I think my boyfriend used to sleep with escorts and I'm considering breaking up with

MilanaWinters

Hi there, new on boards. My boyfriend of 1 year and I are very much in love but recently I was on our iMac and found (yes I was snooping a little) his internet history before we met. He used to look up escort websites all the time. He wasn't dating during the 6 months before our first meeting and he might've been lonely, but for me it's kind of a deal breaker. It just doesn't align with my personal values. A week after he broke up with his ex he started looking up backpages, escorts, hookup sites... all in Dublin where we live. He never looked at porn, instead he was looking up local escorts, escort phone numbers, escort policies and reviews. He did that a lot during that time he was single. I asked him about it and said he would never and never has but all this internet history, especially the specific googling of phone numbers and addresses sounds pretty damning to me. I want to believe him, I want to trust him but I’m very conflicted between what my mind and what my heart are saying. Do guys go that far in their search for escorts even if they don't intend to act on it? Would you google an escort's phone number to check for reviews even if it's just for a little bit of fun voyeurism?

eeguy

Some of the reviews on escorts Ireland are hilarious. I give them a read every so often for a chuckle.

Dravokivich

It's up to how you feel about it to be honest. Past is past, so it's clearly not a trust issue, but more so down to the vice itself. If he was looking up addresses, it sounds more than a curiousity as I've never seen'em posted.

bren2002

Its certainly believable. Curiosity etc.
See whats going on in the world. Doesnt mean he acted on it.

Brego888

MilanaWinters wrote: »

Do guys go that far in their search for escorts even if they don't intend to act on it?

Yes, yes they do.

Bowlardo

How is it "OUR" imac when he wasn't going out with you during his snooping?

SusieBlue

Bowlardo wrote: »

How is it "OUR" imac when he wasn't going out with you during his snooping?

This. You sound very controlling. I don't see what the issue is, even if he has.
I wouldn't relish at the idea of my boyfriend seeing escorts before we met but we all have a past and we all have regrets and he made that decision for himself with no partner to consider at the time.

If he is otherwise a good boyfriend and ye have a good relationship I can't understand why you would finish things.
As for the trust thing, he hasn't done anything to break your trust.

As I said, the idea of my boyfriend being with an escort/searching for escorts online wouldn't delight me but it's over and done with and its not like anything he does can change the fact now.
This was before he met you, and he didn't cheat on you.

Is your relationship otherwise good?

Johnny157

Really, take a long read of what you just asked. You were not going out with the guy at the time so he was free to do whatever he wished, you want ownership of his whole life before you met?

Your attitude raises the issue that you don't trust him and you snooped on his computer to back up your lack of trust and were rewarded with this....

Probably best you don't stay together maybe if you cant trust at this early stage of the relationship.

Conor Bourke

Trawling back through internet search histories from ~18 months ago is not “snooping a little”. As pointed out by others, if you guys have a supposedly perfect relationship then why did you feel the need to do so much digging?

Meauldsegosha

Looking at internet history from 18 months ago is not "snooping a little".

eurasian

Your boyfriend never slept with escorts.
He was a free man at the time. He wasn't your boyfriend and he don't owe you anything.
If you can't trust someone, you better stay away.

Necro

So let me get this straight. What your BF may or may not have done 18 months ago and certainly before you were with him doesn't align with your values.... Yet snooping through his internet history of, 18 months ago (which would probably involve checking temporary internet files and the like) is perfectly fine?

Jesus H Christ.

meeeeh

We did quite an extensive search on prostitutes trying to figure out where in the local town they were. We weren't looking for sex just trying to make sense of the the story we heard. 18 months later there would be just damming search history without proper context.

Your bf maybe slept with prostitutes or maybe he didn't. For the future of your relationship I find more worrying the obsessive nature of your searches. It wasn't a quick peek, you had to cross reference it with when he broke up with his ex.

Big Bag of Chips

3 threads merged.

