My girlfriend and mother of my child is cheating on me

LolaJJ

As a previous poster mentioned, it doesn't sound like you are massively in love with this woman. The fact that you are able to sit on this info and act like life is hunky-dory really screams of this.

Perhaps you have both been staying in a situation of convenience which is why she has ventured outside.

I think this is going to come out, or fester in really unhealthy and destructive ways. Don't fool yourself in to thinking the kids don't pick up on these things.

Tell her you know, discuss your living and financial situations. Calmly say it's over and try to move on. Where there's a will there is a way

coolbeans

For the love of Christ do not stay together for the sake of the kids. Growing up in an atmosphere of mutual antipathy and mistrust will only scar them for the rest of their days.

cailin.

Your post is very sad to read OP and I am sorry you find yourself in this awful situation.

I would absolutely echo the sentiments of other posters, but you also need to think of yourself and your own needs/mental health.

The type of insecurity and mistrust that will fester in you from what you have found out will continually wreck your head. It won't go away, no matter how much she says sorry/ you forgive her/ or want to remain in denial.
Your children will not thank you that their parents stayed in a toxic relationship, and you need to think of their little brains being sponges. They will pick up on the fighting, tension and unhealthy behaviours that will continue to exist within your relationship. It's not worth it, for their sake and yours.

If you really love her, tell her what you know and lay it all out on the table. Whatever you do, please don't be afraid to look out for yourself in all of this. You are not the guilty party and don't need to have all the answers or solutions to fix this right now.

Russia On Ice

Hi,

Thanks for the replies, funnily enough, our relationship isn't toxic. We had some low points over the last few months but apart from that, everything is fine. The 9 year old is happy as larry and we never fight in front of him (we hardly ever fights).

The thing is, she doesn't suspect anything. I guess that as I've known she had been doing this for the last 6 months or so, when I finally got confirmation of it, it didn't really effect me as in my head I've accepted this from a few months back and it's no longer a shock, also the fact that she is only meeting him once in a blue moon has softened the blow somewhat, if she was off riding him every week, then it would be a different case.

I guess I'm just biding my time before I tell her, I'd like to have a plan in place, I'm considering getting a job back home, where I would be able to live rent free and then support her that way. It doesn't make much more of a difference to me to wait another month or so to to tell her.

As for me not loving her, I do love her but I guess if I was truely in love with her, I would be much more upset. When she fell pregnant, our relationship moved on much faster than we both had planned and had she not fallen pregnant, I don't think we'd both have been together (affair or no affair)

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LuckyLloyd

If you can stick it out and actively work on the exit plan in parallel (sourcing a job, figuring out moving, maybe rerouting salary payments in the event of a joint account being in existence) it's worth doing as it will help with a cleaner break. Much better to hit her with 'I know, I'm packing my bags, I'm heading off to X' than confronting her without any of those details ironed out.

Best of luck dealing with all of this, shocking situation to be in.

homerjay2005

Russia On Ice wrote: »

I'd like to have a plan in place, I'm considering getting a job back home, where I would be able to live rent free and then support her that way

dunno how you can stay in the same town as this person let alone play happy families in the same house.

you should make plans to move home immediately - get a solicitor involved, take your child with you and tell her you will see here in court for full access. dont give her a cent, its your child you are supporting and not her. and do it quickly too.

lifeandtimes

homerjay2005 wrote: »

you should make plans to move home immediately take your child with you and tell her you will see here in court for full access. dont give her a cent, its your child you are supporting and not her. and do it quickly too

DO NOT DO IT!!!!!

For the love of god this is awful advice

Op the mother has primary care and control of the child as you are not married, taken the child will result in a kidnapping call to the guards.

By all means leave and make an application for access and speak to a solicitor but do not take the child with you or it will not end well

homerjay2005

lifeandtimes wrote: »

DO NOT DO IT!!!!!

For the love of god this is awful advice

Op the mother has primary care and control of the child as you are not married, taken the child will result in a kidnapping call to the guards.

By all means leave and make an application for access and speak to a solicitor but do not take the child with you or it will not end well

how can it be kidnapping if the mother is aware he is taking the child? less of the scaremongering please, OP should get legal involved straight away as the welfare of the child is at risk here.

MissShihTzu

homerjay2005 wrote: »

how can it be kidnapping if the mother is aware he is taking the child? less of the scaremongering please, OP should get legal involved straight away as the welfare of the child is at risk here.

It's not kidnapping, but the court is not going to look favorably on the father's application for custody if he ups and takes the kid. I can't see the mother willingly giving consent, as she is the primary custodian and the OP is not married to her. The father is unlikely to get full custody anyway. Best he can hope for is a 50/50 arrangement. Courts do not lightly give primary custody to fathers - even if the mother has substance/physical/mental issues.

OP needs to get legal advice.

Boardno1

You shouldn't stay with someone for the convenience. If you are unhappy then you need to get out and I'm sure you can make it work without her. She seems to have a hold over you and can do what she wants because she knows you'll stay. NOT ON. Either tell her you know and she needs to change or get out