Relationship Ending All of Sudden

Icepick

lazybones32 wrote: »

You deserve to be told the reasons for her decisions and are entitled to a full and honest explanation.

He isn't entitled to anything as you cannot control others' behaviour.
It's gonna be hard to get any meaningful feedback anyway.

Calypso Realm

Icepick wrote: »

He isn't entitled to anything as you cannot control others' behaviour..

I disagree. In the initial stages of dating perhaps but the OP was in a relationship for a year and a half!

bucketybuck

mectavba wrote: »

 
The problem is she has arranged a BBQ at her house inviting all my friends...including a few people I am to chat with about prospective jobs!

Is the other guy she's seeing going to be there as well?

Icepick

Calypso Realm wrote: »

I disagree. In the initial stages of dating perhaps but the OP was in a relationship for a year and a half!

You can ask and the other person can say no. Are you gonna force it out of them because you feel entitled?
And what revelations do you think are going to help you?
I understand the strong need for closure but that should come from within.

Calypso Realm

Icepick wrote: »

<Snip>

Nobody is even remotely suggesting forcing the other party out of a sense of 'entitlement' etc but the fact still remains the OP deserves some explanation from his ex given, the length of time they dated.

Relationships are rarely black and white and reasons for ending things aren't always down to simply losing attraction! And while closure ultimately comes from within, yes, it can be helpful to gain some insight from the other party in terms of moving forward and not repeating the same mistakes again!

Icepick

Calypso Realm wrote: »

<Snip>

You are under the false impression that she has a list of objective rational reasons she is ready to supply to the OP.

Big Bag of Chips

Can posters please stop quoting in full the post directly preceding theirs. It serves no purpose other than to clog up the thread with duplicate text. If you must Quote, then only quote the relevant line or statement you are replying to otherwise 'Clear Text' before posting your own reply.

mectavba

OP here. Given the amount of responses I got, I feel I should update on what happened.

I did go. She picked me from the airport. We had an awkward drive back but then talked for a few hours. The cheating thing was more than she had let on. She had slept with this guy and it was someone she had just started working with, who she regularly told me about over the phone. This really hurt. We talked more and decided it was best to break up, but leaving the possibility open to meet at Xmas, maybe after and see where we were in a few months time, when both our career prospects were clearer.

We then proceeded to have a great day/night. Same the next morning. She was thanking me for coming and loving her. I can't say everything felt right because what she had done was hanging in the air. But it definitely did not feel like the love was dead, quite the opposite. 

The BBQ I had mentioned had been cancelled but was on in someone else's house. I was feeling more positive and agreed to go, even though she told it was possible this guy would be there. I guess I wanted to prove to myself and her that I could get over this and said it was ok. We got there and the first few hours were great. The guy arrived and I just kepta  wide berth. She continued to be very affectionate to me, was arranging couple's dates for us during the week. But she did get very drunk and after while she starts chatting to this guy and ignoring me. After almost an hour of this I text her saying I'm not ok with this and could we leave. She responds saying that she was just hanging out with friends! We argue over whatsapp and then she messages to say she is leaving to another party without me.

I went out with my friends, got drunk, went back to hers and she wasn't there. She told me she would go back with flatmate who was there. I got very angry, smashed a pic frame of us against a wall, which shattered on the bed. I went to sleep in the spare room, felt guilty about the pic and got up to clean it, when she came in. I told her to watch the glass and went back to the other room.

I woke a few hours later to a message asking me to leave and saying she couldn't believe I would do that. She had spent the night somewhere else. In short, I did leave, spent the rest of the week with friends, had no further contact from her other than logistical stuff re picking up bags. My friend did this for me and dropped off a letter in which I put everything I wanted to say. No contact since.

So, ye, a pretty ****ty week, as many of you predicted. However, I don't regret going. I needed to see this with my own eyes to believe it. I'm still in shock at her behaviour, the fact that she defended what she was doing and hasn't apologised. I know I made a few stupid decisions over the course of the last two weeks, but if I hadn't followed this course of action I would always wondered what if. Now there is no what ifs, it's completely dead and the brutal way it ended actually makes me feel like it will be easier to move on, even if it hurts like hell at the moment.

Sephiroth_dude

You're well rid, be kind too yourself,onwards and upwards from here.

Junadl

You deserve waaay better than that. What an absolute cow!!! She slept with someone else. End of. But then to bring you to a party where he was and you managed to restrain yourself.

Why bother with a girl like that!? Putting you through that. Please just don't talk to her any more. NO CONTACT. You behaved like a normal person breaking the pic in my eyes. Anger is allowed, it's not a crime to be angry!

You deserve so much better.

lazybones32

I think you might regret not doing more damage to her personal belongings. I, and others i'm sure, would love to be left in a cheating ex's flat for one night unattended...oh the potential!

hal9550

Firstly, WELL DONE YOU.. You restrained yourself in circumstances where MANY would have been unable to do so. The picture is simply anger and frustration. But i honestly suspect that if i was present at the party with a cheating GF and the guy she cheated with.. i would have snapped and at least argued, and where 'he' is concerned, it might have gotten nastier.

The lies, the cheating, the disrespect, its outrageous. Making an issue of the picture, was in my mind, her attempting to delude herself into thinking you were the nasty one, and she was blameless. This is all personal justification for her own wrong doings.

After all of that you AGAIN behaved impeccably by keeping your distance and only having logistical contact.

i would agree with others, have no further contact with this person. If her current 'fling' ends badly it is NOT BEYOND THE REALMS of possibility that she will come calling. Do not fall into this trap pal.. You deserve better

Well done again, onward and upward my friend!

Ursus Horribilis

Aren't you lucky she behaved so badly and so cluelessly?

s15r330

kylith wrote: »

I understand that you are upset about this but she has made her decision, respect it.

Pft, yeh respect her decision, just like she respected him by cheating and not having the decency to come clean in person, cop on.