WIZWEB

OP I have to agree with the general consensus highlighted by respondents here. Who your BF engaged with prior to dating you is really none of your business. Without trust relationships generally fade away. Snooping conveys a complete lack of trust. Concerning discovering the evidence I do agree with you discussing your concerns with your partner. However a big red flag for me would be that he (if nobody else has access to the laptop) is lying to you about it. This may just be embarrassment on his part. He may be also concerned that the relationship will end due to your moral high ground. A very long time ago six months into a former relationship I discovered my partner was actually a former escort. After an honest and open discussion I got down off my judgemental high horse. That relationship eventually ended for unrelated reasons.

Big Bag of Chips

Mod Note: Johngoose, post deleted. Please have a read of the forum charter to familiarise yourself with the forum rules.

Thanks.

Foweva Awone

How do you know it wasn't someone else using his laptop?

judeboy101

On a serious issue, how stupid is your BF to access escort sites while not in incognito mode

jayo26

I'm surprised he didn't tell you where to go.

If my wife had to of came to me with that level of detective work for something that happened before we got together I'd be worried.

You talk about it's not with your values if he had of slept with escorts but what kind of values have you if your
going back into his search history and taking note of dates of what he was doing after splitting with his ex?

blairbear

OP, this would be totally at odds with my personal beliefs and values too. I could not date a man if I knew he had paid for sex in the past. Largely because it tells me that he sees women as objects to be bought and sold. I don't know how anyone could view women as equals while paying them to have sex with him. The sex worker industry also is rife with the trafficking of sex workers, sex under coercion, paedophilia. The list is endless.

So I would share your disgust. I couldn't give a monkey's how many people a man slept with when he was single but this would be a deal breaker for me. Even his considering it would have me running for the hills. We all have our individual deal breakers. I'm sure many posters will disagree, however you need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you.

alta stare

Did the man never hear of incognito mode??? Silly bugger.

OnDraught

Whatever about the way the op found out and even if it was before their relationship I wouldn’t go out with somebody that used an escort. Manky behavior.

kylith

judeboy101 wrote: »

On a serious issue, how stupid is your BF to access escort sites while not in incognito mode

He probably is only in the habit of using it for the porn she thinks he doesn't watch.

Macmillan150

It sounds like enough evidence for me ( even if it was obtained in a dodgy way). Anyway if you are at the point of considering spending the rest of your life ( your LIFE!!! ) with someone, I think a bit of background checking is not too weird.
I couldn't be with someone who bought a woman's body either. It would be against everything I stand for.

notsoyoungwan

Meh, I've looked up escort ireland and read reviews, looked at escorts in my local area etc. Just curiosity.

Neon_Lights

Bowlardo wrote: »

How is it "OUR" imac when he wasn't going out with you during his snooping?

Good point

December2012

so Let’s get this straight

He’s single and looks up escorts.
He told you he didn’t use them
He told you he didn’t use porn (or else you were looking for his porn and couldn’t find any?)
He meets you
You have a great relationship
You, while in the great relationship snoop back in his laptop looking for information to use against him and to use against progressing your relationship on your own experience?
He does not immediately dump you for investigating him, your lacking trust and your snooping?

I think you’re snooping is much worse than looking up escorts. He was single, you’re not.

If you’re looking for a way to end the relationship then just do it, but don’t blame him (because if you do you’ll have proved him right about not telling you).

Hannibal_Smith

It sounds like you don't want to trust him, which is why you looked at the history in the first place? What were you hoping to find? You don't trust him, he has a back ground that is a deal breaker for you. So don't prolong It, break the deal.

Big Bag of Chips

I think it's best if you break up. I don't think I'd be happy knowing somebody I was going out with and possibly building a life with had used prostitutes in the past. Everybody has their own limits in a relationship and everybody has a right to decide what is/isn't acceptable to them. Yes, he was single and entitled to do what he wanted, but you are also entitled to decide that you don't want to continue a relationship with him.

I would end the relationship for a number of reasons, 1 - it's something you can't accept, but 2 - you went back through 18 months (maybe more) of internet history. That takes some effort! I think the relationship is damaged now, whether he ever actually used prostitutes or not.

Why did you "snoop"?

C3PO

For your boyfriends sake I really hope you do decide to break up with him - he will have dodged a bullet in my opinion! But going forward I have no idea how you will find a guy who has never accessed a porn or escort sites ... I genuinely don't believe they exist!