Rio Ferdinand:from love cheat to "hero"?

fergiesfolly

Dravokivich wrote: »

No it doesn't. It just means something undisclosed between those 2 parties didn't work. Whether or not a vow is involved and disregarded does not make one untrustworthy. Otherwise all of us who made "vows" during our confirmation would be just as questionable of character.

I also still don't see how that can impact or should be expected to impact ones ability to be a parent, or positively influential for others, by other means.

Would you trust someone who made a promise and then broke it?
Put it another way..
Let's say, someone signed a business contract with you and then broke it, for no reason, would you rely on them in the future, or go elsewhere?

fergiesfolly

murpho999 wrote: »

Why being so judgmental and why bring his children into it? I'm sure he wasn't being unfaithful in their presence.

Truth is no body knows what went on in their private life so why speculate?

Either way , it doesn't mean he's not suffering and grieving now.

Personally, if I found out my father cheated on my mother(or visa versa) I'd lose some respect for him. I'd also question the value of some of the values he tried to instill in me, if he couldn't be bothered keeping to up them himself.

murpho999

fergiesfolly wrote: »

Would you trust someone who made a promise and then broke it?
Put it another way..
Let's say, someone signed a business contract with you and then broke it, for no reason, would you rely on them in the future, or go elsewhere?

Poor comparison as you don't fall in love with, have children with and live with the party that you do a business contract with.

One revolves around service and money whilst relationships revolve around love and emotions so business logic does not apply.

CoolHandBandit

murpho999 wrote: »

I saw the program last night and found it interesting and sad. I also liked how the kids’ identification was protected.

Ferdinand came across more concerned about how this was impacting his kids rather than himself.

Regarding how he cheated on his wife, which I am not condoning, but I don’t think he should be judged solely on that and it does not mean that he did not love his wife.

The lifestyle of a top level professional footballer is no ordinary one and I would not be surprised if many of them play away from home (See what I did there!) but would still regard themselves as having very solid marriages.

From my own experiences , I know when my own mother died, that my father was absolutely remorse with grief even though in my experience he wasn’t really the nicest or most loving husband to her when she was alive but he really suffered when she passed away and still misses her terribly after over 5 years.

So I’m sure Rio is genuinely suffering and his intentions of the show were good.

Of course people will just be cynical and black and white about it.

I'm sure he is full of remorse and i do feel sorry for him. That said there is no way he loved his wife if he cheated on her as regular as clockwork.

murpho999

murpho999 wrote: »

Either way , it doesn't mean he's not suffering and grieving now.

It doesn't.

On the other hand, it means his integrity will be questioned far more than someone, famous or not, who did not cheat. And let's be honest, his ability to look after the kids, given his wealth, is not comparable to someone who might be struggling to make ends meet.

I don't see him as a good person, or a bad person, I don't judge him. I just think that if they were making a documentary they could have picked a different person. Here, his fame has caused them to look past the elements that make his story perhaps one of the less tragic ones.

ligerdub

The guy lost his wife, a bit of perspective required here!

It was an interesting glimpse into the life of somebody who exuded strength, leadership and other attributes and then tragedy fell on his family. It was a story about how the masculine role he represented within the family had to adapt to something new, and reflected a relatively untold story about how men adopt to life without their wives and raising the family alone.

This love cheat nonsense is irrelevant given what has happened.

ligerdub

AnneFrank wrote: »

i really can't believe the ridiculous comments in here about rio's supposed countless affairs,
did you not see her parents on the show and how much they love and admire Rio.
But of course you all know his personal life better than they do and are free to judge a man
who has lost everything and is doing his best to be there for his kids.
You are all missing the point of this show, it's helping him grieve, and helping others in the same situation watching the show.
Have you not read Mr Mcboatfaces heart wrenching and brave post on the previous page.
this narrow minded view of the millennials generation is unreal, life is tough and full of mistakes

Exactly. The condemnation of the guy is ridiculous given the nature of the show involved and what has happened since.

meeeeh

fergiesfolly wrote: »

Would you trust someone who made a promise and then broke it?
Put it another way..
Let's say, someone signed a business contract with you and then broke it, for no reason, would you rely on them in the future, or go elsewhere?

It can happen quite often. I've written off sums that would properly scare people but as long as it is beneficial trading with people you do it. BTW there is always a reason, you might not think it's valid but it's a reason.

Theboinkmaster

Don't have much sympathy for him TBH, millions more men deserve it much more - cynical marketing campaign.

A real man does not cheat on his wife.

