How did you get over your ex?

Was a layabout loner shy waster for more than the first half of my life - so never really got into relationships to generate Exs out of. Perhaps I dodged a bullet there in some ways.

In general with negative emotions - though I am in the anna080 camp of saying the solution is different for everyone - the fix for me has always been to face and deal with the emotions rather than find ways to make them go away.

So whatever the source of the emotion is I would indulge myself in the pictures - music - smells - words and reading - memories - and everything to do with making me feel that negative emotion of sadness loss grief jealousy anger or whatever it is. And I would just sit there and let myself feel it and deal with it until it was part of me and I owned it - rather than it owning me.

For others that might just spark them off to do something drastic or snap - so it certainly is not a universal solution. But it would be how I would deal with it if my relationship ended tomorrow. Probably surround myself in pictures perfumes reminding me of the relationship - and sit with them listening to Drive All Night on repeat.

Oh and mindfulness meditation - that helps me with just about everything in life. Especially in taking ownership back from emotions and thoughts that might otherwise overwhelm me.

freshpopcorn

You should do like the one in the X-Factor did at the moment. You write several songs about the ex you no longer care about. Eve tough you come across as being totally obsessed with him.

sbsquarepants

Bang her sister - that'll teach her:D

Lollipops23

I've had one horrifically painful breakup. Didn't see it coming at all and was destroyed by it.

After living as a hermit for 3 months I got back out there and dated casually, messed around, partied etc.

Then I went to Canada for a year and partied a whole lot more. Just really lived my life without having to account for myself or explain to anyone. It was bliss.

In all honestly it probably took me the guts of 2 years to truly get over him. I no longer wish him ill or well. I nothing him.

Sugarlumps

Copious amounts of drink mixed with Neil Diamond's - Love on the Rocks on repeat.

Avatar MIA

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Bang her sister - that'll teach her:D

Unless that was the reason for the breakup.

But, now that I think of it... all the more reason to bang the sister :pac:

Foxhound38

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5rFjpObFiU

Bambi985

Bambi985 wrote: »

How did you get over your ex? Not the one where it was over for a good while and ye were both just putting yerselves out of your misery - the one that was your best friend/soul mate but it had to end for whatever heartbreaking reason. How long did it take? Any specific steps you took that make it all a bit easier, what led to that sudden realisation one that they hey, I no longer think of him/her constantly?

Help a sister out AH.

On bad days, just put one foot in front of the other and get through the day, don't expect too much of yourself. It hurts now because enough time has passed for you to properly miss his presence.

On good days make plans, and do things like exercise and socialize and book flights to scary places, do things you never did when you were together. Mainly though, just wait. Every day heals the wound a little more, though some days it doesn't feel like it because there will be bad days.

I lost a dangerous amount of weight, I didn't sleep, I did nothing but study, I pined. I did everything wrong, but still I got through it and that's how it goes, you'll get there too. One day you'll wake up and he won't be the first thing you think about, then he won't be the second thing. It's all progress, even the way you feel you've backslid now.

At first the relief of making the decision and getting the break up behind you carries you through, but then you have the pining, the rose-tinted memories, the him-shaped aching loneliness, and with it comes the most acute pain. It's progress, you're already moving past it and that's why it's hurting.

Just hang in there, wait it out, be kind to yourself, and know that it will get better and that one day you'll smile when you think about him, not suffer heart cramp from the loss.

And then you'll meet someone else.

Rezident

The best way is also the hardest: you have to forgive them. Holding a grudge doesn't affect them, it affects you, carrying around that black ball of hatred inside you - no good will come form it. Forgive them, and you're free! May take time.

myshirt

The best way to get over a man is to get under another. Put on the high heels and get out on the town sister.

Whatever you do, do not 'stay friends'. Staying friends is bullsh't. If you remain friends then you are still in love, or alternatively you never were in love. Close the chapter and move on.

Bambi985

Candie wrote: »

On bad days, just put one foot in front of the other and get through the day, don't expect too much of yourself. It hurts now because enough time has passed for you to properly miss his presence.

On good days make plans, and do things like exercise and socialize and book flights to scary places, do things you never did when you were together. Mainly though, just wait. Every day heals the wound a little more, though some days it doesn't feel like it because there will be bad days.

I lost a dangerous amount of weight, I didn't sleep, I did nothing but study, I pined. I did everything wrong, but still I got through it and that's how it goes, you'll get there too. One day you'll wake up and he won't be the first thing you think about, then he won't be the second thing. It's all progress, even the way you feel you've backslid now.

At first the relief of making the decision and getting the break up behind you carries you through, but then you have the pining, the rose-tinted memories, the him-shaped aching loneliness, and with it comes the most acute pain. It's progress, you're already moving past it and that's why it's hurting.

Just hang in there, wait it out, be kind to yourself, and know that it will get better and that one day you'll smile when you think about him, not suffer heart cramp from the loss.

And then you'll meet someone else.

Holy crap, I wept at this. What a lovely encouraging post. "Just wait" - probably the hardest part of it. I'm not a waiter! I wait for nothing and no-one, least of all myself. But I guess this time, I have to learn. Thank you Candie x

99 Bortles of Beer

Found someone much better in every way.

Pherekydes

It was a bit grim, because we had two kids at the time, and she didn't take them with her (Damn her! :pac:). Didn't take long to realise the marriage was over, seeing as she was living with someone else. After that, it was just looking to the future and making the best of it. When you have kids you have to get over it quickly.

neonsofa

Bambi985 wrote: »

Holy crap, I wept at this. What a lovely encouraging post. "Just wait" - probably the hardest part of it. I'm not a waiter! I wait for nothing and no-one, least of all myself. But I guess this time, I have to learn. Thank you Candie x

This whole thread just made me emotional! Currently pretending to be over my ex. And realised that Im doing every "dont do" in the thread.

I can't offer help but I wish you the best. If it helps, at least I feel your pain!

The Princess Bride

Simple rules really.

1.Don't pick up the phone
You know they're only callin' cause they're drunk and alone.

2.Don't let them in
You'll have to kick them out again.

3.Don't be their friend
You know you're gonna wake up in their bed in the morning.

And as others in here have said, again and again.
And if you're under them, you ain't gettin' over them.

neonsofa

The Princess Bride wrote: »

Simple rules really.

1.Don't pick up the phone
You know they're only callin' cause they're drunk and alone.

2.Don't let them in
You'll have to kick them out again.

3.Don't be their friend
You know you're gonna wake up in their bed in the morning.

And as others in here have said, again and again.
And if you're under them, you ain't gettin' over them.

Was gonna do this myself but didn't want the song stuck in my head... thanks a lot for that

jimbobaloobob

its a song?

Hector Bellend

One eyed Jack wrote: »

A friend of mine always says "The best way to get over one bastard is to get under another one"...

She has a thing for bastards though so she's been under quite a few, probably not the best advice then now I think about it

Isnt it great that people never question their own judgement. They always blame the other side

splinter65

I never got over my ex.
I love my husband but I never got over one guy. I just learned to live with out him.
Like when someone dies.
It’s possible to love more than one person.
I know now we’d have been a disaster and trying to make it work would have resulted in more pain for me.

Fr_Dougal

splinter65 wrote: »

I never got over my ex.
I love my husband but I never got over one guy. I just learned to live with out him.
Like when someone dies.
It’s possible to love more than one person.
I know now we’d have been a disaster and trying to make it work would have resulted in more pain for me.

That’s so sad.

How long are you guys broken up?

I’ve had a couple of breakups from long term relationships, takes about 4 years to get back to normal in my experience.

Malayalam

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

That’s so sad.

How long are you guys broken up?

I’ve had a couple of breakups from long term relationships, takes about 4 years to get back to normal in my experience.

I don't think it's sad. It's kind of more real. If you love someone once, can you really stop loving them? (Unless something hideous happens). I mean, you will still love them and hope for the best for them - you just have to make your heart bigger to hold the loves, the present and the past. There's nothing wrong with loving people, even if you never see them again.

sbsquarepants

Oldtree wrote: »

Aaaa Poor bambino, you need some Mia Angelou in your life

Everybody needs a little Maya Angelou in their lives - she's amazing, I love her writing.

