Time to get creep-ay

Confucius say

I just wanted to bounce this off you all. 2 things really. First of all, like another poster here, I am considering asking a younger girl I met at a party last Friday out. We spoke for most of the night but got split up at the end and I never got her number. She was with a colleague of mine who I'm friendly with at work events etc but that's about it. She lives close to where I live. I felt we had a connection, but how many times do you hear that, and was pretty pissed off the next day when I realised I had no way of seeing her again...

I feel bad writing this but I looked at my colleague's friends (I'm not his friend on facebook) and found her there. So would it be just totally weird and creepy to send her a message this way? I'm thinking probably, yes. Although personally I'd be flattered but I'm not the type who comes on strong to people or acts inappropriately, so this feels like a potential minefield to me.
Now I could ask him for her number, but I really don't know him that well, and that doesn't feel right either.

Other thing is - she's 10 years younger than me. I'm 36 and she's 26. She's got a 2 year old and seemed wise beyond her years. I look after myself and don't feel old at all so it didn't feel like I was speaking with someone much younger than me. But still, I've never gone out with someone with that much of an age gap, although I did have a girlfriend 7 years older than me once who I still feel was the one that got away...

So - is it super creepy to ask for her number or ask her out via Facebook?

Thanks for reading

jimmycrackcorm

The age difference doesn't matter at your relative ages. If you can find her on FB then why not send a friend request and ask.

jimmycrackcorm

The age difference doesn't matter at your relative ages. If you can find her on FB then why not send a friend request and ask.

BetsyEllen

I would be very flattered if someone I'd met looked me up on Facebook and asked me out.

I would go for it...I don't see a 36 and 26 year old being together as strange or too big of an age gap.

The worst that can happen is she says No which isn't a big deal.
But she could say yes

leggo

Nothing wrong with it if you had a substantial chat beyond just basic hellos, a lot of people do this. It may work, it may not, but it's worth a shot.

Mr. Incognito

I would send her a friend request.

If she accepts send her a message asking her out.

If she doesnt accept then nothing lost.

Dr Crayfish

Why would he send her a friend request? A message asking her out will do. If she says no then that's the end of it!

GingerLily

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Why would he send her a friend request? A message asking her out will do. If she says no then that's the end of it!

When someone sends me a Facebook message who I am not friends with it is sent to a special folder called "message requests"/ "filtered messages" I do not receive a notification. If the OPs love interest has similar settings to me she might not see the message for years or ever really, and the OP would never know

Passenger

Do it, OP.

fima

My now husband tracked me down on Facebook to ask me out. I was 26, he was a bit older and I was delighted because I had really liked him when we met. Do it, the worst she can do is say no.

Estrellita

"Hi, I hope you don't mind me messaging you. I enjoyed our chat the last time we met, and would like to meet up with you again. Up for it? "

I don't have Facebook myself, but I wouldn't find that creepy at all. If you got on so well, she might be quite happy you looked her up.

Aspadeaspade

I'd definitely be more in favor of sending someone a friend request instead of a message first OP. Like a previous poster has mentioned, she might not ever see your message if you're not friends in FB and you might be left in limbo wondering if she saw it or not for a while. People have sent me requests after having met them previously only once, to express an interest and honestly I wouldn't accept someone I met only once if I wasn't interested as well unless they were just friend material and that was clearly their intention. A message can actually feel more creepy or invasive than a request, but maybe that's just me. Send her a request and then if she accepts it I'd send her a message after a few hours 'hey, thanks for accepting, hope you don't mind but I enjoyed chatting to you the other day, I looked for you in (your acquaintances' name) FB, it'd be nice to chat again maybe.. ) something light, no pressure.. Good Luck OP!

