Not sure if I'm too old for my foreseeable lifestyle?

LegacyUser

I don't know whether this is a personal issue or relationship issue but - I'll post here and moderators can move as appropriate.

I'm in my early thirties.

I'm working and studying.
I believe life is the never ending college course.
I love to study and learn new things, acquire new skills and broaden my prospects.
I have an undergraduate degree then like 50% of Ireland, went abroad to work.

So currently, basically, in terms of socializing, I go out primarily on student nights.
As in, regular aged students.
I get the occasional, "you're working here, right?" - from other guys only.
I try to pass myself off as like, mid 20's.
I can, pretty much - at least, no one's ever explicitly called me on it.
Plus - unless everyone I ask is being really nice about it - that's the age most people think I am.

The reason I'm concerned is, I seem to be, probably the only guy I see doing this.
Most, possibly all of the other dudes are, the same age as the gals.
i.e. college age.

I go out sometimes on weekends also but, I just have a lot more fun on student nights.
The music is better. Weekend age crowds don't seem to be big nightclub goers. It's more bars and disco bars. And sometime the mature crowd is just - lacking in energy - is perhaps how I would describe it.

Now - I'm keenly aware, Irish culture being what it is - it's quite conservative.
I'm not sure if what I'm doing is frowned upon or what but - the thing is, I can't really see myself NOT doing it.

When I was college age - I went out with friends, mixed, "breaking my neck just to know her name" - as The Killers said, if I have the words correct.

It was fine.
It was okay.

But now?
Forget about it.
I have the understanding, the confidence, everything to have an awesome night.

I'm just wondering - how old is too old?

Maybe I'm just being paranoid and no one notices.

Just that, "settle down" lifestyle - I just can't, currently at least, envisage any situation where it even remotely appeals to me.

Pelvis

Going out on student nights is not weird.

Pretending you're 25 is weird.

Dev84

Pelvis wrote: »

Going out on student nights is not weird.

Pretending you're 25 is weird.

Especially when you are only in your early 30's.

Big Bag of Chips

Are you sure anyone cares? If people are asking you your age it's because they have a feeling you're older than they are/you're claiming to be. But if you're just up front about it nobody will actually care. Unless you are lying because the majority of people are late teens/very early 20s and you want to have a chance with them?

If so that's sneaky.

Just be yourself, people will either like you or not. If you're pretending at being someone else then you'll never know if people will like you for you.

If you just want to go out, then just go out. Your age shouldn't come in to it. I think you're making an issue where others wouldn't be bothered.

Aspadeaspade

Do whatever you want to do OP. Just don't lie or hide your real age because that's just sad and trust me people will notice.. please don't be 'that' guy.. it just reeks of desperation ..

LegacyUser

Aspadeaspade wrote: »

Do whatever you want to do OP.

Really?

I mean - I'm not looking for self validation asking this question but, sometimes I'm just like, "damn - I am soooo much older than this crowd".

That being said, I certainly wouldn't wish to be that age again - at least, not without the acumen I have now.
If I could have the best of both worlds - wisdom AND youth, that would super awesome.

But alas - unless they've devised youth potions, I'm pretty much stuck in my early 30's for now.

Dudes I grew up with, I see they've graduated to the more "mature" nightclubs that cater to the older crowd.

That's just my idea of a living nightmare.

I suppose my other concern is - what am I gonna do when I REALLY get to old for this?

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

zoobizoo

I'm 45 and can get away with 37.
When I was 35 I could get away with 27.

I never lied about my age if I was asked though. In fact I liked how surprised they were when I told them my age. Vanity I guess.


What I would suggest you do is go find like minded people who enjoy going out as much as you do who - who aren't students

They are out there.

I partied more in my mid to late 30s when I found a gang like that. They ranged in age from 25 to 50. I had joined a sports club and they were all up for weekends away, festivals, gigs etc

Id know some guys my age still "caning" it at 45.

What you don't want to become is the lad at the end of the bar in a night club on yer own, looking at the younger women, bopping yer head, a good ten years older than everyone else .....

