Drunkenly kissed friend...what to do?

LegacyUser

Hi folks,

Not an entirely uncommon situation to be in and would love to hear some insights!

Early 30s woman and last night a gang of my college mates came to stay with me for a night out. These are good friends that I've known for more than 14 years, needless to say it was a great aul night, drinks were flowing and I ended up kissing one of my friends twice at the end of the night. First, when we were dancing together in a pub and I made the move, secondly back at my house at the end of the night when everyone had left to go to bed and he asked if he could kiss me again.

For some context, we've never been overly close but he's always been one of the college crowd that rocks up for all the big nights out, he's very much one of the gang. I also went through a break-up a few months back that has taken a big toll on me so this is my first "thing" with any other guy ever since. Hence the rustiness at handling romantic situations!! And thirdly, the physical attraction has always been there for me, we just never really got too close or in a situation where this can happen, were in relationships, abroad, all that stuff. I think he's probably attracted to me too, memories are pretty hazy but I remember him saying I was "so pretty" a few times, as well as him generally saying things to friends over the years. And finally, I live in the UK and he's in Dublin so the chances of this becoming anything are probably slim to none.

So that all said, where to go from here? Today was a little bit awkward, neither of us mentioned it and our other friends are none the wiser! But - as I mentioned I do fancy him a little bit, but also would like for things to not be awkward or weird between us at the inevitable nights out in the year ahead. In this case is it just best to say nothing? Clock it down to drunken antics and move on?

leggo

Forget about what’s possible or likely, what do you want to happen?

NIMAN

Two single adults? Why not give it a go? What is there to lose?

Kidchameleon

What ever you do dont leave him hanging. Let him know what the deal is one way or the other. Best of luck.

Rachiee

Text him saying you had a great time last night, dont try to write it off, flirt for a bit and ask him out. Good luck

JackTaylorFan

I can't see why two adults can't have a grown-up conversation about something like this.

It happened, and if you don't clear the air it will continue to be awkward between you two.

LegacyUser

leggo wrote: »

Forget about what’s possible or likely, what do you want to happen?

That's a good question and I don't really know the answer. I know I'd like to kiss him again! The reality is that it will most likely amount to nothing as we both lead very different lives and probably aren't on the same page relationship-wise. But he's some I only see maybe once or twice a year at this rate and above all else I value his friendship and don't want this to royally fcuk things over there.

I'd like for him to be someone that would take this and run with it but I just know he's not, he's very much a closed book, so hard to read and massively awkward - up until recent years he's been really awkward around me, couldn't talk to me one-on-one, and I don't want that to be the case again.

Someone mentioned "don't leave him hanging" - why is it on me to get in touch and let him know how I feel though? Am I not slightly hanging here too? My biggest fear here is doing that and being rejected and our friendship being effectively over.

I might drop him a NYs text, will see how I feel about it all tomorrow

December2012

Are you happy it happened?

How would you react if they wanted it again?

Augme

If you only see him once or twice a year then I wouldn't do anything. Next time you see him it will probably be in a while and probably all forgotten about then.

Ghekko

A relationship can easily work if you want it to. Flights can be very cheap to U.K. And ye could also take weekends elsewhere in Europe when flights are cheap. So I wouldn't let the bit of distance put you off. Definitely send a text wishing him a happy new year and saying how you enjoyed the night. His previous awkwardness around you may be because he has always liked you.

Andrew Beef

This sounds like a classic case where you should go for it.

I wouldn’t worry about the Ireland/UK thing...plenty of people work through that and it’s not like it’s New Zealand.

It sounds like there could be something there...fantastic!

jimbobalob309

you coud let it go and when you see him in a year's time im sure the awkwardness will have subsided and he or you will probably have a new partner and that will be that.

or you could take a chance and send him a text, wish a HNY, mention you enjoyed your cheeky drunken kiss and see what happens. maybe nothing, maybe something, who knows. if your so pretty he probably has thought about you in that way before anyway, maybe he fancied you already. it's a new year, take a chance i say what's the worst that could happen?

SimpleDimples

I don't believe you!!!! ;-)

You say you aren't close but then say you won't do anything that would ruin a friendship!!! You don't have a close friendship to ruin - you are afraid of potential rejection that's all. The odds of that are unlikely given everything else you've written.

You can't expect him to suddenly become this take charge type of person given it's not his natural personality! Meet him half way. What's the worst that could happen? You only live once.

Katgurl

I would text him something flirty and light hearted like "hey, didn't really get to say goodbye with everyone around. You're a great kisser. X"

Then if he continues the flirting take it from there and ask him if he would be interested in visiting the UK sometime.

If he shuts it down with a non-flirty reply or even doesn't answer you really haven't done anything to be embarrassed about next time you see him.

LegacyUser

I've totally lost my nerve guys. I know you're all right, I should shoot him a text, what have I got to lose etc.

But the more I think about it, the more I realise I've done this dance with other guys in the past and it's always been because they were half-arsed and they have no real intention of escalating things. My ex wasn't like that, he made it clear from day one and there were no guessing games. That and the fact that this guy dates a lot (I was even messing about on his tinder earlier on in the night) so it's not like he doesn't know how to move things forward. And he's a bit anti-commitment as well, I don't know how many conversations I've had with him where he's bemoaning marriage, and relationships, it's not for him etc. Pretty sure he's broken up with exes for that reason too.

I think there probably is physical attraction on both sides, there's always been this tension between us, but in a general sense this wouldn't end well for me, so I'm going to do nothing and let the friendship get back to what it was.

Thanks for your advice and sorry for the headwrecking update!!

Bythefire

Op I practically wrote your post further down. "He has no interest right". Same thing, get on great, chemistry is there, even others comment, the drunken thing etc. but I honestly think if the guy is interested in more they will make it known. It's a month since I saw him and he's still very much in my head but he hasnt made effort to get in touch so I think it's best move on.
Sorry I have no "advice" but if it's any consolation I know exactly how you are feeling!

jimbobalob309

fair enough op but honestly it sounds like youll tell yourself anything to not have to deal with this directly and make the first move to akcnowledge what happened between the two of you on that night out.

im sure youre still thinking about it at this point and will be for a while, if thats the case would you not be tempted to drop him a text and see what his thougts are? at the very least it'll make things less awkward next time you meet for the very fact that you actually addressed the kiss and didnt leave it as this big elephant in the room which it will absolutely be at this stage if u say nothing

professore

If he was interested he would have gotten in touch .... unless he thinks you are WAY out of his league - and as you chased him this is highly unlikely.

Sounds like it was a bit of fun for him. If a guy is interested in a relationship, he will contact you.

LegacyUser

Nah definitely not "out of his league" (hate that turn of phrase) but I hold my own all the same! id be attractive and get a lot of male attention in a general sense. have seen him checking me out in the past too but I suppose that's normal with men, means nothing usually. i think my brain just got carried away this time because of the history we have, it's not every day i kiss someone i've known for years and the fact that i kind of fancy him and that bloody kiss...was pretty annoyingly lovely.

how and ever. as i said, going to let sleeping dogs lie with this one. have bigger things to be worrying about. will just make sure i look like a big ride the next time we meet ;-)
interesting to read all the different perspectives though!

ginandtonicsky

Guys im back again, created an account so I could reply quickly!

I saw my friend for the first time in four months at the weekend and we kissed again. *facepalm*
I'm now even more confused than last time, as well as kind of mortified/smitten/not really sure what the heck is up with either of us.

it was basically another weekend with a group of the same friends, we ended up alone in a pub on the last evening as he was the last to fly out of my city and we proceeded to drink and flirt and what have you. He brought up our drunken kiss first and basically apologised, as i'd recently been through a break up and had been talking about how messed up i was earlier on that night. He said he didnt want me to think he was taking advantage. i said I felt bad for "accosting him" as i was pretty sure i made the first move and we just sort of laughed at how wrong both of our perspectives were!

anyway. at this stage i'd had a few G&Ts and decided i wanted to kiss him again so told him i didn't regret it, i'd do it again and he agreed and we ended up kissing again a few times throughout the evening. what stands out is in the beginning he was pretty hesitant, he was like "it's just going to be awkward when we see each other again in six months"...which makes me feel again like i sort of forced myself on him?! although he initiated a few times after that. It ended with us kissing in the street, him asking me if I'd be in dublin soon and telling me to call him.

I'm in a total bind here lads. What the hell does any of this mean? in my gut i feel he probably fancies me but its a pure lust thing and he's too hesitant to takes things further for probably a million reasons and then the fact that we live in different cities isn't going to encourage matters either. i fancy the guy bloody stupid at this point. what do people think?

suicide_circus

REEL HIM IN FFS

ginandtonicsky

suicide_circus wrote: »

REEL HIM IN FFS

Should I buy a fishing net like? :-D Totally clueless!

suicide_circus

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Should I buy a fishing net like? :-D Totally clueless!

Sounds like he's clueless too. Woman likes man, man likes woman - let nature take its course!

Katgurl

OP send him a flirty text and see where it goes!

Big Bag of Chips

Have you any interest in being in a long distance relationship? That's the biggest question. If you don't mind the idea then suggest it. If you don't like the idea, then forget about it and enjoy your little kissing sessions every 6 months or so, until one of you meets someone else.

Then the kissing sessions should really stop!

LuckyLloyd

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Should I buy a fishing net like? :-D Totally clueless!

Call him. Arrange trip to Dublin. Enjoy trip. Reevaluate after trip. Good luck!

LLMMLL

ginandtonicsky wrote: »

Guys im back again, created an account so I could reply quickly!

I saw my friend for the first time in four months at the weekend and we kissed again. *facepalm*
I'm now even more confused than last time, as well as kind of mortified/smitten/not really sure what the heck is up with either of us.

it was basically another weekend with a group of the same friends, we ended up alone in a pub on the last evening as he was the last to fly out of my city and we proceeded to drink and flirt and what have you. He brought up our drunken kiss first and basically apologised, as i'd recently been through a break up and had been talking about how messed up i was earlier on that night. He said he didnt want me to think he was taking advantage. i said I felt bad for "accosting him" as i was pretty sure i made the first move and we just sort of laughed at how wrong both of our perspectives were!

anyway. at this stage i'd had a few G&Ts and decided i wanted to kiss him again so told him i didn't regret it, i'd do it again and he agreed and we ended up kissing again a few times throughout the evening. what stands out is in the beginning he was pretty hesitant, he was like "it's just going to be awkward when we see each other again in six months"...which makes me feel again like i sort of forced myself on him?! although he initiated a few times after that. It ended with us kissing in the street, him asking me if I'd be in dublin soon and telling me to call him.

I'm in a total bind here lads. What the hell does any of this mean? in my gut i feel he probably fancies me but its a pure lust thing and he's too hesitant to takes things further for probably a million reasons and then the fact that we live in different cities isn't going to encourage matters either. i fancy the guy bloody stupid at this point. what do people think?

Are you against marriage and kids and commitment? Because.you said in an earlier post he openly is against these things. If you want these things then you would be best to leave it. I think you're letting the excitement overrun the rationality.

BetsyEllen

kissedafriend wrote: »

And he's a bit anti-commitment as well, I don't know how many conversations I've had with him where he's bemoaning marriage, and relationships, it's not for him etc. Pretty sure he's broken up with exes for that reason too.

LLMMLL wrote: »

Are you against marriage and kids and commitment? Because.you said in an earlier post he openly is against these things. If you want these things then you would be best to leave it. I think you're letting the excitement overrun the rationality.

LLMMLL is right. It's SO easy to get swept away by lust when you fancy someone, we've all been there. But is he relationship material? It doesn't sound like it!

However if you fancy a bit of a fling, a weekend in Dublin could be fun for you both.
If you want more though, I wouldn't pursue it any further.

ginandtonicsky

LLMMLL wrote: »

Are you against marriage and kids and commitment? Because.you said in an earlier post he openly is against these things. If you want these things then you would be best to leave it. I think you're letting the excitement overrun the rationality.

Yeah probably am to be fair. Slowly realising the fact of fancying each other doesn't necessarily make anything beyond a few kisses easy or advisable with him.

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Have you any interest in being in a long distance relationship? That's the biggest question. If you don't mind the idea then suggest it. If you don't like the idea, then forget about it and enjoy your little kissing sessions every 6 months or so, until one of you meets someone else.

This is probably how it will pan out tbh. I've probably always fancied the guy in some capacity, but the running joke amongst friends has always been his commitment issues etc. I don't think I'd want to try to be the girl that gets involved and tries to "change" him and I wonder if his lack of getting in touch after the fact is to discourage things from escalating.

Anyway. If I'm in Dublin in the next few months I probably will drop him a text, but gonna park the expectations with this one. Grrr annoying how much I fancy him but how and ever.

ginandtonicsky

Katgurl wrote: »

OP send him a flirty text and see where it goes!

Probably a bit of over-and-backing and then he'd stop texting and that would be it. I feel he's always been a bit standoffish with me. Got a bit carried away in the post-kissing feelings but realising I'm barking up the wrong tree with him. It feels too similar to a situation i had with another guy a few years ago, where I made all the moves and he nodded along feigning vague interest because that's what a lot of guys will do when you're pretty and making the moves, only to leave me stringing along until he met someone else that he ACTUALLY liked.

Not the way things go when you've met the person you're supposed to be with. This friend isn't an asShole so won't lead me on, but equally he knows he can't offer me anything so he'll probably be a bit awkward with me next time we meet and end up bloody apologising again or something. I'm not sure he'd even have kissed me at all if I hadn't asked him to!

God why is it all so complicated! I guess that's the point, it's not really supposed to be. Certainly wasn't with my ex, who I had a great relationship with for six years.

Anyway. Cheers PI! Onwards and upwards to the next dating disaster!

HelgaWard

He asked you to ring him, so ring him!