Damn Facebook !! Still struggling

bobsman

Am done with Facebook!!

Have had a few drinks lately (being Xmas and all !) and really that hasn't helped.

Beloved aunt, I agree. Am functioning with the kids today (they teenagers though, so mostly doing their own thing). Im usually such a practical level headed person. Wasn't an online relationship but were online when we couldn't be together, with kids, work, etc.

Ursus Horribilis

bobsman wrote: »

I know folks. I was so stupid. I guess I'm still looking for closure which I know won't come. One day we were getting on brilliantly the next, I was dumped.

But you weren't, were you? You told us before that you felt you were more into him than he was in you. And that after a couple of years together you were finally getting closer and he said he was falling in love with you. He was certainly taking his time, wasn't he? You also mentioned he had commitment issues. From here, it sounds like a relationship where you dug the heels in and wore him down until he finally came to his senses and decided you were the one for him. It's likely that because of your mentality and attempts to keep this relationship going, you missed lots of warning signs. You're still in a state of denial about it but some day you may gain a greater insight into what was going on under your nose.

He absolutely did the right thing by ignoring your message. The relationship is over and he has indicated by his actions to date that he doesn't want to get back together or be your friend. Be honest with yourself - that message was sent so that he'd reply.

bobsman

I know Ursus. I did feel he was giving me confusing messages. He would be very loving, romantic one week, then quite distant the next, and so on.

However, the warning signs were there. Whenever we got too close, he seemed to "panic and back off "

I'm sick of waiting to feel better, get over it but I guess I need more time.

Big Bag of Chips

You have been posting intermittently for a month now, about how you feel you were doing ok and "this week you're really struggling".

You probably need to accept that your struggling more than you're doing ok. I think if you are trying to force yourself to be ok, and trying to convince yourself that you are great, then you are pressuring yourself to feel better and that's what makes the set backs harder.

You're two months over now. He is very much aware that you are not over him. He knows you're attempts at contact are attempts to draw him back into communication. He is 100% doing the right thing by not responding. Be honest, if he responded today wouldn't your spirits have been lifted? Wouldn't you think there was a little chink of light there. A small hope that he might talk to you again and maybe that would lead to you getting back together, soon.

You need to accept that you are having difficulty letting this go. Feel that pain, live through it and eventually it'll fade into the background. Pushing yourself to be "doing ok" when you're clearly not is only making it harder on you.

Don't wallow. Don't mope about the place. But acknowledge the hurt and continue about your daily business. Soon your daily business will take over and the pain will slip to the background.

Mod Note At this stage OP, I have to consider whether or not to let the thread run. You have posted the same thing multiple times in the past month (approx 1 thread a week). There comes a time when we have to consider is the PI forum serving any purpose to you, or would you be better seeking your help and support from real life family and friends.

Sardonicat

bobsman wrote: »

I guess I'm still looking for closure which I know won't come.

Get your own closure. Delete his number. Block him on all social media. It won't stop you thinking about him but it will prevent you from checking on him online. And it will be a symbolic start to getting over it. You have to want to start moving on, even if you don't feel like it.

njs030

bobsman wrote: »

I know Ursus. I did feel he was giving me confusing messages. He would be very loving, romantic one week, then quite distant the next, and so on.

However, the warning signs were there. Whenever we got too close, he seemed to "panic and back off "

I'm sick of waiting to feel better, get over it but I guess I need more time.

Then how on earth are you calling it perfect??
It sounds like hell tbh.

Ursus Horribilis

You also mentioned that you've been in counselling over this. I can't help but wonder are you throwing good money after bad. From what I can see, the tone of what you've posted has not changed one iota from Day 1. You're still peddling us the tale that it was perfect and are slower to admit that all was not rosy in the garden. Did you go to counselling in the hope that it'd be a magic bullet that'd make the pain go away without doing the "work"?

bobsman

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You have been posting intermittently for a month now, about how you feel you were doing ok and "this week you're really struggling".

You probably need to accept that your struggling more than you're doing ok. I think if you are trying to force yourself to be ok, and trying to convince yourself that you are great, then you are pressuring yourself to feel better and that's what makes the set backs harder.

You're two months over now. He is very much aware that you are not over him. He knows you're attempts at contact are attempts to draw him back into communication. He is 100% doing the right thing by not responding. Be honest, if he responded today wouldn't your spirits have been lifted? Wouldn't you think there was a little chink of light there. A small hope that he might talk to you again and maybe that would lead to you getting back together, soon.

You need to accept that you are having difficulty letting this go. Feel that pain, live through it and eventually it'll fade into the background. Pushing yourself to be "doing ok" when you're clearly not is only making it harder on you.

Don't wallow. Don't mope about the place. But acknowledge the hurt and continue about your daily business. Soon your daily business will take over and the pain will slip to the background.

Mod Note At this stage OP, I have to consider whether or not to let the thread run. You have posted the same thing multiple times in the past month (approx 1 thread a week). There comes a time when we have to consider is the PI forum serving any purpose to you, or would you be better seeking your help and support from real life family and friends.

Hi chips, I'm attending counselling and living my life.

I find Boards extremely helpful too. It is good to hear others perspective.

corcaigh07

I’ll echo the others here, you have to unfriend your ex. Seems heartless, an ex did it to me before and I didn’t want that at the time but in hindsight, it was the best thing to happen to me.

bobsman

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

You also mentioned that you've been in counselling over this. I can't help but wonder are you throwing good money after bad. From what I can see, the tone of what you've posted has not changed one iota from Day 1. You're still peddling us the tale that it was perfect and are slower to admit that all was not rosy in the garden. Did you go to counselling in the hope that it'd be a magic bullet that'd make the pain go away without doing the "work"?

The counselling is helping. To be honest, I was pretty bad at the start. I have def improved. This Xmas, him and I had made plans and it just kinda hit me yesterday.

The counseller advised me not to rush getting over him. Treat it as a grieving process. She did say he ended it very cruelly, which he did.

Him and I never had a future. I know that now.

ibarelycare

Have you blocked him on social media OP?

bobsman

Hi ibarelycare, I have blocked him since Xmas day. It's the only way forward, I guess and am staying off FB anyway.

It's over 8 weeks now. Need to start moving forward. Am doing all the "right" things, exercising, eating well, spending time with kids and friends. Will resume counselling next week.

Just found Xmas really tough going but back in work now!

ibarelycare

That's great. Blocking is tough but it's definitely what you need to do. Keep going, these things take time but you'll get there and every day will get slightly easier. Mind yourself!

bobsman

Thanks Ibarelycare

Blocking him has helped a little and staying off FB too. If I could only block my thoughts in my head, I'd be laughing!!