Long distance relationship - does it ever work?

runningbuddy

Hi Folks....I am separated, 45, 3 children. I met a guy, through a mutual friend over a year ago. He is Irish but living in Canada and has been for 15 years. He was home last year for a family thing and we hit it off.

He is divorced with two children. He has no intention of moving back. We have become very close and we were intimate when he was over. I have feelings for him and he me.

I am practical. Can't really see it going anywhere but just wondering if anyone has successfully maintained a long distance relationship?

We talk all the time on line and are intimate (can be done, surprisingly!!)

Ubbquittious

For a while, but eventually it will get long in the tooth

El Weirdo

You do realise this is After Hours, right?

Canis Lupus

Short answer no.

Longer answer: If he's not coming back and you're not gonna go to him them what sort of a future do you have unless fapping on webcam is good enough for you.

jamesbere

Canis Lupus wrote: »

Short answer no.

Longer answer: If he's not coming back and you're not gonna go to him them what sort of a future do you have unless fapping on webcam is good enough for you.

Fapping on webcam can have its perks

Doltanian

It can work if one of you have a plan to move to be with the other, even at that it will last a maximum of 1 year unless there is several conjugal visits each year.

rainbow kirby

Myself and my husband were long distance for the first 18 months of our relationship, then I moved to London and moved in with him. We had loads of visits in that time though, usually saw each other around every 2 weeks. We're just under 6 years together, 2 years married now.

Dj Stiggie

It can work, but only if you have a plan to be together in the future, usually after a short-medium term target is met. Otherwise you're just stringing each other along for nothing.

runningbuddy

Thanks folks. Who knows what will happen in the future. Have learned the hard way, not to make plans!

It all come down to who is prepared to mover where are you prepared to move to Canada? how often do you see each other in real life?

runningbuddy

Hi maria

We have only spent one week together in real life:(. I know it won't go anywhere but we do seem to have got into a "habit", if you know what I mean. He will be back in Ireland in October for a while, I am just going with the flow really

If you settle for a relationship where you're together a couple of weeks a year, you'll lessen your chances of a more substantial one as you just settle for what you get.

If you're not moving and he's not moving, you're not going anywhere. Literally and figuratively.

keano_afc

Depends on the work you want to put in.

My now wife was in Queens in Belfast when we started dating so the first 2 years of our relationship was long distance. It was tough going a lot of the time but we stuck at it. We'll be 10 years married next year.

keano_afc

keano_afc wrote: »

Depends on the work you want to put in.

My now wife was in Queens in Belfast when we started dating so the first 2 years of our relationship was long distance. It was tough going a lot of the time but we stuck at it. We'll be 10 years married next year.

You had an end date when she was finished though, neither of these are moving or plan to in the future.

murpho999

I think you'll be better off going to the Relationships forum if you want a serious answer.

You might just get here destroyed on this one.

jester77

I did it for 2 years, the first year was tough as we only saw each other 4 or 5 times and the 8/10 hour time difference made it really difficult due to work and sleep schedules. Skyping was awkward as you can run out of things to say and there can be long silences which added tension. This is something which would be totally normal if someone was sitting next to you on the couch, but when you are looking at each other over a camera it is somehow much different.

The second year we changed things and we never left more than 6 weeks between visits. I would fly there, or she would fly here or we would meet up somewhere in the middle. This made things so much easier and there were never any problems.

Gadgetman496

Nooooooooooooooooooooo.

Your Face

In my experience - no.

_Dara_

Long-distance can work if it's only temporary. I know of successful couples who started this way. My hubs and I were long-distance for two years. But we saw each other three weekends out of four and we always knew that it was only going to be temporary.

A relationship that won't ever be anything but long-distance? Nah. Not a hope.

Are you both happy with it?

If so, it may not be conventional, but it is working...

troyzer

I studied my Masters abroad with my girlfriend at home. Saw her a couple of times during the year. When I finished, I moved to Australia (where I am now). I've seen her once since I left over six months ago.

But we know it's temporary (heading back soon). Long distance can be done if it's part of an otherwise healthy and long term relationship with a finite end. I don't know how an open ended long distance relationship can ever work.

oneilla

Talking online to people far away or people you don't or won't meet in person isn't so weird or unusual - it goes on on this website everyday! Pre-internet people used telegraph/phones and before that letter writing be it pen-pals, family or whatever.


Imo chatting online with someone you don't see in person can become tiresome after a while because convos that go "How are you ? Fine, how are you ? Fine. What'd you do today? Xyz" etc is just after a while. The fun in a relationship is sharing experiences and even just being in the same space regardless of how much chat is going on.

