Handling your Daughter's idiot boyfriend correctly

Schwanz

I'm sure lots have been in this situation where their son/daughter have been going out with that other half we just don't like because we know they are not good enough & all that jazz.....

Just wondering how to tell her without coming off that a**ehole Daddy

nelly17

I don't know but its something I'll no doubt encounter for both my girls in a few years. But I do know this when I was a teenager if someone said I could'nt do something I damn well done it.

Jim Bob Scratcher

Praise her boyfriend to the last, use reverse psychology

Are Am Eye

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/uncle-buck.jpg

Schwanz

Are Am Eye wrote: »

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/uncle-buck.jpg

Lmao made me chuckle

andekwarhola

Extend over the top approval, cultivate their friendship and praise them effusively to your kid.

They'll be dumped immediately.

stimpson

Make a pass at him. Be grand.

nelly17

Well played

Wexfordboy89

stimpson wrote: »

Make a pass at him. Be grand.

do your best mr T voice and say "looking mighty fine in those tight jeans"


Lol gotta love eddie murphy back in the day

jebus28

Is your daughter ok with you handling him?

Out of curiosity, why is he not good enough?


I have popcorn in the cupboard, so please make this good...

Wexfordboy89

jebus28 wrote: »

Is your daughter ok with you handling him?

do you not mean fondling him?

Are Am Eye

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/7dIiV4AKzOM/hqdefault.jpg

rekluse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4pIJtt48g4

leggo

Not my daughter, but I was in a similar situation with my teen sister bringing her first boyfriend home. I'd always wondered how I'd be. Turns out that I'm really passive aggressive with jokes that aren't really jokes, while also quite enjoying winding my sister up by pulling him aside and 'jokingly' telling him to walk back like I'd just threatened to murder his family if he ever hurt my sister. Like I said, passive aggressiveness.

Carry

When I was 17 I brought home a boyfriend no dad would approve of: long-haired hippie, mostly stoned, a few years older than me, no job, just playing the guitar, and French . I thought he was gorgeous (being 17).

My dad welcomed him with open arms and a seemingly open mind ("of course he can sleep in your bedroom"), a fridge full of beers and his usual cunning banter.

The two of them were in the living room getting drunker and drunker, having a laugh, while I was getting more and more frustrated. When all the beers were empty, mostly consumed by my boyfriend, I finally dragged himself to my bedroom where he fell on my bed and was out the moment his head hit the pillow.

My dad was a clever man. He didn't make a fuss, he just beat the man with man's weapon: drink.

I lost respect for my lovely Frenchman for being conned by my dad getting into that male drinking bonding thing and forgetting all about me. ME! The lovely 17yo! He was history after that.

My dad smirked.

Gatling

Get yourself a firearm's licence ,buy a 12 guage shotgun and any time he's around take it out and stare at him with a grin.

He will leg it and tell every other blokes he knows your bat**** crazy and your daughter becomes a social pariah ,

Problems solved for a few years

Are Am Eye

So you're not the chief finance officer john?
What's that?

PandaPoo

As a girl who spent her teenage years with the biggest waste of space ever, I'll give you some advice. (I ended up having his baby and guess how well that worked out)

You can praise him or hate him and it won't make a difference. If she likes him she'll be with him. Either lock her in her room like rapunzel or murder him.

Oh and get her on contraception asap. As in the implant in her arm, nothing flimsy like condoms (obviously for stds use them too) or the pill she'll forget to take. If the relationship ends, which is probably will in its own time with no drama between you and her, at least she can forget him and move on and not have a life changing gift from it.

riffmongous

Schwanz wrote: »

I'm sure lots have been in this situation where their son/daughter have been going out with that other half we just don't like because we know they are not good enough & all that jazz.....

Just wondering how to tell her without coming off that a**ehole Daddy

Explain to him why they call you Schwanz

Malayalam

Say nothing. To her anyway. She will squint her eyes as soon as you hint at anything being wrong with him and a small germ of contempt for you will grow in her. She will go above and beyond her natural inclinations to make the relationship last to prove you're a predjudiced git. Give no indications of your disapproval at all and in the course of time she will either move on from him, or settle for him, and in the latter case it would be especially good if you and her were still friends.

A Battered Mars Bar

Talk about a bully. Leave the poor lad alone. He's probably a decent mush and in today's dog eat dog world. That's all you really need.

Wheeliebin30

Knowing how fellas talk and act about women nowadays, I don't envy you!

At least try to get her not to send any pics.

Every fella shows them to his friends and the girls are just laughed at.

Pretty sad to be honest. It's a minefield for any parent.

