Confronting it hasn't worked

Johnnyhpipe

Are you aware if she was abused at any point? Its sickening to know that 1 in 4 women in this ****hole world have been and your current situation is often a consequence of that.

Sleepy

Johnnyhpipe wrote: »

Are you aware if she was abused at any point? Its sickening to know that 1 in 4 women in this ****hole world have been and your current situation is often a consequence of that.

That's a bull**** statistic that has been thoroughly and repeatedly debunked. And EVEN if you were right, being a victim of sexual abuse in the past wouldn't excuse the OP's wife's actions.

OP - is your reluctance to separate with your wife based on fear of her witholding access to your children? Or is it out of some hopeless fantasy that she'll eventually "come around"?

If it's the former, you have my sympathies and my advice would be to quietly take steps to begin separation proceedings, ensuring you have the best family lawyer that you can afford at your disposal before discussing separations with your wife. Don't just go to the same solicior you used for conveyancing / wills etc., find one who actually specialises in family law and has a good record at ensuring fathers get a fair outcome in the separation).

If it's the latter, you need to get real. If there was any chance of salvaging this marriage, your wife would have agreed to the counselling. She won't attend because she either doesn't want to hear that she could possibly be at fault for the shocking state of your marriage, or because as you already suspect she's checked out a long time ago and is only staying with you because you can help provide a nicer lifestyle for her until the kids are grown and she can finally be rid of you completely.

My advice would be the same either way unless there's some details you're leaving out...

LegacyUser

Sleepy wrote: »

That's a bull**** statistic that has been thoroughly and repeatedly debunked. And EVEN if you were right, being a victim of sexual abuse in the past wouldn't excuse the OP's wife's actions.

OP - is your reluctance to separate with your wife based on fear of her witholding access to your children? Or is it out of some hopeless fantasy that she'll eventually "come around"?

If it's the former, you have my sympathies and my advice would be to quietly take steps to begin separation proceedings, ensuring you have the best family lawyer that you can afford at your disposal before discussing separations with your wife. Don't just go to the same solicior you used for conveyancing / wills etc., find one who actually specialises in family law and has a good record at ensuring fathers get a fair outcome in the separation).

If it's the latter, you need to get real. If there was any chance of salvaging this marriage, your wife would have agreed to the counselling. She won't attend because she either doesn't want to hear that she could possibly be at fault for the shocking state of your marriage, or because as you already suspect she's checked out a long time ago and is only staying with you because you can help provide a nicer lifestyle for her until the kids are grown and she can finally be rid of you completely.

My advice would be the same either way unless there's some details you're leaving out...

Thanks Sleepy - It's the latter - and yes I do need to get real. You've nailed it really - accepting fault for anything has really been a big problem for her - I mean over really trivial unimportant things, but of course now with this large problem (as perceived by me) there's no way she could be at fault.
You're right also about wanting the nicer lifestyle - but she's really just depending on me not to have the courage to face up to this and of course that likely means getting out.

She's not nasty - I said at the start we get on OK now (there was quite a level of nastiness in the past & it really wore me / broke me down over time). And our son does actually have 2 happy parents - I'm in great form with him all of the time and he is such fun & I'm so proud of him. We are in relatively good form with each other & I think me expecting the sex to return to our lives now but seeing this rejection again is making me feel like it's just been an act (ie the act of us actually getting on OK)

nikkibikki

Are you actually happy though or just behaving happy around your son?

Can you keep this up til he's finished college?