Now - to lower the tone back to the gutter where I usually dwell:D

I've had a couple of long term relationships go belly up, one hit me particularly hard (I don't know why, we'd fought like cats and dogs for about a year leading up to it!) In fact it still gives me the occasional kick in the nuts and it's about 15 years on at this stage!

But back then when it was raw, I found the only way to forget for a while was to get exploring a new woman. I went full on Charlie Sheen for about a year.

Vaginas are quite entertaining:D

Speedwell

sbsquarepants wrote: »

Vaginas are quite entertaining:D

You should try having one. A laugh a minute. Right, girls?

neonsofa

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

That’s so sad.

.

I'd think it's more bittersweet. Means there was genuine love there. May not have worked out for whatever reasons but to have that kind of love for someone is lovely I think. I Would think a lot of people have a "one that got away". One that they loved but it just didn't work out so there is no love lost. I can understand it, with my most recent ex it just didn't work due to circumstances out of our control I guess, we had a very pragmatic and caring break up, but he is still very much the person I love and want. Life is just ****ty like that sometimes.

Although I am hoping I'd love my future husband more if he ever hurries up and introduces himself :pac:

doubledown

How did you get over your ex?

Time.

Plus I bought a PS2 (it was in 2001). GTA3 helped A LOT

Plopsu

Wibbs wrote: »

If your previous paramour is still around, go full radio silence. No good will come of any contact.

Good advice (I can think of a previous relationship where I wish to hell I'd done it) but not possible if you have kids and even less so if you both live in the same house.
Also not practical/possible if you have kids: admiring all the money you suddenly have, travelling the world at the drop of a hat.

pgj2015

keep busy and don't ever look at their social media. just blank them out like you never met them.

zcorpian88

You basically live without them and keep busy.

Was very hard for me especially being I was the one who ended it as her issues (chronic depression) and her time consuming work ethic phased out the relationship in the first place. Always under the surface resented her since being it was hard finding someone I liked that much and it turned to s**t and nothing I could do about it. And resented her even further that I haven't met anyone I like half as much since.

Threw myself into the booze for a while....then joined a gym...then got myself on a course to upskill.

She actually PM'd me on Facebook in September at 2am with a comment over some documentary she knew I'd be interested in, didn't bother my arse replying.

LadyMacBeth_

Only one guy has ever gone radio silence on me after we agreed to be friends and that's the one that actually annoys me every once in a while, like it's unresolved, the others I have made my peace with and chat to from time to time. Well one I had to block because he was an absolute nutcase.

I had one long term relationship before I met my wife, we were together in our teens, from 16-20. I was madly in love with him and he was with me but we fought like cats and dogs, and rode just as much. He was jealous and possessive and emotionally manipulative and we both drank too much and I wasn't too emotionally stable. It was a disaster. I gained so much weight in that relationship and lost all of my friends. In the end I broke up with him, even though he was the one threatening it from time to time, I'd had enough. I wasn't in love with him any more when I ended it so I moved on pretty quickly and never looked back really. He has never gotten over it though. It's been 9 years since we broke up and last month he sent me some messages in the middle of the night on Facebook telling me that he's in love with me and always will be. He sends me messages like that every once in a while and it makes me feel sad for him, he started going out with a girl he knew a couple of months after we broke up (and I suspect he was sleeping with her before we broke up), they have a child together and are engaged, and yet after all of this time he thinks about what could have been with me. He apologised to me recently and realised that he hadn't treated me well, maybe that's why it haunts him, because he knows he was the one to mess it up.

I don't have a one who got away, thankfully, it sounds terrible. I've been hurt of course but realised in time that it wouldn't have worked.

Blazer

doubledown wrote: »

How did you get over your ex?

Time.

Plus I bought a PS2 (it was in 2001). GTA3 helped A LOT

I bet you banged all the hookers in that game