FTA69

leggo wrote: »

Not my daughter, but I was in a similar situation with my teen sister bringing her first boyfriend home. I'd always wondered how I'd be. Turns out that I'm really passive aggressive with jokes that aren't really jokes, while also quite enjoying winding my sister up by pulling him aside and 'jokingly' telling him to walk back like I'd just threatened to murder his family if he ever hurt my sister. Like I said, passive aggressiveness.

Jesus that's embarrassing carry-on from a grown man. Passive aggression is ridiculous behaviour at the best of times, he must have thought you were a total oddball and your sister was probably mortified; especially going on about murdering his family and the like. If he'd have lamped you one you'd have deserved it.

leggo

FTA69 wrote: »

Jesus that's embarrassing carry-on from a grown man. Passive aggression is ridiculous behaviour at the best of times, he must have thought you were a total oddball and your sister was probably mortified; especially going on about murdering his family and the like. If he'd have lamped you one you'd have deserved it.

I'm exaggerating because it's AH and not a serious conversation mate. It's a thread about a daughter's 'idiot boyfriend' see, the comic premise that we all rally around being that we're dumb, insecure men who are threatened by this 'idiot', who's actually just a young horny lad like we all were once, and the 'craic' of the thread plays on that. It'd be boring if we all said "I'm mature and understanding about it all." No fun would be had and nobody would be impressed. But go you for not reading the room and adding rationality into a deliberately dumb conversation, you seem like mad craic. We're all very impressed and will tell all of our friends how level-headed FTA69 is in the pub tonight.

In truth, I wound my sister up a bit and did the thing were I told him to go back like I'd threatened him, but he thought it was gas and played along. He's actually a really nice guy and my priority is keeping my sister grounded while trying to encourage my Mam to get her on birth control because I'd be a bit more wide to how teenagers are (a much more personal and less interesting answer that I don't really want to get into on boards).

But telling random adults they deserve to be 'lamped' online in a serious context is the epitome of maturity, so you showed me.

Sam Kade

Carry wrote: »

When I was 17 I brought home a boyfriend no dad would approve of: long-haired hippie, mostly stoned, a few years older than me, no job, just playing the guitar, and French . I thought he was gorgeous (being 17).

My dad welcomed him with open arms and a seemingly open mind ("of course he can sleep in your bedroom"), a fridge full of beers and his usual cunning banter.

The two of them were in the living room getting drunker and drunker, having a laugh, while I was getting more and more frustrated. When all the beers were empty, mostly consumed by my boyfriend, I finally dragged himself to my bedroom where he fell on my bed and was out the moment his head hit the pillow.

My dad was a clever man. He didn't make a fuss, he just beat the man with man's weapon: drink.

I lost respect for my lovely Frenchman for being conned by my dad getting into that male drinking bonding thing and forgetting all about me. ME! The lovely 17yo! He was history after that.

My dad smirked.

What would your ould fella do if he drank him under the table?

sentient_6

Trouble for any father is at once stage we were all the idiot boyfriends and the situation is full of hypocrisy if you take a hardline stance.

bazza1

Any time he is in the house, be in the kitchen sharpening knives on a grindstone giving him your best Clint Eastwood squint!

everlast75

Sam Kade wrote: »

What would your ould fella do if he drank him under the table?

I think he would have told his daughter that her boyfriend turned out to be gay...

evolving_doors

bazza1 wrote: »

Any time he is in the house, be in the kitchen sharpening knives on a grindstone giving him your best Clint Eastwood squint!

PucaMama

PandaPoo wrote: »

As a girl who spent her teenage years with the biggest waste of space ever, I'll give you some advice. (I ended up having his baby and guess how well that worked out)

You can praise him or hate him and it won't make a difference. If she likes him she'll be with him. Either lock her in her room like rapunzel or murder him.

Oh and get her on contraception asap. As in the implant in her arm, nothing flimsy like condoms (obviously for stds use them too) or the pill she'll forget to take. If the relationship ends, which is probably will in its own time with no drama between you and her, at least she can forget him and move on and not have a life changing gift from it.

Please don't stick a young teenage girl on the implant, it can have nasty side affects, she's still developing.

PucaMama

leggo wrote: »

FTA69 wrote: »

Jesus that's embarrassing carry-on from a grown man. Passive aggression is ridiculous behaviour at the best of times, he must have thought you were a total oddball and your sister was probably mortified; especially going on about murdering his family and the like. If he'd have lamped you one you'd have deserved it.

I'm exaggerating because it's AH and not a serious conversation mate. It's a thread about a daughter's 'idiot boyfriend' see, the comic premise that we all rally around being that we're dumb, insecure men who are threatened by this 'idiot', who's actually just a young horny lad like we all were once, and the 'craic' of the thread plays on that. It'd be boring if we all said "I'm mature and understanding about it all." No fun would be had and nobody would be impressed. But go you for not reading the room and adding rationality into a deliberately dumb conversation, you seem like mad craic. We're all very impressed and will tell all of our friends how level-headed FTA69 is in the pub tonight.

