Wedding expense ?

jamesf85

Hi,

I'm a groomsman at a wedding coming up just after Christmas. The wedding is in Italy so is already an expense on people. Today we went to get suits for the groomsmen and afterwards when they were paid for we were told they were €700 each and could we transfer the money asap.

I was always under the impression that the suits were paid for by the groom.

Maybe this is normal I'm just curious?

GingerLily

Suit's should be paid for by the groom unless otherwise agreed. Your being taken for a ride - do not pay for that suit. He is taking advantage of you.

700e is very expensive for a groomsman suit - ridiculous that he's expecting you to pay for this.

StripedBoxers

€700 for a suit?!?! Sounds like you are being ripped off.

In my experience of weddings the bridals party clothing is covered by the bride & groom, unless they wore something they previously owned.

€700 is insanity, not to mention a trip abroad at what is a hugely expensive time for people anyway.

Personally, I would question the groom about this and I sure as hell wouldn't pay it. I'd offer to wear a suit I already own or buy one cheaper. Sure as hell wouldn't pay €700 or anything near it.

The cheek of them asking for €700. I wouldn't say a suit costs that, I'd say they're running short on cash for other areas of the wedding and hoping you'll be idiot enough to hand over the guts of a months rent to make up the shortfall.

Don't pay it. They're taking you for a ride.

Rubberchikken

Ask them.
Are you related to either?
700 euro for a suit for a groomsman seems very high.
I always thought the groom.paid for this at least.
This on top of a foreign country wedding seems a bit ott.

Vojera

Are the couple Irish? Because it's the norm in Ireland that the couple pay for the bridal party's outfits, but I know in the US, for example, bridesmaids and groomsmen are often expected to pay for themselves. So just wondering is it a cultural thing.

Either way, that's a ridiculous amount of money and to land it on ye without discussing it first is very poor form. Don't pay it and bring it up with the groom. You're already out of pocket travelling abroad. If it means stepping down as a groomsman then so be it. €700 would go a long way towards something you actually want rather than a suit that's not even of your choosing.

Dick Turnip

I've been groomsman twice, both times the suit was paid for.

I will be groomsman twice again next Spring. Again, both times the suit is paid for.

I'm not saying I'd expect that in all cases (sometimes rental either) but I'm guessing he picked out the suits? You tried them on? Then he emailed/ text after to say you were paying and also that they cost €700?!

Im sorry but he's taking the piss.

Also €700 is an outrageous price. You can get very decent suits for under €300 even

myshirt

It's probably an Italian suit. In that case, could very well be worth 700, even a bargain. The women spend thousands. This could be a gay man also.

Nevertheless, 700 per suit is at the upper end of what is sensible to be spending on a wedding when you consider all the other costs, unless you are quite wealthy. Then again, it's a free world.

Op, you'll have to handle it diplomatically. Tell them you know they want the best for the wedding, and you do wish the best, but 700 is just quite a lot of money right now and apologise but you can't justify it. You might maybe extend the olive branch of meeting him half way given there seems to have been confusion about who would pay for the suits.

splinter65

OP that’s awful. Meet the groom for a serious chat and tell him that you wish him all the happiness in the world and you were honored to be asked but you’ll unfortunately have to step away from groomsman duties as it’s proving too expensive for you.
It’ll be easier then you think at this stage.

corsav6

I got married in July, I paid for my groomsmen and best man's suit, and I had some change from €700.
If I was you OP I'd tell the groom to hire a suit for you and return that overpriced one, absolute madness expecting you to pay.

mirrorwall14

We rented four morning suits and cravats, bought four shirts and still came in less than 700....

annoyedgal

I really hope this is a wind up! If this is an Irish wedding that is extremely out of order! Bridal parties do not pay for their clothes for a wedding and generally mens suits will be hired or bought by the groom for a reasonable price !
It's outrageous OP and you need to have a word with the groom. Simply put you can't afford to pay for the suit on top of travel expenses to his wedding so he can hire a suit for you, you can wear one you already have or you'll have to step away from groomsman duties. Simple.

minikin

Have you presented them with an invoice for your ‘Appearance Fee’ yet?
(€700 excl. travel and subsistence charges)
This would be standard for all professional events - which it sounds like it’s turning into.

