Not sure if I'm too old for my foreseeable lifestyle?

LegacyUser

I don't know whether this is a personal issue or relationship issue but - I'll post here and moderators can move as appropriate.

I'm in my early thirties.

I'm working and studying.
I believe life is the never ending college course.
I love to study and learn new things, acquire new skills and broaden my prospects.
I have an undergraduate degree then like 50% of Ireland, went abroad to work.

So currently, basically, in terms of socializing, I go out primarily on student nights.
As in, regular aged students.
I get the occasional, "you're working here, right?" - from other guys only.
I try to pass myself off as like, mid 20's.
I can, pretty much - at least, no one's ever explicitly called me on it.
Plus - unless everyone I ask is being really nice about it - that's the age most people think I am.

The reason I'm concerned is, I seem to be, probably the only guy I see doing this.
Most, possibly all of the other dudes are, the same age as the gals.
i.e. college age.

I go out sometimes on weekends also but, I just have a lot more fun on student nights.
The music is better. Weekend age crowds don't seem to be big nightclub goers. It's more bars and disco bars. And sometime the mature crowd is just - lacking in energy - is perhaps how I would describe it.

Now - I'm keenly aware, Irish culture being what it is - it's quite conservative.
I'm not sure if what I'm doing is frowned upon or what but - the thing is, I can't really see myself NOT doing it.

When I was college age - I went out with friends, mixed, "breaking my neck just to know her name" - as The Killers said, if I have the words correct.

It was fine.
It was okay.

But now?
Forget about it.
I have the understanding, the confidence, everything to have an awesome night.

I'm just wondering - how old is too old?

Maybe I'm just being paranoid and no one notices.

Just that, "settle down" lifestyle - I just can't, currently at least, envisage any situation where it even remotely appeals to me.

Pelvis

Going out on student nights is not weird.

Pretending you're 25 is weird.

Dev84

Pelvis wrote: »

Going out on student nights is not weird.

Pretending you're 25 is weird.

Especially when you are only in your early 30's.

Big Bag of Chips

Are you sure anyone cares? If people are asking you your age it's because they have a feeling you're older than they are/you're claiming to be. But if you're just up front about it nobody will actually care. Unless you are lying because the majority of people are late teens/very early 20s and you want to have a chance with them?

If so that's sneaky.

Just be yourself, people will either like you or not. If you're pretending at being someone else then you'll never know if people will like you for you.

If you just want to go out, then just go out. Your age shouldn't come in to it. I think you're making an issue where others wouldn't be bothered.

Aspadeaspade

Do whatever you want to do OP. Just don't lie or hide your real age because that's just sad and trust me people will notice.. please don't be 'that' guy.. it just reeks of desperation ..

LegacyUser

Aspadeaspade wrote: »

Do whatever you want to do OP.

Really?

I mean - I'm not looking for self validation asking this question but, sometimes I'm just like, "damn - I am soooo much older than this crowd".

That being said, I certainly wouldn't wish to be that age again - at least, not without the acumen I have now.
If I could have the best of both worlds - wisdom AND youth, that would super awesome.

But alas - unless they've devised youth potions, I'm pretty much stuck in my early 30's for now.

Dudes I grew up with, I see they've graduated to the more "mature" nightclubs that cater to the older crowd.

That's just my idea of a living nightmare.

I suppose my other concern is - what am I gonna do when I REALLY get to old for this?

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

zoobizoo

I'm 45 and can get away with 37.
When I was 35 I could get away with 27.

I never lied about my age if I was asked though. In fact I liked how surprised they were when I told them my age. Vanity I guess.


What I would suggest you do is go find like minded people who enjoy going out as much as you do who - who aren't students

They are out there.

I partied more in my mid to late 30s when I found a gang like that. They ranged in age from 25 to 50. I had joined a sports club and they were all up for weekends away, festivals, gigs etc

Id know some guys my age still "caning" it at 45.

What you don't want to become is the lad at the end of the bar in a night club on yer own, looking at the younger women, bopping yer head, a good ten years older than everyone else .....

Have a listen to the song "oldest singer in town"

baby and crumble

TBH OP the only person who can say if you're "too old" is you. I'll be honest though, I couldn't hack what you're doing. I'm in my mid-30's and am technically still a student (part-tme while working fulltime), but the thoughts of dealing with 20 year olds on a night out fills me with dread.

Then again I was never a big partier, even in my undergrad days.

If you're having fun, and enjoying your life, then more power to you. I will say, though, that I remember being 20 and there being the older students coming out on nights out, and I used to think it was a bit weird and desperate. I'm not saying that's the right opinion to have, but it's how I felt.