Have a listen to the song "oldest singer in town"

baby and crumble

TBH OP the only person who can say if you're "too old" is you. I'll be honest though, I couldn't hack what you're doing. I'm in my mid-30's and am technically still a student (part-tme while working fulltime), but the thoughts of dealing with 20 year olds on a night out fills me with dread.

Then again I was never a big partier, even in my undergrad days.

If you're having fun, and enjoying your life, then more power to you. I will say, though, that I remember being 20 and there being the older students coming out on nights out, and I used to think it was a bit weird and desperate. I'm not saying that's the right opinion to have, but it's how I felt.

Tenigate

If you're happy, keep doing it.
For me there wasn't a huge difference between 20s and early 30s but at some stage you'll look around and think "I'm too old to be here"

Call me Al

If it makes you happy them fine.
But don't be making out you're 10 years younger than you are. These 20+ year olds aren't stupid. They will end up thinking you're a sad oddball seeing you lie to them like this.

Ursus Horribilis

By the time I was 30, I had feck all in common with university age students. Regardless of what they might have thought of me hanging around with them, they'd have wrecked my head.

I second the advice of finding other outlets for older people who like to party. As you move into your 30s you might find yourself starting to feel odd and out of place with the youngsters. I'm surprised you aren't already tbh.

woodchuck

I find it a little weird to be honest. I'm around the same age as you, but would have no desire to hang out with people of that age group. They even wreck my head just listening to them on the bus!

I remember being in college and sometimes the mature students would come on nights out. Nothing wrong with that at all, but if it's your main social outlet? I'd be a little concerned. It sounds like you're the eternal student. This can be a good thing when it comes to learning, but not in terms of maturing.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but how do you expect to grow up if you're constantly surrounding yourself with college students? I think you need to hang out with people your own age more often, otherwise some day you'll find yourself completely left behind and still trying to be the "cool kid" with all the college students who are wondering why this old man is hanging around them.

woodchuck

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

.I suppose my other concern is - what am I gonna do when I REALLY get to old for this?

No offense intended, but I think you already are. Why else would you lie about your age?

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

This is not the answer. Why would you want to date girls half your age? Why don't you want to date women your own age?

Ursus Horribilis

It makes me wonder if our OP has some form of Peter Pan syndrome? Even the way he talks is a bit funny for a 30 year old. Dudes?? Wanting to move so he can date young ones. I'd love to know what he's getting from these youth nights out anyway? Is it the music? Getting to grind against young ones on the dance floor? Being able to get messy drunk on a weeknight?

Mokuba

woodchuck wrote: »

This is not the answer. Why would you want to date girls half your age? Why don't you want to date women your own age?

Maybe he finds them more attractive?

Tenigate

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

It makes me wonder if our OP has some form of Peter Pan syndrome? Even the way he talks is a bit funny for a 30 year old.

Yea there's something a little off. It's like he's trying to pass as a teenage girl from cali rather than a 25yo man.

okatied

When I was in college as an undergrad there were mature students who would go out with us. We all knew they were in their 30s but it didn't matter. They liked the same music, movies etc as us so there was nothing weird about it. They didn't lie about their age though.

shesty

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Really?

I mean - I'm not looking for self validation asking this question but, sometimes I'm just like, "damn - I am soooo much older than this crowd".

That being said, I certainly wouldn't wish to be that age again - at least, not without the acumen I have now.
If I could have the best of both worlds - wisdom AND youth, that would super awesome.

But alas - unless they've devised youth potions, I'm pretty much stuck in my early 30's for now.

Dudes I grew up with, I see they've graduated to the more "mature" nightclubs that cater to the older crowd.

That's just my idea of a living nightmare.

I suppose my other concern is - what am I gonna do when I REALLY get to old for this?

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

You're starting to notice it yourself......probably a sign that you need to figure that out!

Sure, keep doing what you want.But the time will come (very soon, as a 35 year old here!!) When you realise there's a whole generation between you and your fellow clubbers.Anyway, it's more than that really.It starts to beg the question, where are you going with this?You can keep going to those clubs or whatever but what are you looking for?Are you ok with being the 40 or 45 year old on the dance floor with a load of 22 year olds?? There will come a point in the very near future where it will kind of stop being ok,just because of the age gap.

So the question is for you to answer.What exactly are you looking for doing this?Where do you see this going?

meeeeh

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

I learn something new every day. I didn't think it was that common in part of mainland Europe I'm coming from.

Op you are coming across a bit creepy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with younger crowd, going to student type night clubs and so on. But you seem to be hiding your age and are more slightly preoccupied with dating younger girls. That by itself is perfectly fine but they deserve to know your age and what kind of a relationship you want.

I actually got on well with couple of eternal student functionaries in their thirties when I was a student. But they were interested in hanging out with like minded people not with specifically younger people (or is it just younger girls).

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

woodchuck

Mokuba wrote: »

Maybe he finds them more attractive?

It's a bit sleazy though to activity seek out women to date who are half your age, particularly when you're lying about your age and talking about emigrating in order to continue to do so!!

Bambi985

I dunno OP, you do you and all that but at a certain stage the "this is super awesome dude" language out of the mouth of a nearing middle-aged man trying to re-live his youth hanging out with a bunch of 20-year-olds becomes more than a bit of a cliche.

Now I get that you're not where many/arguably most Irish 30-something year olds are in life and that's totally fine, nor am I - there's life in this old dawg yet! But it doesn't mean going to the extreme of full-blown Peter Pan syndrome where you've got the cognitive and emotional maturity of a 20 year old and refuse to ascend into adulthood is an advisable route either. We all have to grow up and do a bit of adulting at some stage too. Do you have any friends your own age? What about people you met at college the first time round, or people you've worked with? Do you have the ability to engage with people your own age? The adolescent transatlantic turns of phrase that litter your posts would suggest you're already being impacted by hanging out with a younger generation and that's not necessarily a good look in the work place, or in any situation in life where it's on you to impress or gain respect from your peers.

Nothing wrong with enjoying the company of your college mates and going to the nights out, but if that encompasses the entirety of your social life then I'd say it's not necessarily healthy or conducive to moving up in the world for you IMO.

LegacyUser

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

By the time I was 30, I had feck all in common with university age students. Regardless of what they might have thought of me hanging around with them, they'd have wrecked my head.

I second the advice of finding other outlets for older people who like to party. As you move into your 30s you might find yourself starting to feel odd and out of place with the youngsters. I'm surprised you aren't already tbh.

Well - that's the point.

I kind of do - already.

One time, I was in the chipper after, and ended up sat in a booth with three gals.
Believe or not - somehow it escaped me but, it was actually like, leaving cert results night or something.
That only occurred to me later - or someone said it to me or something.

Anyways - they were telling me they were like, 21, or 22 or something.
I was telling them I was 24.

So - they were lying also, I'm assuming; assuming the majority of folk that night were in fact leaving cert students.

That happens too.

They lie about being older.

What's the point here....

The point - I already feel out of place and awkward; sometimes, horribly so.

In fact - that's kind of, at least a part of the reason I made this thread.

I want someone to tell me, "it's okay pal. Our culture is such that it doesn't really happen that much but, hell - if I could do it - I would also!! Keep up the good work!".


In terms of what the above poster said about it being a "living nightmare".

I mean - that's where, I guess, what I've learned over the years, and thusly, the way I've developed and present myself and all that good stuff, ties in.


I'm just uncomfortable with how it can be negatively looked on, to be dating a girl, or competing for a girl - with guys, sometimes more than 10 years my junior.
Which often makes the competition fairly easy to "beat" - as it were.
I mean - at that age, males typically aren't developed such that they can really offer a whole lot to females, physically, I mean.

I appears to be primarily like, the Mr Popular contest, in addition to whomever has the remotest semblance of what actually turns gals on.
For myself though, being older, more mature - wiser, whatever - I have that area firmly in check.

