Advice needed

XsApollo

Would you entertain her fantasy of going to a hotel and playing it out?
Or are you totally against that.
If you arnt, you might both enjoy it.

ncmc

soconfused1965 wrote: »

I did confront her again last night and shes apologized again, but she says its in the past and I should get over it. When I asked why we hadn't had sex for the past month, she said it was my fault and that Id been too moody recently.
I offered to go away for a night this weekend, just the 2 of us, and she declined. She said we'd be better spending the money on the HOUSE !
We've agreed to go out tomorrow night for dinner to discuss things but I'm apprehensive now considering what happened last time

Hang on a second, so you confronted her and she told you to get over it? And then blamed your lack of sex on you for being moody??? Does she not think being moody is a pretty tame reaction to her giving a guy a blowjob in public??? And by the sounds of it, she's not even willing to give your relationship the time or effort it so badly needs.

I'm sorry OP, you can love your wife to the moon and back but it's clear as day to everyone here that the love is totally one sided. And that never works. It seems like you think that if you love her enough, everything will be ok. But it takes two to make a marriage work and she's not at all invested. I know it's not what you want to hear, but I really can't see this working out unless your wife has a MASSIVE attitude change.

rule supreme

It doesnt sound like she is making any effort to fix this and make up for what she did . You should confide in a family member or friend , maybe they can make you realise you deserve to be with someone who actually cares about you . She was so brazen about her cheating that it cant have been her first time . Look after yourself and talking about it might help you .

Colser

I agree with the poster who said that you have her on a pedestal OP.I think you presume that your friends ect. would like her as a partner when they say that you're lucky to have her but I'd say they wouldn't touch her with a bargepole unless for a quickie.She has to be the talk of the town tbh.

I think that if you really loved her you would have reacted completely differently the night she went off with the other guy.Most men would probably have gone to his house and created havoc(also a wrong thing to do but more realistic imo).You went home and went to bed knowing that you're wife was gone home with someone else..the woman that you love..bizarre reaction tbh.

In saying all that I pity her as much as you.She's really showing herself up but you're enabling it in a very big way...there's no reason for her to stop as you're rewarding her behaviour more than condemning it...why would she stop?

As a woman I'm guessing that major hormones and menopause plus turning 50 are affecting her hugely ...that's no excuse just may be some part of the reason that she's lost her mind.

If I were you and I still wanted to hang in there I'd completely change tactic.Sometimes people don't realise what they had in a partner until they lose them...don't beg or plead,let her think that her behaviour doesn't bother you.
I personally would be gone as I can't see her changing without medical or professional help but I think you'll hang in there until she pushes you over the edge.

kylith

Honestly OP, stop booking restaurants and trips away and put your money into couples' counselling.

She cheated on you in a blatant manner and is now blaming you for being moody? Of course you're moody! Your wife of 26 years gave a blowjob to a stranger in the back of a taxi, and if you think the taxi driver hasn't told everyone he knows you're deluded, not to mention your friend seeing her go off with this guy.

OP, you say you have a lot invested in this relationship. I don't think any relationship is worth being made a laughing stock. The best piece of advice I ever got was 'Don't keep making a mistake just because you've spent a long time making it'.

It'd be different if you were into having an open relationship, or if seeing her with other men turned you on, but right now she is playing you for a fool and showing you zero respect.

helimachoptor

Why don't you go off and have some fun OP. She's no interest in you, you're being naive thinking the marriage can be saved.

After what happened you can bet all of the other local lads are lining up to have a go of her and laughing at you. Harsh but true I'm afraid.

Move on because she'll be back doing this looking for her next thrill imo.

You seem like a really good and nice guy and I think that's part of (her) problem

Jurgen Klopp

Aw Jesus this is awful I don't like to say this, given what's been done to you, but your being made a complete and utter eejit of

Your completely deluded

bucketybuck

soconfused1965 wrote: »

Later in the evening she disappeared, without telling me. A friend said she was seen going off in a taxi with a local lad we both knew. I tried to call several times but no answer. An hour later, her phone was switched off (She has never turned her phone off in many years). I called the local taxi company as I was worried now. They informed me she had been dropped at the guys house (Its a small town, everyone knows everyone)
I walked home, trying to make sense of it. She arrived home at 6.30 in the morning and tried to make her way to bed quietly. I hadn't slept so I confronted her. She admitted going to his house and allowing him to undress her, she gave him oral in the taxi etc. They had sex and she remembered everything.

Jesus christ. How the hell can you be so blase about this? For gods sake find some self respect and do what any sane man would have done a long time ago.

By the way, I bet dollars to donuts she has done this far more times than you realise.

Heckler

Just Wow. This has gotta be a troll.

If its true its the ****tiest most degrading thing a wife has done to a husband that I've read in a while.

I would pack up her stuff, chuck it out the window, change the locks and never look back.

To be honest, and I know I'll be lambasted for it, I would find it hard not to kick her in the hole as I threw her out.

bmwguy

When we were older teenagers my friends mother gave a blow job to an older guy on the GAA team in the back of her car in her own housing estate. She was approx 50 he would have been about 30. Somebody saw them and it got out very quickly.
My friend, and his brother, moved away from the area fairly quickly because of the embarrassment and never came back. Couldn't face their friends because they knew it was very common and public knowledge. Your wife could potentially damage your kids here.

Cupcake_Crisis

I can't help but wonder what your wife's reaction would be if you so blatantly cheated on her in public.

I'd imagine she'd fly off the handle because it sounds like she feels she has you completely under her thumb and can do whatever she wants, but you can't.

Op, I think it's very sweet that you want to save your marriage so badly, but you've already tried so much. What do you actually have to do? I'm sorry to say but it sounds like she's just attracted to you anymore. But you are essentially rewarding her despicable behaviour.

It's perfectly normal to want excitement in your life, and to spice up your sex life but if you love your partner you do it with them, not to them. I don't see how anyone could get over the humiliation she put you through and still expect to have a healthy marriage. You can invest in couples therapy, but in my opinion what she did is unforgivable.

Emme

OP you and your wife might need to get tested for STIs if she gave oral to a stranger in a taxi. Goodness knows what else she did. She probably thinks at 53 she can do what she likes without any consequences (she can't).

Sleepy

OP, not sure if anyone else has suggested it but have you contacted http://www.amen.ie/?

starWave

sounds like she wants and already has a hotwife cuckolc type relationship, except she doesn't care what you think. Even if you were ok with that kind of relationship, it sounds like she wants to humiliate you publicly, whereas most hotwives probably do it a bit more discreetly, because they actually care about the husband, and its an agreed on lifestyle.

irishgirl19

OP you are being taken for a ride.
I would definitely recommend counselling to find your self worth again.
I don't know the dynamics of your relationship but just know abusive doesn't always have to be physical.
She is doing all this while KNOWING how much it must be hurting you.
Shes not in love with you.
You are allowing your self to be a doormat and best believe that she knows you are a soft touch.
If nothing changes you are essentially enabling her behavior.
Its not good for your mental health to be in a relationship like that I'm sure your children would want better for you.
Think about what advice would you give to your children if their partner was hurting and humiliating them like this?