Sebastian Dangerfield

Ive been involved in lots of weddings and never heard of anything like this before.

Think of it this way: 1) would you usually pay 700 quid for a suit, and 2) even if the answer is yes, wouldnt it be something of your own choosing for that price?

My advise - speak to the other groomsmen to get their thoughts and if in agreement, approach the groom together.

emeldc

myshirt wrote: »

It's probably an Italian suit. In that case, could very well be worth 700, even a bargain. The women spend thousands. This could be a gay man also.

Nevertheless, 700 per suit is at the upper end of what is sensible to be spending on a wedding when you consider all the other costs, unless you are quite wealthy. Then again, it's a free world.

Op, you'll have to handle it diplomatically. Tell them you know they want the best for the wedding, and you do wish the best, but 700 is just quite a lot of money right now and apologise but you can't justify it. You might maybe extend the olive branch of meeting him half way given there seems to have been confusion about who would pay for the suits.

Wha?

Dakota Dan

Where did the groomsman go? Maybe he is a late sleeper.

splinter65

emeldc wrote: »

Wha?

The groom could be gay. The poster is suggesting that a gay groom would possibly have more expensive tastes then a straight groom.
Harmless stereotyping.

GingerLily

myshirt wrote: »

It's probably an Italian suit. In that case, could very well be worth 700, even a bargain. The women spend thousands. This could be a gay man also.

Wedding dresses can cost thousands, but bridesmaid dresses typically cost 50-250e rarely much higher - what are you on?

And what does the groom being gay or not got to do with this situation - it's irrelevant and stupid speculation.

emeldc

splinter65 wrote: »

The groom could be gay. The poster is suggesting that a gay groom would possibly have more expensive tastes then a straight groom.
Harmless stereotyping.

Yep, that's what I thought he meant. Fuggin' nonsense if you ask me.

bee06

That is outrageous! If they expected ye to pay for the suits this should have been made clear when you were asked to be groomsman along with the budget for the suit. Some people have no concept that their wedding is only the most important day to them!

SteM

Dakota Dan wrote: »

Where did the groomsman go? Maybe he is a late sleeper.

He's out busking to raise money for the suit.

Homer

SteM wrote: »

He's out busking to raise money for the suit.

Selling his body more like :pac:

the_syco

jamesf85 wrote: »

The wedding is in Italy so is already an expense on people. Today we went to get suits for the groomsmen and afterwards when they were paid for we were told they were €700 each and could we transfer the money asap.

Unless they were a blood relative, I'd be saying goodbye to the chancer! Any groomsman I knew rented their suit.

jamesf85

Thanks all for the replies,

It's an Irish couple. The suits are actually €700 each as I've seen the receipt.

I appreciate the replies and for clarifying that it's not the norm for the groomsmen to pay for their own suits. €700 is a crazy amount, I was hoping for at most €400.

It's going to be a very expensive event!

biZrb

jamesf85 wrote: »

It's going to be a very expensive event!

Don't pay them! They should be providing you with a suit to wear for their wedding.

OldMrBrennan83

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splinter65

Young Irish people are becoming more and more of a mystery to me
I don’t understand any of this.
The bride and groom pay for the hire of the suits for the wedding party.
The groomsman might buy himself a new pair of shoes and he’ll have his hair cut/beard trimmed.
That is it.
And trailing all the bloody way to Italy.
What a load of nonsense.

It isn't normal. Don't pay it OP.

justfillmein

jamesf85 wrote: »

Thanks all for the replies,

It's an Irish couple. The suits are actually €700 each as I've seen the receipt.

I appreciate the replies and for clarifying that it's not the norm for the groomsmen to pay for their own suits. €700 is a crazy amount, I was hoping for at most €400.

It's going to be a very expensive event!

are you actually considering paying this?

have you spoken to any of the other groomsmen?
are they happy to go along with this?
was anybody told beforehand about having to pay for their own ridiculously expensive suit, when it's not even their own wedding?