What I'm saying is - if I wasn't being successful - I wouldn't be doing it.
That's the good part.
That's why I love it and can't imagine the "settle down" lifestyle.

But like I said - I just don't see anyone ELSE doing it (anyone as old as me, I mean) - and that makes me uncomfortable.

LegacyUser

woodchuck wrote: »

Why would you want to date girls half your age?

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

And they make me feel - how you say - young again?

LegacyUser

shesty wrote: »

You're starting to notice it yourself......probably a sign that you need to figure that out!

Sure, keep doing what you want.But the time will come (very soon, as a 35 year old here!!) When you realise there's a whole generation between you and your fellow clubbers.Anyway, it's more than that really.It starts to beg the question, where are you going with this?You can keep going to those clubs or whatever but what are you looking for?Are you ok with being the 40 or 45 year old on the dance floor with a load of 22 year olds?? There will come a point in the very near future where it will kind of stop being ok,just because of the age gap.

So the question is for you to answer.What exactly are you looking for doing this?Where do you see this going?

And that's the question.

What happens?

I was hoping someone could help me answer this also.

What happens when I am, just like you said - the 40 year old bopping with 20 years olds?

That also - strongly concerns me.

Where do I see it going?

That also concerns and frightens me.

What happens to these type of dudes?
Will I eventually have to bite the bullet and resign myself to sipping on pints in some lame disco bar surrounded by single moms on their night out?

LegacyUser

Bambi985 wrote: »

I dunno OP, you do you and all that but at a certain stage the "this is super awesome dude" language out of the mouth of a nearing middle-aged man trying to re-live his youth hanging out with a bunch of 20-year-olds becomes more than a bit of a cliche.

Now I get that you're not where many/arguably most Irish 30-something year olds are in life and that's totally fine, nor am I - there's life in this old dawg yet! But it doesn't mean going to the extreme of full-blown Peter Pan syndrome where you've got the cognitive and emotional maturity of a 20 year old and refuse to ascend into adulthood is an advisable route either. We all have to grow up and do a bit of adulting at some stage too. Do you have any friends your own age? What about people you met at college the first time round, or people you've worked with? Do you have the ability to engage with people your own age? The adolescent transatlantic turns of phrase that litter your posts would suggest you're already being impacted by hanging out with a younger generation and that's not necessarily a good look in the work place, or in any situation in life where it's on you to impress or gain respect from your peers.

Nothing wrong with enjoying the company of your college mates and going to the nights out, but if that encompasses the entirety of your social life then I'd say it's not necessarily healthy or conducive to moving up in the world for you IMO.

No I don't keep in touch with anyone from college.
To say myself and that crowd have grown apart is an understatement.

I mean - I like to think I keep company with people, who are just relaxed, easy going, happy in themselves - cool people.

But honestly - I mean, I have acquaintances.
I don't have any particularly close friends.

I find having close friends and what it takes to maintain that, can impede on my lifestyle, which runs on a fairly strict timetable.
I don't really have time for being stood about shooting the breeze.

I mean - don't get me wrong, in a line of engagement, whatever that may be - I'll chat with someone. But I won't go outside what I doing, or compromise productivity in my lifestyle, in favour of being sat about talking muck - with whomever.

If I'm talking - and don't get me wrong, I mean, I engage - but with gals, and there is an end goal there, naturally.

In terms of, "moving up in the world" - I have zero worries there, that's not a concern.

The same thing that allows me to bop about in a nightclub with 19 year olds is the same thing that allows me to engage with people from whatever background; professional, whatever.

Listen - I'm not patting myself on the back here but, I just have that easy going ingratiating dynamic.

That being said,

encompasses the entirety of your social life

This is not entirely untrue.

More like spot on.
That is my social life.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Debtocracy

woodchuck wrote: »

It's a bit sleazy though to activity seek out women to date who are half your age, particularly when you're lying about your age and talking about emigrating in order to continue to do so!!

