Time spent together

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SusieBlue

I think you are being too rigid in your schedule with meeting up with her.
When I started going out with my boyfriend, we both had extremely busy schedules, he was working 60+ hours a week and I was working full time and in college by night.
Our time off would be interchangeable. So we had to get creative.
I would finish work at half 5, he would collect me. We’d grab a coffee and drink it in his car until I started college at half 6.
If he was working nights, I’d meet him at a restaurant next to where he works to catch up over dinner. We only had an hour together but it was better than nothing.
He worked weekends at the time (split shifts) so 8am breakfast dates on Saturday’s became a thing. If I didn’t see him for breakfast, I wouldn’t see him at all that day and that alone was enough to get me out of bed.
We also tried to sleepover at each other’s houses as much as was possible - some days it meant the only time I saw him was when he arrived to go to bed but it kept the intimacy and made us feel close.
We made sacrifices and compromised and for a long time we only saw each other for an hour at a time a couple of times a week, but the fact that we were both making effort kept the passion alive and we made it through.

It sounds like you are being really inflexible and cold about it all, there has to be room for you to make more effort than you are right now. If you aren’t willing to, you need to let her go because she certainly isn’t being unreasonable with her requests to you.

LolaJJ

bucketybuck wrote: »

You are making most of that up, it certainly wasn't information given by the OP.

All of that was said or alluded to by the OP - Read the posts (I've actually just gone back and checked)

Pelvis wrote: »

You're saying that because the girl actually has free time, that she's needy because she's nothing better to be doing? What complete nonsense.

I think it's a stretch to call someone in a relationship needy because they want to see their partner more than twice a month, and become emotional because of continuous neglect.

Well - if someone is suffering from "continuous emotional neglect" they should have the self respect to leave the relationship.

You are assuming calling her "needy" was a negative comment on my part. I didn't mean it so. Perhaps I should have said she was in need of greater investment from a potential partner.

My point was that some people need to live in their partner's pockets and get constantly reassured that the relationship is OK and they are important. I would call this "needy" but not in a derogatory way necessarily, although I do think it reflects on their self-esteem. If the lack of frequency where you get to see your SO causes recurrent emotional distress yet you continue to wait around for him to have a free evening makes you feel really bad I would question her judgement at staying in a relationship where her needs are not being met.

Other people are OK to do their own thing now and again and they trust their partners to do the same - knowing they are in a committed relationship and that it's solid. These type of people are less likely to continue on in relationships that cause emotional distress and outbursts - not needy, or not in need of constant reassurance/investment.

Again, I wasn't being derogatory.

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LolaJJ wrote: »

If she wasn't "needy" she would most likely have other stuff going on which would force the OP to make her more of a priority.

Can't say I understand this logic. He has practically no free time and a demanding and unpredictable work schedule, but if she were busier he'd somehow be able to fix that? Just seems like game playing.

OP there's no one size fits all answer here but the current situation clearly isn't working for either of you. It's a matter of priorities and how much you're invested in her/the relationship. Nothing wrong with not having room in your life for a romantic commitment. Nothing wrong either with a relationship where you don't see each other much, as long as you're both ok with it.

It's different because it's a long termer but recently went through a patch where my partner and I were working opposite scedules (me 9am to 5pm, him 5pm to 1am). I'd stay up late to see him or call in to the bar he was working at on quiet days and have dinner there, he'd get up early to have coffee with me before work. Worked for us, there wasn't any discussion even, it was just what seemed natural and right.

The phrasing in your posts reads to me like you see this as primarily her problem, which is unfair imo. Were you seeking a relationship or was she someone you just met and clicked with? If you're seeking a relationship your schedule will probably be a problem even if this one ends. There are people who'd be fine with it but i'd say they're a minority.

LegacyUser

Airyfairy12 wrote: »

It sounds like your girlfriend is the least of your priorities. She comes before friends,family, matches. If I was with someone that could only spare an odd weekend id leave the relationship because whats the point in being in one like that? Cant you involve her in some of your time spent with family/friends.. or miss the odd night out with your buddies to spend time with her? If the answers no then break up with her so she can find someone who enjoys spending time with her.

Need to query the matches comment. If my GF had an issue with me maximising the benefits of physical activity and making an impact on my commitment to a group of people I would be extremely put off.

witchgirl26

matchesboy wrote: »

Need to query the matches comment. If my GF had an issue with me maximising the benefits of physical activity and making an impact on my commitment to a group of people I would be extremely put off.

If it was at the expense of the relationship though? I'm all for people taking part in sports etc but if you consistently prioritise that over a relationship, then the relationship will suffer and falter.

redfox123

This thread is making me question my relationship I would see my bf usually once a week, and after 5 months hopefully that will be more, but does it automatically mean lack of interest if it's not the twice a week norm? OP do you want to take it slow with her? What are your feelings for her, I don't know how long you're together but do you feel like you're falling in love, are you passionate about her? That's the important thing, because it will grow and develop over time if the feelings are there.

witchgirl26

redfox123 wrote: »

This thread is making me question my relationship I would see my bf usually once a week, and after 5 months hopefully that will be more, but does it automatically mean lack of interest if it's not the twice a week norm? OP do you want to take it slow with her? What are your feelings for her, I don't know how long you're together but do you feel like you're falling in love, are you passionate about her? That's the important thing, because it will grow and develop over time if the feelings are there.

The thing is - if that's working for both of you then there is no problem. The problem here is that while it works for the OP, it's not working for his GF from the sounds of it so there's some level of compromise needed.