Has anyone been in this position ?

Fakediamond

A friend of mine told me about a woman who got out by taking up a position as a live in carer/assistant for an elderly person. Like you, this woman had few supports or independent resources. She did have a part-time job but was not allowed to keep her earnings. People in her job helped her to plan her escape. She moved some clothes and personal stuff out gradually so he wouldn’t notice and they helped her with lifts etc to allow her to make her get-away. Because he didn’t know the people she would be working for, he had no connection to find her. She didn’t even tell family what she was planning, so they couldn’t be made to tell under pressure.

I do understand what you mean about the housing. I was shocked recently to discover that an abused person can’t transfer to another county’s housing list for safety reasons and must stay in their own area. Surely there could be a system that allowed swops to take place for people who need to get away for safety reasons?

Most pet charities will arrange a foster placement for your pets.

Planning is key and making your move when it’s safe to do so.

up for anything

When I left my ex to go into a refuge with my children back in 2010, I was leaving the marital mortgaged home. We were in the refuge for 8 weeks and then into a privately rented house with rent allowance. Our dog went with us (because I couldn't trust my ex a) to look after him and b) not to hold him over our heads to make us come back, and after a frantic search for someone to keep him I got him into a boarding kennels, luckily it was winter months and she wasn't busy and I got a reduced rate which my dad paid - €500. Pet rescues and shelters would only take him if I was giving him up for good in spite of me offering to pay for his keep as a foster dog. There was no question of giving him up as the kids would have devastated and so much changed in their lives in one night that losing him would have been the last straw.

I understand the fear that you are living with and I understand your fears and reserverations for the future and the difficulties you face in finding explainable away time to make arrangements. I have a few suggestions and you can shoot them down without feeling that you are being negative. I know you'll have gone over your options time and time again so you'll know immediately which ones are no good immediately.

I also understand the catch 22 situation which you could find yourself in regarding the council house and the last thing you need is your only option being to return there in the future. The refuge in your area should help you make a safe plan including helping you work out a pre-plan of what to do with your lease with the council. I would imagine the council has a DV advocate with whom you or they could speak with. Is it your name only on the lease for the house? How long has he lived there with you? Is he entitled to be there if you take your name off the lease without his knowledge? Can you legally do that if he has rights living there? If you take your name off the lease will they help you after a spell in a refuge with HAP or RAS or will they consider that you made yourself homeless? All questions that if the refuge don't know them from prior clients that they should be able to help find answers for you. They should also be able to make arrangements with a refuge much further away from where you live to transfer you to for your safety. In the refuge you have to see to yourself as much as possible as well as arrange for where you go when you leave so being in one where you will be in danger of bumping into his hostile relatives and friends never mind him is not a goer.

Look, if you want to post any questions that I can help find answers to, feel free. Do you want me to ring or call into my local county council offices to find out more about your situation. I don't need to know anything about you except perhaps how long you've been living in the house. Is it council or HAP/RAS? Is it borough or county council or corporation if it's in Dublin? Is your partner on the lease? Are you married to him (or maybe separated from someone else)? If not, how long has he lived there and how long have you held the lease? Then I could let you know if they need to know anything else in order to answer the questions on how you'd be fixed if you suddenly disappeared and gave up the lease. I could also find out if they do have DV advocates in all the county councils or borough councils. Anyhow, if you'd like me to do a bit of research for you, post on here. Don't PM me though as it's against the rules and for your own safety and mine. Just thought of more questions that they'd likely ask (speaking from broader experience than mine) - have the police ever been called to your house? Have you ever had a barring/protective order from the house that you've dropped? Let me know if you'd like me to find out. I'd imagine most councils have the same policies and I can check that too with them.

The animals I can't really help you with as every shelter and rescue will have different rules and regulations. Maybe if you give us an idea of what kind of animals and how many. You can just say large/medium or small or caged rather than describing giveaway information.