I'm sensing a bit of jealousy from you here. Calling a mature student creepy or sleazy for hanging out with college students is a bit extreme. He mentioned he lied about his age once due to awkwardness. Sounds like someone with mild self-esteem issues but he is being treated like he is a predator.

I often hear this type of language when people are discussing an older guy with a younger woman. Things like:

'He's such a creep'
'I could never date a 20 year old, they'd do your head in'
'I couldn't cope with their immaturity'

Men in their 30s say these things as if they're the one choosing not to get with a 20 year old, rather than the reality than no 20 year would want to get with them (unless they're exceedingly rich).

My advice to the OP: No one particularly cares what age you are, especially on a night out. Some of the best nights out are when the 60 year old lecturer goes drinking. The mature student can be a novelty, can have status, so embrace it rather than hiding from it. Just be cautious about being perceived as creepy and chatting up an 18 year old, keep at 23ish onwards.

And keep going on college night outs as long as you have the opportunity as a mature student. You could have some drinks with friends your own age but there's only so much excitement talking about mortgage interest rates, creche fees and how quiet Christmas was.

Emme

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

And they make me feel - how you say - young again?

Easier as in lower maintenance or easier as in easier to get into bed?

You shouldn't need somebody to feel young again. You might indeed FEEL younger but some of the guys in your class might see you as a creep if you lie about your age and chat up girls half your age.

You can go where you like and chat up who you like but be honest about your age.

Bambi985

OP you're contradicting yourself all over the shop now. You've got this busy social life where you're apparently a hit with everyone left right and chelsea and yet you don't have any actual friends? Having friends would impede your lifestyle, which is on a 'really strict timetable' - of partying and pulling 19 year olds? Your social life comprises entirely of said partying, you know the thing that you've created a thread for on a Personal Issues message board - and yet you "wouldn't have it any other way"?

That whole Leaving Cert night story (jesus christ) and actively lying about your age and only engaging with "gals" (pro-tip: we prefer 'women') when there's an "end goal" suggests a level of maturity that does not, in fact, exceed that of the 20 year old lads you're "competing" with for female attention and explains a lot about this situation you're in to be perfectly honest. It's like you had sh1t luck with women back in your own 20s and have this need to validate yourself by re-living them a decade later to prove some point to yourself or something, it doesn't exactly scream of this innate confidence and self-assurance that you seem to think you actually have at all.

I have a female acquaintance who is something of your equivalent, no longer keeps in touch with anyone her own age (mid 30s) and hangs out/dates exclusively people in their early 20s and pretty much embodies all of the traits that you'd find in someone that age, emotional maturity notwithstanding. The reality is the mutual friends we have of a similar age got sick of her bullsh1t to the point where the only people that wanted to be around her were the ones a decade younger because she's determined to stay in some sort of prolonged youth that makes her almost intolerable to be around. I'm sniffing more of the same here tbh.

JupiterKid

I smell complete BS from the OP. No Irish 30 something man talks or writes like that. This thread is nothing more than a wind-up.

blairbear

I think the OP is coming off as very sleazy here. It's one thing to want to hang out with a group of people barely out of their 20s just to socialise and have fun. It's another to do that with the specific intention of bedding a younger woman.

I will tell you why a lot of women in their very early 20s are "lower maintenance" and "easier". Their confidence is lower. They haven't yet had the life experience to speak out, to call a man on his poor treatment of them, to realise their own self worth. Women get to their 30s and verbalize their concerns, their needs. A 21 year old girl will often be very eager to please, unsure of herself, worried in case she'll say something "wrong" and will stay silent.

It makes me feel a bit sick that you exclusively want to date younger women because they are just less hassle, in your view.

Lots of people of our age (I am guessing I am pretty much the same age as you) can pass for 20 something. It is one thing though to shave off a year or two; it's another to be lying to leaving cert students and telling them you are 24. "We were all lying" is no excuse. They are more or less children!!! You are an adult man in his 4th decade of life. Of course a teenager is going to lie about her age on a night out. Jesus, OP, you are really painting a creepy picture of your behaviour thus far.

I'd wager no women of my age would put up with you.