Attraction To Someone Else!

Cornello77

Ok I'll try to keep this short. I met a guy in a club when I was out on a hen night recently. My friends thought he was gorgeous. He asked me to dance, I was flattered. I danced and returned to my friends. I then saw him making a heart shape at me with his hands. He seemed quite drunk from the way he was dancing. He put his hand out for me to dance again and I did. He said "I think you're lovely". I smiled. At the end of the night I walked by him to leave and he said "I really like you". I felt serious physical attraction and I said "I like you too" and he asked if he could walk me to me taxi. I went to get my jacket bag and friends and there he was waiting for me at the bar. I chatted to him for ages. We both told eachother we were in relationships already. Mine had broke down and we separated and got back ( it's still not good). I explained that I felt very attracted to him but I'd never cheated before. He said that he had cheated. He held my hand and we walked outside. We chatted for ages. I really wanted to kiss him but I was relunctant to. He tried, I declined it. I asked him if he wanted to walk me back to where I was staying and he agreed but I wasn't sure of the route seeing as I was just there for the night. He said that I could go to his that we could just chat and maybe spoon, nothing else. I was interested. I wanted to know more about him. He kept telling me how pretty I was, how he loved my dimples with lots of long lingering looks. Not the creepy ones the good ones. I felt butterflies. I think I might have told him this as I had a bit too much to drink (hen night =long day). I told him I was 37. He thought I was younger than him at 31... So, I went back to his place which actually happened to be his brothers place. He assured me and my friend that he would look after me and we both felt that he meant it. We chatted and then we couldn't resist kissing ALOT. He asked me questions about my life. He asked me if my partner had cheated. He said "how could he not love you". Earlier he called me his hero because he knew I felt the attraction but didn't want to act on it and now here I was in his bed although fully clothed and I remained that way. He seemed to be really into me asking me to look him up on Facebook. I fell asleep to wake up to him wrapped around me so tight. He had asked me not to be awkward in the morning. I woke up and he said that he was imagining me naked. I laughed. He asked if I wanted to have sex. I said no. He said "but only us 2 will know". I said no again and he was fine about it. We cuddled and chatted. I told him I had 2 kids, he seemed ok with that. He asked what time I'd to go at and asked me to set my alarm. I woke up and said I gotta go. He noticed I wasn't kissing him so much. I hadn't noticed. He asked if I wanted him to call a taxi. The taxi came and off I went. He looked at me putting on my shoes and remarked on my tatoo. I kissed him and that was the last I saw of him. I looked him up on Facebook and messaged him ssying that it was nice to meet him. My friend did the same only she said "it would be great to bump into you again". That was 3 weeks ago. He never replied. This guy seemed to be so into me. He kept gazing into my eyes & telling me how pretty he thought I was, how my hair smelt lovely, wondering what I was thinking about, asking me to look him up on Facebook and then nothing. I thought an awknowledgment would have been sufficient but nothing at all. Now I wonder was it all a ploy to have sex but the whole build up seemed to be more than that. It has left me abit confused. I think I need to move on but I can't stop thinking about it. Advice?

Phil.x

Men + drink will say anything to get one thing.

spoonerhead

The fact you messaged him via Facebook and he didn't respond says a lot. His intentions were to get one thing that night, if he wanted more he would've jumped at the chance of talking to you through Facebook

Cornello77

I just wonder because this guy was happy to walk me back and chat for ages on the street but yeah then there was "we can go back to my place".

If he'd messaged me back then it would seem genuine but the fact he hasn't makes me think I dodged a bullit and I did the right thing by not having sex.

I sorta wish I hadn't messaged him now...

mcginty28

he was just looking for his hole and would have said anything. drunk lads meeting someone on a hen would be expecting a ride and he tried his best. doesn't want to know now and will try again next time he's out, the harsh reality but he did admit to you he'd cheated before. probably feeling a bit guilty when sober or not replying as he didn't get what he wanted!

Cornello77

I also think it didn't appeal to him as a 31 year old who didn't get his way to remain in touch with a 37 year old mum of 2.

I guess I was flattered with all the "your so pretty" & the remarks on my figure.

But yeah if I was an outsider looking in I think he might have seen a pretty drunk girl at a hen party and launched his plan... Who really knows but it left me feeling abit ****

mcginty28

yeah not good but at least you didn't do anything, you be feeling worse if you had slept with him and now being ignored so you made the right call.

Jurgen Klopp

Seriously as a fella who's seen it before he was 100% sure he was gonna fcuk you, especially thought you'd be up for it the next morning with all his sweet talk, in fact it's so cringy "your my hero" he says for not cheating, Jesus says teh man

The fact he's chested before and was willing to cheat on his current woman says it all so unless your happy get into a big mess for just sex forget it and don't have your head in clouds over him being anything more, as your 100% a pump and dump target for him

jebus28

Eh did you say you're still in a relationship? I'd be breaking up with my partner before I'd go getting all misty eyed over some guy you only knew for 5 minutes.

