age (mid 30s) and hangs out/dates exclusively people in their early 20s and pretty much embodies all of the traits that you'd find in someone that age, emotional maturity notwithstanding. The reality is the mutual friends we have of a similar age got sick of her bullsh1t to the point where the only people that wanted to be around her were the ones a decade younger because she's determined to stay in some sort of prolonged youth that makes her almost intolerable to be around. I'm sniffing more of the same here tbh.

Here - I wouldn't draw the comparison.
I indeed mix well with people of all ages, at work and beyond.

There are some people that - they do seem to show somewhat aversion, I can't deny but - to be honest, I'm actually happy they do cause, often times, they're people whom I'd just have to placate for the sake of good social grace.
Not really the type I want to hang out with or chat extensively with, really at all.

Don't take that as dismissal of your point of view.
Like I said, I've enjoyed reading these responses and, they're making me think - maybe seeing things from other points of view.

But, as at the top - the prime concern is - I'm still like a sore thumb of sorts, in my own mind at least, given the age gap.
That's something I'm trying to come to terms with.

shesty

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

<Snip>

Honestly - again, 30 something year old woman here - you just sound like a really immature guy to me, and face to face, I honestly would be thinking to myself listening to you "this guy really needs to grow up". You have the whole "I am so great, I have ultimate confidence in myself, I will get to the top really quickly just because I'm me and I can have women so easily because I'm me" thing going on that quite frankly, most men leave behind somewhere around the age of exiting college or after a year or two in the world of work (I'm an engineer, I have been in an almost exclusively male environment since I entered and left college, so believe me, I've come across most types of men - from a female viewpoint).

Your bottom line is that you like your social life with younger people but you're suddenly realising that outside the drunken loud nightclub environment you really have next to nothing in common with 20 year olds and that maybe you need to grow up a bit.But you are scared to do that because you don't know how.....because you need to mature a bit. Do you think you would easily get a 30 year old woman in a bar/nightclub situation? I don't.

Life is permanent education yes, but I don't think you've ever really left college mentally. You seem to feel this is weird, which suggests to me it's time to start thinking about how to change stuff. There's a bit more to life and socialising than getting drunk on student nights.....it's just that you've never tried anything else. So put yourself out there and start trying other stuff.

the whole year inn

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

<Snip>

Your just going out to get with young girls why are you trying to paint it up as anything else.
If thats what you want to do go and it's not Illigal then go for it.
How does not having any friends get in the way of this.Surely your not out every night and when your not out do you wish you had some friends to go for a pint/movie with.

Also do you have any people to go to the club with or you just show up on your own.

meeeeh

Op I must admit I find your posts hard to read. Not because of what you are saying but because of your style of writing. Either this is one long troll thread or you actually are 30 something guy trying to write like you think 17 years old girl would. It's one long cliche.

I might think your attitude is a bit infantile but you are not doing anything wrong as long as you are not deceiving girls you sleep with. But you are right, your lifestyle has time limit on it. Soon you won't come accross as a bit old looking 25 year-old but as a bit desperate 40 years old. And that is not an attractive look.

blairbear

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Partying and nightclubbing is like - efficient socializing for me.

I don't drink alcohol.

I say, I wouldn't have it any other way cause, for me - my personal philosophy is that - the heart of relationships begins with physical/carnal attraction.


The problem arises in the aforementioned - most people only seem to live this lifestyle - at that age. Late teens, early twenties.
Like, that leaving cert night.
They were all so young, true.


I'm not necessarily going to go into some male ramblings but, just chatting with everyone - like I said, the girls are easy.

I've been in relationships before, without that true electric chemistry - and, honestly - they do the opposite.

I want hotness and electricity.

I think about it and honestly, I'm not trying to relive a youth I missed but, quite simply - that age group - it's just like I said; they've more energy, and typically - they're more attractive.


Like I said, I've enjoyed reading these responses and, they're making me think - maybe seeing things from other points of view.

So you're nice and sober to creep on these girls on Leaving Cert nights out and in their late teens.

You are lying about your age to very young women and going on these nights out specifically to do that.

I hope you enjoy reading this response too, and seeing this point of view, because as a woman of YOUR age who works with girls near the age you are targeting, this is really unpleasant reading.

OP, there isn't a woman I know at our age who would listen to a fraction of that rambling. You have the mindset of a toddler; I am centre of the world. Everyone and everything around me should serve me in some way. I am the most special person that exists.

You are clearly out to pull young ones and you are trying to dress it up as a highbrow adventure, wherein nobody but extremely young women can understand or satisfy your enormous energy and thirst for fascinating encounters.

You need to buy a diary and inflict this nonsense on those pages alone.

johnnyskeleton

Have you considered going to Lumo Club? Its got great energy people always have a great time and, while there are a few people in their early 20s there, its mostly people north of 30 so you will get the buzz youre looking for without feeling out of place.

Big Bag of Chips

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

which comes largely from being very secure in my lifestyle, activities.. etc.
.
.
.
.
.
But, as at the top - the prime concern is - I'm still like a sore thumb of sorts, in my own mind at least, given the age gap.
That's something I'm trying to come to terms with.

If you are so super confident and secure in yourself then why do you need to 'come to terms' with anything? Why lie about your age? Surely someone so super confident would be comfortable in their own skin and wouldn't be bothered by how they look to others?

I think posters here have this right. It's unlikely that you would be able to impress a woman of your own age. And I think you're probably finding that the women you used to impress are now becoming less impressed with you as you get older, yet the age you target stays the same. So now instead of you being 7 or 8 years older than them, you are now becoming 11-12 years older than them.

I think what has worked for you in the past is now starting to fail, and you find yourself getting sucked into a limbo. You're the only one who can get yourself out of there. But a super confident, secure in himself guy like you should have no problem doing that. Not everybody your age is married/settled/parents/mortgage. Early 30s man? I'd say not too many of your friends are married with children yet. They may be settled into relationships, but that's their choice. If you're confident in your choice to not settle into a relationship then that's your business and nobody else really cares!

qwerty13

All this reminds me of is the old song ‘The oldest swinger in town’.

There comes an age when it gets a bit sad OP. I think you know this, or you wouldn’t have posted.

Lying about your age when socialising with people quite a bit younger than you is not a good look. And I find the lying about your age to quite young women really creepy.

woodchuck

OP you say there needs to be physical attraction for a relationship. I agree, however attraction only ONE part of a relationship. You're extremely unlikely to develop a meaningful long term relationship with a college girl.

And let's be honest here, you're only looking to sleep with these girls anyway!

What is your relationship history like?

Zipppy

An oldies advice to someone younger....
You say you early 30s but your worries and questions shows a very immature attitude.
Always be yourself.. be happy with who you are..dont be bothered by what others might think (most of the time most people couldn't really care less anyhow..its all in your head)
Just be up front..be yourself and be happy.

georgina toadbum

I'm finding this whole thing quite bizarre. Especially about the leaving cert night. Let's just say those girls were lying about their age and they were only 17. Would you be happy to 'get with one of them' knowing that she's under 18 and they believe you to be a lot younger than you've told them you are?
TBH I find that really unsettling.

Eric Cartman

You dont drink when you go out on these nights and take home barely legal girls who are almost certainly drunk and think you're 25 not 31-32 ,dude thats creepy as hell and really predatory behaviour, i thought you were just drunk shifting young wans but this soundsmore like a lion hunting a gazelle, a very drunk impressionable gazelle.

You seem to only talk about the physical qualities these young women posess. Every reply makes me more and more afraid for these women.

RoebuckWilson

While you appear to have little regard for the weight of your action, you may be more convinced that your behaviour is a little off if we consider the near-future.

I think something worth imagining is the inevitable period when your current cohort no longer accept you as one of their own. You're going to be in a particular vulnerable and isolated position, of your own making. You will have sacrificed whatever unattractive, low-energy semblance of a social circle for 'the thrill of the chase'. Ultimately, the game you play, as exciting as it may be, has no winners. Short-terms gains perhaps, but everyone loses in the end. The girls you manipulate, and yourself.

What you're doing is no different to the girl/guy who gives up their friends for an all-consuming relationship. When that relationship ends, they are on their own. However, your rationale for abandoning your natural peers is pretty vapid and particularly disturbing. If a female family member was put in a position that you gleefully orchestrated and have illustrated, I wouldn't hesitate in involving myself to right some wrongs.