ToddyDoody

Anything will work if you're desperate enough?

uck51js9zml2yt

We were long distance for 9 months. I saw her twice in that time and then she moved over here. We were married 9 months later.
If neither of you are prepared to move, stop wasting each others time and end it.
We decided at the start that it wasn't going to work if we weren't going to get married and she move over.

LirW

If you start long distance it only works when you have the target of removing the distance factor in the near future. If you already have a good relationship and have to do LD the chances aren't bad the relationship will survive that.

I met my guy online and he moved in with me after 4 months of back and forth-dating. We're now inseparable and have a kid together.

deceit

I'm with my partner over 10 years. At least the last 5 of which are long distance (I'm in Ireland and stay here for work, she is in Germany with our son). I love both of them which is the only reason it works for us, we chat every day for about an hour a day.
I would never recommend long distance to others though, especially for someone just starting out. Its horrible being apart from them. I can't see a chance when we can be together permanently so its very depressing a lot of the time, especially when they are busy and can't chat to them. If I wasn't in a long term loving relationship, it would have ended long ago.

Ursus Horribilis

This one looks like it'll run out of road. Unless both of you are happy with only seeing each other once in a blue moon.

Realistically, a lot of the odds are stacked against you. He said he's not moving and my guess is that his kids are one big reason for why he'll be staying put. Yours, I'm guessing, are still of an age where they're going to be dependent on you for quite a while yet. You might be surprised in the future how strong the pull of your kids and grandkids will be.

If it makes ye happy, then why not. The only snag is that if you're emotionally involved in this arrangement, it could mean you'll miss out on meeting someone closer to home.

pauliebdub

I did it for about a year with a lad who lived in Barcelona. Cost me a fortune going over and back all the time and we eventually drifted apart.

I do know a few long distance relationships but very few tend to work out long term unless one is willing to make a move.

Gadgetman496

deceit wrote: »

I love both of them which is the only reason it works for us.

There's something just not quite right about that comment?

deceit

Gadgetman496 wrote: »

There's something just not quite right about that comment?

What do you find not right about it?

Gadgetman496

deceit wrote: »

What do you find not right about it?

I'm sure it wasn't intended? but it just jumped out at me that it was a very one way statement, (I love them so everything has to be alright sort of comment). It was almost like, what your partner or child thought didn't matter

I suppose it was the use of "I" as opposed to "we" and the fact it was the "only reason" it was working that caught my attention.

“We love each other which is the only reason it works for us.” Would have sounded much better?

Anyway, delighted it's working for you guys

deceit

Gadgetman496 wrote: »

I'm sure it wasn't intended? but it just jumped out at me that it was a very one way statement, (I love them so everything has to be alright sort of comment). It was almost like, what your partner or child thought didn't matter

I suppose it was the use of "I" as opposed to "we" and the fact it was the "only reason" it was working that caught my attention.

“We love each other which is the only reason it works for us.” Would have sounded much better?

Anyway, delighted it's working for you guys

It was said in such a way as I cannot answer something like that for my partner and son, that would be for them to answer.
I do believe my partner and son love me as much as I do for them though and it could never work if either side did not feel the same. This is only my opinion though and as a statement of fact, my partner/son would need to answer this.
To me, the only thing that matters is what my partner and son think, I do everything to keep the relationship going and to be close to them. (Again I won't answer this bit for my partner though ).

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Not forever, I think at some point someone needs to make the choice but as a short term thing I can't see why not

Gadgetman496

deceit wrote: »

It was said in such a way as I cannot answer something like that for my partner and son, that would be for them to answer.
I do believe my partner and son love me as much as I do for them though and it could never work if either side did not feel the same. This is only my opinion though and as a statement of fact, my partner/son would need to answer this.
To me, the only thing that matters is what my partner and son think, I do everything to keep the relationship going and to be close to them. (Again I won't answer this bit for my partner though ).

How about "I love both of them which is the only reason it works for me."

BeerFarts

Worked for me. 3 years long distance followed by 11 years married. Pain in the hole but it can be worth it sometimes.

Gadgetman496

I would imagine that once there is a definite goal to remove the distance within a reasonable time-frame it would have a chance. The distance on an indefinite basis just will not last.

Poor Uncle Tom

Gadgetman496 wrote: »

The distance on an indefinite basis just will not last.

Plus it must get very expensive bringing him his sandwiches all the time....:rolleyes: