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Joseph

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2

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    #32
    daheff
    Registered Users Posts: 5,835 ✭✭✭daheff


    gimli2112 wrote: »
    I said this to a couple of concern agents at my door one day and was met with "you're not interested in starving babys" Then things really kicked off!

    No

    Couldnt eat a whole one in one sitting.


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    #33
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    RobbingBandit wrote: »
    Midsummer Nights Dream more up your alley Athenian.
    Athenian? Up my alley? Your post has more innuendo than a Carry On movie. Get out of here you scoundrel.


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    #34
    Edward M
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,837 ✭✭✭Edward M


    If it was me, and it has been a couple of times, I'd just have said, sorry, I'm making my dinner and I don't have time to talk m8.
    If they ask can they call back at a more convenient time, just say no, I'm rarely here except to eat and sleep.
    If that nice approach fails, and that's about 20 to 30 secs just say, look I'm just not interested, after that then its, look just fook off and leave me be, goodbye, as door slams.


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    #35
    Kermit.de.frog
    Registered Users Posts: 23,499 ✭✭✭✭Kermit.de.frog


    Why not just be upfront with Joseph OP and just say "Look, I don't a sh!t about Syria"

    I mean most people don't.


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    #36
    Burial.
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,131 ✭✭✭Burial.


    I'd have signed up just because of his graft skills alone.


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    #37
    PARlance
    Registered Users Posts: 21,096 ✭✭✭✭PARlance


    Edward M wrote: »
    If it was me, and it has been a couple of times, I'd just have said, sorry, I'm making my dinner and I don't have time to talk m8.
    If they ask can they call back at a more convenient time, just say no, I'm rarely here except to eat and sleep.
    If that nice approach fails, and that's about 20 to 30 secs just say, look I'm just not interested, after that then its, look just fook off and leave me be, goodbye, as door slams.

    You can save yourself a lot of hassle by just saying "not interested" and closing the door.

    The 20-30 seconds of "being nice" is just bullsh1t that they're well used to getting around. If you want to be nice, get them out asap, it gives them more time to find a sucker.


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    #38
    hullaballoo
    Administrators, Entertainment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,712 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭hullaballoo


    Lookit, in this day and age, if the doorbell rings and you're not expecting someone, it's 100% gonna be bad news.


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    #39
    Hotblack Desiato
    Registered Users Posts: 34,022 ✭✭✭✭Hotblack Desiato


    daheff wrote: »
    No

    Couldnt eat a whole one in one sitting.

    You're forgetting that the starving ones are less filling though.


    And who feels the need to be nice to some jerk who calls uninvited and unwanted to your door and insists that what they want off you is far more important than anything else you might be doing? If for some reason I was stupid enough to answer the door (again, locked patio door ftw) they'd get a No and if they weren't off my property within two seconds they'd get a F**K off.

    Who are these so-called charities run for, anyway? Big execs on fat wages, overpaid admin staff, grunts doing the collecting are getting paid. All a big scam and far too unregulated.

    Life ain't always empty.



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    #40
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    Millions in Ebola fund lost to corruption. BBC tonight..
    http://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-41861552


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    #41
    Roger Mellie Man on the Telly
    Registered Users Posts: 1,097 ✭✭✭Roger Mellie Man on the Telly


    You should’ve signed up to the direct debit, you miserable bastard. Why don’t you cancel your isp subscription and donate the savings (minus your coffee of course) to these poor Syrians, as well as doing the rest of us a favour?


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    #42
    thelad95
    Registered Users Posts: 7,812 ✭✭✭thelad95


    I legitimately know someone who worked in this role for two days before eventually getting so sick of it that he quit.

    Before doing so though he noticed that in his short time actually giving a crap about the role, there was a pattern in that people were often not willing to hand over bank details too whatever stranger had bequeathed their property but would offer to make a once off donation of a few quid probably to just quell their guilt more so than anything.