Tenigate

If you're happy, keep doing it.
For me there wasn't a huge difference between 20s and early 30s but at some stage you'll look around and think "I'm too old to be here"

Call me Al

If it makes you happy them fine.
But don't be making out you're 10 years younger than you are. These 20+ year olds aren't stupid. They will end up thinking you're a sad oddball seeing you lie to them like this.

Ursus Horribilis

By the time I was 30, I had feck all in common with university age students. Regardless of what they might have thought of me hanging around with them, they'd have wrecked my head.

I second the advice of finding other outlets for older people who like to party. As you move into your 30s you might find yourself starting to feel odd and out of place with the youngsters. I'm surprised you aren't already tbh.

woodchuck

I find it a little weird to be honest. I'm around the same age as you, but would have no desire to hang out with people of that age group. They even wreck my head just listening to them on the bus!

I remember being in college and sometimes the mature students would come on nights out. Nothing wrong with that at all, but if it's your main social outlet? I'd be a little concerned. It sounds like you're the eternal student. This can be a good thing when it comes to learning, but not in terms of maturing.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but how do you expect to grow up if you're constantly surrounding yourself with college students? I think you need to hang out with people your own age more often, otherwise some day you'll find yourself completely left behind and still trying to be the "cool kid" with all the college students who are wondering why this old man is hanging around them.

woodchuck

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

.I suppose my other concern is - what am I gonna do when I REALLY get to old for this?

No offense intended, but I think you already are. Why else would you lie about your age?

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

This is not the answer. Why would you want to date girls half your age? Why don't you want to date women your own age?

Ursus Horribilis

It makes me wonder if our OP has some form of Peter Pan syndrome? Even the way he talks is a bit funny for a 30 year old. Dudes?? Wanting to move so he can date young ones. I'd love to know what he's getting from these youth nights out anyway? Is it the music? Getting to grind against young ones on the dance floor? Being able to get messy drunk on a weeknight?

Mokuba

woodchuck wrote: »

This is not the answer. Why would you want to date girls half your age? Why don't you want to date women your own age?

Maybe he finds them more attractive?

Tenigate

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

It makes me wonder if our OP has some form of Peter Pan syndrome? Even the way he talks is a bit funny for a 30 year old.

Yea there's something a little off. It's like he's trying to pass as a teenage girl from cali rather than a 25yo man.

okatied

When I was in college as an undergrad there were mature students who would go out with us. We all knew they were in their 30s but it didn't matter. They liked the same music, movies etc as us so there was nothing weird about it. They didn't lie about their age though.

shesty

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Really?

I mean - I'm not looking for self validation asking this question but, sometimes I'm just like, "damn - I am soooo much older than this crowd".

That being said, I certainly wouldn't wish to be that age again - at least, not without the acumen I have now.
If I could have the best of both worlds - wisdom AND youth, that would super awesome.

But alas - unless they've devised youth potions, I'm pretty much stuck in my early 30's for now.

Dudes I grew up with, I see they've graduated to the more "mature" nightclubs that cater to the older crowd.

That's just my idea of a living nightmare.

I suppose my other concern is - what am I gonna do when I REALLY get to old for this?

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

You're starting to notice it yourself......probably a sign that you need to figure that out!

Sure, keep doing what you want.But the time will come (very soon, as a 35 year old here!!) When you realise there's a whole generation between you and your fellow clubbers.Anyway, it's more than that really.It starts to beg the question, where are you going with this?You can keep going to those clubs or whatever but what are you looking for?Are you ok with being the 40 or 45 year old on the dance floor with a load of 22 year olds?? There will come a point in the very near future where it will kind of stop being ok,just because of the age gap.

So the question is for you to answer.What exactly are you looking for doing this?Where do you see this going?

meeeeh

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Move to mainland Europe where perhaps men dating girls half their age (but still above the legal limit) is common place?

I learn something new every day. I didn't think it was that common in part of mainland Europe I'm coming from.

Op you are coming across a bit creepy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with younger crowd, going to student type night clubs and so on. But you seem to be hiding your age and are more slightly preoccupied with dating younger girls. That by itself is perfectly fine but they deserve to know your age and what kind of a relationship you want.

I actually got on well with couple of eternal student functionaries in their thirties when I was a student. But they were interested in hanging out with like minded people not with specifically younger people (or is it just younger girls).

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

woodchuck

Mokuba wrote: »

Maybe he finds them more attractive?

It's a bit sleazy though to activity seek out women to date who are half your age, particularly when you're lying about your age and talking about emigrating in order to continue to do so!!

Bambi985

I dunno OP, you do you and all that but at a certain stage the "this is super awesome dude" language out of the mouth of a nearing middle-aged man trying to re-live his youth hanging out with a bunch of 20-year-olds becomes more than a bit of a cliche.