I feel bad for your situation here but I know I would be really mad and I'd have to say something

annoyedgal

Agree that it is total madness to consider paying for this!! Seriously they are taking the p@ss !



quote="justfillmein;105511217"]are you actually considering paying this?

have you spoken to any of the other groomsmen?
are they happy to go along with this?
was anybody told beforehand about having to pay for their own ridiculously expensive suit, when it's not even their own wedding?

I feel bad for your situation here but I know I would be really mad and I'd have to say something[/quote]

Gatica

OMG! it would be cheeky enough if the groom said transfer 50 quid to me towards the suits without discussing and agreeing it with the grooms party, but asking for 700!!! Maybe in some circles that's tuppence but I would consider that as far beyond even a wedding gift to a family member.
I would definitely hand over 0 for that and be having a word with the groom about WTF... if he genuinely cannot afford to pay for that himself, then maybe they need to cut their cloth to measure. Seems like they're looking for an extravagant wedding at other people's expense.

lazygal

This is so cheeky. I can't stand scabbiness around weddings and this is particularly irritating. Why do people ask people to be in the bridal party and then charge them for the privilege. I really think you're being taking for a ride OP. Friend of mine fell out with someone because they wouldn't stay for the two nights in the hotel the groom insisted on but wouldn't pay for. If you want a bridal party all costs should be budgeted for.

mcgiggles

I'm sorry but holy f*ck? Is the suit made of gold?!? We're paying 700 for 7 suits for our wedding!! That's a joke! Definitely question that!
Anything they specifically want you to wear on the day should be paid for by them! If they wanted ye to pay the suits they should have ran that by ye first to make sure that was okay with ye.. and also if they ARE asking people to pay for their own suits they shouldn't have gone and got ones that cost so freakin much!! That's "sorry but i can't afford to be in your bridal party anymore" kinda pricing!!!

splinter65

lazygal wrote: »

This is so cheeky. I can't stand scabbiness around weddings and this is particularly irritating. Why do people ask people to be in the bridal party and then charge them for the privilege. I really think you're being taking for a ride OP. Friend of mine fell out with someone because they wouldn't stay for the two nights in the hotel the groom insisted on but wouldn't pay for. If you want a bridal party all costs should be budgeted for.

It’s a modern day thing. People want the show biz wedding but don’t want to save or sacrifice for it and have no shame or conscience about screwing friends and family to get what they feel is their entitlement. Just say no is the mantra as far as I’m concerned.

mickdw

I know the type this groom is. Big shot ideas and all talk. Would think they have everyone convinced that they are well off and try to embarrass friends into playing the same game and that 700 is chicken feed.... Not so willing to pay it himself though.
Tell him you are backing out as its OTT and not your style and that you dont buy €700 suits for yourself EVER.
If you are groomsman for someone you should know them well enough to say 'would ya feck off with your €700 suit'.

the purple tin

Strike me pink! with the 700 quid suit (which you will probably never wear again), the trip to Italy, the present for the happy couple and some spending money, this wedding could put OP in the poor house. Imagine having to fork out for one or two events like this every year!

ps OP how long is the stay in Italy?

Call me Al

The groom has actually demanded you fork out €700 for a suit you likely wouldn't otherwise buy., and you seem to be ok wirh this? And he took a decision that you will buy tour own suit without running it by you first,
I seriously think you need to think about what he's asking.
I wouldn't be comfortable with paying this type of money.
Why aren't you hiring the suits??

the purple tin

splinter65 wrote: »

It’s a modern day thing. People want the show biz wedding but don’t want to save or sacrifice for it and have no shame or conscience about screwing friends and family to get what they feel is their entitlement. Just say no is the mantra as far as I’m concerned.

I think celebrity wedding features in rags like Hello are partly to blame. The difference is wedding expenses are paid for by the magazine in exchange for exclusive photos and story. When gullible couples try to recreate a celeb wedding they get a nasty financial shock and end up pulling stunts like the one the OP described in order to save money.