In truth, I wound my sister up a bit and did the thing were I told him to go back like I'd threatened him, but he thought it was gas and played along. He's actually a really nice guy and my priority is keeping my sister grounded while trying to encourage my Mam to get her on birth control because I'd be a bit more wide to how teenagers are (a much more personal and less interesting answer that I don't really want to get into on boards).

But telling random adults they deserve to be 'lamped' online in a serious context is the epitome of maturity, so you showed me.

How old is your sister at this stage? I think her relationship has nothing to do with you. I think we need to see an end to this "she's mine" carry on towards young women. And as for sticking them all on hormonal contraceptives. Total lack of awareness of what the consequences can be.

Beta Ray Bill

My Dad absolutely hated one of my sisters BF's.

And when I say hate, I mean he really hated his guts, despised his very existence infact.
But the more he gave out to her about him the closer she and her BF got.

She dumped him in the end (she found someone else), but at that point my Dad had lost most of his hair and suffered from stress...

thread carefully OP

everlast75

^^^^^^^^^^^
I thought that gif was in response to my post...

leggo

PucaMama wrote: »

How old is your sister at this stage? I think her relationship has nothing to do with you. I think we need to see an end to this "she's mine" carry on towards young women. And as for sticking them all on hormonal contraceptives. Total lack of awareness of what the consequences can be.

I've already said I'm not getting into super personal details about my family, I told one exaggerated story for the sake of continuing the joke and didn't invite questions at the end so mind your business if you want to know more. If you're being so considerate about her privacy then why are you asking me to give my sister's personal life away on a public board? Is that irony lost on you?

What I will say is that, before a child turns 18, it is not only their family's right, but responsibility, to protect them from themselves. Kids see sex, and the world, through the lens of what their friends are doing and what others will think. They don't think of consequences because only cruel, hard life will teach you to do so. So you're being a negligent, abhorrent person if you allow someone who's not yet old enough make mistakes and be forced to live with life-long consequences without guidance (whether they like it or not). Go watch Jeremy Kyle for an example of what happens when people don't get that guidance when they're young. You may think you're being 'cool' and 'liberal' by letting teenagers make decisions for themselves, you're actually just letting them down.

When they're 18, it's their life to live as they see fit. Until then, nope.

Sam Kade

everlast75 wrote: »

I think he would have told his daughter that her boyfriend turned out to be gay...

After he spent the night in her bedroom?

moleyv

I bet he even has her do anal, have to stop that!!!

darkdubh

Schwanz wrote: »

I'm sure lots have been in this situation where their son/daughter have been going out with that other half we just don't like because we know they are not good enough & all that jazz.....

Just wondering how to tell her without coming off that a**ehole Daddy

A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »

Out of curiosity, why is he not good enough?


I have popcorn in the cupboard, so please make this good...

Yeah, wondering that myself. How about OP telling us why he thinks the guy is an asshole or why he's not good enough for his princess?

lawred2

leggo wrote: »

Not my daughter, but I was in a similar situation with my teen sister bringing her first boyfriend home. I'd always wondered how I'd be. Turns out that I'm really passive aggressive with jokes that aren't really jokes, while also quite enjoying winding my sister up by pulling him aside and 'jokingly' telling him to walk back like I'd just threatened to murder his family if he ever hurt my sister. Like I said, passive aggressiveness.

you mean that you're a knob?

LadyMacBeth_

I brought home a guy that both of my parents despised when I was 16, stayed with him for nearly four years. My parents did the worst thing they could possibly do, vehemently objected to him on the basis of where he was from and nothing else. He actually was an absolute shyte but all my parents managed to do was push us closer together with their prejudice. Oh yeah, as Pandapoo said, get that girl on some form of contraception. My mum put me on the implant when I was 18, at least one good move.

Richard Hillman

sentient_6 wrote: »

Trouble for any father is at once stage we were all the idiot boyfriends and the situation is full of hypocrisy if you take a hardline stance.

Everybody was treated as the idiot boyfriend, and rightly so. So may it continue.

circadian

If he's an idiot she'll get fed up soon enough. All your daughter needs is for you to be a supportive father she can rely on to be open with and that can offer solid, balanced advice.

leggo

lawred2 wrote: »

you mean that you're a knob?

You understand this is After Hours right? As in, we're having a 'pub chat'. So, when you're down the pub chatting with your mates, and one of them tells a joke story clearly exaggerating for the benefit of keeping the bit going and you get aggressive and start calling him names because you didn't understand the context...who's the knob in that scenario?