    So in the space of four hours he racked up over 50 quid in ‘donations’ which went firmly into his arse pocket before fecking his clipboard in the Liffey, ringing his ‘boss’ to inform him of his decision and all in all not a bad days work!


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    #43
    Pero_Bueno
    Closed Accounts Posts: 502 ✭✭✭Pero_Bueno


    So what did you watch on Netflix ?


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    #44
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    Pero_Bueno wrote: »
    So what did you watch on Netflix ?

    Last Men in Aleppo. F*cking terrible what's going on over there. We need to do more.


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    #45
    Oldtree
    Registered Users Posts: 8,104 ✭✭✭Oldtree


    The trick here is to say "no thank you!" while closing the door, before they can launch into their speech. Polite and rude at the same time.

    Your story made me laugh.


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    #46
    Noveight
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭Noveight


    You should've made a pass at him.

    Best case scenario: He gets freaked out and fúcks off.
    Worst case scenario: Joseph rides ya.

    Everyone's a winner.


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    #47
    NinetyTwoTeam
    Closed Accounts Posts: 619 ✭✭✭NinetyTwoTeam


    Syriasly?


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    #48
    Badly Drunk Boy
    Registered Users Posts: 6,465 ✭✭✭Badly Drunk Boy


    Edward M wrote: »
    If it was me, and it has been a couple of times, I'd just have said, sorry, I'm making my dinner and I don't have time to talk m8.
    The thing is...he was making his dinner. An extension on that it to say you've 3 pans or whatever on the go so I can't talk you you.

    Actually, earlier on as I was getting ready to go to Dublin for a gig, the doorbell rang and I answered it, mainly because I thought it was nosey/intrusive next-door neighbouring telling me I left my bike outside. But no, it was Peter (another good Bible name), who started of with "I'm not trying to sell you anything..." so I was quickly trying to decide what excuse would get rid of him quickest. Turns out he just wanted my signed permission for the ESB to a cable along the soffit of my house for their new Siro broadband service.

    Anyway, what the OP should have said to Joseph was "Well, as a Jew, I've no problem with both sides in Syria killing each other." :pac:


    (Too much?)


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    #49
    RobbingBandit
    Registered Users Posts: 18,092 ✭✭✭✭RobbingBandit


    When I need a few quid I do this.



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    #50
    DEFTLEFTHAND
    Registered Users Posts: 16,500 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    Joseph of Nazareth was probaly the ultimate cuck when you think about it.


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    #51
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »
    Joseph of Nazareth was probaly the ultimate cuck when you think about it.
    Joesph could have flitted around Nazareth in Mary of Nazareth's petticoats, and he still wouldn't have been as mortifying as people who use the word 'cuck' in a non-ironic sentence....


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    #52
    DEFTLEFTHAND
    Registered Users Posts: 16,500 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    Joesph could have flitted around Nazareth in Mary of Nazareth's petticoats, and he still wouldn't have been as mortifying as people who use the word 'cuck' in a non-ironic sentence....
    I know I cringe when I hear it also, a real alt right term. However there is no doubt that Joe from Nazareth was a literal cuckold. The ultimate of the species.


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    #53
    EndaHonesty
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,544 ✭✭✭EndaHonesty


    I prefer van Bismarck's short stories...


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    #54
    everlast75
    Registered Users Posts: 19,048 ✭✭✭✭everlast75


    Enjoyed your story OP.

    My answer is I already donate to 4 charities a month (a tenner each - I'm not a philanthropist) and I have to draw a line somewhere. It's very hard for them to go somewhere from that point. I just tell them that and say thanks anyway


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    #55
    Hammer89
    Registered Users Posts: 3,003 ✭✭✭Hammer89


    EndaHonesty wrote: »
    I prefer van Bismarck's short stories...

    Sorry to disappoint you.


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    #56
    Liam McPoyle
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,846 ✭✭✭✭Liam McPoyle


    My default answer as soon as I open the door to someone trying to sell me something, be it a charity, a utility or what ever is "sorry, I don't sign up for anything on my doorstep"

    Have used it countless times and not once has anyone objected.


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    #57
    5uspect
    Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 10,515 Mod ✭✭✭✭5uspect


    Business Cat wrote: »
    My default answer as soon as I open the door to someone trying to sell me something, be it a charity, a utility or what ever is "sorry, I don't sign up for anything on my doorstep"

    Have used it countless times and not once has anyone objected.

    I’ve started dong this as well. If it becomes the typical response the ****ers might stop.


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    #58
    daheff
    Registered Users Posts: 5,835 ✭✭✭daheff


    Shoulda signed up & given him a fake name & address..... That'll soften his cough.


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    #59
    thesandeman
    Registered Users Posts: 9,954 ✭✭✭thesandeman


    daheff wrote: »
    Shoulda signed up & given him a fake name & address..... That'll soften his cough.

    I think he might have figured out the address seeing he was standing at the front door.


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    #60
    Ulysses Gaze
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,570 ✭✭✭Ulysses Gaze


    Hammer89 wrote: »
    The pasta's in the pot and I'm on the brink of cracking open a bottle of Casillero del Diablo - the makings of a lovely Friday night. With my housemates out on the town, I could finally enjoy a bit of me-time which might have also included a bit of weed and Netflix. Then the doorbell goes, at 7pm. "Who the f*ck is this?" I ask myself.

    I open the front door and I'm greeted by a lanky, hairy, grinning hippy with a Oxfam jacket. Here we ****ing go. "Good evening, sir. I'm Joseph." He points to his nametag and smiles, establishing trust. "How are you today?" Today? It's 7 o'clock pal. It's pitch black. Modify your script. I wanted to just go, "Ugh, yeah I'm grand. F*ck off it's not my fault ISIS are recruiting children in Syria", but I didn't.

    He continues: "Listen, I'm not here to give you a big speech - I know it's late - but are you aware of what's going on in Syria?" Ten minutes after promising not to give a big speech, he's still talking about Syria, without me saying a word. I'm there nodding away, trying not to laugh; not because the subject itself is funny, but because laughing would've been completely inappropriate and the thought of laughing is funny. He's also from Dundalk or Drogheda and I find that accent completely hilarious. "Every single day, ISIS are bombing areas like this." I think he meant areas of this size, not uptown Sandyford.

    He comes to the end of his speech, and for the past five or six minutes I've had my excuse loaded, ready to fire on him. "Can we get you signed up then?" Here we go. "I'd love to, but me and the other half are struggling at the moment and we don't need the added pressure." There is no other half - the most romantic thing I would've done tonight is **** into a sock - but it makes them f*ck off sooner if it's not solely my responsibility. But he chalked this excuse off. "Well we're not asking for money now. It wouldn't come out until January 1st." He obviously purposely omitted this detail, in the expectation that I pulled out the "oh but I'm broke" excuse. "Yeah, you know, even still, it's just after Christmas and I don't know our financial situation will be like."

    I've got him by the balls now. Surely him and his clipboard must f*ck off. "Well will you be able to afford a cup of coffee after Christmas?" he goes. "Well, yeah but...." He cuts me off, a bit rude like. "Well that's all it costs to sign up - the price of a cup of coffee." I'm getting a bit angry now, but I'm also polite. "No, we're going to leave it, me and my imaginery partner. I'm not keen on giving out bank details." He had something for this too. "Oh, well, we're not asking for sensitive information, just your bank account number and sort code." He literally said that. "That's as sensitive as my glans, Joseph. I'm afraid the answer is still a resounding NO." I didn't say that last bit.

    The good news is that he went away eventually. The bad news is that my kitchen looked like a foam party when I returned because the pasta had over boiled. But this chap, this Joseph, put a downer on my night a bit. Why is it acceptable to bother people on a Friday night? Why is it then acceptable to try bully them into supporting a cause?

    Why did you even answer the door?


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    #61
    RhubarbCrumble
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,174 ✭✭✭RhubarbCrumble


    Look, the most important question here is whether or not he was wearing an amazing technicolour dreamcoat. So?


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