Now I get that you're not where many/arguably most Irish 30-something year olds are in life and that's totally fine, nor am I - there's life in this old dawg yet! But it doesn't mean going to the extreme of full-blown Peter Pan syndrome where you've got the cognitive and emotional maturity of a 20 year old and refuse to ascend into adulthood is an advisable route either. We all have to grow up and do a bit of adulting at some stage too. Do you have any friends your own age? What about people you met at college the first time round, or people you've worked with? Do you have the ability to engage with people your own age? The adolescent transatlantic turns of phrase that litter your posts would suggest you're already being impacted by hanging out with a younger generation and that's not necessarily a good look in the work place, or in any situation in life where it's on you to impress or gain respect from your peers.

Nothing wrong with enjoying the company of your college mates and going to the nights out, but if that encompasses the entirety of your social life then I'd say it's not necessarily healthy or conducive to moving up in the world for you IMO.

LegacyUser

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

By the time I was 30, I had feck all in common with university age students. Regardless of what they might have thought of me hanging around with them, they'd have wrecked my head.

I second the advice of finding other outlets for older people who like to party. As you move into your 30s you might find yourself starting to feel odd and out of place with the youngsters. I'm surprised you aren't already tbh.

Well - that's the point.

I kind of do - already.

One time, I was in the chipper after, and ended up sat in a booth with three gals.
Believe or not - somehow it escaped me but, it was actually like, leaving cert results night or something.
That only occurred to me later - or someone said it to me or something.

Anyways - they were telling me they were like, 21, or 22 or something.
I was telling them I was 24.

So - they were lying also, I'm assuming; assuming the majority of folk that night were in fact leaving cert students.

That happens too.

They lie about being older.

What's the point here....

The point - I already feel out of place and awkward; sometimes, horribly so.

In fact - that's kind of, at least a part of the reason I made this thread.

I want someone to tell me, "it's okay pal. Our culture is such that it doesn't really happen that much but, hell - if I could do it - I would also!! Keep up the good work!".


In terms of what the above poster said about it being a "living nightmare".

I mean - that's where, I guess, what I've learned over the years, and thusly, the way I've developed and present myself and all that good stuff, ties in.


I'm just uncomfortable with how it can be negatively looked on, to be dating a girl, or competing for a girl - with guys, sometimes more than 10 years my junior.
Which often makes the competition fairly easy to "beat" - as it were.
I mean - at that age, males typically aren't developed such that they can really offer a whole lot to females, physically, I mean.

I appears to be primarily like, the Mr Popular contest, in addition to whomever has the remotest semblance of what actually turns gals on.
For myself though, being older, more mature - wiser, whatever - I have that area firmly in check.

What I'm saying is - if I wasn't being successful - I wouldn't be doing it.
That's the good part.
That's why I love it and can't imagine the "settle down" lifestyle.

But like I said - I just don't see anyone ELSE doing it (anyone as old as me, I mean) - and that makes me uncomfortable.

LegacyUser

woodchuck wrote: »

Why would you want to date girls half your age?

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

And they make me feel - how you say - young again?

LegacyUser

shesty wrote: »

You're starting to notice it yourself......probably a sign that you need to figure that out!

Sure, keep doing what you want.But the time will come (very soon, as a 35 year old here!!) When you realise there's a whole generation between you and your fellow clubbers.Anyway, it's more than that really.It starts to beg the question, where are you going with this?You can keep going to those clubs or whatever but what are you looking for?Are you ok with being the 40 or 45 year old on the dance floor with a load of 22 year olds?? There will come a point in the very near future where it will kind of stop being ok,just because of the age gap.

So the question is for you to answer.What exactly are you looking for doing this?Where do you see this going?

And that's the question.

What happens?

I was hoping someone could help me answer this also.

What happens when I am, just like you said - the 40 year old bopping with 20 years olds?

That also - strongly concerns me.

Where do I see it going?

That also concerns and frightens me.

What happens to these type of dudes?
Will I eventually have to bite the bullet and resign myself to sipping on pints in some lame disco bar surrounded by single moms on their night out?

LegacyUser

Bambi985 wrote: »

I dunno OP, you do you and all that but at a certain stage the "this is super awesome dude" language out of the mouth of a nearing middle-aged man trying to re-live his youth hanging out with a bunch of 20-year-olds becomes more than a bit of a cliche.

Now I get that you're not where many/arguably most Irish 30-something year olds are in life and that's totally fine, nor am I - there's life in this old dawg yet! But it doesn't mean going to the extreme of full-blown Peter Pan syndrome where you've got the cognitive and emotional maturity of a 20 year old and refuse to ascend into adulthood is an advisable route either. We all have to grow up and do a bit of adulting at some stage too. Do you have any friends your own age? What about people you met at college the first time round, or people you've worked with? Do you have the ability to engage with people your own age? The adolescent transatlantic turns of phrase that litter your posts would suggest you're already being impacted by hanging out with a younger generation and that's not necessarily a good look in the work place, or in any situation in life where it's on you to impress or gain respect from your peers.