Cornello77

Yes thankfully I didn't. My friend thought he was most definitely reply to me. I think I'm upset with the rejection part. A big build up for nothing. He also said that I was out of his league but that could have been a lie too. I guess I need to put it behind me but it's not easy. I find myself checking his Facebook page (where he can be pictured with his girlfriend, just in the profile) I've never had anything like this happen to me before. I'll get over it sometime.

Cornello77

I am in a relationship that's not working out. The 2 of us know it and we are on the verge of splitting again.

LegacyUser

jebus28 wrote: »

Eh did you say you're still in a relationship? I'd be breaking up with my partner before I'd go getting all misty eyed over some guy you only knew for 5 minutes.

This.

But also I'd be leaning towards him just being horny and looking for sex.

However if you're not friends with someone on Facebook but send them a message I think it might go into their other inbox so not obvious they've received a message

m'lady

Cornello77 wrote: »

I am in a relationship that's not working out. The 2 of us know it and we are on the verge of splitting again.

Well the fact that your romanticising over what sounds like a complete bulls****er certainly won't help your current relationship?

leggo

I'll be honest OP: I was reading your post kind of cynically (as a bloke) while you built up this guy, but then the actual content of what he was saying was pretty standard "bloke trying to get the ride" fare rather than the dream scenario that was kinda painted. So it didn't surprise me when what happened happened. From his perspective he probably looked at it like a blue balls situation and was cursing you as soon as you were out the door despite being sweet to your face the whole time. Don't feel foolish, just take it as a lesson as you'll likely need to learn from it. When you're out of the game for a while, it can jar you what the real world is like once you get back into it and it can be easy to be seduced by the pleasantry BS that goes on when people are trying to get into your pants.

Now, back to reality: so you've cheated on your boyfriend. Regardless of what's gone on in the relationship, and I'm sure he's done his share to get it to this stage too, that's not okay. And it's not an avenue you want to go down for your own benefit. Take the lesson you've learned from this experience: you were flattered by the interest in someone else and wanted to go through with that, so that obviously means that this relationship with your current boyfriend is over. It's not fair, after this, to stay with him while your eye is starting to wander. And give yourself the chance to go out and have an experience like this that isn't stunted by guilt, you might meet someone who'll make you happy long term.

If I was you, I'd come clean for both of your sake's and try finish it (for good) in a nice way. Don't beat yourself up about it, just see it as what happens when you push a bad relationship until there's nothing left. Tell him straight up so he knows the reality of the situation and you can both move on with your lives.

Big Bag of Chips

You've never cheated before. He has. I'd guess not just once. It was something special to you because you've never done that before. It wasn't anything special to him. He was hoping to sweet talk you into having sex. He then realised he'd wasted his night.

He may not have seen your message yet. (Did you get a notification to say he had accepted it, or seen it?) But even if he hasn't seen it, don't let that become something that means he's crazy about you. He wasn't. He doesn't know you. He probably doesn't even remember your name. You're just "one of" the women he's brought back to his brother's house. You having two kids was irrelevant to him as he never planned on meeting them, or seeing you again.

You had a nice night, with someone you fancied. I suggest you concentrate on saving or ending your current relationship and forget about this lad. Because he's not rethinking the night in such detail. (Reading it, I thought it was a work of fiction, to be honest! It reads like the start of a romance novel)

By the way, do all the hen night women know you went home with another man. Not one of them will believe nothing happened, and word might get back to your bf.

Hannibal_Smith

He was a charmer. The conversation seems to have centered around you're physical attributes and paying you compliments. They were shallow and something he could have said to anyone.

I bet this is is routine.

If you were flattered by the compliments (not saying anyone wouldn't be. It's always nice to get a compliment!) Is it because re compliments aren't too free flowing on your own relationship? If you're not happy in that relationship, maybe look at that.

Ursus Horribilis

It's just as well he didn't reply to your Facebook message because that'd cause you even more trouble. Perhaps now that everyone has told you he only wanted one thing and he has ignored your message, you can draw a line under this. You might feel like a fool but at least you know he's not interested.

I think you'd be better served by sorting out matters in your own doorstep. If your own relationship is on its uppers and you're not happy I'm it, then it might be time for you to split. I wonder would you even have given this lothario the time of day if you were in love with your partner? This brief encounter has shone a light on your own relationship.

Bambi985

Cornello77 wrote: »

I am in a relationship that's not working out. The 2 of us know it and we are on the verge of splitting again.

This is the only thing you need to worry about and deal with. Not some smooth-talking tipsy fella who was trying to get laid on a night out.

You need to ask yourself why would someone like that - someone so blatantly trying to have sex with you on a drunk night out (guys who are ten a penny to any even moderately attractive woman) - be in any way appealing to you, no less causing you this much angst? Because you're in an unhappy unfulfilling relationship that isn't giving you what you need.

Be brave and look that in the face, because it's not going to go away. And if you don't, you may turn into someone you don't like.

retro:electro

He sounds like the typical creep you'd meet in a nightclub who would try every trick in the book to get into your pants. They usually succeed with people who are starved for attention and think this encounter means something.
Sorry op but he was probably at the same tricks with a different girl this weekend.

Also, you're a mother of two! Bit irresponsible going back to a strangers house who you don't know from Adam? Oh ya and not to mention you've a partner too.

Mr. Incognito

He didn't mean one word he said.

Not one.

I cant believe you are 37 and taken in by this nonsense.

skallywag

I'm also finding it very hard to believe that a 37 year old has written the opening post, it would be more at home on a 16 year old's FB feed.

Sorry OP, it's not my intention to mock or to belittle, but I genuinely think that you need to have a look at yourself before getting yourself into such a situation again. Talk to your friends about what happened etc.

Cornello77

Ok so my post read like something out of a teen romance story to begin... So the opinions are unanimous. I got caught up in the moment because he was so attractive.

I wouldn't say I'm starved of attention. I had many guys asking to dance with me. Not sounding big headed. I have attracted other men but never acted on it.

retro:electro

Cornello77 wrote: »

Ok so my post read like something out of a teen romance story to begin... So the opinions are unanimous. I got caught up in the moment because he was so attractive.

I wouldn't say I'm starved of attention. I had many guys asking to dance with me. Not sounding big headed. I have attracted other men but never acted on it.

I think you got your answer when you messaged him and he ignored you.
Also, you need to break up with your partner. What's all this "we are on the verge of splitting", just split! You're so untrustworthy and are cheating on him.
Seriously what are you at

Cornello77

Yes. I certainly didn't set out to cheat. I had been drinking from midday to 3am so thay certainly didn't help but I knew not to have sex. I was bad though and I know I have issues to address. In hindsight I wish I'd never dance with that guy. Hindsight's a great thing.

retro:electro

Cornello77 wrote: »

Yes. I certainly didn't set out to cheat. I had been drinking from midday to 3am so thay certainly didn't help but I knew not to have sex. I was bad though and I know I have issues to address. In hindsight I wish I'd never dance with that guy. Hindsight's a great thing.

Really? Then why are you not recoiling in horror at your behaviour? Instead you're on here wondering why handsome mystery man hasn't responded to your DM's.

Cornello77

No. I was wondering what that night was all about. All the chat, questions,looks etc. He was all over me. He even asked me to look him up on Facebook. I wondered whether it was bull****. It seems it was.

Bambi985

Cornello77 wrote: »

No. I was wondering what that night was all about. All the chat, questions,looks etc. He was all over me. He even asked me to look him up on Facebook. I wondered whether it was bull****. It seems it was.

Par for the course. Your judgement is just impaired because you happened to fancy the guy. When we fancy someone we read into and over-analyse everything they do to find some meaning where there usually is none.

On the dating scene I'd be running miles from someone who was all over me and telling me I was gorgeous and out of his league and staring at me all night, especially when I'd just met him. What kind of emotionally stable and mature guy does that? This fella was on the game so was spitting out lines and moves at you that have worked for him before with absolutely no meaning behind them beyond an attempt to get his hole.

skallywag

I think that you can take at least one positive from the whole affair OP, i.e. at no point are you showing any remorse for what happened, or feel bad in any way about being unfaithful. At least this should help point you in the right direction concerning your current relationship.

Airyfairy12

How are you 37 and this naive? He would have told you anything to get you to sleep with him and thats not a compliment either, by the sounds of him he'd stick it in anything willing and desperate enough.

bee06

OP, take it as a learning experience that your current relationship is dead and deal with that.

dellas1979

Yea-sometimes us women romanticise an encounter. Rather than seeing the reality of what it was. We've all done it at some stage! So dont beat yourself up.

In this scenario (a drunken guy, you know 5 mins, who openly admits he cheats):
Wistfully looking in your eyes = Wants to get the ride
Paying attention to everything you said = Wants to get the ride
Hugging you so tight you thought he'd never let you go and the beautiful connection ye had = Wants to get the ride

Its all the things that are missing in your current "relationship". The attraction, the stolen moments....

Take it as a lesson, look inward, break up with this current guy, and find someone (available) who meets your needs.