Moving back with his parents

Big Bag of Chips

Johnnyhpipe wrote: »

So give him a break, he might be telling the truth.

True. Only time will tell, OP. And it should become apparent fairly quickly if he is genuinely moving home to save money, or if he's moving home because he's realised living away is tougher than having mammy do everything and having loads of disposable income to do with what he likes.

LegacyUser

OP here,

I want to thank you all for your open and honest and advice, it has been so helpful to me.

I am going to have the conversation with my boyfriend to find out what his intentions are. I guess after that I can make an informed decision for myself about our future together, then again maybe I will discover he already decided he doesn't see me in his future.

I am nervous about bringing this up, as some posters pointed out, we have been dating what objectively would be a short period of time and I am afraid he is going to go on the defensive. I don't know how to bring up my feelings i.e. that I am afraid he is moving home just to have an easier social life/ more disposable income, without insulting/ upsetting him... I mean ...even if I did ask him would he even (would anyone!) be honest about it?

If anyone has any tips on how to begin a conversation like that it would be wonderful!

however if not, your advice on my issue has been incredible, I thank you.

Tigger99

Maybe something along the lines that you were surprised to hear he's moving home? And let the conversation start from there. You don't have to start with all your concerns, just open the conversation.

alberto67

Don't think too much about it, wait and see. The conversation will start naturally.

bucketybuck

Perhaps just switch it around, ask him what he wants from you? Ask him where he thinks this is going? Don't give him a chance to go on the defensive, don't ask him questions at all, get him to talk and from his words get your answers.

amtc

Slight different point of view.

I was watching an old re run of Friends yesterday. It was about Rachel's 30th birthday which saw her having to have babies at 35, meet guy at 32 etc. I know it's only a sitcom but I have 2 friends that's it reality!

Both got married in 40s and are now enbarked on ivf and unfortunately miscarriages. If a family is your priority this needs to be a conversation that you have sooner rather than later.

Also if the op has been out renting for 8 years. .is she intending to buy? Or rent forever?

LynnGrace

Lots of good advice there OP, and food for thought, and fair play to you for taking all on board. I think the conversation might happen naturally enough.
I wonder how he sees the relationship working (visiting / staying over etc) when he lives at home...that might tell you a lot.
And if/ when he does move home, I guess you will see quite quickly whether or not it's the case that he does want to save towards a mortgage.

All the best, OP.

Bambi985

failure_to_launch wrote: »

I am nervous about bringing this up, as some posters pointed out, we have been dating what objectively would be a short period of time and I am afraid he is going to go on the defensive. I don't know how to bring up my feelings i.e. that I am afraid he is moving home just to have an easier social life/ more disposable income, without insulting/ upsetting him... I mean ...even if I did ask him would he even (would anyone!) be honest about it?

If anyone has any tips on how to begin a conversation like that it would be wonderful!

Hi OP. I feel for you and I think you are right to want to have this conversation. You have to think about your own future as a matter of priority, as things can get more difficult when it comes to family and kids as women in our thirties.

If it was me, I'd probably sit down and write out a few bullet points with the things that really matter to me. EG want to buy a house in the next few years, would like to be trying for kids by 35 etc. Then allow the conversation to happen naturally via an opener like the one suggested above. If he freaks out and gets defensive/evasive, I'd take that as an answer in and of itself. You're not selfish or psycho to want to get all your ducks in line at 32.

I'd be a bit concerned like you tbh, if my OH decided to move home in his early 30s and had exerted no ability/motivation to save and move forward with his life to this point in it. I'd love to have the luxury to move back in with my folks but would do so with eyes wide open to the fact that I'd be jeopardising a fair degree of my own independence and could only do it for a defined period of time and with a very specific objective in mind i.e I want to have saved 40,000 by this time in 2019. If his game plan isn't specific at this age, it would set off alarm bells for me tbh.

santana75

This is one of those men are from mars and women are from venus conversations. Op this guy is doing what everyone, including you, are doing: He's looking after his own best interests. Maybe you could take his words ar face value and not imagine theres a subtext. He's moving back in with his folks to save for a house. Thats in his best interest. You or anyone else has no right to judge him for this. Theres no rule book that says by a certain age people should be doing this or that. Everyone gets to create their own life as they see fit for them. As you do too, independent of your boyfriend, you get to choose whats in your best interests.