Confucius say

Ok so I sent her a message then went to add her as a friend, probably should have done that first but too late now. Anyway no option to add as friend it must be a privacy setting. I don't think she's gonna see the message now. Oh well, at least I kind of tried and nothing backfired! Thanks for the advice folks.

bobsman

She'll still see the message no?? Anyway, no harm in messaging her and asking her out at all. Good luck op

Confucius say

bobsman wrote: »

She'll still see the message no?? Anyway, no harm in messaging her and asking her out at all. Good luck op

Well as others have said I think messages just get lost in cyberspace if you're not friends.

power pants

She will get the message the same way you get a message if friends

Notification will come up on her phone saying

Xxxx sent message. Accept and open?


Or words to that effect

Confucius say

I don't think so, it's just one grey tick it usually goes blue when received. I would imagine you can turn off the ability to receive PMs. I'm starting to creep myself out now ffs!

Joeseph Balls

power pants wrote: »

She will get the message the same way you get a message if friends

Notification will come up on her phone saying

Xxxx sent message. Accept and open?


Or words to that effect

No if she has her privacy up, she won't receive the message unless she goes looking for it. It would not even show in her pm list

bobsman

If she's does see it OP, there is no way you come across as creepy. I'm a woman btw !!

Confucius say

bobsman wrote: »

If she's does see it OP, there is no way you come across as creepy. I'm a woman btw !!

Looks like I'll be coming across as nothing at all!

bobsman

Ah sorry OP, get it about privacy settings now . Would you ask the colleague for her number??

Confucius say

I think I've pursued it enough, c'est fini

bobsman

Confucius say wrote: »

I think I've pursued it enough, c'est fini

Ah okay, onwards and upwards OP

Emme

OP did you ask your colleague if he or she has contact details for the girl?

BetsyEllen

power pants wrote: »

She will get the message the same way you get a message if friends

Notification will come up on her phone saying

Xxxx sent message. Accept and open?


Or words to that effect

No...if you're not friends, it goes into a folder called 'message requests'.
You get no notification for it.

If you've never checked yours you should.
Go to messenger, people, message requests and you might have some unseen messages in your inbox.

You then have to 'accept' the message before you can read it.

PhoenixParker

Do you know she actually uses Facebook? Many people have dormant accounts.

I would talk to your mutual acquaintance first and see about getting a number or passing on a direct message.

JackTaylorFan

Question: Is the poke feature still on FB?

I've been poked in the past by random guys whose messages I've ignored.

Like, take a hint, fella

OP, your situation is a bit different than the random creepers I get though. You felt you had built up a rapport with this girl, so fairplay on sending the message.

Probably best you don't try poke her though - the message was likely seen - and a poke now would seem overly aggressive.

As for the age thing... 10 year age gap after the age of 25 in not even a thing.

power pants

BetsyEllen wrote: »

power pants wrote: »

She will get the message the same way you get a message if friends

Notification will come up on her phone saying

Xxxx sent message. Accept and open?


Or words to that effect

No...if you're not friends, it goes into a folder called 'message requests'.
You get no notification for it.

If you've never checked yours you should.
Go to messenger, people, message requests and you might have some unseen messages in your inbox.

You then have to 'accept' the message before you can read it.

Well i guess mine is different then.

I have my settings to private. However people that are not friends can send messages to Me and I'll receive them as a standard message alerting me to accept or not accept the message

Perhaps she has similar with her settings

GingerLily

She might have settings that notify her of a message, or she might not - the clear best way to proceed would be to send a friend request and if she accepts then send her a message.
It is less creepy to send a friend request first IMO anyway

Confucius say

Thanks all. TBH I wish I never sent it now, it's pretty creepy to look someone's friends up who's not a friend of yours and I feel a bit sh*tty about it now!
So hopefully she never gets the message.
Have a date this evening with a girl similar to my own age and I must be turning into George Clooney or something because just arranged a date with a 25 year old for Saturday on Bumble. Maturing like a fine wine!
Happy Christmas all

power pants

Don't understand the use of the word creepy

The op chatted to the person and they got on. He's not a stranger or someone she has never spoken too

Whether he messages or sends a friend request first, neither is creepy