Go home lawred2, you've had enough.

lawred2

leggo wrote: »

You understand this is After Hours right? As in, we're having a 'pub chat'. So, when you're down the pub chatting with your mates, and one of them tells a joke story clearly exaggerating for the benefit of keeping the bit going and you get aggressive and start calling him names because you didn't understand the context...who's the knob in that scenario?

Go home lawred2, you've had enough.

oh I see, it was a joke... good one.

leggo

lawred2 wrote: »

oh I see, it was a joke... good one.

Now the conversation is awkward and tense because you made it adversarial with insults.

I'm a knob? Grand, I've seen the error of my ways! If that's what it takes to continue a good thread, so be it, continue lads I don't want to be upsetting lawred2 any more...

lawred2

leggo wrote: »

Now the conversation is awkward and tense because you made it adversarial with insults.

I'm a knob? Grand, I've seen the error of my ways! If that's what it takes to continue a good thread, so be it, continue lads I don't want to be upsetting lawred2 any more...

It's all good here. No tension whatsoever. But the passive aggressive is strong in you. Are you sure it was just a joke story?

Anyway - let's leave it there and enjoy our mornings.

leggo

lawred2 wrote: »

It's all good here. No tension whatsoever. But the passive aggressive is strong in you. Are you sure it was just a joke story?

Anyway - let's leave it there and enjoy our mornings.

Let's. I can see my use of the term passive aggressive has upset you and it's something you have issues with, but I assure you I'm not the partner/ex/friend who put those issues there. So yes, let's stop ruining this thread for others with bickering. My bad joke really isn't worth this amount of chatter.

lawred2

leggo wrote: »

Let's. I can see my use of the term passive aggressive has upset you and it's something you have issues with, but I assure you I'm not the partner/ex/friend who put those issues there. So yes, let's stop ruining this thread for others with bickering. My bad joke really isn't worth this amount of chatter.

As I said - it's strong in you.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

leggo wrote: »

so mind your business ... Is that irony lost on you?

I guess the irony here is completely lost on you :pac:

What I will say is that, before a child turns 18, it is not only their family's right, but responsibility, to protect them from themselves.

Your right? Who granted you this right or privilege? Your sister does not belong to you. It's fine to look out for her, but to get involved in her body's chemistry? You have absolutely no right what so ever.

Kids see sex, and the world, through the lens of what their friends are doing and what others will think. They don't think of consequences because only cruel, hard life will teach you to do so.

How have you gained this insight into every child's view on life? I'm intrigued.

So you're being a negligent, abhorrent person if you allow someone who's not yet old enough make mistakes and be forced to live with life-long consequences without guidance (whether they like it or not).

At what age should one be allowed to learn for themselves, in your opinion. Is it that magical age of 18? Do you think that all people under the age of 18 should mindlessly follow orders from their family? What made you such an expert anyway? There's guidance and then there's being a controlling bully.

Go watch Jeremy Kyle for an example of what happens when people don't get that guidance when they're young. You may think you're being 'cool' and 'liberal' by letting teenagers make decisions for themselves, you're actually just letting them down.

I actually can't believe you referenced Jeremy Kyle as your "evidence" of what happens... That's just laughable. A scumbag that makes money from exploiting people. Pretending to be some sort of relationship psychiatrist.

When they're 18, it's their life to live as they see fit. Until then, nope.

Just wow...

leggo wrote: »

Not my daughter, but I was in a similar situation with my teen sister bringing her first boyfriend home. I'd always wondered how I'd be. Turns out that I'm really passive aggressive with jokes that aren't really jokes, while also quite enjoying winding my sister up by pulling him aside and 'jokingly' telling him to walk back like I'd just threatened to murder his family if he ever hurt my sister. Like I said, passive aggressiveness.

From your posts it sounds like the roles with your sister should be switched. You back peddled once you were challenged on your view, "Lol it's just a joke, lol". I mean, telling somebody "act like I just told you I would murder your family" isn't normal.

Unless you are the legal guardian of your sister, it's you who should be staying out of her business. Pressuring your mother to put your sister on birth control is very, controlling. Do you have any idea of the implications of the various birth control methods? Or is that not important?

PandaPoo

PucaMama wrote: »

Please don't stick a young teenage girl on the implant, it can have nasty side affects, she's still developing.

Most contraception will have side effects, I'll do my own research on it but so far the implant is what I will choose for my daughter. The pill seems to be the most common for teenagers which I can't understand, trusting a teen to take a pill at the same time every day, not forget it, take it properly with anti biotics or being ill etc.
Each to their own and all that.

https://www.google.ie/amp/s/www.theverge.com/platform/amp/2015/4/7/8364721/best-teen-birth-control-iud-implant-cdc

Cee-Jay-Cee

Start dressing exactly like her boyfriend, she'll dump him in a heartbeat.