Nothing wrong with enjoying the company of your college mates and going to the nights out, but if that encompasses the entirety of your social life then I'd say it's not necessarily healthy or conducive to moving up in the world for you IMO.

No I don't keep in touch with anyone from college.
To say myself and that crowd have grown apart is an understatement.

I mean - I like to think I keep company with people, who are just relaxed, easy going, happy in themselves - cool people.

But honestly - I mean, I have acquaintances.
I don't have any particularly close friends.

I find having close friends and what it takes to maintain that, can impede on my lifestyle, which runs on a fairly strict timetable.
I don't really have time for being stood about shooting the breeze.

I mean - don't get me wrong, in a line of engagement, whatever that may be - I'll chat with someone. But I won't go outside what I doing, or compromise productivity in my lifestyle, in favour of being sat about talking muck - with whomever.

If I'm talking - and don't get me wrong, I mean, I engage - but with gals, and there is an end goal there, naturally.

In terms of, "moving up in the world" - I have zero worries there, that's not a concern.

The same thing that allows me to bop about in a nightclub with 19 year olds is the same thing that allows me to engage with people from whatever background; professional, whatever.

Listen - I'm not patting myself on the back here but, I just have that easy going ingratiating dynamic.

That being said,

encompasses the entirety of your social life

This is not entirely untrue.

More like spot on.
That is my social life.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Debtocracy

woodchuck wrote: »

It's a bit sleazy though to activity seek out women to date who are half your age, particularly when you're lying about your age and talking about emigrating in order to continue to do so!!

I'm sensing a bit of jealousy from you here. Calling a mature student creepy or sleazy for hanging out with college students is a bit extreme. He mentioned he lied about his age once due to awkwardness. Sounds like someone with mild self-esteem issues but he is being treated like he is a predator.

I often hear this type of language when people are discussing an older guy with a younger woman. Things like:

'He's such a creep'
'I could never date a 20 year old, they'd do your head in'
'I couldn't cope with their immaturity'

Men in their 30s say these things as if they're the one choosing not to get with a 20 year old, rather than the reality than no 20 year would want to get with them (unless they're exceedingly rich).

My advice to the OP: No one particularly cares what age you are, especially on a night out. Some of the best nights out are when the 60 year old lecturer goes drinking. The mature student can be a novelty, can have status, so embrace it rather than hiding from it. Just be cautious about being perceived as creepy and chatting up an 18 year old, keep at 23ish onwards.

And keep going on college night outs as long as you have the opportunity as a mature student. You could have some drinks with friends your own age but there's only so much excitement talking about mortgage interest rates, creche fees and how quiet Christmas was.

Emme

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

And they make me feel - how you say - young again?

Easier as in lower maintenance or easier as in easier to get into bed?

You shouldn't need somebody to feel young again. You might indeed FEEL younger but some of the guys in your class might see you as a creep if you lie about your age and chat up girls half your age.

You can go where you like and chat up who you like but be honest about your age.

Bambi985

OP you're contradicting yourself all over the shop now. You've got this busy social life where you're apparently a hit with everyone left right and chelsea and yet you don't have any actual friends? Having friends would impede your lifestyle, which is on a 'really strict timetable' - of partying and pulling 19 year olds? Your social life comprises entirely of said partying, you know the thing that you've created a thread for on a Personal Issues message board - and yet you "wouldn't have it any other way"?

That whole Leaving Cert night story (jesus christ) and actively lying about your age and only engaging with "gals" (pro-tip: we prefer 'women') when there's an "end goal" suggests a level of maturity that does not, in fact, exceed that of the 20 year old lads you're "competing" with for female attention and explains a lot about this situation you're in to be perfectly honest. It's like you had sh1t luck with women back in your own 20s and have this need to validate yourself by re-living them a decade later to prove some point to yourself or something, it doesn't exactly scream of this innate confidence and self-assurance that you seem to think you actually have at all.

I have a female acquaintance who is something of your equivalent, no longer keeps in touch with anyone her own age (mid 30s) and hangs out/dates exclusively people in their early 20s and pretty much embodies all of the traits that you'd find in someone that age, emotional maturity notwithstanding. The reality is the mutual friends we have of a similar age got sick of her bullsh1t to the point where the only people that wanted to be around her were the ones a decade younger because she's determined to stay in some sort of prolonged youth that makes her almost intolerable to be around. I'm sniffing more of the same here tbh.

JupiterKid

I smell complete BS from the OP. No Irish 30 something man talks or writes like that. This thread is nothing more than a wind-up.

blairbear

I think the OP is coming off as very sleazy here. It's one thing to want to hang out with a group of people barely out of their 20s just to socialise and have fun. It's another to do that with the specific intention of bedding a younger woman.

I will tell you why a lot of women in their very early 20s are "lower maintenance" and "easier". Their confidence is lower. They haven't yet had the life experience to speak out, to call a man on his poor treatment of them, to realise their own self worth. Women get to their 30s and verbalize their concerns, their needs. A 21 year old girl will often be very eager to please, unsure of herself, worried in case she'll say something "wrong" and will stay silent.

It makes me feel a bit sick that you exclusively want to date younger women because they are just less hassle, in your view.

Lots of people of our age (I am guessing I am pretty much the same age as you) can pass for 20 something. It is one thing though to shave off a year or two; it's another to be lying to leaving cert students and telling them you are 24. "We were all lying" is no excuse. They are more or less children!!! You are an adult man in his 4th decade of life. Of course a teenager is going to lie about her age on a night out. Jesus, OP, you are really painting a creepy picture of your behaviour thus far.

I'd wager no women of my age would put up with you.

Eric Cartman

JupiterKid wrote: »

I smell complete BS from the OP. No Irish 30 something man talks or writes like that. This thread is nothing more than a wind-up.

Even using the word 'gals' is conjuring up that image of mid 40s steve buschemi saying 'hellow fellow children'

Eric Cartman

OP I can see where you're coming from , Im 28 and still love the club scene, going out all weekend, every single weekend . I live with 3 lads 19-25 and we all have a lot of mutual friends spanning the full 18-35 age group.

I used to hit up the college nights out till I was about 25/26 , I felt older than others but it was still fun, I only stopped as I hadnt been in college in so long that there was little mutual discussion to be had.

You can still go enjoy the club scene and nights out and hang out with students , and I can very much understand the appeal of younger women outside of the '26-35 what are we, lets move in, baby time' danger zone that terrifies men, but it strikes me that youre going for 18-19 year old girls and resting on your 'maturity' and 'experience' aswell as their love of getting blackout drunk and experimenting with casual sex to get you women.

If you look at it from the outside, if it wasnt for the <21 women, would you actually enjoy that scene , by your posts id wager not. Id suggest working on self confidence to pull a bit older.


Also,

Equating you lying about being 25 when youre 30 is in no way the same as leaving cert girls who are likely underage pretending theyre 21 and you know that.

baby and crumble

Op, the more I read the more I think you have a really weird view of how 30+ folks socialize. Honestly, the best nights of my social life have happened in my 30’s. You know why? Because the majority of people aren’t trying to be something they’re not. We’re just enjoying ourselves, having a dance, having a chat and having a drink.

I’m not one to judge people I’ve never met, but your posts reek of someone who is desperate to “stay young”- you’re only in your 30’s!!! It’s “old” from the view of 20 year olds (or Jesus Christ those LC students!!) but you don’t suddenly get a pipe and slippers when you reach our age.

I do find your insistence that young women are “easier” really quite suspect. Like another poster said they’re “easier” because they want to please, and most haven’t had the experience of telling creepy guys to f*ck off. That’s not a good reason to want to be with them. And this isn’t about age- two of my close friends are in a great relationship, one is in their 40’s, the other in their 20’s. But they respect each other, which I don’t know if you do with these girls.

kylith

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

And they make me feel - how you say - young again?

blairbear wrote: »

I will tell you why a lot of women in their very early 20s are "lower maintenance" and "easier". Their confidence is lower. They haven't yet had the life experience to speak out, to call a man on his poor treatment of them, to realise their own self worth. Women get to their 30s and verbalize their concerns, their needs. A 21 year old girl will often be very eager to please, unsure of herself, worried in case she'll say something "wrong" and will stay silent.

I'd wager no women of my age would put up with you.

Yeah. OP is reminding me of a guy I used to rent with. Mid 30s (and certainly not able to pass for younger) and wooing girls 10-15 years younger than him, foreign for preference. He too claimed that they 'made him feel young' but in reality it's because a woman his own age would have seen through his BS in a heartbeat and not put up with his arrogance and childishness, but younger women, and the foreign women wouldn't have had a big support group in Ireland, were naive enough to think he was charming and sophisticated.

OP, I think you need to take a look at yourself. You seem to me to be trying to desperately hold on to your youth and i think that before long you will no longer be able to 'pass' for 25, though I'll wager you don't now, and these college students will be laughing at the sad old fart trying to fit in and act like one of them in his 40s. I fear that you will be left alone because you won't have forged any actual friendships or relationships with people your own age.

woodchuck

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Because they're much easier and have much less expectation.

I find this highly disturbing. While what you're doing isn't illegal, I'd consider it immoral. As others have pointed out, these young women aren't properly developed/experienced enough to realise you're bad news. At that age, a lot of women aren't very confident and can have self esteem issues (again, just due to their age and lack of life experience). And you're literally PREYING on them.

The fact that you're posting here shows that you know (on some level at least) that what you're doing is wrong.

Your post about the leaving cert students is particularly disturbing. Them lying about being older is no excuse for you to lie about being younger. But aside from that, you realise you could get yourself into a whole world of trouble if you "accidently" sleep with someone who is below the age of consent??

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

What happens when I am, just like you said - the 40 year old bopping with 20 years olds?

That also - strongly concerns me.

Where do I see it going?

That also concerns and frightens me.

What happens to these type of dudes?
Will I eventually have to bite the bullet and resign myself to sipping on pints in some lame disco bar surrounded by single moms on their night out?

You should be concerned. You should prepare for your future. In the not too distant future, you won't be able to get away with pretending you're in your mid-20s (if you even are now).

You need to get some friends who are closer to your own age and hobbies that don't involve bopping around the dancefloor with college students. Nobody is saying you have to sip pints in a lame disco bar (are disco bars even a thing...). You obviously have a lot of energy, so maybe channel that into sports. Go to gigs. Look up some meetup groups. Have you even tried anything outside the college scene?

If nothing else, aren't you lonely not having any real friends or meaningful connections with anyone?

Debtocracy wrote: »

I'm sensing a bit of jealousy from you here. Calling a mature student creepy or sleazy for hanging out with college students is a bit extreme. He mentioned he lied about his age once due to awkwardness. Sounds like someone with mild self-esteem issues but he is being treated like he is a predator.

I'm a woman, so jealousy is definitely not a factor in my comments. Like I said before, it's fine for mature students to go on nights out with their class. However it's an issue when it's your only social outlet and you're doing it to get young women into bed. It's both an issue for these women/girls/teenagers (personally I think the OP is behaving like a predator) and it's an issue for the OP himself (his bubble is going to burst sooner or later and be left with no meaningful life/friends).

the whole year inn

Do what you like OP but for god sake don't start telling blatant lies to potential underage girls,your in for a world of trouble.
What sort of job allows ya to go out week nights.
I wouldn't fancy hanging out with just people as young as that but rather a wider range of age groups. Each to there own.

DEFTLEFTHAND

I socialised with my college going sister and her friends one night over xmas. I'm 29, they're all between 20-22. I felt very out of place tbh, I couldn't relate to them in any shape or form. Felt like a big auld fella putting on Oasis and Arctic Monkeys on the pub jukenox while they put on the likes of Ed Sheeran.

To each their own though, that's just me. I found that when I was late teens early 20s I enjoyed the company of older people.

Aspadeaspade

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Aspadeaspade wrote: »

Do whatever you want to do OP.

Really?

EH NO!! NOT REALLY!! It was a figure of speech! Are you for real OP? What planet are you living on? Get a grip man!

Aspadeaspade

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Aspadeaspade wrote: »

Do whatever you want to do OP.

Really?

EH NO!! NOT REALLY!! It was a figure of speech! Are you for real OP? What planet are you living on? Get a grip man!

LegacyUser

Bambi985 wrote: »

OP you're contradicting yourself all over the shop now. You've got this busy social life where you're apparently a hit with everyone left right and chelsea and yet you don't have any actual friends? Having friends would impede your lifestyle, which is on a 'really strict timetable' - of partying and pulling 19 year olds? Your social life comprises entirely of said partying, you know the thing that you've created a thread for on a Personal Issues message board - and yet you "wouldn't have it any other way"?

First off - I like this reply cause - it gives me a lot to think about.

That's correct. Whilst I'm doing my thing, I bump into people all the time and chat like we've known each other forever. And then the chat is done and I'll see them when I see them.
By example - I had a pretty close friend just over a year ago and, he was super fun to hang out with but, I found myself missing evening activities and the like, which I decided just couldn't continue cause - I do have an upbeat energy to myself, which comes largely from being very secure in my lifestyle, activities, finances etc.

It literally pains to have to compromise that.

Partying and nightclubbing is like - efficient socializing for me.

I don't drink alcohol. I get home about 10 pm. Shower, then chill for a while, get ready - go out for two/three hours, come home - sometimes with company, other times without, but always feeling good about myself, then crash about 3 (or sometime after, depending...), and am ready for my next day come the morning.