Neyite

Suggest that you wear one you already have, or tell them that if you are paying €700 for a suit, you will pick the style and colour of it.

If on the other hand, it's important to the bride and groom to have a matching set, then they can pay for that.

Alternatively, you could step down as groomsman and let the 'honour' go to another friend of theirs, one preferably with not a lot of sense and deep pockets.

qwerty13

The bride & groom are taking you for a ride. I’m astounded at how cheeky they are.

It’s well established custom in Ireland that the bride & groom pay for outfits for the Bridal party. To ask you to pay would be surprising, and not the norm. To ask you to hand over €700 - they’re utterly taking the p*ss, and I’d be rapidly reevaluating the ‘friendship’ of someone who treated me like that.

CelticRambler

700€ :eek: Any chance you can show us a picture of the suit?

I'm hoping to go to a white-tie event in February ("dress code rigidly enforced, you will be refused entry if you don't meet the standards, regardless of how much you paid for your ticket") and I won't be spending more than 400€ on the full outfit, and expecting to get good use out of it in years to come.

c6ysaphjvqw41k

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lazygal

CelticRambler wrote: »

700€ :eek: Any chance you can show us a picture of the suit?

I'm hoping to go to a white-tie event in February ("dress code rigidly enforced, you will be refused entry if you don't meet the standards, regardless of how much you paid for your ticket") and I won't be spending more than 400€ on the full outfit, and expecting to get good use out of it in years to come.

When we got married, himself decided he wanted a new suit for our civil ceremony and a new suit for our humanist ceremony a week later. I'm pretty sure his two suits (which he still has and wears six years on!) cost not much more than €700 and he chose them himself and it was his decision to buy them. What suit could cost €700?!

Vojera

lazygal wrote: »

What suit could cost €700?!

A good suit can easily cost that much money if you shop in the right places. The former director of the company I work for used to always walk around in suits that cost €1k-€3k (which he got for a steal because he had a long-term business relationship with the shop owner) and they were amazing. You could tell that they were pricey.

That said, regular people don't have any need for a suit that costs so much. They're not for the plebs like us :pac:

LynnGrace

jamesf85 wrote: »

Thanks all for the replies,

It's an Irish couple. The suits are actually €700 each as I've seen the receipt.

I appreciate the replies and for clarifying that it's not the norm for the groomsmen to pay for their own suits. €700 is a crazy amount, I was hoping for at most €400.

It's going to be a very expensive event!

So are you just accepting that you have to pay it? :eek:

lazygal

Vojera wrote: »

A good suit can easily cost that much money if you shop in the right places. The former director of the company I work for used to always walk around in suits that cost €1k-€3k (which he got for a steal because he had a long-term business relationship with the shop owner) and they were amazing. You could tell that they were pricey.

That said, regular people don't have any need for a suit that costs so much. They're not for the plebs like us :pac:

I know suits could cost that much, but for the bog standard Irish wedding most people have €700 is a LOT, especially when it's not even for the groom!

SteM

CelticRambler wrote: »

I'm hoping to go to a white-tie event in February ("dress code rigidly enforced, you will be refused entry if you don't meet the standards, regardless of how much you paid for your ticket")

Wow, that sounds like so much fun!

OldMrBrennan83

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Peregrinus

Patww79 wrote: »

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White bow tie, shirt with high collar, white low-cut waistcoat, black tailcoat with black silk facing on the lapels, black evening trousers with two black silk or braid stripes down the outside seams (this is important - evening trousers with one stripe are only worn with a dinner jacket). Finish off with patent leather dancing pumps or highly polished black dress shoes. Accessorise if desired with a white scarf and/or a black silk top hat.

OldMrBrennan83

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Teyla Emmagan

Sounds like you are actually thinking of going along with this OP.

Are you MAD???! You are being taken for a ride, and not in a nice way. Your buddy is a user.

TheAnalyst_

I wouldn't even argue about it at this stage. Pull out of the wedding altogether with some flimsy excuse. You likely won't even be talking to this couple in ten years time.