What do you think I should do here?

Broken Hearted Road

I live at home with my mother. Some people think if an adult is living at home, they get everything done for them and bills paid and food cooked and laundry done. For me, none of that and I'm good with that. I pay my way and took some of the house hold bills under my wing.

It's just rental properties in my area are limited and whatever is there is just crazy in price so for now, this will have to do me.

So anyways I'm dating a lad and things are going well. I would like to plan a movie night at home with him. Get some food and alcohol and not worry about him driving home. He could sleep on the couch. The sitting room isn't usually in use. My mam usually remains in the kitchen where there is a TV and she usually goes to bed early.

I know if I was to run this by her of having a friend over in the sitting room, she will say no. Do you think, should I just invite him in and say nothing to her.

I have family living abroad and they came home on holidays and they had a few nights where they had their friends over for drinks and a game of cards and it was just like old times where they all rallied around in the sitting room. So I don't know how this could be any different.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

What age are you?

Surreptitious

Probably the fact that you'll be lubed up might cause issues.

PirateShampoo

Can't you just let the lad finger blast you in the cinema like any other mature adults would do?

Mrs OBumble

How old are you?

Do you ask permission to go out to the stops to buy stuff? To use the washing machine? To cook dinner?

Don't ask.

Worst case she kicks you out and you present to the council as homeless ... they put ypu in a hotel. Probably she gets over it.

learn_more

You'd think she'd let you date - it might lead to you getting out of the house eventually.

Sweetemotion

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

How old are you?

Do you ask permission to go out to the stops to buy stuff? To use the washing machine? To cook dinner?

Don't ask.

Worst case she kicks you out and you present to the council as homeless ... they put ypu in a hotel. Probably she gets over it.

Ha ha ha.


Worst case she kicks you out and you sleep on the street.

anewme

Its still your Mothers house and home. It's disrespectful just to bring someone in without speaking to her in advance about it.

Yamanoto

Movie night eh?

Explain the hassle you had to go and buy lube..........
She will hardly want you to waste it!

Sweetemotion

Yamanoto wrote: »

Movie night eh?

The truth about mother is...

DontThankMe

Go for it OP invite him over and say nothing you only live once!

gumbo1

You've surely had friends over before? I take that your a young professional so no doubt you have a few mates that would call over. Just say that this guy is a new friend and take out a bottle of wine during the course of your evening then tell your mother you wouldn't want him to be driving home after a few drinks. Do ya know where the creaky floorboards are?

Broken Hearted Road

Surreptitious wrote: »

Probably the fact that you'll be lubed up might cause issues.

I said movie night, not a riding night.

Yourself isit

Go out to a movie.

Turtyturd

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

How old are you?

Do you ask permission to go out to the stops to buy stuff? To use the washing machine? To cook dinner?

Don't ask.

Worst case she kicks you out and you present to the council as homeless ... they put ypu in a hotel. Probably she gets over it.

OP ends up in a hotel at the tax payer's expense and you're the first one to complain.

Carry

You pay your way, you live your life. Period.

Living with your mother though puts you back into childhood rules - which goes both ways. Your worries might be more in your head than actually applied by your mother. Maybe she would be happy for you to have a love life? Don't underestimate parents.

Maybe she was waiting for it all along that finally you have a boyfriend, build a serious relationship and move out?
Or maybe she only would say no because she is caught in the same old as you?

If she makes a fuss, overrule her (as you would do with bullies): Mam, pay your own bills and live alone for the rest of your life. Bye.
She would reconsider.

Assert yourself, grow up and live your own life. And forget about the couch if things get more, ehm, intimate. It's your life - and your home as well.

And no need to apologise about the property/renting situation. We all know that.

Broken Hearted Road

Yourself isit wrote: »

Go out to a movie.

We went to the cinema already and hopefully we'll go again. You know, it would be great to stay in and have some drinks and not worry about driving just to mix things up a bit.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I assume you are an adult. Speak to your mother lime an adult.

You may be pleasantly surprised.

osarusan

Put a shot of vodka in her cup of tea or horlicks or whatever and she'll be out like a light.

But who knows. That may be the sofa where you yourself were conceived and she may see this as part of the rich tapestry that is the circle of life.

Surreptitious

Broken Hearted Road wrote: »

I said movie night, not a riding night.

One thing might lead to another

Sweetemotion

Olivia Purple Applause wrote: »

I assume you are an adult. Speak to your mother lime an adult.

You may be pleasantly surprised.

Maybe she can't talk to her parent as an adult.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Sweetemotion wrote: »

Maybe she can't talk to her parent as an adult.

Then it's high time she started.

Broken Hearted Road

osarusan wrote: »

Put a shot of vodka in her cup of tea or horlicks or whatever and she'll be out like a light.

But who knows. That may be the sofa where you yourself were conceived and she may see this as part of the rich tapestry that is the circle of life.

That is so funny. Belly full of laughs here. I'm very sure I wasn't conceived on that sofa. Bought the couch around about 10 years ago.

Alpha_zero

Broken Hearted Road wrote: »

That is so funny. Belly full of laughs here. I'm very sure I wasn't conceived on that sofa. Bought the couch around about 10 years ago.

Have you shagged yet?

DivingDuck

I would treat this the same as any other house sharing situation: be respectful to others, demand respect in return.

If one party can have guests to stay, so can the other. If you can't talk to her adult to adult, you really need to start looking for somewhere else to live.

Sweetemotion

Olivia Purple Applause wrote: »

Then it's high time she started.

Olivia Purple Applause. I agree if it was a "normal" situation.

jennyhayes123

Could you go to his? If it was me I would say it to your mum first just in case she kicks off when he is there.
How old are you? Does she rely on you to pay bills? Perhaps say you'll have to move out Id she kicks up and hope she doesn't call your bluff

Wheety

Can he not get a taxi home if you're worried about him driving?

jester77

Can you not just go to his place or is he also living at home with mammy?

Winterlong

If you are expecting him to sleep on the couch then I would be more worried about what he thinks than what your mum thinks.
Either offer him a bed or a taxi home.
Or you go to his for the night?