If you're a famous footballer with women throwing themselves at you and you want to shag them all senseless then don't get married and certainly don't have children.

A real man doesn't watch his wife try to get pregnant, suffer miscarriages, carry a baby for 9months and all that entails (including losing their figures), giving birth (which can be traumatic), breastfeed and wake up every 2 hours for months, try to get her figure back by dieting and extreme exercise, whilst trying to bring up a baby and hold family and house together, and then shag 10 women behind her back. What a scumbag.

And countless studies have shown the most important thing you can give your children and what's the biggest influence on them growing up, isn't to keep them safe, isn't self esteem, but a healthy relationship between mother & father. A real man demonstrates that by his actions towards his wife and Rio's kids no doubt will find out from the internet/kids at school what happened and I can't see how that won't impact them some way.

Fvck him.

AnneFrank

a real man like the boinkmaster !
Make sure you don't fall off that high horse because life is that black and white.

People, people.

Can we not all agree one thing. That whatever about the battle over him being a good father or a bad husband, it was inevitable that the analysis would be in these terms because of the affairs.

So for that reason alone, to hold him up as the example of a father trying to raise kids alone was possibly a mistake?

professore

neonsofa wrote: »

Two people decided to have sex.

Two people knew the consequences. And two people are legally obliged to contribute.

And it's a bit late for contraception and abortion when the baby has arrived and then the father ups and leaves. Sometimes after years. After building a life together and having multiple children in some cases.

Many single parents did not enter into parenthood alone. Many do so with a supposedly supportive partner. The fact that you assume the majority are a result of an unplanned pregnancy, or multiple unplanned pregnancies, is disappointing tbh.

I never said the majority. I said some. And I clarified the cases you talk about too.

professore

AnneFrank wrote: »

i really can't believe the ridiculous comments in here about rio's supposed countless affairs,
did you not see her parents on the show and how much they love and admire Rio.
But of course you all know his personal life better than they do and are free to judge a man
who has lost everything and is doing his best to be there for his kids.
You are all missing the point of this show, it's helping him grieve, and helping others in the same situation watching the show.
Have you not read Mr Mcboatfaces heart wrenching and brave post on the previous page.
this narrow minded view of the millennials generation is unreal, life is tough and full of mistakes

I am far away from being a millenial and this attitude annoys me greatly. I have personally and know lots of people who have gone through bereavements similar and worse than Rio Ferdinand. Many of these people conducted themselves with dignity and respect before and after and are people I greatly admire and respect.

They do not make a big song and dance about what happened to them and it is often only after knowing them quite a while that they tell me the absolute sh1t that happened to them. They just get on with life being a good example to everyone around them.

I personally do NOT watch any shows related to the type of bereavement that happened to me (not going to go into details here for obvious reasons) as it doesn't help me in any way, as I think about it constantly years later, and many are similar to me in this.

No one is going to make a TV show about me or Boaty or the thousands of others up and down the country to help us grieve. Nor would I want that. It would feel like I was making money out of someone else's death and showing what a "great man" I was.

murpho999

Theboinkmaster wrote: »

Don't have much sympathy for him TBH, millions more men deserve it much more - cynical marketing campaign.

A real man does not cheat on his wife.

If you're a famous footballer with women throwing themselves at you and you want to shag them all senseless then don't get married and certainly don't have children.

A real man doesn't watch his wife try to get pregnant, suffer miscarriages, carry a baby for 9months and all that entails (including losing their figures), giving birth (which can be traumatic), breastfeed and wake up every 2 hours for months, try to get her figure back by dieting and extreme exercise, whilst trying to bring up a baby and hold family and house together, and then shag 10 women behind her back. What a scumbag.

And countless studies have shown the most important thing you can give your children and what's the biggest influence on them growing up, isn't to keep them safe, isn't self esteem, but a healthy relationship between mother & father. A real man demonstrates that by his actions towards his wife and Rio's kids no doubt will find out from the internet/kids at school what happened and I can't see how that won't impact them some way.

Fvck him.

What utter rubbish. Hope you didn't fall out of your ivory tower typing that?

As for the last point I think thousands of single parent families would disagree with you.

neonsofa

professore wrote: »

I never said the majority. I said some. And I clarified the cases you talk about too.

But you outlined that in most cases they choose to have sex and they know the consequences of having sex and the responsibility of contraception and option of abortion. Why bother mentioning this if you aren't implying that in most cases this is applicable. The cases I mentioned aren't just a select few, issues of contraception and abortion don't apply there as their children were planned. They weren't just an unfortunate consequence of sex.