However, I think that won't resonate until you put some distance between where you are now and future-you. There are ethical and moral issues blatantly obvious to the majority. However, you need to realise that you are sabotaging your own sociality in the future.

shesty

You have an upbeat energy because of your 'security" yet you aren't happy in a relationship unless there are fireworks all the time.....
You sacrificed a friendship because you felt your nocturnal activities were more important....

Jeez OP, that post is pretty shocking.You don't sound like someone who can hold down a relationship.You do know that those fireworks vanish out of most relationships pretty quickly....

I'll say it again, where do you see this going?Are you ok with the idea of being the 40 something year old on the dancefloor with 20 something year olds (who despite your looks and amazingness are going to start seeing through that pretty soon....).It doesn't matter how you think it looks, from the outside looking in it looks pretty awful, especially when you start talking about leaving cert girls.

I know you think it's because Ireland is conservative somehow but have you noticed it's not really a done thing in most places, because well.....most people grow up and move on???

LegacyUser

WoodChuck - But aside from that, you realise you could get yourself into a whole world of trouble if you "accidently" sleep with someone who is below the age of consent??

Now - this, is gonna sound like, really..... from an outside point of view.

However - I refuse to sit idly by and allow this to go unaddressed.

That age of consent, I believe is 17 - most leaving cert students age.
It used to be 16.
In Canada, it's 14.

Now I totally understand - "that creepy old guy preying on the helpless young gals".

I mean, it is kind of - creepy - like you guys say, when you see that, or even if a dude is up to that type of hijynx, it almost physically repellant.

And I believe that relates to the fact that, that image is typically associated with old guys, or older guys, with lots of money, or perhaps social status in some capacity - that use that leverage to attain younger women, via their naive nature.

We generally tend not to conceive of a situation where - and listen, I apologize in advance if this treads on your tender sensibilities but - where there's, basically - a hot guy, that finds attractive a younger gal (that being said - DO NOT misconstrue here. I mean young, not child. Mature, developed body, which most gals 16, 17 have - even past 14 most have - in line with Canadian standards).
There comes, liaison, as it were - simply due to physical attraction for one another.

With the female, it seems to be common knowledge that, relative to the male, there is a certain attraction that develops on behalf of males, that doesn't NECESSARILY work in reverse. Thus, men do - the chasing.
That's been the traditional set up, at least.

However, with personal development of the male, this situation can be, equalized - I would describe it as.
Typically though - younger generation males don't have this insight at that point of their lives, and tend to follow the "group" - thus, the Mr Popular contests.

What I've alluded to in previous posts is that, given my age and experience - I have them insights.

So what I'm saying is - I don't fit the profile, of that creepy old dude creeping on young gals.

And I apologize again for using this blatant language, which some may interpret as bordering on farcical but, for the purposes of this explanation, it needs to be said; I'm the hot guy.

They're not necessarily "chasing" me, but without ever making a move on them, I have their attention.

For this reason, with this circumstance I'm saying - this whole thing of, "age of consent" - to me it's a generalization, to protect the young and vulnerable from - creepers.

But I'm not a creeper.
I'm the dude they're "accidentally" throwing themselves in the way of, giving long looks to... etc.

I get it - some of you are thinking, "this guy just loves himself. What a douche".

I don't agree with that - but I acknowledge that seems to be the general reaction to those such as myself.


The bottom line here is - do I look out of place?
In my mind I do - sometimes horribly so.
Is it uncommon?
Absolutely - and that's why I made this thread - to vent my insecurity at being, pretty much the only person within my current environment that I see doing this type of thing.
Is it wrong, or even close to wrong?
On the contrary.

I would even go as far as to say that, I personally think younger gals forming casual relationships with guys that don't embody the, "bad boy - Mr Popular" nonsense attitude, but rather simply exhibit a genuine physical attraction - may well even improve their view of males and understanding of relationships, via their experience.


Again, let me surmise with my acknowledgement that - there is a cut off age.
Where gals aren't developed.
And I mean it's clear as day to see.
Their bodies are just not ready.
I don't find it attractive - on the contrary, I find it distinctly unattractive - and understand that, as a matter of principle - I wouldn't even conceive of going there.

georgina toadbum

You are unbelievably delusional. Who just happens to know the age of consent in different countries?

Big Bag of Chips

Time to close the thread, OP. Personal issues is an advice forum where people post looking for advice. I'm not sure your thread fits that criteria.

Thread locked.