I say, I wouldn't have it any other way cause, for me - my personal philosophy is that - the heart of relationships begins with physical/carnal attraction.
And the best environment to see that, is a surreal, energetic, charged environment of a nightclub. I mean, or course you get glimpses of it during the day but - it's highly tempered, naturally.

That's why, it's also such a priority for me.
It's like, such a large part of my lifestyle and living, is geared toward these nights out.
How I look after myself, eat, everything really.
And I love it.

The problem arises in the aforementioned - most people only seem to live this lifestyle - at that age. Late teens, early twenties.
Like, that leaving cert night.
They were all so young, true.
But I felt so completely chilled and relaxed - and just happy there.
I'm not necessarily going to go into some male ramblings but, just chatting with everyone - like I said, the girls are easy.

I've been in relationships before, without that true electric chemistry - and, honestly - they do the opposite.
They make me so unhappy. And there's such bad feeling.
I would honestly stay alone forever, than enter into a relationship without, like I said, that chemistry.

That whole Leaving Cert night story (jesus christ) and actively lying about your age and only engaging with "gals" (pro-tip: we prefer 'women') when there's an "end goal" suggests a level of maturity that does not, in fact, exceed that of the 20 year old lads you're "competing" with for female attention and explains a lot about this situation you're in to be perfectly honest. It's like you had sh1t luck with women back in your own 20s and have this need to validate yourself by re-living them a decade later to prove some point to yourself or something, it doesn't exactly scream of this innate confidence and self-assurance that you seem to think you actually have at all.

You're not super wide of the mark here.
I didn't have sh1t luck but - I always felt like, I didn't have a lot of offer. And it took me a while to understand how to develop myself into - put it this way, to be able to give, what I want - if that makes sense.
I want hotness and electricity.
I needed to learn how to be able to give that.
Don't get me wrong.
I did okay but, it was often the typical protocol that we all know. Jumping through the hoops, doing the monkey dance (that's how it felt at least).
Now - at this point - I want to enjoy what I got, to the fullest extent.

I think about it and honestly, I'm not trying to relive a youth I missed but, quite simply - that age group - it's just like I said; they've more energy, and typically - they're more attractive.

I have a female acquaintance who is something of your equivalent, no longer keeps in touch with anyone her own age (mid 30s) and hangs out/dates exclusively people in their early 20s and pretty much embodies all of the traits that you'd find in someone that age, emotional maturity notwithstanding. The reality is the mutual friends we have of a similar age got sick of her bullsh1t to the point where the only people that wanted to be around her were the ones a decade younger because she's determined to stay in some sort of prolonged youth that makes her almost intolerable to be around. I'm sniffing more of the same here tbh.

Here - I wouldn't draw the comparison.
I indeed mix well with people of all ages, at work and beyond.

There are some people that - they do seem to show somewhat aversion, I can't deny but - to be honest, I'm actually happy they do cause, often times, they're people whom I'd just have to placate for the sake of good social grace.
Not really the type I want to hang out with or chat extensively with, really at all.

Don't take that as dismissal of your point of view.
Like I said, I've enjoyed reading these responses and, they're making me think - maybe seeing things from other points of view.

But, as at the top - the prime concern is - I'm still like a sore thumb of sorts, in my own mind at least, given the age gap.
That's something I'm trying to come to terms with.

shesty

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

<Snip>

Honestly - again, 30 something year old woman here - you just sound like a really immature guy to me, and face to face, I honestly would be thinking to myself listening to you "this guy really needs to grow up". You have the whole "I am so great, I have ultimate confidence in myself, I will get to the top really quickly just because I'm me and I can have women so easily because I'm me" thing going on that quite frankly, most men leave behind somewhere around the age of exiting college or after a year or two in the world of work (I'm an engineer, I have been in an almost exclusively male environment since I entered and left college, so believe me, I've come across most types of men - from a female viewpoint).

Your bottom line is that you like your social life with younger people but you're suddenly realising that outside the drunken loud nightclub environment you really have next to nothing in common with 20 year olds and that maybe you need to grow up a bit.But you are scared to do that because you don't know how.....because you need to mature a bit. Do you think you would easily get a 30 year old woman in a bar/nightclub situation? I don't.

Life is permanent education yes, but I don't think you've ever really left college mentally. You seem to feel this is weird, which suggests to me it's time to start thinking about how to change stuff. There's a bit more to life and socialising than getting drunk on student nights.....it's just that you've never tried anything else. So put yourself out there and start trying other stuff.

the whole year inn

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

<Snip>

Your just going out to get with young girls why are you trying to paint it up as anything else.
If thats what you want to do go and it's not Illigal then go for it.
How does not having any friends get in the way of this.Surely your not out every night and when your not out do you wish you had some friends to go for a pint/movie with.

