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Happy Don't Hug Your Children Season! (PC gone mad thread)

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    #32
    nozzferrahhtoo
    Registered Users Posts: 9,338 ✭✭✭nozzferrahhtoo


    Harry Palmr wrote: »
    Words fail me. The fever pitch of hysteria has surely peaked when children are telling parents not to hug them lest it be interpreted as the wrong kind of hug.

    Perhaps my reading comprehension if failing me here but could you help me out? Where in the text you quoted does it say anything about "children telling parents not to hug them"?

    The "telling" part seemed to be done by the "Girl Scouts" association.

    And the people they were talking about hugging was other "relatives" not the parents themselves.

    Which seems very different to what/how you described. I fear you are exaggerating what they are saying (and why they say it) in order to have something to get upset over.


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    #33
    andekwarhola
    Registered Users Posts: 4,638 ✭✭✭andekwarhola


    Up to my kids really. I think it's cool that they're boys and are not inhibited about physical affection and if they want to hug somebody they know, they can. If they don't, I don't make them.

    Simple enough really.

    I'd like them to grow up being affectionate people but with an idea of their own space albeit without being overly strident My Personal Space merchants.


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    #34
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Can be damn sure Im going to make my daughter hug a bloody relative after they buy her a nice gift
    What is this comparison to future dating and sex that is so needless in such an innocent scenario
    When she's old enough shell be told all about bodily autonomy and everything else they're talking about . But for now, just be polite and give your relative a nice hug for buying a gift, Im sure they'll appreciate it


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    #35
    iamwhoiam
    Registered Users Posts: 16,105 ✭✭✭✭iamwhoiam


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Can be damn sure Im going to make my daughter hug a bloody relative after they buy her a nice gift
    What is this comparison to future dating and sex that is so needless in such an innocent scenario
    When she's old enough shell be told all about bodily autonomy and everything else they're talking about . But for now, just be polite and give your relative a nice hug for buying a gift, Im sure they'll appreciate it

    What is wrong with teaching a child to say a nice Thank you and a smile ? My are all grown up now and even way back then I would never force them to hug anyone ? They did hug who they were comfortable with of course but why should they hug a distant relative who calls in and they dont really know them at all ?
    My grandchild is a toddler and so far I have never seen anyone force her to hug anyone either .? They make sure she says Thank you and if she likes she will hug but no pressure to at all . In fact I doubt very much anyone they know would ask to be hugged anyway .


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    #36
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Harry Palmr wrote: »
    http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/girl-scouts-force-kids-hug-relatives-holiday-season/story?id=51275036





    Words fail me. The fever pitch of hysteria has surely peaked when children are telling parents not to hug them lest it be interpreted as the wrong kind of hug.

    Every child should have an awkward hug - it's preparation for life! :pac:

    I would never force my children to hug anyone, if they don't want to hug someone then that's fine, its no big deal and anyone left annoyed or put out by it can take it up with me.


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    #37
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    iamwhoiam wrote: »
    What is wrong with teaching a child to say a nice Thank you and a smile ? My are all grown up now and even way back then I would never force them to hug anyone ? They did hug who they were comfortable with of course but why should they hug a distant relative who calls in and they dont really know them at all ?
    My grandchild is a toddler and so far I have never seen anyone force her to hug anyone either .? They make sure she says Thank you and if she likes she will hug but no pressure to at all . In fact I doubt very much anyone they know would ask to be hugged anyway .

    Well you're right really,when I say force to hug, I mean Id tell them to hug them. And if they said no Id say don't be silly give them a hug.If she still doesnt want to then theres not much you can do really..bar physically making them and by that stage I think its kind of ruined the gesture haha


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    #38
    DivingDuck
    Registered Users Posts: 1,396 ✭✭✭DivingDuck


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Well you're right really,when I say force to hug, I mean Id tell them to hug them. And if they said no Id say don't be silly give them a hug.

    Why would you tell the child they were being silly for not wanting to hug someone they didn't want to hug? Why would you tell them to hug someone in the first place?

    Most kids are pretty free with their affection when they feel safe and comfortable. If they don't, do you really think instructing them to go against their feelings and telling them those feelings are silly will foster actual trust or safety or a desire to hug anyone?


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    #39
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Can be damn sure Im going to make my daughter hug a bloody relative after they buy her a nice gift
    What is this comparison to future dating and sex that is so needless in such an innocent scenario
    When she's old enough shell be told all about bodily autonomy and everything else they're talking about . But for now, just be polite and give your relative a nice hug for buying a gift, Im sure they'll appreciate it

    My gran used to make me hug a relative that I didn't like and was uncomfortable with. If I said I didn't want to she told me I was silly. So basically I was forced to kiss someone I didn't want near me, and I was told my feelings were silly and that I had to do as I was told. I HATED it, and I've never forgotten it. I couldn't explain how I felt because I was little, but I know I felt like I was being compelled against my will to show affection to someone I didn't want touching me.

    It's perfectly polite to tell them to say thank you for the gift, it's much appreciated. It's just unnecessary to force them to be affectionate to people in return for a gift.


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    #40
    cantdecide
    Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    If all four grandparents survive and a small child is happy to hug and kiss three but that fourth one is a bit icky looking, the child is forced to confront the first diplomatic decision - kisses and hugs for all, kisses and hugs for none or kisses and hugs a la carte.

    This isn't a big deal. No child was warped by doing something mildly unpleasant. There is learning and an exchange of trust, family values and other values. It's not like the adult is deriving some nefarious gratification - it's usually awkward for all but why does the adult do it - because it's the right thing to do. It's not like the child will grow up to be a stronger adult if they're indulged. We all had to do that kind of thing - it's part of growing up in family.


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