__Alex__

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Yes, single mother are expected to not have feral wildlings as children while very often still having a disapproving eye thrown towards them. Personally, I don't consider that preferable to how single fathers are regarded. If anything, the reason people likely express surprise at men doing traditional mother jobs is down to social conditioning, that those things are considered "women's work". I'd take that any day over fielding disapproval about putative promiscuity.

jackofalltrades

Thought it was an interesting program.
Hope it helps people struggling with grief, especially men who traditionally bottle it up.
The story about the man in the support group who lost his wife, moved on and then lost a child was heartbreaking.
I can't imagine going through that.

I did feel sorry for Rio after seeing the program.
But finding out that he cheated on his wife with 10 different women, tempers that a bit.
You might be able to argue once, but 10 times with all the publicity that comes with it.
It can't see how someone can do that and then call his wife his "soul mate".

That said he's going to have to explain all that to his kids one day, I'd say that punishment enough.

nacho libre

professore wrote: »

No one is going to make a TV show about me or Boaty or the thousands of others up and down the country to help us grieve. Nor would I want that. It would feel like I was making money out of someone else's death and showing what a "great man" I was.

Unfortunately, not everyone is as stoic and resilient as you are, they are not able to just get on with it.



If having someone high profile, who in some cases the viewers look up to, do a tv documentary like this helps them with their own bereavement, then i see it as a good thing- even if he is doing it for self- serving reasons.

Theboinkmaster

murpho999 wrote: »

What utter rubbish. Hope you didn't fall out of your ivory tower typing that?

Why? You think it's ok for husbands to cheat on their pregnant wives ?!

Theboinkmaster

AnneFrank wrote: »

Make sure you don't fall off that high horse because life is that black and white.

Some things in life are black and white - you can't be part-pregnant.

professore

neonsofa wrote: »

But you outlined that in most cases they choose to have sex and they know the consequences of having sex and the responsibility of contraception and option of abortion. Why bother mentioning this if you aren't implying that in most cases this is applicable. The cases I mentioned aren't just a select few, issues of contraception and abortion don't apply there as their children were planned. They weren't just an unfortunate consequence of sex.

Well to me a single mother is a woman who never had a long term partner. Not someone who was abandoned after years. We are talking about two different things.

professore

nacho libre wrote: »

Unfortunately, not everyone is as stoic and resilient as you are, they are not able to just get on with it.



If having someone high profile, who in some cases the viewers look up to, do a tv documentary like this helps them with their own bereavement, then i see it as a good thing- even if he is doing it for self- serving reasons.

I'm not saying people who are having difficulties getting on with life are somehow flawed - not at all. Quite the opposite. Everyone deals with bereavement in different ways

However making some self serving documentary portraying yourself as this kind sensitive soul is a bit sickening tbh. I can imagine if i was married to a serial cheater and then i die and she makes a film about how much she loved me and what a great mum she is I'd be disgusted (from heaven of course).

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

neonsofa

professore wrote: »

Well to me a single mother is a woman who never had a long term partner. Not someone who was abandoned after years. We are talking about two different things.

So a woman who is raising a child alone isn't a single mother if she once had a partner? Despite the fact she is now caring for the child alone (depending on the age of the baby and how long they remain in the home/at college etc,this could be for the next 20 years ), living on only one income and has no support from the other parent? What exactly is your definition of a single parent if not the above?
Only those who's pregnancies resulted from a one night stand or a casual relationship? In which case you were pretty much assuming in your previous posts that most single parents are in that position due to an unplanned pregnancy. Or are you suggesting they all agreed with their one night stand that they would create a baby together and she would raise it alone?

And why then do you refer to widowed fathers as single fathers? They once had a partner.

nacho libre

professore wrote: »

I'm not saying people who are having difficulties getting on with life are somehow flawed - not at all. Quite the opposite. Everyone deals with bereavement in different ways

However making some self serving documentary portraying yourself as this kind sensitive soul is a bit sickening tbh. I can imagine if i was married to a serial cheater and then i die and she makes a film about how much she loved me and what a great mum she is I'd be disgusted (from heaven of course).

To be clear i'm not seeking to downplay his womanising ways, however maybe she forgave him and he became a good husband to her. Although, like you i would be skeptical, but i have been known to get it wrong before, so maybe he did genuinely love her and had true remorse for what he put her through, and by making this documentary he has helped other fathers who are in this situation.

tomwaits48

Maybe his wife knew about the other woman and they came to an understanding?