Also do you have any people to go to the club with or you just show up on your own.

meeeeh

Op I must admit I find your posts hard to read. Not because of what you are saying but because of your style of writing. Either this is one long troll thread or you actually are 30 something guy trying to write like you think 17 years old girl would. It's one long cliche.

I might think your attitude is a bit infantile but you are not doing anything wrong as long as you are not deceiving girls you sleep with. But you are right, your lifestyle has time limit on it. Soon you won't come accross as a bit old looking 25 year-old but as a bit desperate 40 years old. And that is not an attractive look.

blairbear

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

Partying and nightclubbing is like - efficient socializing for me.

I don't drink alcohol.

I say, I wouldn't have it any other way cause, for me - my personal philosophy is that - the heart of relationships begins with physical/carnal attraction.


The problem arises in the aforementioned - most people only seem to live this lifestyle - at that age. Late teens, early twenties.
Like, that leaving cert night.
They were all so young, true.


I'm not necessarily going to go into some male ramblings but, just chatting with everyone - like I said, the girls are easy.

I've been in relationships before, without that true electric chemistry - and, honestly - they do the opposite.

I want hotness and electricity.

I think about it and honestly, I'm not trying to relive a youth I missed but, quite simply - that age group - it's just like I said; they've more energy, and typically - they're more attractive.


Like I said, I've enjoyed reading these responses and, they're making me think - maybe seeing things from other points of view.

So you're nice and sober to creep on these girls on Leaving Cert nights out and in their late teens.

You are lying about your age to very young women and going on these nights out specifically to do that.

I hope you enjoy reading this response too, and seeing this point of view, because as a woman of YOUR age who works with girls near the age you are targeting, this is really unpleasant reading.

OP, there isn't a woman I know at our age who would listen to a fraction of that rambling. You have the mindset of a toddler; I am centre of the world. Everyone and everything around me should serve me in some way. I am the most special person that exists.

You are clearly out to pull young ones and you are trying to dress it up as a highbrow adventure, wherein nobody but extremely young women can understand or satisfy your enormous energy and thirst for fascinating encounters.

You need to buy a diary and inflict this nonsense on those pages alone.

johnnyskeleton

Have you considered going to Lumo Club? Its got great energy people always have a great time and, while there are a few people in their early 20s there, its mostly people north of 30 so you will get the buzz youre looking for without feeling out of place.

Big Bag of Chips

LookYoungAmOld wrote: »

which comes largely from being very secure in my lifestyle, activities.. etc.
.
.
.
.
.
But, as at the top - the prime concern is - I'm still like a sore thumb of sorts, in my own mind at least, given the age gap.
That's something I'm trying to come to terms with.

If you are so super confident and secure in yourself then why do you need to 'come to terms' with anything? Why lie about your age? Surely someone so super confident would be comfortable in their own skin and wouldn't be bothered by how they look to others?

I think posters here have this right. It's unlikely that you would be able to impress a woman of your own age. And I think you're probably finding that the women you used to impress are now becoming less impressed with you as you get older, yet the age you target stays the same. So now instead of you being 7 or 8 years older than them, you are now becoming 11-12 years older than them.

I think what has worked for you in the past is now starting to fail, and you find yourself getting sucked into a limbo. You're the only one who can get yourself out of there. But a super confident, secure in himself guy like you should have no problem doing that. Not everybody your age is married/settled/parents/mortgage. Early 30s man? I'd say not too many of your friends are married with children yet. They may be settled into relationships, but that's their choice. If you're confident in your choice to not settle into a relationship then that's your business and nobody else really cares!

qwerty13

All this reminds me of is the old song ‘The oldest swinger in town’.

There comes an age when it gets a bit sad OP. I think you know this, or you wouldn’t have posted.

Lying about your age when socialising with people quite a bit younger than you is not a good look. And I find the lying about your age to quite young women really creepy.

woodchuck

OP you say there needs to be physical attraction for a relationship. I agree, however attraction only ONE part of a relationship. You're extremely unlikely to develop a meaningful long term relationship with a college girl.

And let's be honest here, you're only looking to sleep with these girls anyway!

What is your relationship history like?

Zipppy

An oldies advice to someone younger....
You say you early 30s but your worries and questions shows a very immature attitude.
Always be yourself.. be happy with who you are..dont be bothered by what others might think (most of the time most people couldn't really care less anyhow..its all in your head)
Just be up front..be yourself and be happy.

georgina toadbum

I'm finding this whole thing quite bizarre. Especially about the leaving cert night. Let's just say those girls were lying about their age and they were only 17. Would you be happy to 'get with one of them' knowing that she's under 18 and they believe you to be a lot younger than you've told them you are?
TBH I find that really unsettling.